Author: Whispering Hope
Summary: "When I was a child, I was born without a Heart. I couldn't feel as others could, and only followed whatever Life and Fate order me to do." What happens when the Masked one meets his Heart? Shounen-ai 3x4
Notes: Based on a really random idea.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and characters.
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When I was a child, I was born without a Heart. I couldn't feel as others could, and only followed whatever Life and Fate order me to do. As a young child, I killed and murdered all the while wearing a Mask, which told me not to think, and not to worry about the future. I would rely on Life to guard me, I was told, and I would obey whatever she throws my way.
I see them all by the fire, and I was told not to be jealous. Jealousy would only break the Mask I wear, she said. I trusted Life, and I was never jealous. They were talking; they were born with Hearts to tell them to fight. I only fought for whatever Life and Fate controlled me to. The fire was warm, but I only stared for the distance.
They only stared back.
Life passed me another Mask one day, telling me to try it on. It didn't fit, and she seemed sad. She said maybe it would fit another time.
It was one day that Fate, who was curious, threw me to work in a factory to help repair and create a machine that would go to War. It was there that Death took away the man who would pilot the machine – Gundam. Life gently prodded me forward and told me the correct words to speak. I would pilot the Gundam, and this time, for the sake of the people. Life passed me the same mask that never fit, and strangely, this time, it did. She told me that it was the Mask of the Gundam-Pilot.
I didn't realise then, but another Mask was made mine.
Fate shook her head, and told Life it was strange; it wouldn't be normal.
A clown, they decided in the end. Over the second Mask, a third Mask of the Clown would hide my true identity from the public. It was then I could concentrate on my mission.
But still, they thought it wasn't it. They thought the three Masks too fragile to their liking, so Life tossed me a fourth Mask that fit like a second skin. The ultimate Mask, she had proclaimed wearily. The Mask of the Emotionless; and I would always be looking at people with eyes that held no hatred, no fear, no love, no warmth. I would be a Soldier, ready to sacrifice everything and anything to accomplish my missions.
They watched me as I stared back at them with cold eyes and witnessed as I killed so many to protect the lives of others. They saw the blood that stained my hands, and saw how I tried to wash them all away. Crying, they told me my Masks would never be able to break now that they were already part of me. Life commented on how if my Masks break… I, too, might break.
But then, strange enough, they threw me into a meeting I didn't want to land into. Destiny, as opposed to Fate, made me meet a strange boy… A strange boy who might as well be my Heart, seeing how he was so kind; how he always wanted to talk; how he was always smiling. I surrendered first, he told me, smiling. The next thing I knew, I was invited to his house, and he was repairing my Gundam for me.
I told him no. I didn't want to go. He was the Heart and he was dangerous. He could break my Masks.
Life agreed and tried to pull me back. Fate scowled at her sister. Destiny only smiled, and she offered her hand. I took her hand, and the boy's. I went to his house and tried not to feel anything. I touched my face, my Masks. Already, the fourth Mask had a small crack. Dangerous, Life cried out angrily. He would harm you if you stayed any longer. Destiny only smiled even more beautifully and only the boy's smile outshone hers.
I went away the next day, hoping I would not meet my Heart again. Over time, I felt the cracks melt back, until the Mask was smooth again. Life and Fate both seemed happy, and Fate sneered her sister. But Destiny only smiled, and reminded me of my Heart. Fate cringed. Not yours, she argued. Not a Heart, just someone who wants to kill you.
But he seems so gentle, I asked curiously.
And so does my sister, Fate replied angrily, and that was that. Fate's tone indicated no more questions were to be asked.
As Destiny would have it, we met again – and he invited me to his hotel room, just for the night. Life opposed, Fate tried pleading, but Destiny, Heart and those smiles of theirs won me over again. I could have sworn the Masks were starting to crumble. In fear, I didn't talk to him that night even as we slept, and I left early the next morning. I didn't want the Masks to crumble; I still wanted to wear them, until the Masks wore out, or until it was all over.
Fate agreed; Life smiled.
But Destiny only smiled even wider.
I heard that Heart was destroying everything in his way, and so I went, hoping to join him. He wasn't the same when I found him; the kind look in his eyes had vanished, replaced by insanity that worried me. It's me, I tried to say, but my words didn't reach him. He started crying, and he told me everything. The crazed look was gone for a while, but they returned. Heart told me to stay away, but I couldn't… He was suffering so much.
Life shook her head urgently, Fate only looked on.
Destiny seemed lost for once, her smile gone.
Heart launched his attack at one of the other Gundam-Pilots. I took the blast in place of the other pilot, but before that happened – I told Heart things. Things I never thought I knew. Things that Life didn't approved of, things that Fate cringed to hear and things that seemed to make Heart cry even harder. Before I closed my eyes, I saw Destiny. She was smiling, and she whispered good-bye.
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Trowa? Was my name Trowa? I can't remember anything, but she says it is. She says my name's Trowa, and I've been working here, but then I disappeared. She was crying as she told me that. They were the truth? It seemed so; her eyes were clear… She held on to me tightly, and told me not to go.
And there was the boy, with golden hair like an angel, and blue eyes as clear the sea, or the sky; a beautiful shade of blue that seemed to enchant me so. He called my name, and he looked loss as I shook his head, telling him I don't remember. Catherine came and told him to go away; said something about Gundams…. Gundams?
He left.
But there was pain, and I felt him crying.
Catherine was begging me not to go. He was crying, I told her gently. He needs me. Somehow, I knew that was true, and that I cared for him. I followed my heart, and found him crying inside a shuttle. When I entered, he looked up at me with this strange expression, and then he was smiling with his tears. I will go, I told him.
He replied that he knew.
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I remembered everything. Life and Fate were scowling at me when I remembered, but Destiny just shook her head amusedly and welcomed me back. Heart was crying when I told him I remembered, and everyone else was happy, but for me? I was just another pilot on the battlefield, and killing mercilessly was what we needed to be, completing missions without error and dying with fear.
It was all going to end soon.
I felt Heart dying, and so I ran. I felt him need me. When I found my Heart, he was gravely injured, and I took him away, into safety. Destiny approved. He lay in the white room for who knows how long, before he opened his eyes again. He looked at me and smiled weakly, but it was a smile as bright as Destiny's.
Heart than reached out to touch my face, and he felt the Masks there. Do you really, he asks painfully, have to wear these Masks? I don't like it. I wished you didn't. The war's over, I don't think you need them anymore…
I don't know, I replied, but I'll try.
Try it for me? His voice is gentle.
I didn't reply as I took off my Masks – ignoring Fate and Life screaming at me – and faced him. I smiled.
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When that day came, I knew I had to wear the Masks again. I had to project the Earth, and the people of the colonies.
I wore the Mask I never known I had worn since becoming a Pilot. I had to become Trowa Barton once more as I infiltrated the army that fought against the peace that people sought. I had to guard Catherine and the Ringmaster's life… and my Heart. My Heart shouldn't fight when he's so gentle.
But he was there, and we were fighting while trying not to kill. My Heart was strong, but I suspect we all had to be.
And when it all ended, I threw away the Mask of Trowa Barton, and he picked it up, looking at me oddly.
"I never had a name," I told him.
"You could still be Trowa." I glanced at him, and he was smiling. "I like the name," he admitted shyly.
"But I would still be wearing a Mask," I protested. I want to take off all the Masks for you, just for you.
He came closer. "It wouldn't be a Mask, Trowa. It's just a name."
Just a name…I smiled at him gratefully. "I'll be Trowa for you then… Quatre."
It was just a name, and I was no longer masked.
-Owari-