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Chapter 4

Eli glanced around the dinner table as the Katie's family all took their respective spots. The table was relatively small, but Katie's Aunt Nicole managed to some how squeeze in enough spots for everyone to eat comfortably. He figured it had to be a task that mothers instinctively knew how to handle, since it was something he witnessed his own mom, and step mom do on numerous occasions. No matter how many times he argued with either of them that there was no way that everyone would fit, they always managed to make it possible, but here he was in the midst of the Singer family Thanksgiving with about fifteen people surrounding him, Katie's aunts, uncles, grandparents, and a handful of cousins.

He watched as they all laughed at each other's jokes, and made the normal family small talk about what was going on in everyone's lives. And as he watched all of their faces light up, just by the pure joy of being together he felt completely alone. He was craving some of that Sammler / Manning craziness that always seemed to occur during any family get together.

Eli began smiling as the memory of the first Sammler / Manning holiday get together. Jessie and him were miserable the whole day, and he believes everyone else was too, even though he knew they would never admit to it. Jessie and him had gotten so used to everything being so simple. For years, it was just their mom, dad, and themselves, and then came the divorce, which made things harder, but still simple at the same time. The years their dad got them, his grandmother Peg would come down, and the years that his mom had them it would be just the three of them. So either way he looked at it, the day was simple, and peaceful.

Then came Lily. Eli remembered encouraging his dad to date Lily, or as he liked to call her 'the mom', he never thought in a million years that it would actually last, or that he in some ways he would be inheriting another family, but it had, and he had. The Manning's, now there was an interesting group of people.

Eli had grown to love each and every one of them, their quirks, and their craziness, sure it had taken him a while to adjust, but in time he had come to admire the whole Manning clan.

"You okay?" Katie asked, noticing the far away look on Eli's face.

Eli snapped out of his drive down memory lane at the sound of Katie's voice. He turned to her and offered her a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"You could always call them. You know tell them now that you're coming home." Katie offered, knowing exactly what Eli was thinking about.

"Nah, it's better to see them in person at this point. I think." Eli said.

"Well if you change your mind, you can go use the phone at anytime. My aunt won't care."

Eli laughed. "Katie, I live down the street practically. If I wanted to call them I wouldn't need to do it on your aunts phone."

Katie smiled. "I know, but you know, if you wanted some moral support or something I could…"

"I know. But seriously, it's better if I just hold off at this point."

"Okay."

Lily ran to answer the door when the bell rang. She had no idea who it could be, considering everyone that was planning on attending was already there. She pulled the front door open, and gasped in surprise. "Jake!"

"Hey Lil…"

"Jake."

"Can we come in, it's kind of cold out here?" Jake asked.

"Sure, but what are you…"

"Jessie said, well Jessie called an asked if we could come over for dinner instead of going to the restaurant. That you wanted us to."

"She did." Lily replied, her shock still hadn't warned off.

"Well I can tell by your shocked expression that the request hadn't come from you." Jake laughed uneasily. "I think, she wanted Grace here, for you, and knew the only way to do that was to invite all of us." Jake said, and then looked over towards Tiffany who looked uncomfortable. "We can go…"

"No. It's fine really. The more the merrier, but Jake, where is Grace?"

"She's in the car, she didn't want to come in."

"But why, I mean she won't even talk to me… I have no idea why she all of a sudden decided to have Thanksgiving with you, or why she's acting like I'm public enemy number one."

"Eli." Jake answered simply.

"Huh, what about Eli." Lily asked confused.

"She's kind of sick and tired of everything being about him. You know how Grace is. She feels her own amount of guilt over him leaving, and she just wants things back to normal for a little while. She wants one day where it isn't consumed with memories of Eli."

"Eli is Rick's son, I can't ask him…"

"And Grace is your daughter."

"Jake, I know that. I know it's hard for her, but I can't just make everyone forget about Eli for a day, or have them not talk about him."

"I know, I not asking you too. I'm just letting you know what Grace is feeling."

"Well thanks." Lily said and then took Jake, Tiffany and Maddie's coats and put them inside the front hall closet. "Dinner will be in thirty minutes. I hope that Grace decides to join us by then." Lily was a taken back a bit by Jake's comment. It was as if he was saying she didn't care about Grace's feelings. And that couldn't be further from the truth. She did care, but there was only so much she could do to cater to everyone's feelings.

Jake watched Lily walk away, and glanced over at Tiffany. "Maybe we shouldn't have come."

"Well it's too late now, lets just make the best of it. I'm sure Grace will join us soon."

Grace sat in the backseat of her dads' car, she was angry, and she knew it was foolish to be. However, she just couldn't help it. She missed Eli, more than anyone could possibly know, but she was sick and tired of being reminded of him at every moment of the day. Was it really that selfish of her to want a normal family meal for once? She was so lost in her thoughts that she never heard the knock upon the back window.

Rick knocked on the window once more before letting himself into the car. He had over heard Lily and Jakes argument in the hallway, and knew he needed to speak to Grace. Rick's presence was noticed the instant the backdoor was opened.

"Rick." Grace said weakly. "I'm really not in the mood to talk, so if you don't mind I would really just like to be left alone."

"I know, and I will leave you alone in a minute, but I would like to talk to you first." He said sliding into the backseat. "Grace, I know this past year and a half has been hard, not just for me, but for you, the whole family, and I just want to say I'm sorry. I know you want things to just go back to normal, and that's exactly what I want as well. Unfortunately things can't get back to normal, and even if Eli returns, the dynamic will be different. Times change, people change. I know it pains you to hear or talk about Eli, due to your own uncalled for guilt. I don't blame you Grace, and you shouldn't either. Eli left. It was his decision. There was nothing any of us could have done. He wanted out, and even though I hate the fact that he left, I know in my heart that Eli will return, one day, and maybe it was the best thing for him, or maybe it was the worst. I don't know. All I do know is that we can't feel guilty for his decision. I blamed myself for so long, and I know you still blame yourself. Which is why it's so difficult for you to talk about him. However, it's time to forgive yourself Grace."

"How can I forgive myself when every day I see the pain etched on your face, on Jessie's face. On everyone's face, on my own face for that matter. I should have said something."

"And I shouldn't have demanded him to come home."

"You were doing what you thought was best." Grace answered weakly, not entirely understanding why Rick was blaming himself.

"I know, and so weren't you. I never saw how much pain Eli was actually in. I never noticed the small things, I didn't realize that me riding him the way I did pretty much caused him to run off with the one person he felt truly understood him. I wish I had, maybe then things would be different. But we can't change the past, but Grace the past includes all the good memories we have of Eli, not just the bad. It makes it easier for all of us to deal with him being gone, just knowing that in an instant we can recall the thousand different good memories we have of him."

"I know that they are hard to hear, but only because you can't let go of the guilt. It wasn't your fault Grace. It wasn't anyone's fault. Eli loves us, and we love him, he just needs some time."

"A year and a half… Isn't that enough time?" Grace yelled as the tears fell down her face. She understood what Rick was saying; it just didn't make things easier to deal with.

"Yes, that is a long time, but obviously not enough. I know my son Grace; I know he'll come home. And that's what I hold onto. I let go the anger, and resentment and held onto the one thing that makes this situation easier to deal with and that is the knowledge that my son will come home someday."

"What if he doesn't?"

"I don't know, I won't allow myself to think that way and neither should you."

"I can't get past it though. Him not being here, and everyone recalling all the good times it's almost as if he were dead. But he's not dead Rick, he just doesn't give two shits about us and that's the part that bothers me the most. He doesn't care."

"Grace, you know that's not true."

"Then he should be here. He has to know Rick. He has to know we all miss him, and are worrying about him. So why, why Rick… Why is he doing this to us?"

"Grace…" Rick said pulling her into him, and holding her against his chest as she cried.

Rick held onto Grace tightly as she cried. He prayed that with each tear that fell a bit of her anger, her resentment would ease. He knew it was unlikely, and knew that Grace needed someone else to talk to, someone that could help her deal with all the emotions weighing her down.

TBC…