Disclaimer: what is the point of this if I owned the game I wouldn't write these fanfictions for recognition I would have released Dungeon Keeper 3.
Notice: I sorted things out with Scarlett and we worked out the whole colour thing so every ones happy this chapter is the Christmas Special chapter and I would like to thank all my reviewers
Chapter 12: re-converting Sponge and tension is mounting in the base as a banished Keeper appears and its CHRISTMAS TIME!!!
Piccard and Azrael had returned dragging the still unconscious form. The creatures were anxious as the 2 keepers walked into the Temple. "Right if he should be a keeper then throwing him into the fountain should covert him back to his original colour if he shouldn't be the sacrifice will make us all rich cause of his power or lack thereof (Azrael: joke just joking.)" Azrael laughed as he and Piccard chucked Sponge into the temple font. "And now my friend we wait." Azrael informed as he stepped out of the temple and headed to his own dungeon heart. Piccard returning to his own dungeon. "I smell magic in the air." Azrael muttered and walked down his corridors avoiding his dungeon heart.
"What's up Azrael?" Dominique asked as she walked by.
"Almeric another spirit being has entered can you pin point the location?" Azrael called ignoring Dominique's question.
"Way ahead of you like always Azrael." Almeric stated but when he saw the death glare thrown at him by Azrael Almeric shrunk back. "Right remember where the lord of the land waited for you well the person is there." Almeric said and then found the floor very interesting.
"Right, Piccard report to Lord of Land burial site." Azrael called as he walked along the corridor and stopped at the water that surrounded the area. Piccard appeared next to him.
"What have we got?" Piccard asked.
"Well from my excellent egotistical source AKA Almeric it is a mystical being that is located in there." Azrael informed.
"Right well lets go!" Piccard said. Azrael responded by summoning a bridge and walking across.
"Got to go in style my friend." Azrael laughed.
"Right." Piccard replied sarcastically.
"One question what's the date?" Azrael inquired.
"Erm December 21st." Piccard muttered. "Why?" He questioned.
"Christmas in 4 days even though it is one of the good guys holidays any excuse to get drunk is good enough for me." Azrael informed and Piccard started to laugh. "Right get ready for this…" Azrael started but was cut off as a black blur dived into him tackling and knocking him into the water.
"What the hell?!" Piccard shouted as he saw Azrael trying to wrestle someone off of him.
"You will not bite my neck you god damn Vampire!" Azrael shouted and kicked the person in the chest. "Wait that style of robe! YOU'RE A KEEPER?" Azrael shouted.
"Of course. Well not really anymore I was banished but I am still THE black keeper." The person replied and both guys looked in shock as the person pulled down her hood.
"Right another female keeper that makes 3 well 1 now cause the other 2 are dead." Piccard stated.
"Damn right I am Scarlett vampire extraordinare. Black Keeper who spent 5 years in a Sims game and then 5 years in the Buffy world where I became the vampire you see here." Scarlett informed and took a step forwards before falling forwards. Azrael lunged forwards and stopped her from collapsing.
"Uh Oh she hasn't got a dungeon heart her body is slowly wasting away. She is a black keeper so she can fuse with my dungeon heart. Luckily I have enough mana to do this and I AGH… UGH!" Azrael screamed in pain and collapsed to his knees still holding the semi conscious form of Scarlett. "2… of my back… up hearts destr…oyed." Azrael gasped. "Mana depletion I still have enough though." Azrael gasped and slowly stood up and step by step shakily walked back to the dungeon.
"Why do you help me?" Scarlett asked.
"Because it's not every day the bad guy becomes the knight in shining armour. And besides we are gonna need your help. Do you know of the Avatar and Reginald?" Azrael paused and upon her nod he continued. "Well they are back my friend they are coming after us any keeper they see they will kill. Now we get to prove that 3 keepers are better than 1!" Azrael said as he stepped into the dungeon heart still supporting the form of Scarlett as she was slowly integrated with the spirit of the dungeon. The mana leeched from Azrael as he held on to the side of his heart to stop himself from falling and blacking out. Pain shook his body as the world spun. Azrael dropped to his knees and gasped as the pain stopped along with the world spinning around him.
"It is done." Scarlett whispered she was exhausted just like him.
"We are the black keeper now." Azrael informed.
"Our essence combined will strengthen this base and crush the heroes who try to destroy us." Scarlett toned her energy returning.
"Excellent." Azrael gasped the energy returning to him slower than it had returned to Scarlett. As he had been the one to initiate the spell.
"So what do you do for fun around here?" She asked licking at her fangs as she spoke.
Azrael grinned at this question and chucked her a bottle of Alcohol. "We drink." He smiled and the two exited the dungeon heart and headed to the casino.
3 days later…
"Still nothing about Sponge's Conversion?" Piccard asked Azrael.
"If there was I wouldn't be standing here." Azrael half snapped half sighed as he hung up a Christmas decoration.
"You really need to stop over reacting it's a holiday its time to relax and get drunk not throw sissy fits at your allies." Piccard snapped.
"Sorry I'm just getting stressed out, because of the size of the dungeon and the ineptness of the imps at decorating I have been awake for the past 3 day with 0 sleep. And with Scarlett now part of the dungeon and camping in the dungeon heart and I ain't the best person in the world with girls." Azrael admitted.
"Ok then why don't I keep Scarlett distracted and you go to sleep." Piccard stated and walked off. Azrael just collapsed backward leaning against the wall passing into unconsciousness straight away.
Piccard headed towards the dungeon heart of Azrael and Scarlett. Piccard thought back to the prank he had decided not to do as it revolved around putting a sign on saying "just married" but decided against it cause it was too crude. "Scarlett you there?" Piccard asked.
"What?" Scarlett replied stepping out of the dungeon heart.
"I just realised you have yet to have a tour of my dungeon, shall we?" Piccard asked being more formal trying to impress her.
"Why not." Scarlett replied and the two walked along the corridors. They were interrupted as a bell echoed around the base. "Hmm seems Sponge has been reconverted lets go." Scarlett replied and started to drag Piccard along the corridors. They arrived at the temple and saw Azrael standing there with a pint of coffee.
(Asmodai: yeah that's right I said COFFEE!)
Azrael watched as from the bubbling waters of the temple and Sponge was launched out of the water. Sponge flipped his blue armour seemed to glow as the light reflected off of it. He landed on one knee in front of the group. "I'M BACK BITCH!" Sponge shouted very uncharacteristically.
(Asmodai: if you do really shout that I apologise but as I have never met you then I would not know.)
"Joy." Azrael replied waving a little flag that had appeared from nowhere.
"Perfect time to." A voice echoed from behind the four keepers. They spun around to face five people. "I'm Nick Hancock and welcome to Azrael's Dungeon."
"Hey what do you want?" Azrael asked.
"Well, the jug eared twat, the old fart, the fat fuck and the bald eagle have decided to challenge you to a race. 10 laps in a formula 25 state of the art dinky car, with motors that would be familiar to any one who owned a flymo." Nick Hancock stated as he showed the car.
(Asmodai: I think that is what he said I couldn't remember.)
"Right so what do we get if we win?" Scarlett asked.
Now the lights darkened and a voice echoed that through the dungeon as 2 dark mistresses stood next to a strange gateway. "IF YOU WIN THEN YOU WILL HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER THE GATEWAY TO ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS." The voice yelled and Azrael rolled his eyes.
"Fine you got your race. What happens if you guys win?" Azrael sighed.
"You will have to… you will have too… you will have to become DAVID GOWERS CLEANERS!"
"That's a fate worse than death." Sponge whispered and the keepers all agreed. "Ok we will do this on one condition." Sponge stated.
"And that is you let us decide on the track." Piccard suggested.
"Fine by us," Lineker stated and walked off towards the casino.
"HEY THOSE DRINKS COST £5 EACH FOR YOU SUPERSTAR SO DON'T GET DRUNK!" Azrael shouted.
"Ok let me see the course will start at Our dungeon heart, it will go south until we reach the lava bridge, we cross that then turn right leading to Sponge's dungeon. There we have to do a jump over the water on the other side of his dungeon and then straight into Piccard's dungeon passing through the torture chamber and then back to my dungeon heart following the clearly indicated path. Which happens to lead round this very room, the combat pit and the casino that will act as the pit stop area. And finally you return to the dungeon heart." Azrael explained magically creating maps for each of the contenders.
"Well we need commentators so I suggest, Pyra, Magnus, Nick and someone for there side as well." Scarlett stated.
"Jonathan Ross, man of knowledge in nothing." Magnus and Pyra stated mystically appearing next to Piccard.
"Good idea." And with that statement Nick reached into the gateway of Dimensions and dragged Jonathan Ross through the gateway.
(Asmodai: And here begineth the reign of insanity that might though I highly doubt it put ECU to shame)
The mysterious voice echoed over the dungeon again, "And now they prepare for their race as they don their helmets and put on their overalls the latest in fire safety, we got them from Blake 7."
The camera shoots over to sponge and Lee Hurst as they are being taped up. "Now this tape is for their safety as much of ours" as the tape is wrapped around their mouths.
It flicked over to the eight racers standing there as Nick went over the rules. "Right now everyone has got their helmets." Nick stated.
"Erm… I haven't." Lee stated.
"Sorry Lee the sticker on the back confused me." Nick stated and the camera shot round to see the sticker on the back of his head.
"Now the keepers will be driving in the Williams cars and The They Think It's All Over team will be in the Jordan car." Magnus explained.
"Ok here is a quick run down of the flags, the chequered flag means that the race has been won, the black flag means stop the race. The red flag means that this beach is unsuitable for bathing, the white flag means Damon Hill has surrendered. And if you see the lion emblem rampant suspended from a cornet it means David Gower has taken up residence. And now to the qualifying laps." Pyra explained.
"As you know before each race there is a qualifying lap to see what position they will start at." Nick informed.
"And straight away David Gower has hit a spot of trouble and is stuck behind a speeding Bile Demon who took a wrong turn and has been running around for an hour now." Jonathan Ross laughed.
"But the good thing is he's just beaten his own best lap." Magnus pointed out looking at the clock.
"Piccard had a bit of trouble when he started the race as he was so used to hot wiring cars." Pyra joked. "And here comes Lineker round that sharp corner, we'll check for skid marks after the race in his pants." Pyra shouted.
"Right anyway here comes Azrael in fine form as he swerves round the corner back to the dungeon heart and he finishes in 1 minute 29 seconds that will put him in pole position but not surprisingly since he was the first to start the qualifying lap." Nick pointed out.
"And here comes Sponge, and he finishes at 1 minute 26 putting him ahead of Azrael." Magnus yelled. "Piccard following closely behind him at 1 minute 27."
"Look at that here comes Hurst he seems to be having trouble with the car." Pyra yelled as Lee Hurst skidded tightly round the corner crossing the line in the fastest time 1 minute, before he completely flipped the car and crashed into the dungeon heart wall. "OW that's gotta hurt!"
The rest of the racers finished in varying times (mainly cause I'm too lazy to write each of them finishing their time trial) "Now the racers are in the following order, Scarlett, Gower, Hurst, Sponge, Azrael, McGrath, Piccard and Lineker. Remember the race is 20 laps you can enter the pit stop at any time during your race." The mysterious voice boomed.
Lights mystically appeared from nowhere as they engines roared before the cameras zoomed over to several beehives with microphones next to them. The red lights were lit, then the green but no one moved. Two imps ran across the start line holding a sign reading 'START YOU IDIOTS'
"Azrael has taken an early lead as McGrath fucked up with the car and put it in reverse and slammed straight into Piccard who tried to swerve into the inside lane straight away." Pyra shouted.
"COME ON GOWER!" Nick yelled.
"And Scarlett is closing in on Sponge whom is in second place. Nothing new there then." Magnus yelled over the roar of the crowd. Scarlett came up level to Sponge and Sponge gave her the finger before slamming his foot down and speeding off as Scarlett slowed down in surprise allowing Gower, Sponge and Azrael get a greater lead.
5 out of the ten laps had passed when Gower who had taken the lead pulled into the pit stop. "Nah its no good mate, I gotta send off for the parts and then we have to wait for them, I think the best I can do is next Thursday." Gower's mechanic said before Gower drove off.
"This is nothing like normal Formula 1 as already half the race has gone with only the crash at the start.
"AND SPONGE IS PULLING INTO THE PIT STOP!" Magnus shouted as the camera focused on the Sponge's pit stop. "It looks like yes I thought he looked a bit peckish He's stopped for a pop... and a sandwich... it's like last years race where he could have come top of the grid if he hadn't stopped for a Fanta!" Magnus recalled.
The race continued with Azrael and Gower swapping position every second. "And they come to the corner of the combat pit. OH MY GOD! Azrael took the turn to sharp. He's skidded off the track." Indeed Nick was right; Azrael's car spun off the course over the edge of the path and straight into the wall of the combat pit. The car crushed up against it but Azrael wasn't so lucky the car hit just below the spikes, Azrael crashed into the spikes. His body exploded into energy and went back to the dungeon.
"And the race is down to 5 people now Scarlett, Piccard, Gower, Sponge and Hurst." Pyra called.
"But Hurst and Piccard are too far behind as Piccard takes another sneaky shortcut through another room. I told Azrael to lock those doors." Magnus sighed.
Piccard quickly caught up to Sponge, Scarlett and Gower leaving Hurst miles behind. "I THINK SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH PICCARDS ENGINE. SMOKE IS POURING OUT OF THE ENGINE!" Nick yelled and the camera shot over to see Piccard with the visor of his helmet raised up and a cigar in his mouth.
"Ok that's stupid!" Pyra rolled her eyes and the cameras zoomed to Scarlett who had just pulled into the pit stop.
"Hurst has just entered the pits it looks like yes it is a huge cheese and tomato pizza, 5, 6, 7, 8 slices in 10 seconds, no time for savouring not even time for a garlic bread." Nick muttered as Hurst drove off.
Scarlett, Sponge and Gower were on the final bend, Sponge just behind before he started laughing and fired a jet of water in front of the two racers causing them to skid uncontrollably and stop inches from the finishing line letting Sponge cross the line.
"AND SPONGE HAS WON THE RACE WITH GOWER COMING SECOND AND SCARLETT THRID WITH HURST AT 4TH POSITION!" The three commentators shouted.
"Now Sponge is trying to open the magnum of Tizer cause we are to cheap to buy champagne. He seems confused with the fact that it is a screw top." Magnus laughed. Sponge took a couple of attempts before finally realising that it was a screw top and he started spraying the liquid over the crowd of creatures.
"That's gonna be a pain in the ass to clear up." The newly reformed Azrael muttered before calling in a series of imps whom came in carrying presents. "OK PEOPLE MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?" Azrael shouted.
"We don't listen to politeness." Almeric stated.
"OK THEN, GIVE ME YOUR ATTENTION BEFORE I REMOVE YOUR TONGUES AND USE THEM AS PAINT BRUSH'S!" Azrael yelled.
"That's better." Almeric smiled.
"Ok as you know its Christmas time and here I am getting into the spirit and got you all gifts although mana will be drained for a while so we have a few less imps." Azrael explained.
The imps near him walked over to each of the keepers except Piccard, and handed them presents and then to each of the elite's and handed them presents and then to the they think its all over team and handed them presents.
Azrael smiled as they opened their presents. Nick Hancock got a book with the title "so you want to be a good game show host." Azrael laughed at the look on Lineker's face as he held the video with the title '10 tips to become a great footballer.' David Gower got a new cricket bat, Lee Hurst got a video of Lee Evans live at Wembley (Azrael: don't ask) and Rory McGrath a years supply of weight watchers before sending the They think its all over team to the portal.
Sponge opened his present to see a toy talking Sauron, Scarlett looked at the book "so your obsessed with Alan Rickman." And Piccard looked confused.
"If you want to know what your present is go to your dungeon heart." Azrael whispered.
"Ok." Piccard said and walked into the dungeon heart of his base. "BLOODY HELL." Piccard shouted. The keepers all ran in then ran out again. Except Azrael who knew what the gift was and burst out laughing
(Azrael: this was by request of Piccard himself)
Lying next to Piccard's dungeon heart was a naked elf with Piccard's name tattooed above her vagina and the Covenant Logo across her chest. Azrael quickly sealed the secret doors outside Piccard's dungeon heart.
"Merry Christmas guys." Azrael muttered before passing out on the couch in the Casino. Scarlett collapsed on another and Sponge just went back to his dungeon and continued scheming about world domination.
To Be Continued
Azrael: you will not believe how hard it is to write that scene Piccard and make it as sensible as possible
Piccard: yeah well.
Sponge: I won the race?
Azrael: yep. I felt it would be necessary since I used your char to turn into a good guy and then just abuse your character every now and again in the fic.
Scarlett: Sarcastically what are you trying to say with that present.
Azrael: exactly what it says. P
Scarlett: cheers.
Azrael: your welcome this is Azrael signing off and stealing Piccard's line once again.