Disclaimer: Romantic geometry is mine, but the rights are not.
Chapter 16: Darkness of the Heart
"So..."
"You know one of these days doctors could come up with a cure to whatever mental disorder you have."
"Are you always this cranky in the morning?"
"Only when some whack job decides it might be fun to share some jell-o at five in the morning," Tsukushi mumbled. Her face was still buried in the pillow, hoping that he might get the hint and vacate himself from her room.
Akira waved off her rather less than sunshine attitude, preferring to keep the conversation light. The spoon held between his fingers dangled haphazardly in the air with a chunk of green goo on it. "But jell-o is oh so good."
"How did you get in here anyway? Visiting hours aren't for another four hours. For some odd reason, I think the smile on the night shift nurse's face is enough of an explanation as to how you got in here."
His hand fell over his heart in shock. "Are you saying that I offered my services to the fair medicinal maiden?"
Tsukushi lifted her head from her pillow. A shot of air blew from her lips, lifting the bangs that fell over her eyes. "This must be a very bad dream if you are spouting such bad alliterations. Damn, dream Akira is weird."
His finger played with the spoon, pointing it accusingly at her. "You're so mean to me," he whined.
"And you're so annoying," she whined back in the same voice. "Why don't you leave me alone?! What have I ever done to deserve this? Why god? Why?"
"Okay, okay, okay," he acquiesced. "I'll be good now." His face became downcast.
She hated it when he threw a guilt trip at her. Nothing was more infuriating and nagging than Akira's guilt trips. "What's wrong?" she asked softly.
"Everything under the sun, moon and stars," he flippantly stated.
"Cut the shit, Akira. I know you've been keeping something from me. So, just tell me already before I have to beat it out of you. I may be in a hospital bed, but that doesn't mean I still can't do you some bodily harm."
He ran his fingers through his hair. A look of disgust crossed his features at the very obvious scent of the nurse's perfume, which had permeated itself in his hair, clothes, and body. He almost felt like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar in the way she was able to deduce of his brief liaison with the nurse whose name he still did not even bother to ask for. "I don't think I can handle things without you," he confessed.
She shook her head, disagreeing with him. "It's only been two days Akira. It's not like you ran the club to the ground. I already managed to almost burn down the place. I don't think you could top that one. I already told you that you are in charge on this thing. I'm merely consulting you. You need to learn to take more responsibility. This could be it."
"I don't want it. I don't want to do everything alone." He saw the look of hurt in her face. It hit him with a full remorseful force that what he had said had just labeled him an insensitive jerk. He quickly hurried to remedy his lapse in word choice. "I don't think I'm responsible enough to do all this. I'm not very good at directing people or keeping track of things. Hell, I don't even know what day of the week it is half the time. Sakurako always has to remind me."
"You'll get the hang of it. Once you make a few mistakes here and there you learn from them. I trust you completely."
"I wish you wouldn't say that."
"So, there must be more than just this topic that brings you here so early in the morning. The others are going to come pick me up after I'm discharged in a few hours. I'm thinking what you needed to tell me is something private."
He nodded his head mournfully. "We got the rough estimates as to how much the repairs would cost us. It's not a pretty number. With our savings, we can barely cover half of the expenses."
"How bad is it?"
"We're looking at forty five if we keep it to the basics to get it back to the way it was before."
She didn't even blanch at the number. "I expected it to be as much. How much is the insurance willing to cover?"
"Not much, from what the contractor was saying. He said he's seen cases like ours where the insurance screws you over, saying that most of the damage cannot be considered due to the extensive liabilities in covering public areas, especially a night club."
Her fingers reached for her temples to massage the pounding in her head. "Can we not talk about this right now? I can feel a migraine coming."
"That's the way I've felt for the last two days without you," he snorted. "Being an adult sucks."
"Imagine having that migraine for the last five years, then come talk to me."
"Ouch," he winced from behind the shadows of the room. He shifted back and forth, pacing around the sterile room. Akira finally settled back into his chair, choosing a pathetic slumped-over position. His hand grabbed for the bowl of jell-o he had abandoned. An angry spoon jabbed at the wiggly mass. "Do we tell the others?"
Tsukushi idly stared at her hands in a gaze that spoke of a strange fascination in them. Lifting her face to meet his, she sighed. "Not yet. We don't need to cause any alarm. Shizuka knows, right?"
He nodded his head. "And what about the repairs?"
"Handle only the most basic required ones. For everything else, we'll get to it when the time comes. We'll see what happens like we always do. We work best under pressure."
"I don't think my heart can take all of this."
"Is that a stethoscope around your neck?" she asked. One eyebrow rose out of curiosity.
"Umm... yeah," Akira hesitantly replied. He sheepishly laughed to himself. "It was a souvenir." He lifted his hands in defense. "Sex can be a very good stress reliever. If you took one of my offers once in a while, you wouldn't be strung so tightly all the time."
In response she chucked a pillow at his head and slumped back into her bed, pulling the sheets over her head and hoping to catch at least a few more hours of sleep before her release later that morning. "Man whore," she loudly grumbled.
---------------------------------
For the fourth time that morning, Yuuki's hands trembled as she fumbled with the buttons on her sweater coat. A few muttered curses fell from her lips at the last failed attempt. In frustration, she dropped her hands to the side and slumped down on her bed. Staring into her lap, she calmed herself by taking a few large gulps of air. Her tiny hands reached for the wretched buttons resting on them. She was too absorbed in her jumbled nerves to notice the shadow that stopped before her.
"Here, let me do that for you," a soothing voice said. Thomas knelt down before her and brushed the stray bangs that had fallen over her eyes. He smiled gently with a knowing look in his eyes that encompassed everything she needed to hear, which was that everything was going to be alright. His hands made quick work at forcing those buttons through the holes, sealing the front of her sweater closed.
Yuuki closed her eyes, focusing on the fact that she had to get out of the funk she was in. A small smile crossed her lips at the thought of how kind Thomas had been. He had understood her hesitation to see Tsukushi. She was a coward, and she knew it for a fact. Deep down she wondered to herself whether or not Thomas knew of her own sordid past and that was the reason why he was being so nice. However, she knew better. It was their rules from the start that you were never required to share the past unless you wanted it to be known. The only people that knew what and who she really was consisted of Tsukushi, Susumu, and Soujiro. It was bad enough that they knew her dirty past. It was fear of the humiliation and rejection that held her back from explaining everything to Thomas. But he never asked. And for that she was grateful.
"All done," he half-heartedly sang out. Thomas rose to his feet and offered his hand to her. "Are you ready to go?"
She nodded her head in reply. He was about to walk ahead without her, but was stopped by her hand thrusting forward and gripping his wrist. He stopped and turned around to see her weakly smile at him.
"Thank you for everything," she whispered.
He made two small steps forward and wrapped his arms around her thin frame. Kissing her on the head, he rubbed her back with his hand in small circles. "Anytime."
In that moment, her heart jumped in a large, loud thump. She froze, wondering what that could have been, but it would not abate. It was a feeling that she had experienced many times before. She blushed in shame, cursing herself for allowing this. It was her weakness.
Of all the people to do this to, why did it have to be him? He's too good for me.
Her heart heartily disagreed with her as it began to beat more rapidly. She looked up into his face, searching for something in it that would quell the emotions rising in her. Her mind rationalized reasons to not feel what she was feeling.
He's just being nice because of the deal we made. He doesn't want you. He wants her. I'm just a means to his end.
A nagging voice in Thomas' head screamed at him to stop what he was doing. It demanded he let go of her. He knew in some way that she was probably beginning to feel a bit of what he had first noticed that night not so long ago. At first, he brushed it aside as merely a physical attraction that was inevitable between two good looking people, but there was that cursed underlying factor.
Loneliness can be a powerful thing.
He was tired of being alone, of loving someone who did not give a shit for him. There had been others he used over the years to fill that void in his life, but in the end he always went back to her. He was a masochist to put himself on the line for her. She never even gave him a hint as to ever having any attachment to him, yet he wanted to believe she did. He could not deny himself that small piece of something, that feeling only she could ever give him. Maybe it was more the fact that he never allowed himself to let someone else have the chance of giving it to him. Unknowingly, Yuuki had managed to come so close to doing just that. The longer he was around her, the more he didn't want to let her go. Sometimes he wanted to let someone need him in whatever capacity as much as he needed them.
I can't let this happen. She's too good for me.
Yuuki's hand reached up to cup his cheek, smoothing her delicate fingers over his chiseled features. He reacted to her touch by leaning into it. Without her knowledge, her feet pushed upwards, making her stand on tiptoes. She closed her eyes, feeling the light sensation of her long lashes brushing against her face. Her breath stilled as she leaned forward.
Lips brushed against his as light as a feather's caress. There was neither hurry nor passion in it, but an undeniable helplessness. He didn't care anymore. Thomas didn't want to think. He just wanted to feel. Closing his own eyes, he kissed her back.
I'm falling and nothing can stop me.
----------------------------
Soujiro paced back and forth in his apartment. For the tenth time that morning, he pushed the curtains back of his window to stare at the car in her driveway. When he stumbled in at about one in the morning the night before, he thought that perhaps Thomas was just going to be over and leave. But now an entire night had passed and his car was still there. Something in his chest wrapped itself around his heart, squeezing just a bit tighter.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath.
He was wringing his hands at this point, wondering when they would come out. The image would not escape his head. In retrospect, he shouldn't have entered her home unannounced, but then again, her door was always open to him. She had given him a spare set of keys in case of an emergency. After what happened that night at the club and the fact that he had not seen her since, he believed it was within his own right to check up on her. What he least expected to see was Yuuki sound asleep on the couch, tucked away in Thomas' arms.
"Bastard."
However, he knew that he couldn't do anything about it. No matter how much he disliked the idea of them together, what was he to do?
She could be mine. All I have to do is say something. She would take anything no matter how small it is, for some value. She would forget him.
Could he really do that to her? Destroy any shred of happiness she might find that existed outside of him? Perhaps he could carry on the facade of loving her, only her. But he knew that was not in his nature. He would grow tired of her and break her heart like all the others. Soujiro stayed for the passion, but never for the emotional aspect of the relationship. That was something he could never handle, nor ever wanted to deal with. Sara had left him with enough emotional baggage to last a lifetime.
He laughed to himself, thinking how ironic it was that he was just like Rui and Tsukushi. In his mind, they won the prize for the most fucked up relationship in history. Then again, his only committed relationship had ended rather horribly. It was no wonder he avoided relationships like the plague.
His eyes settled on the crumpled napkin on the coffee table lying next to his wallet and keys. Her phone number was right there, taunting him. It made him feel more like a bastard than ever, to know that while he was plotting ways to get rid of Thomas from the picture, he was hung up on the prospect of whether or not to call up his ex. Logic would have told him to just shut up and leave Yuuki alone, but he couldn't do that. He wanted to be a selfish bastard even if it meant depriving her of something that might be what she needs. In a sick way, he liked the fact that she was always there waiting for him. Yes, he did love her a bit more than a friend. That he was willing to admit. Yet he also knew he loved Sara differently for some inexplicable reason. He couldn't let go of something that never really ended to begin with.
The indecisiveness finally got to him as he grabbed his wallet and keys off the table. Dressed casually in a t-shirt and baggy jeans, he slipped on a grey hooded sweatshirt and stepped out the door. The light patter of drizzles hit his face as he jogged across the street. Taking one last deep breath, he prayed that he wouldn't be punished too harshly in hell for what he was about to do. His fist fell on the door with a dull thud.
------------------------
All coherent thought flew out of her head, replaced by a lucid haze as she let herself go, feeling only his lips brushing against hers. A small sigh escaped her, reveling in the small pleasure in it. His hands moved to pull her in closer, forcing her to slightly arch her back. A warm feeling was coursing through her entire being.
Thomas hugged her a bit tighter. His hands rested on her waist, partially supporting her to relieve some of the burden of her having to stand on tiptoe. He slouched partially to meet her lips. The soft sigh that emitted from her lips drove his senses wild, awakening some of his most primal urges within. A part of him wanted to push it even further, intensifying what was really an innocent, soft, gentle experimental kiss.
He was about to make his move to take it a step further, but a knock at the door interrupted them. He silently groaned when she jerked back. They stared at each other, not quite knowing what to say. They were both slightly breathless and dazed. Yuuki's fingers went to touch her lips in shock at what she had done.
"Yuuki," he started.
"I've got to get the door," she hurriedly cut him off. Brushing past him, she was internally grateful for the person standing outside, taking her away from the awkwardness of facing what had transpired. She didn't even bother to check who was outside before flinging the door open. "Jiro," she stuttered out.
"Hi," he lamely waved. He peeked over her shoulder to see Thomas awkwardly standing with his hands in his pockets.
Thomas looked towards the door. Just when he thought things couldn't be more awkward they just did. He plastered on a fake smile and waved back. "Hey, Soujiro. Umm... I'm just gonna go get my wallet. I think I left it in the bedroom." Without another word, he rushed into the bedroom. closing the door behind him.
He slapped his palm against his face as soon as the door was shut. Slumping against it, he mentally berated himself for acting so stupid. His heart was still beating rather rapidly as he tried to digest what happened. All he could think of was what an idiot he was.
Yuuki didn't know whether to burst out in laughter or tears in light of the situation. "Do you need something, Jiro?" Her voice faltered a bit, cracking and giving way to the nervousness she was experiencing.
"Can we talk?" he blurted out. He motioned for her to join him on the porch.
She nodded her head in agreement and shut the front door closed behind her. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stepped outside barefoot. It was rather unexpected to her that he would show up unannounced. Generally, Soujiro would call before coming over. She knew deep inside that something was wrong. He seemed greatly troubled. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I was just wondering if you were okay. Are you?"
"I'm fine. I mean, as fine as things can be the way they are. If you are talking about what I think you are, don't worry. I'll get over it. I always do." She bitterly smiled to herself.
"You know I'll always be there for you, right?"
She placed her hand on his shoulder and nodded. "Of course, I do. You always have been. But it seems like you wanted to ask me something else?"
He laughed at himself for not thinking ahead of how easily Yuuki was always able to see right through him sometimes. He was especially transparent when he was nervous. He looked out into street, studying the way the rain fell into the puddles, disturbing the smooth surface with its rippling effects. All the words he had so carefully orchestrated in his mind dissipated at her mere presence. Question upon question built up on him, weighing down his own guilt.
"Are you sure nothing is wrong, Jiro?"
"Are you really with Thomas now?" he abruptly asked, ignoring her question. "Why?"
The sound of his name brought a secretive smile to her lips. "Everything is still pretty new for the both of us. I know one thing though... he's good to me," she confessed truthfully. "That's a pretty damn good reason for me."
He seemed so lost to her. She couldn't really fathom the connection of emotions running across his face. It was a rarity to see Soujiro so lost, so confused. Like the rest of them, he had those "bad" days where nothing seemed to make sense. He would just disappear into himself. His very soul would leave him. With clouded eyes lost in a fog of his own ponderings, he detached himself from all that fought to anchor him to the living. The determination of when he would come out was completely arbitrary.
Internally he struggled with himself to find some sort of conclusion that would ensure his own sense of mental well-being, but none would come to him. He didn't quite understand why Thomas of all people unnerved him. From a certain perspective, it was unreasonable that the two would get together. They had never shown any interest before.
What they have will fall apart. I know it will. They'll have a few thrills, and then it will end. She always comes back. It's just like all the other times.
Smiling weakly to himself, he turned to her. "You deserve the best."
What else was there to do but for her to smile back. If she showed the hurt that was buried deep within her, he would know the truth. Her worst fear was for him to find out the desperate lengths she was willing to go to. It was juvenile and she knew it, yet she trusted Thomas in his plan. If Soujiro were to ever know the truth that she would pose in a concocted false relationship in a pathetic attempt to awaken the slightest hint of jealousy in him, she would never outlive the sting of humiliation. Her pride could not take it or what was left of it.
And so they smiled the smiles that belied their vanity and pride.
Soujiro pulled her into a fierce hug, catching her by surprise. Yuuki instantly melted into his embrace, enveloping herself in the warmth and sheer desperation in his strong grip. With Soujiro, one could never try to presume anything of his intentions. They all acted on their own free will with their hidden agendas, not revealing the truth in their intentions until the very last moment. So Yuuki took his sudden affection for what it was worth.
"I can never understand you sometimes, Jiro," she mumbled into his shoulder.
"Where would the mystery in our relationship be if you did?" he chuckled.
"Good point."
He breathed in deeply, inhaling her scent, the warmth of being next to another body. Finally pulling himself away, he lightly kissed her on the cheek. His face hovered over her ear. "Wait for me."
Her eyes widened at his words. They seemed so innocent, yet they held such an enormity to them. In her own feminine perspective where every syllable, word, and gesture had to be carefully analyzed, her mind went into rapid motions, trying to make sense of what was said. His statements were like putting two and two together.
Soujiro squeezed her hand one last time and slowly slipped away, trudging back out into the drizzling rain. He flipped the hood over his head, blocking her any view of his face. All the while he hoped he had done the right thing. He wasn't a fool to lose everything so easily. Words have a very powerful effect.
Yuuki's fingers reached up to her cheek, touching the spot where he had kissed her. The skin was still tingling from the sensation of his warm, soft lips brushing against it. Every thought in her mind flew out to be abandoned by the absorption of what his kiss and his embrace felt like. She swore to herself that there had been something in the way he did those things that differed from all the other times. So, she stood out on the porch watching his departing back. Her whisper of a voice barely made it outside of the porch, fading out in the rising howls of the wind. "I am waiting for the best..."
--------------------------
He was barely awake as he grumbled a few choice words under his breath. Clad in only a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, his fingers scrambled through his hair, tugging at them in an attempt to use the slight pain to wake himself up. Initially he planned on letting the ringing of the doorbell persist until the person got fed up enough to leave, but apparently they knew his plan all too well with the garbled melody coming from the timed pushing of the bell.
"Wha izzit?" he half yelled, peering out of bleary sleep-infused eyes.
Sakurako jumped back, a bit disarmed by the sexy way he leaned against the doorframe half naked. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, studying the way his pants hung dangerously low, riding on his hips. His exposed abdominal muscles twitched with every slight movement he made to stretch out the kinks. Finding herself at a momentary loss of words, her brain frantically searched for something coy to say that would border on friendly playfulness and veiled flirtation. However, her brain was in the mood to blank out on her.
"Hey," she cheerily and oh so eloquently greeted him.
He waved a tired hand back at her and mumbled a gruff greeting that sounded more like a Neolithic grunt that to him was a morning greeting. Not even bothering to waste another moment, he turned around and trudged back into the apartment, leaving her standing outside in the doorway flabbergasted. A soft thud was heard seconds later when he launched himself onto the couch to lay on his back. His arm shot out to cover his eyes, blocking any minimal amount of light that dared creep onto his face.
Sakurako dejectedly sighed, wishing to pound her head into the wall for her own stupidity.
Of all the times, the best thing I could come up with was "Hey." Kill me now! Is this my punishment for playing all those guys? To be conversationally impaired by the one hot guy that's caught my attention? This is just working out beautifully. Next thing I know I'll be blushing like a damn virgin.
She shook off her lack of confidence and finesse around the sleepy Adonis, rationalizing that perhaps he had been too incoherent in his hazy sleep-addled mind to fully realize her faux pas. Like all women with a newfound crush, even bona fide players like herself had off days. She took her small set back with long deep breath. Squaring her shoulders, she stepped inside, closing the door behind her.
Once again she attempted to start real conversation, using everyone's best friend during awkward situations as such. "It looks like it's going to start pouring again?" she randomly stated.
Tsukasa turned onto his side and peeped out from under his arm. His glazed-over eyes stared blankly out the window where a fresh patter of rain was beginning to splatter against. "Fucking wonderful," he grumpily slurred to himself.
He only half realized that the apparition in the room was an actual person and that he was no longer asleep. Up to that point, he still wished he was just being punished with a morning wake up call by an apparition resembling Sakurako created by his mind's own sick, twisted volition. After spending the last eighteen hours moving broken furniture, scrubbing down floors, and any other menial task that Akira dealt out to the guys in the club, coherency was the last thing he was being granted at the moment. He was pretty much dead to the world as his entire body began to shut down. "What are you doing here?" he grumbled.
She wondered to herself why she had the bright idea to come over so early. At the time, it sounded like it might be a good thing to do, but based on the conversation, or lack thereof, she was starting to rethink her plan of attack. "I just wanted to check up on you. It's been awhile since I've seen you."
"You saw me yesterday when you ditched the rest of us on clean up duty."
Damn it! I knew that running out on them would come back to bite me in the ass. But then again it's not every day that the silk cami I've been eyeing for the last two weeks goes on sale. It was 60 percent off! A girl can't resist that!
"Something important came up."
He lifted his head momentarily and eyed the camisole she was just thinking about moments ago on her body. "We all know that shopping is a life and death situation," he sarcastically retorted.
"Hey, how did you know?!"
"I saw you in the store pointing to that top in the window when the guys sent me out to pick up some lunch."
Busted.
She stammered a bit, trying to calm her nerves at the prospect of being caught in such a bad light. "Ummm..."
He waved his hand dismissively in the air. "Don't sweat it. I didn't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me."
She grinned broadly, realizing that this was the perfect chance to ask him. It would come off as casual with no hint of desperation in her. It was absolutely perfect timing. "Thank you. Akira would have gone ballistic on me if he knew where I ran off."
"No problem," he murmured, half asleep.
She plopped herself onto the floor and propped her arms on the arm of the couch to look down at his face. "How about I take you out to dinner as a thank you for your chivalry?"
"Yeah, whatever."
"Okay. It's a date then. We'll talk about it later to set up when and where."
"Uh huh." His soft snores soon followed after his agreement to the date.
Sakurako's lips curved into a mischievous smile knowing that she had gotten her way. Albeit that it was a bit underhanded and that he probably didn't even know it was a date, she was still happy enough that she had him where she wanted him. Now all she needed was a bit of an extra push from someone to make Tsukasa see that they were meant to be.
For the first time in a long time, her stomach fluttered in nervousness about a man. It was probably some of the last remnants of her teenage years running through her that caused the lapse in judgment to believe that Tsukasa would surely fall in love with her. To her, the emotions that she felt were as close to love as it ever could get. She wanted so badly to make this work, to show everyone that she could handle a healthy adult relationship. There was no way she was going to screw this up. Tsukasa was her last chance for a normal relationship. If a guy as nice as him didn't want her, then she didn't know what to do.
I think I should have a little chat with Tsukushi later.
--------------------
He awoke startled by a swift kick in the leg. The searing pain was an intense jolt to his senses, forcing his eyes to open while his arm shot to his chest, trying to sooth his erratically beating heart. Rui's mind raced to make sense of what was going on. He was laying at an odd angle half on and off the bed, yet the person beside him was not Shizuka. It was only after a small hand landed on his chest that he recognized the person in the bed.
Kaya.
He tugged the covers downward to tuck them beneath her chin. A small amount of paranoia consumed him of the chance of her suffocating under the mound of sheets. She lay on her stomach with her thick blanket of hair falling over her face, shielding it from view. He reached out and brushed it aside, admiring how angelic she looked against his ivory sheets. She mumbled a bit, as if sensing it was time to wake up soon, yet she continued to sleep her blissful slumber. Rui stayed by her side, ignoring his own uncomfortable position.
I've already missed so much of your life. I can only pray that Tsukushi and I haven't completely screwed up your life before you've even gotten the chance to live it.
His body twisted to shift out of the bed without disturbing his daughter. When he finally extricated himself, he yawned while stretching every part of his body. He turned his head when he heard the small sound of keys jangling outside the door and the doorknob being turned.
Shizuka dragged her body through the door. Her overnight bag hung limply at her side. Being incoherent to pretty much anything at that point. She let the bag fall with a dull thud on the floor before settling herself on the couch. "Ugh," she groaned to herself. Her hands worked to pound out the kinks in her shoulders, but relief was not quick to come.
"Better?' a voice asked. Rui's hands went to work on her shoulders, kneading out the hardened knots.
After the quick beat of her heart stopped fluttering from the slight start, she let the familiar hands work their magic. "Heavenly," she moaned. A bit of the tension drained from her body, but the overwhelming sleepiness took its place. Her eyelids fluttered shut, however, she fought to stay awake a few minutes more. In the last few days moments like these were rare to come by, and she wanted to relish it for a bit.
Rui bent down on one knee so his chin rested on the back of the couch. His face nuzzled through her hair, snaking its way to reach the bare expanse of skin hiding underneath the blanket of hair. His lips sought out the small curve in her neck that he knew was a tender spot, sucking on the flesh. "How have you been holding up?"
Shizuka reached a hand stroke his cheek as she felt shivers of pleasure brought on by him. Tilting her head to the side, giving him better access, she sighed. "It's coming together a bit, but there's always tons of more work to do. It's been hectic running around talking to plumbers, contractors, electricians, and whoever else needs to speak to the owner. Akira's been a bit lost not knowing which way to go. None of us have ever been involved in a complete overhaul of a building. I just managed to sneak away for a few minutes while Akira went to discuss some things with Tsukushi."
He stopped what he was doing and crawled over the couch to sit beside her. Nudging her to lean against him, he entwined his fingers with hers. His thumb played over the back of her hand, rubbing small concentric circles. "Why didn't you go talk to her yourself?"
"You know I couldn't do that. Anything that involves a discussion between Tsukushi and me in a locked room is headed for disaster. She won't put the past behind. She'll never forgive me, not in the same way she forgave you." The frustration echoed in her tone.
He shook his head, wishing there was something he could do to ease the tension between the two women, but the fact he was the reason behind it was not helping at all. "Sooner or later things will fall into place. I'll try to reason with her. We can't continue like this, not when there is a fourth party involved." His eyes trailed over to the small mound sleeping under the covers of his bed. "We've already put Kaya through enough shit. I never want her to know about the mistakes we made, thinking it was the right thing for her. Sometimes I think we all don't deserve her after all the shit we pulled. We have to look at the bigger picture from now on. I'm not pointing fingers, but not all of us have been perfect. What we did was underhanded, but what Tsukushi did was deplorable, too."
"She was hurting, Rui. How else could she handle the betrayal?"
"I know, I know." His hand went up to rub the dull ache in his head at the mere thought of the severity of all their past actions. "Who would have known that Susumu left you half of the club in his will?
He started to speak, but quickly shut his mouth as a sleepy headed little girl lifted her body from the bed.
"Papa?" Kaya hoarsely called from the bed. Her hand balled up into tiny fists, rubbing away the sleep from her eyes. "Is it time to go see Mama yet?"
Rui stood up and sauntered to the bed, scooping the girl up into his arms with great ease. She buried her face into his shoulder, wallowing in the warmth. Part of her was still half asleep, but she showed signs of fully awakening. Juggling her in his arms, he settled her onto the couch, watching her body fall against Shizuka. Shizuka instinctively smoothed her hand down Kaya's thigh, offering a weak smile and a kiss on the head.
"Good morning, Kaya."
"Morning, Shizuka," she said between yawns. "Is it time to go see Mama yet?"
Rui chuckled at how one tracked his daughter could be. Ever since he had carefully explained Tsukushi's brief stay in the hospital, she had taken up to asking the same question every few hours of the day. Before he could answer another voice interrupted his.
"Not for a few more hours. The doctors want to make sure your Mama is a hundred and ten percent better before letting her go home." Shizuka voice rose, emphasizing the percentage value of Tsukushi's wellness to point out to the girl how important it was for her mother to be there in the first place. "How about you get the markers and crayons I got for you the other day in the blue bag over there and you can make her a get well card? Then maybe you and your Papa can stop by the flower shop before you pick her up from the hospital. How does that sound? I know she misses you as much as you miss her."
"Okay!" Kaya happily nodded her head in agreement. She trotted happily towards the bag, eyeing the arts and crafts supplies within with avid interest.
"Do you need any help, baby?" Rui asked politely. He stifled a laugh when she went to the kitchen table, dumping the contents haphazardly.
A stoic frown marred her face as Kaya carefully picked up a blue marker and stroked its felt tip against the pure white paper in front of her. She seemed lost in her own world as she began to write out the curvilinear hiragana that her mother had taught her some time ago. As she finished off the last character, she lifted the paper from the table, proudly displaying her perfect handwriting with a toothy grin.
After all this time, Kaya never ceased to amaze Rui. For a five year old, being able to already read and write in hiragana was a huge accomplishment. While she had already mastered the hiragana and a great deal of katakana, the other children were still struggling to hold their pencils correctly. He gave her thumbs up for her handiwork and smiled to himself as she once again became absorbed in her artwork. For the time being, it appeared the sleepiness had vanished for a newfound vigor to make a card for her mother. The tip of her tongue touched her bottom lip as she carefully orchestrated each fine stroke.
"It looks like Picasso over there will be occupied for at least an hour," Shizuka giggled. Her eyes danced in merriment, studying the little girl raise an eyebrow critically judging her own rough draft of a picture. "My god, it's scary how much she is like her father."
"Are you trying to imply something?" Rui asked.
"A normal child would grab the first crayon they saw and pump out a drawing in a few minutes. Only your daughter would take an hour doing and redoing a drawing until it was perfect. Reminds me of a certain someone who can't stand if their sheet music has a single erasure mark on it. Anal tendencies must run on your side."
"It's not my fault those smudge marks are so damn unsightly to look at. Maybe she got it from her mother?"
"Nope, it's all you. Don't try to put the blame on Tsukushi if Kaya ends up having some sort of strange, freakish perfectionist tendencies. Well, it looks like it's already too late so that's a lost cause."
In response to her assessment a pillow was tossed in her face.
"A man of very few words," she sighed. Hugging the pillow, Shizuka curled up on the couch and closed her eyes. "Wake me up before you leave for the hospital. I promised I would be back at the club to talk to the electrician."
"Ssshhh!" Kaya hissed. "Don't disturb an artist at work!"
Opening her eyes for a moment, Shizuka smirked at Rui. "That's your kid."
"I know," he happily replied.
---------------------------
It was some time around nine when she woke up again. The floor was already alive with the bustling of the day shift nurses running back and forth past her room. After a late breakfast and a quick freshening up in the bathroom, Tsukushi was good to go in a fresh set of clothing supplied by Tama the day before. Her feet kicked at the floor as she sat on the edge of the bed, staring out the window while waiting for someone to bring her the release forms and a final checkup from her doctor. So now it was a matter of the waiting game, which only led her mind to wander to other thoughts, ones that she had been avoiding.
Akira had left hours ago after his brief morning call. It had been nice to see him taking so well to the responsibility, but at the same time, there was that nagging in the back of her head about what would happen once she got out. There probably was a mountain of problems waiting for her to tend to. For once, she was glad she talked Urara sensei into keeping her in the hospital a few more days.
The others don't need to know I was well enough to go home two days after like Kazuya. What they won't know won't hurt them, huh?
She stared listlessly out the window, listening to the patter of rain, the thrum of medical equipment, and muffle of voices outside her room. It was times like these when there was absolutely nothing begging for her attention that she savored. A moment of peace and quiet always gave her a chance to clear her head and regroup. It just so happened she required a few days of silence to regroup.
God, I hope what I'm going to do won't completely fuck everything up. Maybe this is exactly the chance I've been waiting for.
She leaned over to the small nightstand beside her bed, tugging the upper drawer open. The small heap of opened envelopes rested in her lap as she fingered through the pile of bills and junk mail. Tama had been good enough to pick up her mail for her and deliver it to the hospital during her passing visit. After a lengthy discussion about a rapidly approaching decision, Tsukushi had come to that final epiphany of how everything would and could only turn out. She shakily fingered through the pile, pulling out a plain white envelope with the familiar insignia printed on upper left corner. Taking a deep breath she read over its contents once more before tucking it safely away for future keeping.
It's taken years in the making, and I never thought it would come so soon. I'm doing the right thing... for all of us.
"Somebody looks excited to be going home today," a masculine voice called through the doorway. Kazuya lazily leaned on the doorframe holding a fresh bouquet of casablancas in his left hand. His sneakers squeaked against the polished linoleum as his wet hair and clothes left a watery puddle in his wake. "I got you a little something to celebrate your great emancipation."
"You make it sound as if I were getting out of a long jail sentence."
"Have you seen the food they serve? One more day of that dry, tasteless chicken and jell-o and I would call that cruel and unusual punishment."
Tsukushi smiled weakly as she watched him toss out the dying flowers in the vase next to her and replaced them with fresh flowers. "You've been here every day to visit me at this time," she stated as a matter of fact. "Still avoiding Akira and Rui, huh?"
"Like I would be scared of those two," he scoffed. Waving his hands flamboyantly, he dismissed her accusations and settled himself into a chair. "Perhaps I'm avoiding Sakurako and her prodding. The girl sure knows how to put a guy on the spot with some of the questions she asks. She should really think about going into law or something. Her interrogations are a killer."
"I must remember to ask her later for some of the details she has extracted from you then."
He placed a hand over hers and grinned. "I'm an open book to you." Sensing the small bit of detachment in her teasing, he softly asked, "Penny for your thoughts?"
For some odd reason, the odd and stalker-like man had managed to break through her standoffish demeanor and stick around. She laughed to herself that the man must be some kind masochist to come back for more rejection. Then again, in every relationship there is always some masochism involved. Without it, how would the world exist? It was just Kazuya's bad luck that he had to endure more than most. After twenty three failed attempts to get his coveted date with the hospital patient, their tentative friendship had progressed to a relationship about nothing, which only made it more mind-boggling. In a way, Tsukushi had come to depend on seeing the man with whom she spoke about everything and nothing all at the same time. For hours they would just sit and talk about whatever came to mind with an ease that usually only came to those who had been friends for years. As much as she hated to admit it, Kazuya had grown on her.
He was exactly what she needed at the moment, someone who knew nothing about her past, present, or future. Sometimes the best person to seek advice from is someone who doesn't know you.
"Have you ever just wanted to be utterly selfish?"
He sat back, pausing to gather his thoughts before rendering a reply. His forehead wrinkled in thought, which she had learned he did often when he became pensive. "I guess we all have one of those moments we have to be selfish. Then again, it's not really being selfish if we have the right reasons. Sometimes the selfish choices are the ones that have to be made because it's the right thing to do. Other people may get hurt, but what is best for you is best for you and no one else but you can determine that. There comes a point when you should just say, 'fuck it,' and not care what anyone else wants."
"Okay."
"Okay? You ask me a somewhat deep, thought-provoking question and all I get is an okay?"
"Yeah... thanks, I guess. What do you want from me?"
"A date?"
"Nice try," she laughed. "Still not getting one, though."
His fingers ran through his hair, frantically trying to come up with something that would break her impenetrable resolve. Laughing maniacally, he pointed a finger in her face, stopping a few inches from her nose. "One day you are going to crack, and when you do..."
"You won't be there," she sarcastically snorted, quite unaffected by the clichéd choice of words.
Kazuya shoved his chair backwards, shaking his head. His finger tapped on her nose, which she scrunched. "You think you have me all figured out. As I was saying, one day you're going to crack and when you do, I'll still be there!"
Seeing the pure look of dogged determination on his face was too much for her as she broke out in a fit of laughter. The laughs came out in an unadulterated cackle, intermittently disrupted by unladylike snorts. "You are so sad, and before you lose any more of your self respect, I'll spare you by switching topics. Moving on now, Mr. Open Book. What are your plans for this fine summer vacation? I do recall you mentioning you generally go home for the breaks."
He scuttled back and forth of her bed, kicking the ground with the tip of his shoe. "I'm running away for a bit, although I will admit I am pathetic to be running away from home at the age of 22."
"What are you running from? A spanking?" she giggled. "Be a man and suck it up. There's nothing worse than a person who can't just take things head on. Do what you say and say what you mean."
"You would be running away after telling your parents that you don't want to take over the family business. My father is still reeling over the fact that his only son will not be taking over his legacy. It's come down to the point where I have the choice of making it on my own sorry ass or running back home like a scared kid. They were already pissed off enough when I decided not to head straight to university after high school."
"So, this would be around the time you spent as a bellboy in your parents' resort and the rest of the time surfing till sunset?"
"Best damn days of my life," he sighed wistfully. "All I've ever wanted is my freedom from my parents' expectations. All I know is that there is something greater for me out there, something that I just haven't found yet, but when I have it in my grasp I'll never let it go. Haven't you wanted anything more from the life you have?"
"More than you'll ever know," she quietly mumbled to herself. Pulling herself out of her own pity party, she put on a more cheerful front. Having not heard her previous statement, she flashed Kazuya a wicked smile. "What do you think I've been doing in the hospital this entire time? With so much time on my hands, the ideas for world domination have taken over. Oh, what a world it will be when I become supreme ruler."
"I'll be an accomplice in that!" He eagerly raised his hand in the air, volunteering for the position of second in command.
Her finger waggled in the air while she raised an eyebrow in an overly dramatic and villainous pose. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?" She lowered her voice to mimic one of the many characters from a cartoon she used to watch as a child.
A flicker of recognition lit up in his eyes as he played along with her game. He put on a blank expression of innocence and followed her lead. "Yes, Brain. I've always wondered that if the moon was made of cheese, would it be cheddar or brie?"
"You know?" she asked in disbelief.
"I watched every episode of Pinky and the Brain as a kid. I had a lot of free time and it didn't hurt either that we had satellite TV. Narf!" From there he began to sing the opening theme song of the Warner Brothers cartoon.
"Holy crap! You might be cooler than I thought." Her eyes lit up in childish glee.
Scratching the back of his head, he blankly smiled at the odd compliment. "I'll take that as a good thing, I guess."
Before she could make a blasting quip about his own obliviousness to that of one of her favorite dim sidekicks, a child's scream interrupted.
"Mama!" Kaya ran headlong into the room and jumped straight into her mother.
Being caught unaware, Tsukushi let the little girl ram right into her, knocking her backwards onto the bed. She bit her own lip to stifle the scream of pain that wanted to rip from her lips. It felt like one of the stitches on her back had popped open, and a faint wetness was starting to stain her shirt. Fighting to keep a calm face, she lifted Kaya off of her, and held her in her lap. "I missed you too, Kaya." Her voice strained to keep up the happy façade as a slew of expletives ran through her mind at the pain from her wound. A small pair of arms wrapped around her neck in a chokehold. Over the top of her daughter's head she could make out the faint trace of Rui standing in the doorway holding a small bouquet of flowers. He apologetically smiled and mouthed a 'sorry.'
"I missed you tons, Mama! Look, I made you this card." She presented the wrinkled piece of paper that was clutched in her hand to her mother. On the front cover was a scrawled picture of a rainbow and some flowers with the childlike writing saying 'Get Well' on it. "I miss my room and my toys. Can we go home now?"
"Who is this?" a masculine voice chuckled. Kazuya stepped forward and knelt at the side of the bed, offering a hand for the little girl to shake. "My name is Kazuya. It's nice to meet you."
A pair of hazel eyes redirected their gaze from her mother to the foreign man in the room of friends and family. She slowly studied him for a few brief moments, trying to ascertain a final judgment on him. Her eyebrows knitted together, and slowly her body shied away from the hand.
It was rather surprising that Kaya had rejected Kazuya. More so, it was the first time that her daughter had refused a perfectly polite introduction. It worried her to a degree to see the small bit of introversion so similar to her father's predisposition. "What's wrong, baby?' she whispered into her ear.
Kaya blinked slowly and stared at her mother. Her fingers gripped at the collar of her shirt as she pulled Tsukushi's head lower. Her lips moved against her mother's ear as she began whispering something back to her.
The other occupants in the room watched in avid interest at the exchange going on between mother and daughter. Kazuya had long since retracted his hand and stood awkwardly, scratching the back of his head and trying to figure out exactly what heinous crime he could have committed to offend the little girl. Rui inwardly wondered himself what was the reason for Kaya's rejection. Although he wasn't exactly fond of the man in the room, he saw no reason for his daughter's outright brush off.
Tsukushi's eyes narrowed as the words filtered into her ears. Her fingers dug into her palms, wishing the person whose fault it was was right there at that moment so she could strangle him. It would have been easier to physically hurt him in the hospital since he would be in immediate access to medical attention after she was through with him. She listened to the last of her daughter's explanation, and patted her on the head, smiling. Her composure was held tightly with the pure need to remain calm in front of the impressionable and questionably ruined child.
"I'm sure what he said was not true. Kazuya is my friend and I like him. Remember what I always tell you about meeting new people?"
Kaya solemnly nodded her head and began to recite the overused words. "You should never listen to what others say about other people. You should make your own decision whether or not someone is bad and not assume other people's opinions are right. Papa says, 'when you assume you make an...."
Rui jumped forward and clamped a hand over her mouth. He nervously pulled Kaya away from Tsukushi and laughed. "Uh, your Mama doesn't need to hear that last part."
She glared daggers at Rui, making her point clear that she would have a word with him later about the addition to the last part of that speech. Her lips twitched into a malicious smile as she thanked Rui for also reiterating the same moral principles, more or less. "Why don't you start over with Kazuya?"
Beaming proudly, Kaya leapt out of her father's arms and ran up in front of Kazuya. With a large amount of flourish and grace, she dipped down low into a curtsy, holding up the edges of her dress. Her head slightly lifted up, revealing large innocent eyes. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is Makino Kaya."
Kazuya stifled a laugh at the theatrics alone He could tell right away she was one good kid with a mischievous streak in her. He crouched down on the floor to meet her at eye level and smiled. "It's nice to meet you too. I hope we can become very good friends one day. You have something there." His hand went up behind her ear and pulled out a piece of candy that magically appeared. He winked and placed the confection into her hand. "I wonder where that came from?"
"Oh! Candy!" She immediately snatched the treat from her hand and popped it into her mouth, chewing happily away and completely forgetting her previous conceptions of the man. "I'm sorry for being mean to you. Mama was right. I shouldn't have listened to Akira when he called you all of those bad words."
All eyes except mother and daughter's went wide with the revelation of what the clandestine whisperings were about.
"You should know better than to believe what Akira tells you, honey," Tsukushi bit out through clenched teeth. She was still a bit peeved by Akira's free mouth around her daughter.
Rui almost face faulted, realizing how Kaya must have overheard the adult conversation going around the club the past few days. Kazuya was one of the new favorite hot topics of gossip going around, which Akira heavily argued upon with a few choice words of his character. He knew better than to believe that their voices didn't carry into the office space she was confined in.
"I was kind of confused. Sakurako said he would make Mama really happy with his big, fat wallet. Can I see, Kazuya? Sakurako said that a man with a big wallet has something else just as big that would make you happy, Mama. What was she talking about?"
An odd shade of red painted Kazuya's face at the inquisition. His face contorted into one of flabbergasted shock, but he was secretly happy at the little reference to a certain part of his anatomy. He wasn't an idiot to forget such a nice compliment considering how it bolstered his ego.
Tsukushi ducked her head in horror. It would take a few days to erase most of the conversations that Kaya had probably overheard. It would most likely take a few weeks to get over the embarrassment of the company she held. First on her list would be Akira, and then she would get Sakurako. "I have no idea what Sakurako could have been talking about, baby." She nervously laughed off whatever her daughter had said.
"Yeah.... I think I should be going now. I have some place I need to be in an hour. I'll talk to you later, Tsukushi?" Kazuya dropped another piece of candy into Kaya's hand and patted her on the head. Falling to one knee, he smiled. "It was very nice to meet you, Kaya. I hope I can see you again sometime." On his way out, he briefly nodded to the doctor at the doorway flipping through her medical charts.
"Well, how's my patient today?" Wearing her requisite long white lab coat, Urara-sensei glided into the room with a relaxed ease. "It's time to sign you out, Tsukushi." She plucked a pen from her pocket and handed the clipboard to her.
Kaya recoiled from the familiar doctor, cringing at the all too painful memory of the last shot she was given by the woman.
A flicker of amusement flashed through her eyes as she narrowed them on Kaya. "Don't need to worry today, dear. All I'm packing today is lollipops. No shots for another few months." She pulled out a purple lollipop from her other pocket and handed it to Kaya.
Throwing a fist into the air in triumph, Kaya clamored for the windfall of candy she was receiving that day. "Yay, no shots! Papa, can I eat my candy now?"
Rui pulled her off the ground in one swooping motion, swinging her in the air. "How about we wash your hands first before you eat. I don't know what could be on your hands after that run through the park we had."
She giggled at the heady feeling of being shaken upside down. "Papa! Put me down!" she squealed.
Whisking her away into the bathroom, he shook his head. "Nope. I think you should learn to walk on your hands all the time. The world makes more sense that way."
"Stop being silly!"
"If you aren't careful I might drop you into the toilet head first. You ever hear of a swirly?"
"No!"
"Rui! If you give her a swirly I'll make sure to give you one later." With a flick of the wrist, Tsukushi's signature was inked on the papers, relieving her of her hospital stay. "Well, I guess that's it. Anything else I need to know before I make my grand exit?"
Urara sensei flipped through the chart one more time, making sure she didn't miss anything, knowing full well that her patient was well enough to go home a few days prior. "You just need to remember to wear the sling at all times to avoid breaking open the stitches on your shoulder blade. Just be careful when you move around. We need to make sure the stitches don't break before the cut heals up properly. Keep it clean. I've already sent down the order for your prescription of antibiotics. Other than that, you're all set to go. And it seems it is just in time for your break out party."
"Huh?" Tsukushi's eyebrows knitted at the large group that had assembled in the doorway. "Why are all of you here?"
"We all wanted to make sure you were alive enough to drag you down to the club and try to fix the mess we've made. I need someone to grip to when Akira works us like a slave driver." Soujiro ran his hand through his wet hair, flicking off droplets of water. From the small dark circles forming under his eyes, his words must have been true.
"He's right," Tsukasa agreed. He playfully shook his head, spraying water over a less than amused Soujiro. "For a guy who's a lazy ass he really knows how to work it."
Sakurako tapped a manicured finger on her chin. "I think it must be some twisted version of the pent-up sex theory. You keep it all pent up inside withholding and when it comes out, you have one of the most mind blowing fucks in your life. Sounds like Akira has stored away all of his energy to do manual labor until now- minus the mind-blowing sex."
"That sounds about right to me," Thomas agreed. "Good assessment. I concur."
"Well, thank you, sir."
"When did you two get here?" Soujiro asked raising an eyebrow. He sidled up beside Yuuki, putting an arm over her shoulder. Running a hand through her wet locks to gently detangle the wet mess, he clucked his tongue. "Didn't you bring an umbrella?"
"It kind of got away from us when we got out of the car," Thomas interjected, wrapping an arm around her waist and jerking her towards him. "The wind liked my flashy Hello Kitty umbrella too much."
The memory of Thomas' blushing face when he managed to fish out an umbrella from his backseat to fight off the sudden heavy downpour raging outside the safe confines of the car was priceless. Yuuki threw a hand over her mouth to try to keep in the laughter. It was even more comedic when he viciously fought to save his masculinity by arguing it was a gift he bought for his niece in America. No grown man would carry around a large dome shaped umbrella resembling Hello Kitty's head with two large ears poking out and two large clear pieces of plastic serving as windows for the user to see through. "That umbrella had to be the most darling thing I've ever seen in my life."
"Of course, you had to make me hold it, too," Thomas snorted. His ego was still healing from the odd looks they got between the walk from the car to the hospital entrance.
"I seriously don't believe that that gust of wind was strong enough to send the umbrella flying out of your hand into that guy that was keeled over laughing by his car."
"Hey, god has his ways to wreak vengeance! Don't mock the works of a divine providence."
Soujiro and Sakurako both looked less than pleased at the grinning couple laughing over what must have been one of those 'you had to be there' jokes. It never feels nice to be left out of the joke. Tsukasa just ignored the entire conversation, opting to take a seat next to Tsukushi on the bed. It was good to be him in his own obliviousness.
"So, it looks like my days of living in that big apartment by myself are coming to an end."
Tsukushi smiled, and lightly punched him in the arm. "I better not find a trail of pizza boxes and dirty laundry stemming from your room. It baffles the mind how men can live like slobs."
"I take offense to that! I threw the dirty laundry in a pile at the corner of my room and the pizza boxes are stacked neatly in its own architectural magnificence on the kitchen table."
"Whatever. Just swear to me there are no weird smells, Tsukasa."
"That I can promise you. My laziness to clean ends at funky smells."
"Can we go home now?" a little voice asked from the bathroom. A lollipop hung from her mouth, dangling precariously against her lips.
Tsukushi smiled and hopped off the bed, taking care not to jostle her arm in the sling too much. The last thing she needed was a scolding from Urara-sensei about being careless about the stitches on her back. Any jerky movements from her arm could rip them right out.
"Home sweet home." Tsukushi grimaced.
---------------------------------------
A living room filled with balloons and flowers welcomed her back home. Tsukushi stretched out on the couch relaxing into the comfort of her own home. Kaya had appointed herself as her mother's personal nurse staying glued to her side for her every beck and call.
"Do you want anything else to eat, Mama?" Kaya asked between slurps of her lo mein noodles dripping from her mouth.
"I think I've had enough." She emphasized her point by patting her full stomach. She had to eat every bite on her plate that Kaya insisted she have and now the after effects of overeating were beginning to settle. All of her movements showed signs of her growing lethargy.
"Oh man, am I full," Tsukasa groaned.
"Well, I was going to suggest running out for some ice cream," Soujiro added.
"Ice cream!" Kaya instantly perked up. The plate lay forgotten on the coffee table.
"I could go for some rocky road myself."
"You just finished off the rest of the potstickers, Sakurako!" Yuuki groaned.
"There's always room for ice cream." Hooking her arm through Tsukasa's, she practically dragged him out the door.
The rest followed in tow following the redhead who was already out the door and probably going down the elevator. Thomas turned around to find that both Tsukushi and Yuuki hadn't followed, but took the silent nod of Tsukushi's head as a sign to just go.
"I'll pick you girls up something. By the time we get back, you'll probably have shed off a few off those calories," he laughed.
With the slam of the door a comfortable silence settled between Tsukushi and Yuuki. Being friends for so long and through so much over the years they didn't really need words to express what they were thinking. It was just a given fact of the matter as to the lingering thoughts in the back of their minds.
"I feel pretty silly," Yuuki suddenly said. Her voice wavered a bit coming out less as a silly affirmation and more of a weak, frightened confession. Her palm rubbed at her face trying to rub away the slight wetness forming in her eyes.
Tsukushi rolled off of the couch onto the floor to rest beside Yuuki. She nudged Yuuki to rest her head on her shoulder. She tried to play off Yuuki's insecurities as just another one of her episodes, but she it was too painfully obvious the signs of her breaking point were coming into view. "Shh," she chided when Yuuki tried to brush her off. "It's okay to feel this way. Sometimes the past catches up to us and we can't do anything, but ride it out."
Yuuki rubbed at her eyes fighting to keep strong. In her own opinion, she had already shown a bit too much of the deep emotional scars that remained with her. They could never be erased, but rather just concealed beneath the façade of sweet innocence. It was all a lie. She knew what she had done, but when looking back, it felt more like it was another person who did those things, as if she had no control over her actions. It was a coward's excuse, but she believed it. It was the only thin thread of dignity that held her together, a conviction that was only as solidified as her body's compulsion to breathe.
"It was just that night... The way he looked... It was the same way he would see me when he..." The rest of her garbled sentence was cut off by thee soft choke of breath that fell from her lips.
"You don't have to talk about him if you don't want to."
"It just won't go away," she weakly screamed clutching her head in her hands. She slumped over resting her head on her knees huddling into a ball.
Tsukushi remained silent fully understanding what that feeling was. The dreams never did stop. That kind of thing was common when you are violated in such a way. Everyone can tell you to just forget and move on, but the mind refuses to forget. To forget would be worse than to remember because that would really be the easy way out. That night haunted her for years although she never told any of them that. Only a select few, Rui and Shizuka, knew the full extent to her supposed night terrors. At one point when the nightmares had reached an awfully bad spell, she had been the one to wake up her child with her frantic screams in the middle of the night. The guilt to her own weakness only added to her burden. What kind of mother would emotional scar a child with her blood curdling screams in the middle of the night?
"Thomas was really worried about you," she awkwardly brought up. "He quickly dropped by the other day. He told me not to tell you that he came by, but he was really worried. I told him it wasn't my place to tell him, but I do hope that one day you can trust him enough to tell him about it. It might help you to have someone else in this world to confide in."
"He must think I'm a basket case." Her mind was reeling at the memory of the numerous times she had woken him up sobbing in her sleep. He had been forced to shake her to wake up and held her through the night depriving himself of sleep until she fell into her own fitful slumber. "I don't want him to see me differently. He deserves to know after what I've put him through the last few days." The grim look on her face hid none of the hesitation she felt.
"Thomas would never be one of those people to pity you. He's never pitied me or treated me any differently after the incident."
"I'm not strong like you."
"I never said I was."
"If even you can't get past something like that how can I tell him about myself?"
"You can't run from your past. It's your past that shapes your present and will lead you into your future."
Tsukushi grimaced at the different turn Yuuki had taken to deal with her problems. While she personally had Susumu to pull her through that rough time, Yuuki had no one. It wasn't just once for Yuuki. She had been abused for years, stripped of her innate sense of right and wrong to the point where she didn't even fathom or realize what was going on. And she had hidden it all so well. So well in fact, that Tsukushi never had any idea of what the girl's life was like until the small slip up on her part revealing just how badly scarred for life she was. There had been too many mistakes, too many hurts, but somehow and thankfully, Yuuki had been given a second chance. They knew at the time she probably would never emotionally heal from it all, but one can't be too choosy when salvation is offered. Life was always the better option than self-destruction.
"I know it hurts. If I could I would take your pain for myself, but you have to face the fact that he was a monster and he hurt you. Don't blame yourself for the things he did to you. Don't blame yourself for the desperate acts of foolishness you took. You know better than back then. That is what counts."
"It only hurts more that I can't bring myself to hate him for what he did to me."
"I know... I know," Tsukushi managed to half-heartedly agree. In her own mind, she would have killed the bastard. Then again, the choice to hate was so much harder for her friend. For all the horrible crimes he had ever committed against her, he was the reason that she was even here.
"How can I ever tell him it was my father?"
--------------------------------------------------------
A/N: So, I went wayward with my intended chapter plot, but Yuuki and Thomas somehow took the spotlight away from everyone. There's also the fact that if I kept going the chapter would have ended up being about 50 pages. On the plus side, I have about a 20 of the next chapter done. I see another update in the horizon.