Chapter Eight: Of High Tensions and Low Moments

Their voices were low and serious, like the quiet drawls of a far away storm. The door to the library had been left slightly ajar, spilling an orange glow light that streamed down widely on the marble floors, stopping only right before hitting the first step of the main stairwell, which was, incidentally, where Lily and Xander were both now sitting, each with their arms circled around their knees, and listening so attentively, there were times when they almost forgot the presence of the other.

From the little Xander had managed to gather, Harry had sent Teddy on an assignment out of the country, and Ron, who was Teddy's Senior Auror, had been sent another auror under polyjuice pretending to be him. Ron was absolutely livid. "All I'm fucking saying," he said, not for the first time, "is that if you're going to send one of my team aurors across the bloody ocean, you ought to let me know first."

"Ron," Harry started, sounding very much like he was about to, yet again, argue rather than apologize, which might have been the reason Teddy cut through both of his superiors and said, "Let's not waste any more time on this back and forth. Harry was right. The stomach curse that has been going around solely affecting muggleborns is not just some experimental dark magic gone out of control-"

"No shit," said Ron darkly.

"It's a poison. Lewis Rousell used it to cause political unrest in the States right before making a move to sit a Clarifier as President of MACUSA for the first time."

Xander's heart dropped. Memories were coming to him like frantic waves threatening to take him under. He had only just turned thirteen. Harry and Ginny had rented out a beachside cottage for the summer holidays. Albus' conversation with his parents had been low murmured whispers behind a half-closed door but Xander had known from the tone alone that he had told them the exact thing Xander had begged him to keep secret.

"Don't be angry with me, Xander," Albus had begged, going back into the room the two boys had been sharing. "I had to tell them."

"Clarifiers." Ron repeated the word like it was something he still could not understand. "You still think everything that happened in Connerton - in Galaforth - that it's all somehow related to a group of dark wizards that have never before shown any interest in coming-"

"They will come," said Harry, the words sounding like a mantra and a promise and a warning and a threat, all at once. "We need to be ready."

There was absolutely no way for Harry to have known that Xander and Lily were listening. The library's door did not face the stairwell but was rather hidden underneath it. Besides, it was likely the men were circled by the desk in the back rather than by the entrance. Still, Xander couldn't help but feel like the words were being said directly to the both of them too. He closed his eyes, taking them in.

Immediately, he was back at that beach again, that summer of years ago. Harry and Ginny had sat together opposite of him, like a united force of two. Xander had preferred to avoid meeting their eyes, focusing instead out the window, where the large cream curtains billowed out and framed out the oceanfront. James, shirtless and tan, had somehow managed to find a girl to snog on this secluded beach. Lily was sitting on wet sand, a braid on each side of her freckled shoulders, soft waves of water coming to wrap around her hips.

Harry had been the one to clear his throat and speak first, "Xander… Albus told us about the rumors, at school…"

"It doesn't make any sodding sense," Ron went on, his voice getting louder and louder. "You've spent the last few years arguing against making contact with the Resistance, and now, out of nowhere, you've decided to send Teddy straight to Alec Brenes"

"I don't want to talk about Alec Brenes-"

"Bloody shocker. Another thing you don't want to-"

"We need to talk about Aldrich Reagan." Xander straightened up at the sound of their teacher's name. It must've caught Lily's attention too because she was craning her neck further in that direction. "He believes he can help brew an antidote. If you could help us convince Hermione to allow him into Ministry laboratories-"

"When have I ever managed to convince Hermione of anything?" It must've been a rhetorical question because Harry didn't even bother with a reply. "Besides," Ron went on tiredly, "Reagan doesn't pass a single background check. It's a lot, asking her to bypass that."

"People are dying, Ron." Harry sounded irritated now, like there was a frustration deep inside of him that was threatening to boil over. "Do you think those families filling hospitals' waiting rooms give a shit about background checks? They don't give a damn about Reagan's past. They only care to bring their loved ones home."

"If she's going to run for reelection-"

"Is she?" Harry's voice had gone a bit higher, more hopeful.

Ron hissed out at him, "You asked her to do it. She's never really known how to deny anything, has she? Neither of us have, really." It sounded far from being a compliment. They were all quiet for a long time. And then it was Ron who broke the silence he, himself, had instilled. "It's going to be hell this time around, for everyone."

Harry let out a long, deep breath. "I know."

It somehow felt ominous, that this should be the one thing they both agreed on.

There was the sound of powder hitting fire, and then a great green light bounced out the door and into the corridor. Xander and Lily both stood up to leave, their feet already on the third step when a voice spoke again, and they were forced to realize that while Ron had left, Harry had not yet been left alone.

"There's something else," Teddy started, his words stumbling over one another as if they had been bursting to get out all along, "Chapman's dead." There was a rush of movement, almost as if Harry had asked him to stop speaking all together, but then Teddy spoke again, his voice lowered in volume but every bit as determined to be heard. "Brenes extracted the memories that had been obliviated from his mind and the old man was too sick and too weak to survive it. I reckon Brenes might've wanted him dead anyways. He didn't sound at all sorry about the incident."

Harry let out a low spoken curse. "He knows?"

"He knows."

"Okay," said Harry, the word tight and pained as it was exhaled out. "Okay."

"Harry?"

"I'll take care of it, Teddy," Harry promised. "You've done more than enough for me."

Xander might've stayed frozen in the forever had Lily not jerked at his sleeve, pulling him out of his daze only just quick enough for the both of them to tip-toe back into their own rooms a bare five minutes before Harry was knocking on his door and opening it quietly at Xander's invitation. It was one of the few habits he had kept from when Ginny had been alive, checking in on them before going to sleep himself.

"I thought you might still be awake," Harry said, a tired smile on his lips.

Xander picked up the book in his hands innocently. "Just trying to catch up on some reading…"

Harry's already untidy dark hair became even more so as a hand ran through it, bringing to light the gray strands that had started some time ago. "Alright, son. You should try getting some sleep soon though. Tomorrow's bound to be a long day."

"Harry?"

Harry had nearly closed the door but he opened it up again, something hesitant about his gaze. "Yes?"

"Did you get a chance to check over the protective spells I casted over the Manor this summer?"

Harry's eyebrows knitted, as if he had been expecting another question and had been taken back by this one. Then he offered him a small nod. "There's no safer place than here," he assured him. "Good night, Xander."

It wasn't until later that night, when sleep had nearly swept him away, that Xander considered the fact that perhaps Harry had known them to be listening by the stairs - and that everything he had said, and not said, had been with that in mind.

[][]

Xander had loved running for as long as he could remember.

It wasn't a particularly celebrated activity at the Potter Manor, where human legs were a long-shot second best to broomsticks, but Xander found comfort in the rhythmic hitting of pavement. He liked to run long enough to feel a stitch on the side of his ribs and fast enough to make the world around him blur. When his knees would start to buckle underneath him, he would start on old fashion push-ups and sit-ups.

The burning in his body helped quiet his mind.

And, after the night he'd had, he desperately needed for his mind to quiet.

He'd been in his third set of sit ups when Scopius Malfoy had unexpectedly hovered over him, blocking off the morning sun. "I think I need to talk to Mr. Potter," he said, but then he sat right next to Xander, clearly not ready to discuss with Harry whatever it was that he had come here to tell him.

"Everything alright with Albus?" Xander asked.

"Oh Al is fine. I mean, irretrievably smitten with Hartford, there's that." Scorpius grinned. He had always reminded Xander of one of those lost boys caught in the hunt across the sky. There was something that seemed that eternal about his looks, forever young and full of wonder. "Sometimes he goes days without bothering to come home at all."

"Sounds serious." The pain in his midsection was starting to make talking difficult. "Good for him."

Scorpius tugged at the one long weed in the otherwise nicely-kept green lawn and examined it as if it was the single most interesting thing he had ever encountered. "I think I want to marry her."

Xander's head fell back, sweat rolling down his neck. He knew the conversation had gone from Emma Hartford to Rosie Weasley. With Scorpius, the conversation almost always found its way to Rosie Weasley, regardless of where it had started. "I hope you mean to say, 'I think I want to marry her one day.'"

Scorpius said, "I love her now."

"You've only just started training at St. Mungo's," Xander reminded him. "She's got years to go before she finishes uni. Can't you love her in an age appropriate manner?"

Scorpius eyes sparked with amusement. "How does one love in an age appropriate manner?"

"You know," said Xander, but he, himself, did not.

Scorpius laid down beside him, as if the two of them were star gazing. "When you love someone this much," he said dreamingly, "you do whatever you can do to hold on to it for as long as possible. What does it matter if I'm eighteen or twenty-eight? It's only my age that changes, not the way I feel about her."

The two boys stayed quiet as half a dozen hired house elves began passing behind them, floating tables and chairs and boxes of porcelain plates above their heads as they started setting up for the wedding this afternoon. The bushes must have done a job at keeping them hidden from view because the house elves hummed happily under their breath, not once noticing them.

"Nicholas Bulstrode visited my father," said Scorpius, all of the sudden. Xander had seen Nicholas Bulstrode only a few times at Platform 9 ¾, though he had kissed his daughter, an audacious Slytherin in his year, plenty of times. "They want to bring the Sacred Twenty-Eight together again, what's left of it anyways."

Xander started on a new set of sit-ups, wishing he could fast track to the moment when he would be much too exhausted to think. "Hm."

"They're calling themselves Clarifiers. They said it won't be at all like it was with Tom Riddle, that this time there is no Dark Lord to serve, only the purity of their own blood. They want the Ministry, and if they can't have the Ministry, they'll want war."

"Is this what this is all about then?" Xander went up and down fast. "You're worried the Malfoys and the Weasleys will end up on opposite sides of a war again?"

"It's not all in my head," said Scorpius, defensively. "It is that serious."

Xander breathed out, "I know."

Scorpius jumped to his feet, kicking Xander's side just as he was about to sit up once more. "Alright, mate, now you're just showing off. Help me find Mr. Potter. I want to make sure he knows about Bulstrode... Hey, didn't you have a thing with his daughter last year?"

Xander took his hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet. "Yeah, what about her?"

"I was just remembering," said Scorpius, waving it off. "By the way," he added with a glint in his eyes, "I saw you last night."

"Saw me what?" said Xander, genuinely confused at first.

Scorpius laughed. "She's all grown up, isn't she?"

Xander felt his face hardened. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Scorpius's arm went around to squeeze his shoulder good-naturedly. "Alright, Vandenberg."

()()

Enwrapped in the haziness of too many drinks and the complicit beating of fast paced music, it had seemed like a good idea, allowing Ziggy Beck's hand to travel further and further down her back. The sober, bright mid-day light of today hadn't managed to completely change her mind, but it did squeeze at her chest, anxiety filling in the spaces firewhiskey had comfortably filled the night before.

The Daily Prophet had published an expose on their "whirlwind romance" on their third page this morning. The photograph that had been taken of them had been magnified so that despite the low quality and dark surroundings, it was still clear that it was Lily Luna Potter and Ziggy Becks wrapped around each other inside that London night club.

Lily set it down to get a good look at herself in her vanity mirror. Embarrassment flushed her cheek but determination blazed just as steadily in her eyes. If there had been any other way to go about it, Lily would have taken it. But people only ever cared about the boys she dated and the dresses she wore. She had needed the famous quidditch player to push away the story about the other two school boys. And so even though it made her feel nauseous, remembering how she had giggled against his ear as he had squeezed her into him, the fact that neither Andrew Rogers or Baird Kimble had been mentioned next to her name for the first time in what felt like forever was a win, no matter how muddled.

A loud dull knock sounded on her door, interrupting her thoughts, and Lily tucked the newspaper into a drawer, gave herself one last look in the vanity mirror - a mistake considering the dress was the same green, tulle monster of yesterday and her make-up was only halfway done - and then she went to open the door.

It was nearly one in the afternoon. From her bedroom window, she had been able to see that family members had already started to arrive. It was the reason she had expected to find Hugo standing there, but when she pulled the door open, it was Xander's eyes that found her. He was fully dressed in day-time dress robes, and so Lily couldn't quite justify the reason her mind had gone straight back to last night and the way the waistband of his pajama pants had slung low on hips that had made her fingers prick with curiosity.

Xander's face, on the other hand, went straight into a smirk. "Shit - Vic really did a number on you all."

Lily's eyes narrowed at him, her cheeks reddening with onsetting humiliation. "I like it."

The smirk widened. "You're such a bad liar."

Her hand went up to her nose, wondering if it'd betrayed her once again. For some reason, this brought out a genuine laugh out of him, and Lily couldn't be upset anymore, not with the insult, or the dress, or that tattle-tale nose of hers. Xander pulled out one of the hands he had been holding behind his back and offered her a small box with a red bow on the top as if it were an apple he had picked from a tree. "Happy birthday."

Lily pretended to be surprised. "You remembered?"

"How could I forget? I had a less-than-subtle reminder from a very demanding redheaded girl at the club last night."

Despite his words, his eyes were friendly, and Lily grinned. "She sounds charming."

"Absurdly so."

Everything about his response was loaded with sarcasm but there was something in the shift of his eyes as he scanned her down that made her feel like she had suddenly missed a step on an already moving stairwell. It was quite a god-awful feeling, this sensation of falling.

"Good Godric," came another voice, "I might just shed some tears of pride, watching you two be civil, twice in a row now."

Lily turned at the sound of her cousin's voice. Her initial response got swept by the fact that Hugo looked entirely different outside of his usual oversized jumpers and inside the fitted dress robes he was now wearing. "Hugo," she gushed, genuinely astonished, "you look so handsome!"

His ears had gone pink but he still managed to throw a winning smile at Xander. "Bet she didn't tell you that."

Xander's face had returned to its usual unobother state. "Let's go to my room. I got some new books we can read until the ceremony starts."

Lily grabbed her cousin's hand before she could be left alone. "No, Hugo, come keep company while I look for a better pair of heels. I need to make sure we match our heights somewhat so that we don't look too off-putting walking down the aisle together."

Xander snorted. "You have stilts in there?" Before Lily could snap back a retort, he placed his hands up in surrender. "I'm only teasing. You can have Hugo, since it's your birthday. I expect to have him returned at midnight though."

"Come here, Hugo," said Lily, dragging her cousin into her room as Xander turned around to go back towards his bedroom "I have so much to tell you." She shut the door with a low-muted bang, and then leaned her back on it, her hands still on the doorknob. "Your dad was here with my dad and Teddy last night, and they're getting themselves into so much trouble…"

"Aren't they always?" Hugo rolled his eyes and plopped down on her bed, his hand already pulling at the tie around his neck as if it were suffocating him. "What secret super-spy stupid shit show have they gotten themselves involved with now?"

[][]

It was true that Xander had very little experience with weddings, but all in all, he thought this one a rather pleasant affair as far these sort of things usually went, if not for the amount of crying that had been going on all day long.

Harry had been teary-eyed standing next to Teddy at the altar. Teddy had shed a tear when he had caught sight of Victiore walking down the aisle. Victiore had shed more than one tear when her father had leaned in to whisper in a few words before handing her over to Teddy. Lily's eyes had been red and swollen throughout the entire ceremony. Even Xander, who absolutely loathed these exaggerated shows of emotions, had felt his vision blur during the reception, when Teddy had taken a moment of his toast to thank his parents, grandmother, and Ginny, all of who were no longer with him but whose lessons on unconditional love he expected to continue to follow.

It was night time now though, and there were no more tears - thank Merlin. There was just the yellow, glittery lights outlining the roof of the white canopy, the live band singing upbeat songs, and a make-shift bar that was fully stocked with all the essentials.

"Ah there he is!"

Xander had nearly reached back to his table when a heavy hand spun him around and a blonde was pushed into his arm. Xander looked over the blonde head to find James smiling wildly at him. With his tie hanging low, sleeves rolled back, that windswept look about his hair, and mischievous grin on his face, James looked every bit as he had done throughout his Hogwarts years, and Xander could tell, as he had been able to tell back then, that he was not only in the mood for trouble, but also for sharing trouble with others.

"He's a much better dancer than he seems," James assured the blonde in question.

"James," Xander hissed at him, reaching and missing his sleeve. He'd shared a round of shots with Albus and Emma at the bar, but it hadn't been anywhere near enough to ignore the absurdity of the fact that James had just mouthed 'Enjoy' at him as if the blonde was some plate he had picked up for him at the buffet line.

"I'm sorry," Xander started, looking back at the poor girl that had been thrown his way. She looked more amused than offended, but Xander, who had plenty of experiences hooking up with girls he knew from class but almost none dealing with strangers, felt completely unsure of himself. "James is… Well…" He made a face at her hoping to convey how completley hopeless it would be to try and explain James Potter.

To his surprise, she shook her head and gave him a melodic laugh. "Oh it's my fault. I, erm, told him I thought you were cute, just in passing, and that idiot dragged me across the place to you. I'm mortified."

She didn't look mortified. She looked confident, as most pretty girls were, that her interest in him would be reciprocated. Xander shot a look towards Harry. He didn't really like flirting with girls in front of him, hated doing anything that might risk disappointing him really, but Harry was lost in conversation with Hagrid, the Longbottoms, and the Granger-Weasleys. Besides, there really was no harm at all in a dance…

"It's true though," said Xander, some of his confidence having returned by the piece of flattery she'd offered him. "I really am a better dancer than I seem."

She took the hand he offered before hanging both her arms around his neck. "Good. I have a strict rule not to go around kissing bad dancers."

Xander grinned. He had always liked girls who were direct about what they wanted. It made things more interesting. Her hips were swaying to the music, closed enough on him to a thrill. "What are your rules about the good ones then?"

She said something in return but Xander didn't catch it. James had returned to the dance floor. He wasn't with the girl he'd brought as a date but with his sister. Lily had spent most of the night sitting in a corner with Hugo, her face serious, but she looked much happier now, dancing with James.

"It's hard to believe they're siblings." The blonde girl had followed his eyes to James and Lily, observing them with mere curiosity. "He's so nice, and she's… well, not exactly that, is she?" Xander shot her down a look, and it must've looked sharp enough, because it obliged her to try at an explanation of sorts; "She jinxed my friend once, for trying to reach for her arm during a party. His fingers were webbed together for a week. Poor bloke couldn't even hold a quill."

"He shouldn't have tried grabbing her at all," said Xander matter-of-factly.

She shifted a little, like she wasn't sure this was something she wanted to bother arguing over, and then just said, "Probably not."

Xander looked down at her, another thought just occurring to him. "You went to Hogwarts?" He spun her, sending her into a laugh. "I thought you were one of the Delacours?"

She looked pleased by this assumption. "It's my accent, isn't it? Always giving me away…"

Her accent was nearly invisible, cleverly tucked away in her nothing but perfect English. She knew this too. She knew it was her blonde hair, that perfect bone structure, that inherited Veela's ability to make all the boys turn and stare that had given her away. She wanted to hear him say it, but Xander had never really liked sounding like most other boys, and he was certain other boys had told her just that enough times already.

He leaned in closer, his hands pressing her closer to him. "Only because I've been hanging onto every word," and she seemed to like that response better anyways.

She was breathless by the time the song ended. She was sober too, which made her audacity all that much more appealing. However, when she leaned in and asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else, somewhere quieter, Xander could only laugh, completely unsure if she was being as serious about it as she sounded. "Why don't we go to your bedroom?"

Xander had taken many girls to his dormitory at Hogwarts, but he had never done that here. This was Harry's house. Ginny's memory was all around. It felt wrong for so many reasons. "I'm not sure that's a good idea…"

He might have offered her a better explanation if it hadn't been for the fact that at that very moment James' date had returned to ask for her dance partner back. Lily looked displeased to have her brother stolen away but James cupped her chin, muttered something at her, and she grudgingly allowed it.

Another song started playing. This one was slow and melancholic. Xander muttered some excuse or another to the Delacour girl, something about Harry not taking kindly to him leaving the reception early, and then he had taken three wide steps and reached Lily's wrists only just before she left the dancefloor. "Dance with me."

Such must have been her surprise that instead of pushing him away as he had expected, she simply held him at arm's length and said, "Me?"

"Just one dance," he assured her, his arm starting to circle around her waist. "Louis is looking like he'll murder me for flirting with his cousin. I promise to leave you alone once he calms down a bit."

Louis had brought a handsome Brazilian to the wedding and disappeared with him some time ago. Luckily, Lily didn't bother fact checking. She sighed and landed her hands on his shoulder. "Fine."

Xander's eyes went down her neck to where a thin silver chain had trapped inside the neckline of her dress. He pulled it out carefully, something warm spreading inside of him as he realized she'd worn the necklace he had gifted her. It was a silver pendant, not larger than a knut, with an oak tree engraved into its surface. "You used to love climbing trees when we were little."

Lily's face lifted to meet his eyes. "You'd stay down below, your nose stuck in some book."

Xander grimaced. "I've never been much fun, have I?"

Lily didn't answer that question, instead she admitted, "It reminded me of that, you know. As soon as I saw it, it reminded me of the trees we have here. I wasn't sure that's what it was supposed to mean though."

His arms were tight around her waist, but her hands were firm on his chest, leaving a structured large, open space between them. He didn't mind it though. If she were any closer, he wouldn't have been able to watch her face so carefully, and he really did like gazing at the ins and outs of her face.

"When we were around eight, you fell from one of those trees," Xander said, already forgetting the reasons he should never allow himself to forget himself, "and broke your arm. It was the first time I saw you cry."

Lily paused to give his explanation some thought. "So you wanted to…? What? Remind me that I was breakable?"

That hadn't been it at all. But he had no idea where to begin telling her all the things he wanted to tell her. You breaking made me feel like I was breaking too, sounded pathetic, even to himself. Besides, that wasn't even the important bit of it. He needed to tell her something else: Some girls are meant to keep climbing. Ginny had said it so much better though. He wished feverishly that she was here with them still, so she could say all the things only she could say rightly enough.

Feeling defeated, he mumbled, "It was only just a memory."

To his surprise, Lily smiled softly at him, as if that had been enough. "I really do like it."

He couldn't bring himself to match her smile, too starstruck by the galaxy in her eyes. Lily looked down and away, her cheeks rosy. He scanned the area, trying to understand the reason behind her blush, and soon enough found Scorpius, sitting with Rosie on his lap, both their lips flushed from kissing. "Oh Lily," said Xander, feeling almost sad for her, "will you ever get over Scorpius?"

Lily scowled. "I am."

"What is it about him anyways?"

She searched his face, probably trying to find any indication that he was making fun of her, and then, finding none, she sighed, "I don't know, really. I suppose he's very attractive."

Xander looked over to where Scorpius sat again. "If you're into symmetrical facial features and luscious blonde hair…"

When he looked back at Lily, she was grinning, as if amused that he was able to admit to Scorpius' undeniable good looks. She twisted her lips to the side playfully and said, "I meant his personality was attractive. God, Xander, you're so shallow."

Xander pulled a face at her. "Quidditch isn't a personality trait, just so you know."

"Romantic and kind are though," said Lily smartly. "Not that you'd know the meaning of the words."

He snorted. "Do you?"

Lily rolled her eyes, more like she was trying to avoid answering his question than she was upset by the insinuation, but before he could poke fun at her again, she rested her cheek on his shoulder, hiding her face from view, and sending his heart into a frantic chase it was unlikely to ever recover from. There were others dancing around them, drunken uncles spilling the drinks in their hands, running children cutting across the dance floor as they chased after each other, but it all felt like one chaotic blur that paled in comparison to the realization that holding Lily Potter didn't feel like holding on at all but rather very much like letting go.

"There are others," the words escaped him in open rebellion of self-preservation, "who would be willing to be romantic and kind, just for you, if you only could stop thinking about that one boy alone."

Lily stiffened and backed away, her face hurt, as if he had said something to offend her. "Look, you can go all you want about science and chemical reactions, but the simple truth is that feelings are not the sort of thing one gets to pick and choose, and if they were, I'd be much smarter than going around wasting my time thinking about some silly boy with witty lines and pretty blue eyes."

His head bobbed back in immediate confusion. "Scorpius has gray eyes." Lily's mouth dropped slightly, as if she was as equally surprised as him. Xander thought about it a little longer, and then he wished he had not thought about it at all. "Edward Ballard has blue eyes."

She swallowed nervously, eyes cast down. "Right, he does."

Jealousy was one thing. Jealousy, he could control. Fear was something else. Fear was something that controlled him. Fear was knowing what Lily was falling for a boy who was bound to break her heart - who was bound to choose that side over this side.

Xander squeezed her hand, holding her away, just as the song neared its end. "Thanks for the dance, Lily."

Lily opened her mouth to say something else but Xander had already turned around. He found the blonde haired girl he had been dancing with earlier with surprising ease. When he kissed her squarely on the mouth, she did not seem to be very surprised at all, nor did she hesitate to follow him into the house and up towards his bedroom.

When he closed the brown, wooden door of his room, he saw only red. When his fingers found the zipper of her dress and it fell to the floor like a formless heap of blue fabric, he saw red. Even when he buried his lips into her neck, and his hands grabbed onto the yellow of her hair, it was red that he saw. Red, when he opened the tiny golden foil package. Red, when he asked her if she was sure. Red, red, red, as he lost himself in a girl who couldn't make him forget the other one. And when it was all over, and she put her clothes back on and slipped out of his bedroom, he closed his eyes and saw Lily, and knew, as he had known all along, that of all the shades of red in the world, his favorite would always be the auburn of her hair.

()()

It was with frenzied ferocity and trembling rage that Lily packed her shoes and skirts and jumpers into her traveling trunk. It had played in her mind all night long, like a tortuous loop, the way Xander had held her waist, the intensity in his eyes, and the way he had left her, standing abandoned in the middle of the dancefloor, to go and kiss another girl, and she hated him now, more than ever, knowing that he had spent the night with a girl he had barely met while Lily had spent the night alone, tossing and turn and thinking of nothing else but him.

"He's an idiot," she breathed out furiously, using all of her force to finally close the trunk shut with a charm that was not at all certain to withhold the trip back to Hogwarts.

"Who's an idiot?"

Lily spun around startled. Xander was standing right behind her, looking poorly rested though over all content. He didn't wait for her to answer. Instead, he reached directly for her trunk. "Here let me help you with that. Harry set up a portkey for us to - What's the matter?"

"I don't want you to touch my things." She was standing protectively in front of her trunk, her arms behind her as if it were treasure that needed to be defended against all odds.

"Lily, come on, let's not start - Fuck's sake, what's with you?"

Xander had made another move towards her trunk, but Lily had stepped in front of him, blocking his reach once again. She knew perfectly well how dimwitted she must have appeared in that moment but the blinding rage she had felt all night had long ago drowned out any hope for a dignified encounter. "Where's Cecile?"

Xander stared at her blankly. "Who?"

"Cecile, Xander. Don't stand there and act like you-" But then Lily stopped short because Xander was still staring at her like she had lost her mind and it suddenly occurred to her that he genuinely had no idea whom she was speaking about. "You don't even know her name, you prat!"

A look of recognition swept across Xander's face. "She left ages ago. What's it to you?"

It should have been nothing to her. And she wanted to say it was nothing to her. She wanted to roll her eyes and say something trivial about it the way she would have done had it been James or Albus, but it was as if a fire that had been bottled inside of her had suddenly exploded.

"You bloody shagged her, that's what!" Xander took a step back, as if she was some sort of mad lunatic. "What you do at Hogwarts is your business, but you just can't go around bringing girls into our family home like we're some cheap motel!"

She'd finally managed to offend him. She could tell by the indentations that had formed on his forehead and the tightening of his jaw. "What are you going on about? Friday night, you were all but convincing me to go after that girl at the club-"

"I never said to shag her though, did I?"

"So you wanted me to go over and do what? Hold her hand?" He was looking at her incredulously, as if the idea of flirting with a girl who would not end up in his bed was something Lily couldn't possibly be naive enough to believe.

She burned with embarrassment. It was all getting much too confusing for her, the unfounded anger burning inside of her, the unexplainable hurt that was making her lash out like a complete idiot… "I was halfway drunk," she said finally. "I only meant to have some fun with you."

"Exactly," said Xander unceremoniously. "It's always fun and games for you."

She couldn't have been sure but there seemed to be something that resembled disappointment in his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Xander hung his head back, like he was done with the argument - and with her. "It means you can knock yourself out bringing your own damn trunk down the stairs."

"I can levitate!" Lily screamed after him, though the dramaticness of her response lost its impact as he slammed the door behind him, hard enough to make the picture frame on top of her drawer tremble before falling flat down.

Lily sat down on her bed, breathing hard, and hating herself, because she'd managed to ruin the little amicability they'd managed to maintain that weekend - and also because it was impossible to levitate a trunk that had been charmed to fit more pair of shoes than any shoe shop in Diagon Alley.