(12)(in which yami no yuugi builds a bomb)(it's not a large bomb though, we promise)(we don't own ygo)

::in which yami no yuugi builds a bomb::

Yuugi looked reproachfully up at his other. "She looked really worn out, yami."

Yami glanced over from his setting up of a small explosive device by the door. "And?"

"So maybe you should just ring the doorbell again, or call, because I think if you blow their door up, that girl is going to turn into a homicidal maniac," Yuugi predicted.

Yami was forestalled from answering by the sound of a window being flung up. "I have a gun aimed at your cute little bomb," the girl who'd answered the door yelled. "I assure you that our door could resist the explosion. I'm not so sure about your skins, so back the fuck off before I blow you away!"

"Eeep," Yuugi squeaked, ducking behind Yami. "Can we talk to Mokuba then?" he called up to the girl.

Her eyes narrowed. "Take that ridiculous contraption down there apart and I'll escort you inside."

Yami reached out with a toe and poked the would-be bomb. It fell apart in a poof of gunpowder. "Out of curiosity, how good is your aim?" Yami inquired.

The girl's eyes narrowed. There was a loud bang, followed by the placement of a tidy hole through the loops of the 'B' in the 'KAIBA' sign. "Lower hole?" she inquired.

"Lower hole," Yuugi confirmed. "Nice."

"I act as personal bodyguard at times," the girl said. "I'll be right down." Less than a minute later, the door swung open. Now that the pair had a good look at her, they could see that her gold hair was unkempt and her uniform looked rather wilted. "Kaiba-sama is not taking visitors, but his brother will receive you," she said formally. "Please come this way."

"Moni!" A slender boy with voluminous black hair cannoned into the girl, completely ruining what little dignity she possessed at that moment. "Christ on a crutch," he swore, glaring at Yami. "You really have the worst timing in the world."

"You say that because you're working against me," Yami said grandly. "Where's Ryou?"

Mokuba blinked. "Why did you want to see niisama if you're looking for Ryou?"

"Because he kidnapped him," Yuugi piped up from behind Yami. "Bakura came in looking for him on the warpath, and Anzu brought Bakura out here, and neither of them have come back. Ryou's father is looking for him."

Mokuba tensed. Shit. Shit shit shit. So not what we needed right now. "We thought he might do that eventually."

"What have you done with them?" Yami demanded.

Mokuba put his hands on his hips and glared. "Since when do you care?"

Yami spluttered, "Why, since...since Ryou is our friend! And, and, and...yeah!"

"You hate Bakura," Mokuba added.

"You kidnapped them," Yami retorted.

"We only borrowed Ryou. Bakura just sort of...showed up," Mokuba shot back. "They're being compensated for their stay. Niisama wants to look at the Ring. He's curious about all that magicky stuff. We have these new ideas for a new tournament, you see, and we want to do something with more microchips. Something smaller, that can scan the cards that the person is holding. We'd prefer to keep it as low-key as possible – "

Monique elbowed him in the ribs. "Enough. You can go on like that. Want me to...?"

Mokuba sighed. "Your formidable lack of delicate sensibilities may be needed here."

Monique giggled. "So they're at it like that, eh?"

"Without a doubt," Mokuba replied. "Try leaving a note and waiting in the lounge."

Monique fetched out a pad of paper and a calligraphy pen. "'Stop boinking, your spiky little friends are here to rescue you. Yours, the management,'" she read as she scribbled. "How's that?"

"You remind me greatly of why we hired you," Mokuba said with a sigh. "Perfect."

Monique tore the sheet of paper off, summoned up a dazzling smile, and scurried off down the nearest corridor.

"And take the day off from that awful costume!" Mokuba yelled after her.

"Yessir!"

Mokuba turned back to the Puzzle-bonded pair. "There's a lounge nearby. We'll go there and wait. Niisama knows you're here, but he's busy having a panic attack." His eyes slanted to the two as they passed through into a small, airy room with couches and several windows. "You know, while you're here, I don't suppose you brought my order?" He smiled without humour. "Or were you planning on having niisama bring it to me?"

"Ah," said Yami. "This is revenge for making him my errand boy, isn't it? I've seen through your evil deeds!"

Yuugi flopped onto one of the couches, grabbed the nearest convenient buckle, and hauled. "Yami?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up." Yuugi turned the full force of the Puppy Dog Look # 4 on his darker half. This was the one that said "Put Down The Knife/Bomb/Fire/Alcohol/WMoD Or You Sleep On The Couch". Quite a useful expression, that. "Mokuba-kun, please tell me what's going on."

Mokuba sighed. "Seto hadn't seen Ryou in years. Bakura strangling his other gave him a bit of a start, so he hauled Ryou off. After a bit of talking, niisama realized that he was wrong and this was normal behaviour, so he offered Ryou a rather large amount of money to stay here and be tested."

Yami surged to his feet again. "The cruelty! The anguish! How can anyone treat a human being like tha-aaagh!" he finished as Yuugi yanked him back down.

"Don't you greatly dislike Bakura?" Mokuba inquired, propping his elbows on his knees and leaning forward eagerly. "Why do you care so much?"

"Ryou is our friend," Yami said portentously.

"It's been a while since yami made someone or something explode," Yuugi explained. "Hence why we tried to blow up your door."

Mokuba looked unimpressed. "You'd need a lot more than a bit of gunpowder and two teaspoons of gasoline for that. I recommend nitroglycerin. Ryou's fine, I swear."

"Yeah, I am," Ryou agreed from the doorway with a yawn. "Sorry about the state of undress I'm in, but my shoulder fucking hurts, and I only have one shirt without something over where I got hit. I use the term 'shirt' loosely, of course."

"It really didn't occur to either of you to get normal clothes, did it?" Mokuba asked.

Ryou looked vaguely abashed. "Er, well, no. Hiya," he added with a wave at Yuugi and Yami. "Um. Something for you?" he added when both their eyes fastened on his shoulder.

"That is a bullet wound," Yuugi said astutely. "Now, I know that Mokuba is quite trigger-happy, and that the maid here packs a revolver somewhere under those frills, so please humour me when I ask what the hell happened?"

"Oh, it was their guard," Ryou said, dropping onto the spare couch languidly. "Yami and I wanted out after we half-killed Mokuba-kun, except that the guard shot me. And then yami killed the guard. We're sorry about that," he offered, glancing over at Mokuba.

"Where is he?" Mokuba inquired.

"His first instinct when he meets the...ah, pharaoh...is to flip out, more or less," Ryou said delicately. "So I handcuffed him to the bars on the window and came down here. He'll be down as soon as he remembers that he can get out of handcuffs without picking the locks with his toes. That, or he'll pick the locks and then be not-so-gently reminded that he is possibly the greatest ditz on the planet."

Yuugi slid forward with an expression of the greatest interest. "So the handcuffs are distracting enough that he forgets what he can do? Ooh. What else does this? I could use this."

"I'm right here!" Yami wailed.

Yuugi and Ryou both looked at him blankly. "Yes, and?" Yuugi inquired politely.

Yami sought refuge in Mokuba. "I'm quite confused. What is going on?"

"We hauled them in here, gave them an unlimited credit card and a few links to some very...questionable sites...and let them boink themselves into a coma," Mokuba explained. "Guns were just part of the fun."

"Hush, you," Ryou said, tossing a pillow at Mokuba's head. "Where's your brother? Yami hasn't shown up yet and he's not swearing at me anymore, so I'm wondering if Kaiba-sama stole him, locked him in the dungeons, and is performing really illicit acts on him."

Mokuba looked as though he dearly wanted to say something, but restrained himself. The expression on his face caught Ryou's attention, but the possible confrontation was headed off by Yami's sudden twitching. "Bad thoughts! Evil, bad thoughts! Evil thoughts winning! Inner eye in pain! Inner eye in pain! The agony! The mmph!"

Yuugi, apparently, had noticed Ryou and Mokuba growing increasingly uncomfortable with Yami's posing, and had instead shut him up in the best way available.

Thank you, Yuugi.

"Is everything all right?" Yuugi broke the silence and the snogs. "Here, I mean?"

"Yes and no," Mokuba replied. "It's just all...very complicated."

Yuugi got up, grabbed Ryou's arm in one hand and Mokuba's in the other, and towed them out of the room. "The three of us are going to go somewhere quiet and talk," he ordered when they got out into the hall. "Your brother is going to go chat up my yami sooner or later, and your yami is chained up somewhere and being ditzy, so I have a few questions I'm going to put to you two without any other interference."

"What?" Mokuba inquired as the three of them proceeded down the hall.

"How badly has your brother fallen for him?" Yuugi asked, jerking his head towards Ryou.

"Badly," Ryou and Mokuba said in unison. They both grimaced.

Yuugi pulled Mokuba back for a brief second. "And how badly have you got it for Bakura?"

Mokuba jerked away from the whisper and stared at Yuugi. "I...no!"

Ryou laughed. "You are extremely bad at covering up that sort of thing, you know."

Yuugi looked reproachfully at Ryou. "This is supposed to be the bit where you wander on ahead and look at the pretty wallpaper instead of listening."

Ryou blinked. "But I've known about this for rather a long time. You've confused my yami no end. It's been rather cute."

Mokuba flushed obligingly. "I, er...thingy," he finished lamely.

"You know, it's like the opposite of falling in love with your great rescuer," Ryou continued with a huge grin. "Instead, it's your kidnapper!"

"Oh do shut up," Mokuba pleaded.

"But I'm having fun teasing you," Ryou replied. "You've got to give me that at least."

Mokuba considered this. "Yes, I suppose I ought to do that."

Yuugi mulled these new circumstances over. "Well now. This is getting complicated. Anyone have a crush on yami or me? You know, just to make it immensely complicated."

"I'm passionately in love with your yami," Ryou deadpanned. "Ours is a forbidden love, because yami hates him and Kaiba-sama wants to jump my bones." He dodged the swat Yuugi dealt out and continued, "I am forced to keep upgrading my deck so we can sustain our illicit trysts."

"He's still talking," Yuugi said mournfully.

"You could try kissing him," Mokuba suggested.

"Oh no," Yuugi refused. "I like having my vital organs in the correct places, thanks."

"Mmm. Good point," Mokuba replied with a grimace.

"I'm also told that I have a mean left hook," Ryou pointed out.

"That's also a good point," Yuugi agreed. "Oh, there was another reason we were here, other than to ascertain whether or not you were still alive."

"Yes?"

"Your father's trying to call you," Yuugi said. "You don't have your cell phone or anything, do you?"

"No," Ryou answered, looking vaguely stricken. "Crap."

"He wants to take you back to Egypt for a while," Yuugi said after a pause.

Ryou's eyes widened. Without another word, he whirled and raced back the way he'd come, skidding around a corner and out of sight.

"What was all that about?" Mokuba asked.

"Not a sodding clue," Yuugi answered. "Were you lot all crazy before you came here, or does this place make you people like this?"

"Oh, we were all already insane," Mokuba said feelingly.

Ryou slid to a stop by his door, panting and clutching his bad shoulder. Egypt...Egypt...we can get out of here, but Egypt...

"Yami!"

Bakura looked up from the floor. "Yeah?"

"Wait. You got free, but you didn't go barrelling down to murder the pharaoh," Ryou said, eyes narrowing. "What's up with that?"

Bakura shrugged, then sat up. "What is it?"

"Kemet. Egypt," Ryou said, closing the door and leaning on it. "Father will take us away, but to Egypt..."

"Do we get the choice of staying in Japan if we leave this place?" Bakura inquired.

Ryou sighed. "I don't know. Knowing my father, doubtful. He likes to keep an eye on me when he can, to make up for when he can't."

"What, doesn't he trust me?" Bakura demanded indignantly.

"He doesn't know you exist," Ryou pointed out.

"Yeah, well, it's as good a time for him to find out as any," Bakura retorted.

"He'll never believe it."

"Very true. Why are we dodging the point?"

"I'm waiting for your reaction," Ryou explained.

Bakura picked up a penholder off the nearest table and hurled it at the closed window. The window shattered, setting off a couple alarms as it did so.

"You're not into hanging around while my father pokes around at your civilisation and has stupid people talking about how you were primitive helping him out," Ryou translated.

"Got it in one. Can we just go there and not spend time at that...dig-thing?"

"I'll give it a shot...if I can talk to my father," Ryou added.

"If not, we're running away to Memphis," Bakura declared.

Ryou fingered the bullet wound in his shoulder gently. "This is, of course, assuming that we can get out of here."

"Of course we can get out of here," Bakura retorted. "You're just assuming that I don't blow the place up in order to get us free."

"Well, yes," Ryou admitted. "I'd kind of like to be able to come back to Japan."

"Why? The weather's on crack, I barely speak the language, and it's too fucking polite," Bakura complained.

"Your Japanese is fine. Now, your English is horrible, but I am not taking you to any country other than Egypt or Japan. Ever. Besides, your modern Arabic is worse than your English! Worry about that!"

"Says the man who speaks a grand total of five Arabic phrases."

"I can order drinks, though. Useful, yeah?"

"Yeah..." Bakura trailed off, his mind obviously wandering. "Yadonushi..."

"Hmm?"

"You know...your father, and all those people...they want to know for real what my language sounds like," Bakura began haltingly. "Do you have any idea...can you even imagine how I feel? I can't figure out an adjective. Old? Outdated? Confused? Angry?"

"You don't want to go, do you?" Ryou said softly.

"It's not like that," Bakura replied. "I just...don't know where...and things are so unfinished here..."

Ryou nodded. "I know what you know," he said, taking Bakura's hands. "You wanna go tear apart the pharaoh now? Mokuba said Monique was going to shoot him."

Ryou is officially the master of diversion, as proven by Bakura rocketing to his feet, grabbing the handcuffs, and tearing out the door. Ryou sighed and bolted after him.

Of course, the cuffing of the pharaoh to the chandelier in the fateful mezzanine by his signature belt buckles had nothing to do with their rampage. Absolutely nothing at all. Stop looking at me like that, Mokuba...

"Get me doooooooowwwwn!" Yami howled.

Yuugi snickered, then leaned over to whisper at Ryou, "So the handcuffs trick really does make them forget what they can do. D'you think you can get his Puzzle back from your yami, though?"

Ryou shrugged. "Maybe in a bit I'll seduce it from him."

"What am I going to tell your father?" Yuugi asked as Bakura ran to go get the candle-snuffer for the express purpose of poking Yami around in circles.

"That I'm shacked up with two rich geniuses and their French maid, as well as my psychotic twin, and we all have wild kinky orgies every night. And we have a pharaoh chained to the chandelier," Ryou informed him. "He will then come and take me away, not to Egypt, but to some mental institution. I'll just be confirming his fears."

"So that's the part where I tell him that Seto Kaiba has given you people a lucrative offer to stay and work with him on some new experiments, and that you can't get in touch with him at this time?" Yuugi translated.

Ryou looked impressed. "That is some expert fabrication, there."

"I try," said Yuugi modestly.

"Oh, hey," Ryou said as Bakura went racing past with the candle snuffer. "Give," he ordered, slipping past Bakura and deftly removing the Puzzle.

"I'll kill you later!" Bakura yelled, hooking the candle snuffer over a boot buckle and twirling Yami around.

"I would so Mind Crush you if I had my hands!" Yami screeched. Fortunately, Bakura had the foresight to make sure that his hands had been securely attached to the belt buckle that connected the pharaoh to the chandelier.

Ryou quietly went over to the other long pole, lit the wick on the end, and solemnly handed it to his darker half. "Give me the snuffer."

"Ryou! I wanted to help you and this is how you repay me? I've saved your life five times!"

Ryou glared up at the howling pharaoh. "I died five times. That doesn't count as saving!"

"I resurrected you a couple of those times," Yami offered.

Ryou shrugged. "Meh. I am holding the candle snuffer. And your hikari is standing down here laughing his arse off."

"Yuugi!" Yami wailed. "You traitor! Save meeeee!"

Yuugi put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes. "You could save yourself if you thought for about five seconds. Maybe less."

"Fire," Bakura observed as he lit the candles in the chandelier. "Pretty."

"Get me dooooown!"

"Such noise," Seto observed as he walked into the room. "Ryou-san, would you like to explain why you seem to have suspended the ex-pharaoh from our chandelier?"

Ryou held his hands up. "I didn't do it, I swear."

Seto looked unimpressed. "Mokuba says that all the time, and every time he's lying."

Ryou immediately turned on the puppy dog eyes, brilliant smile, and halo of innocence all at once and focused on Seto. The poor sod didn't stand a chance. "...okay, okay," Seto capitulated. "My soul feels horrifically punished. Please stop."

Yuugi and Ryou did some complicated hand gesture. "Score!" added Yuugi.

"It is a plot!" Yami wailed. "An evil plot against me! Where are my priests when I need them?"

Yuugi and Ryou blinked at each other, then simultaneously pointed to Seto. Bakura tuned in about five seconds later and added to the performance. He then went back to the fascinating business of lighting Yami's hair on fire.

Yuugi turned to Seto critically. "You know, I really don't believe that you two kidnapped Ryou for a science experiment. I think you two just realized how pathetically empty your lives were and decided to inject some humour into your daily routine."

"Yamiiii! No whips! I drew the line at chains, remember? NO WHIPS!"

"Then again," Yuugi continued, "you two might just be indulging in matching masochistic fantasies."

Seto's eyes squicked out, assuring Yuugi that he had done his job well. "So listen, Seto-kun. Ryou's father wants him back. He wants to take him away to Egypt."

"He what?" Seto demanded.

"If you want to keep those two around," Yuugi began, looking conspiratorial, "you'd better start making them realise it."

"So first you make fun of our attempts at keeping them and then you tell us that unless we magically perfect the art of seduction without actually seducing anyone, we completely lose all possibilities of winning," Seto said critically.

Yuugi looked thoughtful. "Well, yes."

"...oh fuck."

"Well...yes!"

"...Shut. Up."

"So you don't want to hear about the fact that Bakura is now spinning your entire chandelier around at about Mach Two in order to see if it will kill my yami?"

"I'm going back to my computers now."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the defensive maneuver of the Seto-us Kaiba-us is to flee for sanctuary as defined by the presence of large supercomputers. Maybe next we'll get to see a mating call or two, because the last few have been really pathetic.

viva rose: Yay, flag!

orangeaura868: It'll be...uh...thingy.

QueenOfGames: And it updated again! The horrors! ::grin::

Sailor Comet: mmm, probably about...sixteen, seventeenish. Somewhere in between. I'm assuming Mokuba has about three years between him and Seto. mneh.

Kerei Kitsune: I enjoyed that scene, I did. Wanton slaughter and all that.

Liviania: ::takes the green llamas and runs for all hell::

YamiKatie: I have fun tormenting Yami. Yesyes I do.

Starring Lady G: Oh yes, foreshadowing much?

marikandcloe: Sorry this took so long!

Sweetflowerli: That...just about sums it up, yeah...you want to write my summaries from now on? ::i kid, i kid...::

inarae: aww, thanks. ::blush::

please keep it up, the reviewing....i know this doesn't update as frequently as i'd like it to, but i do try. ::grin::