Disclaimer: I don't own but it may turn out to be slightly AU (I'm not a stickler for the little facts)
Author's Note: Thanks to all of you who reviewed who also gave encouraging words and those who found they could relate to this story. I'm hoping for this to help other people as much as it might help me. Individual replies are at the bottom of the chapter.
~*For Eden*~
~*Chapter Two*~
The pace set for the journey to Rivendell was brisk but not difficult. Thranduil, eager to see his old friend once more, kept pushing the pace until they were more than a day ahead of where they should be.
Legolas usually enjoyed riding but now he worried. There was too much silence; too much time for him to think about things and what he had done. He kept fingering his cuts and found it harder and harder each time to look as though he was enjoying himself every time Thranduil turned on his horse to make sure his son was following correctly. Legolas had to keep up his smooth, content façade or his father would ask what was the matter.
It was finally night when Thranduil called to halt and got ready for a nights rest underneath the glittering sky.
"You have not seen much of the open sky, have you, Legolas?" he asked as he laid out blankets.
"No, I haven't." Legolas voice sounded wooden and he made an effort to sound happier. "But they are lovely."
"They are, aren't they? They look like little cut diamonds in the folds of silk." Legolas nodded as though to agree but to him they looked like jagged pieces of broken glass. He felt as though his throat was full of them. Thranduil mistook his strange expression for fatigue.
"We should rest, especially you. You said you weren't feeling well." Although Legolas could have kept riding longer he agreed and lay down, feigning rest and peace. Thranduil was soon asleep. Legolas gripped his arms where his cuts were making them sting. His breathing quickened as he felt he needed to do it again. He reached into his belt where his dagger was concealed and brought it out, making sure to be quiet for his father slept much too close for comfort. Legolas made sure Thranduil was fast asleep before gently tracing the dagger across his right arm. Sweat formed on his brow as he gritted his teeth against the pain.
An owl cried into the night and the dark form of his father stirred. Legolas froze, heart beating so loudly he was sure all of Middle Earth could hear him. When he was sure that Thranduil had not awoken, Legolas finished what he had started. He cut the skin until a dark red line formed on his pale skin turned blue in the moonlight. Legolas made another cut right above it.
"So beautiful," he whispered, tracing the cuts with a careful finger. He could taste the blood in his mouth. It tasted like iron. He took a shuddering breath. When he lay down and looked up into the stars, he wished he could take everything back, especially when he could hear the gentle breathing of his father. How he would worry if he found out. Legolas shook his head; he couldn't tell anyone, he couldn't burden anyone with his problems; they had enough of their own. This was his problem, his fault.
"It's another form of self expression," Legolas said to the sky, heart heavy with guilt. "That's all it is." He felt himself believing his words. He lay awake, his eyes feeling glassy and heavy like marbles in his head.
~*~
Estel fidgeted in his new pale blue and silver tunic. He had been standing for so long that he wasn't sure his legs were still attached to his body.
"When are they going to be here?" he whispered to Elrohir. The older elf shrugged.
"Thranduil is usually very prompt. Perhaps Legolas is holding him up." Estel groaned inwardly.
Estel stood rigidly for what seemed like another three hours next to Elrond and Elrohir and Elladan until finally the sound of hooves on stones sounded. A large, rum colored horse appeared with Thranduil on its back. Following behind was a milky white horse with large, pale blue eyes with a startlingly similar looking elf on its back. Estel figured that must be Legolas. He silently critiqued the elf. He was surprisingly thin, even thinner than Estel himself who already had an extremely lean build. With dark circles around his eyes and long pale hair, Estel thought Legolas looked almost sick.
Then again, Estel noted the wristbands of an archer hanging out of one of Legolas' bags with respect. He hoped maybe Legolas could help him with his own archery. Estel could see what Elrohir meant when he said Legolas was uncanny. There was something ethereal about the other boy. Perhaps it was because he was so thin or because of the serene, almost mask like expression, on his face. Or perhaps it was the yards of pale hair spilling over his back, unlike any others'.
"Elrond!" While the older elves reunited, Estel took a deep breath and approached the younger elf.
"I'm Estel," he said, extending a hand. If Legolas had heard, he gave no notice. Estel took back the hand, slightly annoyed. Then again, what was he going to expect, the other boy to shake it?
"You're going to in my company during your visit," Estel said. Legolas dismounted gracefully and reached up to gather the reins of the horse. When doing so, the billowing sleeves of his shirt slid up, revealing two angry looking cuts.
"That looks as though it hurt," said Estel sympathetically. "What happened?" The words seemed to take a while to reach Legolas. The distant look in his sad (sad? Estel was surprised) blue eyes disappeared and Legolas looked straight at Estel for the first time.
"What?" Estel gestured to Legolas' arm. He followed his gaze then a slightly startled look crossed his face. The elf quickly pulled the sleeve back down in its place.
"I ran into a door," he finally said. "I'm very clumsy." Estel's eyebrows rose in disbelief but didn't say anything.
"I'll show you inside," Estel finally said and lead the way, Legolas following with his bags and horse.
~*~
Kowarete no Tsubasa- I was expecting people to relate to this because I wrote directly from what had happened to me and tried to record my emotions exactly as I had felt them. Estel is in for a pleasant surprise? Perhaps, he will be surprised, that's for sure. Oh, and you're my first reviewer, that's always special
Eternal- for me, updating a week is pretty good hah…I'm notorious for not updating but this story is kind of crucial to me right now and I need to write it before something happens that I would regret. So I'm glad you're enjoying this story, I'm sure it'll be updated pretty quickly.
Jenifer- The fact that you told me that Legolas' feelings are so accurate made me know that I did a good job of putting emotions into words. Sometimes it's harder than it seems and I don't end up doing such a good job. Hang in there; I'm sure you can stop if you want to so good luck with that.
Psychotic S- I'm glad you can relate to this story. I hope you stop harming yourself because you don't deserve to be harmed by anyone, even you. The longer you keep cutting yourself, the harder it is to stop so no matter how hard it is, you should try and stop now. And I did choose Legolas to be the central character precisely for the reasons you said. I wanted to show that you're not alone when you're feeling like crap and everyone can feel depressed and everyone can get better from it.
Catmint- thanks for the compliments. I've never read Aragorn angst, just never ventured into it I guess, but maybe I will now, it seems interesting. I'm glad you like my story
Angel With No Wings- thank you so much for all your compliments, it makes me feel like such a good writer haha. As for my other story (Of Kings and Pawns right?) I really do want to continue it but I think I might after this story gets under way.
Dead teenaged poet- I know what you're talking about, sometimes writing about it or trying to let out my anger or numbness in another way by drawing or punching a pillow just builds the emotion up even more until I have to do it. But I'm hoping that writing this story will be different and so far it seems to be doing the trick. I personally didn't mind Thranduil abusing Legolas stories but now everywhere you turn there's Thranduil beating Legolas. I wanted to show that you can feel low even when your parent isn't abusing you.
Elfmage- all I have to say is that if flamers flame, they're in for a treat. Another thing about flamers that get me all riled up is that they don't seem to express their emotions in any civil way, they always lace it with the most colorful swear words which is the most stupid thing they can do. It's like saying, "Look I'm an idiot but now I'm going to prove to you that I'm also a moron by showing that I can't express myself without swearing!" *sigh* flamers…when will they ever learn?
Leggylover- there is something addictive about torturing Legolas, isn't there? Well, I'm glad you're enjoying this. Oh, and I didn't mean that Thranduil is fat. Legolas (well, the author) has a slight body issue and he is afraid of becoming, in his opinion, "large" which is just a regular adult. He feels that would bind him into things that he doesn't want to do, responsibilities, and disease.
Also, thanks to: Fire Eagle, lulu bell, Twisted-Blue-Ribbon, blue jeans baby, Coolio02, Bill the Pony2, wadeva, Emerald Phoenix2, Asuka-chan2