CHAPTER TWELVE: INNUENDO

AN: The title is self-explanitory. If you do not like this type of humor, then

Harry Potter was in an extremely good mood this morning. He was- for the moment- free. Voldemort was dead, they knew how to close the portal, and his scar was gone.

His next conflict started at lunch that day. It started out innocently enough- Hermione, missing the muggle world just a bit, had one of her favorite desserts- a popsicle. She had been throughly enjoying it, when she noticed most of the Gryffindor boys avoiding looking at her.

She blushed when she realized what it appeared she was doing. Honestly! Do they think of nothing but sex? Hermione thought aggrivatedly. She looked at Harry; he was trying the hardest not to look at her. Ron, she noticed, looked quite amused at the whole thing.

She decided to have some fun with the poor boys. She began licking the popsicle in a very suggestive manner, and when she put it into her mouth again, she let a out a very faint moan- low enough to be ignored unless you had someone's- in this case, every male student within hearing distance- attention.

Then unexpectedly, she bit down on the popsicle, cutting it neatly in half. All men in the Great Hall grimaced; Hermione could've sword that even Dumbledore had a small expression of pain flicker briefly across his face.

As she got up to go to her next class, she said to Harry and Ron "Enjoy your lunch, boys." And with a mischevious smile, she was gone.

"Damn. That was unexpected." Ron said to Harry. "I know... somehow, that was aimed at me, I just know it!" Harry said in reply. Ron smirked. "She was trying to get you all hot and bothered."

"I know. I need to get her back... but how?" Harry asked. It was Gaius who answered. "I know exactly the way. We'll need Malfoy's help, but that shouldn't be a problem. Hey, Blaise!" Gaius said, motioning the raven-haired Slytherin over to his table.

"That was a most... interesting demonstration your little Hermione put on, Potter." Blaise said by way of greeting, eyes full of mischief. "Indeed it was. We need your help getting her back. We'll also need Malfoy." Gaius said. Gaius being the only one of the Gryffindor boys who knew Blaise well, Harry and Ron wisely decided to let him handle her.

"I can't help you all that much; I have no experiance in pranks. But I'll tell Malfoy." Gaius smiled at Blaise's statement. "Good. Give him this." A piece of rolled-up parchment appeared in Gaius's hand. He then gave it to Blaise. As Blaise walked off to Slytherin table, Gaius said "This is what we're going to do..."

By the time Gaius finished briefing his two fellow Gryffindor conspirators, he looked over to Slytherin table. There, he saw Malfoy smirking in his direction. And nod.

"Most interesting behavior." Snape deadpanned. Sirius grinned. "Indeed. I wonder if Harry and his friends plan to make a counterattack."

"I imagine they do; most likely in my class." Snape said. Sirius kept grinning.

"Interesting? Severus, Sirius, that was some of the most attrocious behavior I have ever seen in the Great Hall!" McGonagall said. Secretly, she thought what Hermione had done was hilarious; but she wasn't about to say so.

"Including the Valentine's Day Cupidity?" Sirius said, laughing at the momory of the Marauder's best 6th year prank. Oddly, Snape laughed as well.

"Incluing that." Now McGonagall had thought that one attrocious; a large pile of Cupid droppings had landed on her head.

"Well, if you say so. By the way," Sirius said, indicating Malfoy's smirk and nod, "it appears your house is in on it as well."

Snape then grinned as well. "Then this," he said, "should be most interesting."

"Hmph!" was all Minerva McGonagall could say.

Hermione was nervous. She didn't like the sadistic grins on the faces of Harry, Ron, Draco and Gaius. No, she didn't like them at all.

Professor Snape walked in, and class begun. They weren't brewing any potions that day; otherwise, the prank would've had to wait.

Right as Hermione was about to answer a question, she let out a little yelp. Her seat had vibrated. She heard stifled laughter from behind her. Oh, shit...

And thus it was, all period long. She never managed to get out a coherent sentence. When it got to be too much, she stood up and requested permission to go to the bathroom.

"Very well, Miss Granger. Go do what you must." This caused a fresh round of stifled laughter.

"Oh, and Miss Granger?" Snape asked right as she reached the door; she turned to look at him. Snape was smirking. "Maybe you'll think twice about such behavior in the Great Hall next time?" Hermione left the classroom, this time outright laughter following her. Oh, those boys were going to pay. They were going to pay dearly.

At dinner, Hermione decided not to repeat her earlier performance with the popsicle; it would be too obvious as to what she was doing. No, this one would have to focus more on the subtleties of innuendo.

For dessert this time, she had a rather juicy fruit- a slice of watermelon. She carefully, slowly sucked the juice out of the watermelon before finally consuming it.

Smiling innocently, she left- but not before she shot a quick smirk at the three Gryffindor boys. "I have an idea for this one." Harry said, referring to their planned counterstrike.

"What is it?" Ron asked, curious. "Hermione once mentioned how much she enjoyed Muggle romance novels. Some of them can get rather, err, detailed, so I could discuss one woth you and Gaius..." Harry trailed off.

"One sec," Gaius said, heading for Slytherin table. "Damn, he can get just about anything from Blaise, can't he?" Ron remarked.

Later that night, the Gryffindor 6th year boys' dorm was empty; Seamus and Dead were out in the castle with their dates; Neville was strangely missing as well. When Harry asked about Neville's whereabouts, Gaius would only offer a little smile and say that he was "being distracted."

All went according to plan; the plan that Gaius and Ron had come up with on their own, not Harry's. They had thought that, after this little attack, the boys' dorm would have to be emptied; therefore, Gaius and Ron had enlisted Ginny and Luna's help.

The novel was quite steamy indeed; Hermione was listening from around the corner; Gaius was having difficulty not laughing at her from under Harry's invisibility cloak.

Hermione's next move shocked all present. She walked around from the corner, grabbed Harry, and led him up ste stairs. Once the two were gone, Gaius remarked dryly "Good thing we cleared the dorm." It was all Ron could to not burst out laughing.

R&R, s'il vous plait.