Wit Beyond Measure
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I only own my character and the plot.
On September 1st 1993, in Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the sorting has just taken place, and Dumbledore stands to give his pre-feast speech.
"Welcome all new students and those returning, to a new-" Dumbledore begins to say.
He looks out at the students, and sees a third year Gryffindor American transfer student, waving her arm in the air.
"Yes my dear?" Dumbledore asks.
"I have something to say, and it needs to be said right now, or I might explode!" She yells.
Dumbledore looks at her with a penetrating stare, and after a long pause, he says, "Very well."
She stands up from her seat and walks to the front of the hall, amid mutterings and whispers.
She turns to face everyone and says, "As most of you are aware, each house has a motto. While reading through Hogwarts a History before the start of term, I came across each of the house's mottos. Ravenclaw's stuck out to me the most." She pauses to take a breath. And to give a dramatic pause. "Ravenclaw's motto is the following, 'Wit beyond measure is man's greatest pleasure.' To many, if not all of you, this is just a motto for the very intelligent. However, this was written about a thousand years ago, around the time of Shakespeare. And in Shakespearean English, Wit, is a euphemism. For a man's penis. Rowena Ravenclaw has been trolling everybody for the last thousand years, and nobody got it." She finishes, all the while making hand gestures and leaning forward slightly, to emphasize her point.
As soon as this third year finished saying what she had to say, she walked back over to the Gryffindor table, and sat down.
Over at the Slytherin table, they are all looking at each other, in confusion, and dawning realization.
At the Gryffindor table, where the third year girl sits at, they are all laughing their heads off. Especially the Weasley Twins.
The Hufflepuffs aren't fairing to well themselves, as they are trying, and failing, to keep from laughing. It's coming across as barely restrained giggles. And as soon as they seem to get a grip on themselves, the laughing over at the Gryffindor table, gets one of the Hufflepuffs to snort, which sets them all off again.
Meanwhile, the Ravenclaw's are stuck between horror and disgust.
The third year takes in all of the chaos that she has wrought, and smirks. She glances over at the Head table, and sees that the reactions are varied.
Professor McGonagall is frozen in a state of shock.
Dumbledore, once he had shaken himself out of his shock, giggles slightly to himself.
Snape looks disgusted, and pinches the bridge of his hook nose.
Professor Sprout is giggling right there with Dumbledore.
Most of the Professors are either in a state of shock, disgust, or giggling.
However, the two most notable reactions are Professors Flitwick and Lupin. They are rolling on the floor, laughing so hard they cannot breathe.
The third year is pretty sure - that she can see, from where she sits - that their faces have gone beyond red, and have ventured into magenta's territory.
Professor Flitwick is clutching his side, exclaiming in between gasps, "I can't breathe!"
While Professor Lupin is crossing his legs, hands on his crotch, blending a laugh and a yell, "I'm gonna pee!"
Once, who the third year believes to be Fred and George Weasley, have composed themselves somewhat. They both stand up and march over to the Ravenclaw table, get on their knees, bow to the Ravenclaws, and exclaim, "WE ARE NOT WORTHY!"
The majority of the Ravenclaws look like they want to hex them into oblivion. However that is not the case for one Luna Lovegood, who sits up straight, with a look on her face that says, "Finally, the recognition I deserve. Finally, someone got it."
Professor Dumbledore holds his wand aloft, and casts a spell that produces a sound like a cannon shot. Once he has everyone's attention, and everyone has stopped laughing, Fred and George Weasley - because yes they are in fact the infamous Terror Twins like she suspected - begins to speak. "Now as I was saying. Welcome everyone to a new year. As I'm sure many of you have seen upon your arrival, we are playing host to the dementors this year."
!
The next day as everyone is at breakfast, Fred and George walk over and sit on either side of the third year girl, who had caused so much chaos last night.
"What you did," Fred said.
"Last night," George continued.
"Was brilliant."
"We saw you,"
"Smirking,"
"With that mischievous,"
"Glint in your eyes."
"This means war." Fred and George finished together, while smirking down at her.
"I have won this battle. And I WILL win the war." She smirks up at them. "After all, it wouldn't do to have the granddaughter of Zonko, out down by a couple of beginner pranksters." She then stands up and walks to her first class. Leaving looks of shock and awe on the Twins' faces.
"Wait! What's your name?!" Fred yells.
She giggles, "That is for me to know, and you to find out."
As Fred watches her leave the hall, George comes up next to him.
"Georgie, I think I'm in love." Fred whispers.
!
"Wait. Did she say the granddaughter of Zonko?!"