I awoke seven days later calmer than I would've expected. I suppose you could say I was resigned to it. Dawn was just beginning to creep over the distant waters when I made my way down to the temple of Artemis to complete the customary rituals, a guard in my wake. I wore my customary veil, since I was still a maiden. As I finished and made my way back to the city, I passed the temple of Aphrodite. Many women choose to burn sacrifices to her, in prayer for a loving and passionate relationship.

            I continued on my way without stopping.

Looking back, I suppose that might have been my fatal mistake. Perhaps she took offense, but I just couldn't bring myself to appease her. Clytemnestra had prayed to her, and I'd seen how her marriage was going. I suppose Aphrodite had taken offense with our family, though for what I don't know. The gods are difficult to reason.

Clytemnestra was there, waiting for me when I returned. A young girl brought in the water and I took my purification bath. None of us spoke, I didn't feel much for talking. I was dried off and dressed in the finest white linen and sat in front of the mirror for my hair dressing.

Clytemnestra took her leave as Polydora prepared my hair. I could see her fingers shaking slightly as she twisted my hair into coils and braids. It occurred to me then that this day marked not only a change for me, but for her and my other handmaidens as well. She finished and stood there, silently waiting for me to dismiss her.

"You may go," I finally said, not turning around as she exited. I was gazing at myself in the mirror. My hair had been twisted in an elegant knot of tiny braids and coils. It crowned my head and framed my face, setting off my cheekbones. I stared at the mirror into my eyes, blue as the Aegean that lapped at our cliffs. My lips were well-formed and pink, and my nose left nothing to be desired.

It was at this point that a great feeling of sadness washed over me. Many women had told me that their happiest day was their wedding day, when they looked into the mirror and felt beautiful, whether they were or not. Though it makes no sense, I'd never felt any pleasure at my appearance, and I'd been silently hoping that today would be the day, the day I finally felt inwardly that my beauty was really beautiful.

But no feeling came.

It was odd, as though I was dispassionately observing a stranger I happened to pass by chance. I was staring into a countenance so beautiful that men would gasp when they saw it. And yet I felt no satisfaction, or even that the face belonged to me. It showed a gracefulness which I was far from feeling. It showed a calmness that I'd never felt. It showed everything that should have granted it love, and yet I'd never known it and I never would. I was just sixteen, still a maiden, but I'd known from my earliest childhood that there was a difference between a look of love- and a look of lust. The latter had been mine many times; the former I still longed to experience.

Resignation came then, for I knew I'd never find it. Menelaus had looked at me the same as any other man had. A look of longing, not of tenderness had shown in his eyes the few times we'd met during the week.

Clytemnestra came in then, interrupting my thoughts. I smiled at her in the mirror and she smiled back, her gaze softening. "You are truly lovely, Helen."

"I wish it wasn't so." My face was unadorned with makeup- for that would come after I was married- and nothing covered my face.

"Life is a mystery, isn't it? Women long to be beautiful, when they don't realize that beauty is nothing when compared to love."

"A pity that we seem to be the only ones to realize it."

She sat down beside me and I turned to face her. "You should have a mother to do this job, but that option is not available to us, so I'll do it instead. I've already offered you words of advice on pleasing your husband, now I'll offer you words for living." She locked eyes with me and I held her gaze- the soft, loving gaze of a sister more like the mother I'd never known. "Helen, I know that you've seen much in your short years. You've seen the power your beauty has over men, and yet I wonder if you truly realize the danger of it. It is your choice, use your beauty for others or for your own good. I promise you, though, the former will keep you happy. Find any way you can to keep yourself happy, you'll need every moment you possibly can. You'll learn the art of manipulation and seduction, in order to get your husband to grant your requests. Use it freely, but always be sure of the prize you're trying to attain. Nothing is more despicable than a wicked woman. And finally, do not go looking for things you cannot attain. It will be better for you if you don't."

And with these final words she draped the veil over my head and led me to the door of my chamber. I had no time to think upon her words then, for Menelaus came to claim me as his bride. The feast was magnificent, no expense had been spared, and I could see all my former suitors there as well. They bore no grudge, as they'd had to swear an oath to uphold the man who'd be chosen as my husband, and Menelaus had been chosen. I suppose if they'd thought about it, they'd realize that they'd never had a chance of attaining me, but my beauty has stupefied men before. The entertainment kept me from thinking of Clytemnestra's words and as I was unveiled and led to the bridal chamber, I still did not think of them.

I don't remember much of that evening, only of a raw feeling of fear gripping at my stomach. It was at this moment that I realized the strength and power of my husband, and my weakness and vulnerability at his side. He could snap me in two the moment he set his mind to it. But he didn't. As he gazed on me, I could feel my face heating up and I turned my face away from his, wishing the night to be over. He approached me then, gently tracing the outline of my jaw and letting his hand travel downwards. It was then that the familiar feeling of numbness came over me. It is at this point that the events start to grow hazy, but there is one moment that still clearly remains with me to this day.

I glanced briefly at his face, and I saw his eyes were not looking at my face but at my body. There was no tenderness in them, only lust- though harnessed. He was not rough me with in any way, but I knew then that even my beauty would not be enough to captivate him. I was just an object to him, and the look in his eyes solidified that knowledge.

That is the only moment I can remember, until later on that night as I lay under the cool covering of the sheets. Menelaus was lying on his stomach, facing away from me, with his arm protectively draped over my shoulders. I was on my back, trying to not move for fear of awaking him. I needed this time alone. It is then that I thought back to Clytemnestra's words that morning, which seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Do not go looking for things you cannot attain."

As I glanced over at my husband, a resigned feeling came over me. It was at that moment that I gave up any hope for love, for I knew it would never be mine. I would never experience the soft gaze of love, only the jealous gaze of lust. I would never have a mouth tenderly and gently placed against mine in a quick goodbye kiss. I would never look into a man's eyes and see his melt with tenderness as he looked upon me. I would never enter the room and see his face alight with smiles, just because I was now near him.

Beauty had a price. And what an expensive one it was.