Chapter 8: Boy Talk
Was it possible to sweat yourself to death? Logan wasn't entirely sure but he really hoped it wasn't as multiple beads of perspiration began to trickle down his face from the lake that was his forehead. He was drenched, pungent pools forming underneath his arms and behind his knees, pressed a little too firmly against the warm leather seat, more out of agitated fear than anything else. He could feel the physical uneasiness spreading all over his body as beads weeped down his spine, his chest and, of course, his face. Some dollops managed to seep between his lips giving him a sour taste of his own fear; it did not taste good, it did not feel good and Logan wished he could have full control of his bodily functions.
His clothes were damp and clammy, given the sweltering temperature of the van, and they stuck to his muggy skin with pit-bull tenacity. This was a most uncomfortable condition to be in, especially when you were just a few minutes away from a covert assault on some evil weapons dealers. At this rate the bastards would catch a whiff of Logan long before they arrived.
Back at the café, he had tried to appear confident for Max's benefit and, at the time, Logan actually believed he was and that he would be ok with riding along with Zack without her. This alas was not the case, painfully clear now, as he was rapidly becoming the walking liquid man. Logan tugged at the collar of his khaki shirt and felt the material drag against his saturated body. The hairs on his legs began to feel cold as he shifted in his seat, dragging them away from the little steam bath they had made for themselves. God this was awful.
Much of the journey had been spent in silence. Logan and Zack had sat in the front of a van seemingly held together by sheer will alone. Chloe sat in the gloomy back compartment, quietly playing with her nails. Occasionally she would glance up to look at either Logan or Zack, but she didn't speak. She was most likely riddled with nerves and couldn't find it in herself to force words from her throat, instead using all her energy to focus and prepare for what was to come.
What was to come? Logan wondered. Would he even make it to the warehouse, or would Zack have a sudden flash back and make a lunge for him. Logan may have survived death in the past, but that was because Max had been present with some, out of this reality, benevolent power. Now he didn't really fancy his chances with old Grim, especially when his means would be a large transgenic with a suppressed grudge.
During the awkwardly silent journey, Logan ensured he was pressed firmly against the door, far from Zack's immediate reach, and he had kept a hand close to the modified pistol suspended by his right leg. It was holstered and covered by a flap he had secured before leaving, an action Logan bitterly regretted now as it meant, if there was a sudden need for a weapon, he would have to unbuckle the flap before he could draw the pistol to fire. He couldn't unbuckle it now while Zack's attention was focused on the road, such an action would cause suspicion and the last thing he wanted right now was to explain things to the object of his apprehension.
Logan looked out at the street before him, currently distorted by the heavy stream of rain that seemed to be worsening by the second. It was like driving through a wall of water and the drops pattered constantly against the metal exterior of the vehicle. It sounded like an army was marching above them, their steps solid and resounding as they echoed in Logan's ears, constantly drumming and never ending. There was little light, the street lamps' efforts hampered by a thick fog that accompanied the downpour, and Logan struggled to see much of anything beyond the fifty feet lit up in front of them by the van's feeble headlights.
"Are you ok?" Zack asked suddenly, taking a moment to glance at the puddle sitting next to him.
Logan practically leapt out of his seat, his body jerking awake and his stomach lurching in panic. What had Zack just asked; did he want to kill him? "What?" he stammered, looking across at Zack who stole another glance his way.
"Are you ok?" he asked again, this time his voice polluted by a slight amusement.
Was he ok? No he wasn't ok. For the entirety of this journey he had been laying kittens, sweating profusely and cursing his own stubborn male pride for trying to act so damn confident in the presence of Max. At this moment, there was nothing Logan wanted more than to be with her, holding her and cowering behind her…god that was so pathetic, Logan thought to himself. He was being stupid now and he still hadn't given Zack an answer to his perfectly innocent question. "Yeah, I'm fine…" he said with as much bravado as he could muster.
"Really?" Zack raised his eyebrows. "So you're just a naturally sweaty guy eh?"
Logan sighed; horrified Zack had noticed his current, unpleasant demeanour. Still it was bound to happen; in fact Logan should be surprised it took so long for one of his two companions to notice. His condition was so bad an ordinary person with ordinary senses could pick up on it with relative ease, let alone a genetically enhanced super soldier with senses ten times that of mere ordinaries. Feeling suddenly embarrassed, Logan opted to defend himself as best he could without actually telling the truth. "Oh…no, it's just me and heat don't really get along well. It's a terrible thing; you should see me in the summer…" he laughed nervously
"I see," Zack said with a hint of doubt, "would you like me to turn the heating down?"
"If it's not too much trouble…"
"Why would it be troublesome?"
"I'm not saying that it would…erm…it's just…"
Zack grinned as he leant over and turned the heating dial down. The purring sound of rushing air quickly subsided to a gentle whistling that melted into a simple accompaniment to the sound of the rain. Feeling absurdly awkward, Logan rested his head against the cold window to his left and muttered a quiet thanks to Zack who, in turn, nodded in acknowledgement.
The glass felt good, the cold a welcome tonic to the heat that bubbled underneath Logan's skin. He sighed in appreciation and closed his eyes, allowing himself to steal a moment of relaxation. He focused on the symphony of sound around him; the screeching and flapping of the window wipers as they struggled with the rain, and the natural drumming of the water drops themselves that, combined, made for quite a pleasant orchestra.
"So, you and Max huh?" Zack said suddenly, his gaze still intent on the road ahead.
Logan turned slightly, not taking his face from the glass, and looked at Zack from underneath a raised eyebrow. An alarm went off in his head; here we go, he's pressing for information and if he gets it; he will kill you!
"Yeah, me and Max." Logan answered. He knew there would be more questions to follow and he knew he would have to lie. Even though it was essential the truth be kept hidden, lying did not sit too well with Logan. It was a stupid gripe to have considering how many times Logan had lied in the past – he had been a secret underground eco-terrorist for fucks sake! – But it was a gripe none the less. Whenever Logan had lied in the past his conscience had come alive with dogged protests and he would have to quell his own dissatisfaction with further thoughts, of necessity and preservation of feelings. Once again the truth had to be bent and this time his life could be on the line.
"You been together long?"
Logan swallowed with difficulty, his saliva coming stuck in his throat. "We've known each other for four years but we've only been properly together for the past one." Great: that was the truth and the proverbial angel on his shoulder had no ammunition for his weapon of guilt.
"So you were friends first?" Zack asked, his voice becoming interested in what Logan had to say.
Logan took a nervous breath. Now things were going to get closer to sensitive information and he would have to check his thoughts before he let them become words, words that could spell his doom. "To begin with we were colleagues. We quickly became friends and then soon feelings turned to lust…then love."
"You love her?"
"More than anything…" Logan said, his feelings taking over and encouraging a warm smile to his mouth.
"When you say colleagues…" Zack inquired loosely, turning to Logan. It was plain to see that he was becoming more and more intrigued, allowing the conversation to take a more natural feel. "Did you mean like in an office or…"
Logan stopped for a second; an office wasn't a bad angle. "Yeah," he said, "we worked at the same printing office. We, erm, printed books."
"Huh, weird," Zack declared, turning back to the road.
"Weird?"
"Yeah, that a transgenic would work in an office. I could never imagine myself holding a regular job."
Logan decided to take a plunge and make an attempt at garnering some information for when, no if, he talked to Max later. "You never had a job before?"
"Not really, I worked on a farm right up until that whole Terminal City fiasco last year."
"You heard about the massacre?" Logan said with deluded surprise. Nearly everybody in America had heard about it, it had been a national event. Every news station worth it's cent had been outside the gates, dishing out the latest to a nation baying for blood. It only stood to reason that Zack would catch at least one bulletin. God, they really had forgotten about him, Logan realised. It was as if he had died and they had committed him to the ground, to their memories, and moved on with their lives. Logan found this thought oddly sad and he began to chew on his lip.
"Yeah, in fact that was when I found out I was a transgenic. See, I suffered, still suffer in fact, from a severe case of amnesia." Zack let out an exasperated laugh. "I can't remember anything prior to this one day when I woke up in hospital. I actually had no idea that I was some genetic super soldier, I believed I was just a simple farm hand cos that was what I was told. I had nothing but the word of others and I opted to go along with it."
"I see," Logan said as he lifted his face from the window. Curiosity was getting the better of him and was beginning to override his fear.
"Yeah it's weird, it's like waking up in that hospital was my birth and there was nothing before that. I mean I loved working on the farm and the people I lived with but I still yearned to know about my roots, it's only natural to want to know about your origins. Then I saw this news report complaining about these genetic freaks. They said you could identify them by a barcode tattoo on the back of the neck. I had that tattoo and that's when I began thinking, god just what the fuck am I."
"Must have been quite a shock…" Logan said, his voice dismissive almost, as he took in Zack's words. They had tried to shelter him from the truth, give him a new life, but such things were just novel dreams in today's reality. It was all a façade they had constructed and, as with anything in life, it would not stand the test of time. They should have known back then that transgenics and Manticore becoming public knowledge would have serious implications for Zack and the fairy tale they had woven for him. But then they didn't consider it; they had already let him go…
"Shit let me tell you, I was bricking it for days. I mean we were hated bitterly, and then the local people who I thought knew me, found out and turned on me. They ran me out of town."
"I'm sorry," Logan said with genuine remorse.
"Doesn't matter, I wouldn't have stayed anyway. I needed to find out who I was and what I was so I began to travel, picking up as much information as I could. It wasn't a successful search, after Terminal City all transgenics went to ground and couldn't be found. But then one day I ran into a doctor who had worked at Manticore a Doctor Allison Watts. She and I became close and would talk for hours a day. She laid it all out for me: the training, the purpose of the project, what we could do, Lydecker and the others; she told me everything she knew…but…she was dying; cancer."
"God…"
Zack smiled softly, the skin of his face barely recognising the movement of his lips. "Yeah, I remember when she told me I kinda didn't know what to do. I owed her so much you know, she had given me a chunk of my life back when she didn't have to. She said that before she died she wanted to tell me something special, something she had chosen to keep secret until I was ready. The cancer had taken hold so she told me sooner than planned."
"Told you what?"
"That I had brothers and sisters, that we had escaped together long before anyone else, and that they would still be out there, hopefully…I mean at the time, I doubted it what with Terminal City and all but curiosity is a bitch. Soon I began to search for my lost siblings."
Logan stopped to think for a moment. "Wouldn't that be like looking for a tear in the ocean?"
"Yeah, but Allison gave me a list of their designations."
Logan felt his heart stop. If Zack had designations of the ones he escaped with, then he would have Max's. This was not a good turn of events and suddenly the fear began to rise again. Logan parted his dry lips and forced himself to speak, not wanting to alert any form of suspicion by ending the conversation in that moment. "Did you ever find any of them?"
Zack chuckled, a melancholy laugh that hinted at regret. "Nope, I tracked one…took me fucking ages. Her name was Tinga but she had been dead for a very long time, long before I even knew who I really was…"
"So did you just give up?"
"I lost it. I had been through so much and I had done so much to find a sister that was dead…it was just more than I could take," Zack tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "I destroyed the list and gave up…worst thing I ever did…"
"I could imagine," Logan said, relief colliding with sorrow to confuse his thoughts. He knew he should be glad that Zack no longer had to access to Max's designation but at the same time, his tale was just so tragic Logan couldn't help but feel sorry for him, more so seeing how he knew the truth of Zack's lost past.
"Anyways, I wondered around a little more not really knowing what to do with myself and then I decided to resume the search. I knew it was daft considering I had nothing to go on but I just had to try and fuck to the odds. I went to talk to this scientist who had put me on Tinga's trail, and he told me that another one of my sisters had been involved in Terminal City. Well, I hitched to Seattle and ran straight into this mess. I haven't even begun to look for my sister…but I will, I have to…I need to know more."
Logan stopped not really knowing what else to say. He was so conflicted in that moment that he didn't understand what he was feeling.
"Shit…here we are," Zack turned the van round a corner and silenced the engine. He looked across at Logan, "Thanks for listening to me ramble."
"Not at all…" Logan replied absently.
"Ok, are you both ready?"
Chloe, who had been a sleeping, but avid, listener to Zack's tale, saluted and exited from the back.
Zack turned back to Logan. "Alright…are you ok, you look a little sweaty again?"
Logan dabbed at his brow and laughed silently. "Yeah…lets go."
"Alright, stay close to me and I will keep your ass safe. Listen to me and you will see Max again ok?"
Logan nodded, his thoughts still churning out doubts, questions, anything but answers he so desperately wanted. He didn't even know what he wanted answering but at a guess; he needed assurance that everything would be ok. Unfortunately there was no solace to be found within himself. Past experience predicted that everything would fall apart on him and Logan could not see a way for everything to end happily for all concerned. Someone was going to go into the future unfulfilled, the question was who?
"Come on," Zack said with a smirk, "It's game time!"
Ok, time for a little note. I have to say that I am enjoying writing again, it's been a while and I had forgot how good it can feel, even if what you write is shit! Anyway, I hope my core audience of (counts fingers) one, are enjoying things. Hahaha, nah, I don't mind if only one person reads my shit, one is enough to warrant continuation. In fact I would write this if no one read it cos it's fun to imagine my own Dark Angel world, given the absence of the real one – and I sold my D.A DVD's for cash I really fucking needed. Anyways, pace is a lot slower than New Blood so things may seem dull at times – for this I apologise. Anyway, little hint for the next chapter: it will have some action and don't worry The Coming will make an appearance at some point, but I'm not saying when hoorah! Right well, I need to sleep latrz!