Out of shame I stayed in my quarters for the next week. I could not bear to face Hector, not after I'd seen the look on his face. And I truly was grateful that he hadn't returned me to Sparta, though I'd no idea why.
But as time went by I grew antsy with staying in my quarters. Still my stubbornness prevailed and I refused to burden Hector with my presence. Then late one night, a full seven days after we'd begun our journey, that I could bear it no longer.
Paris slept beside me on his stomach, his face turned away from me. His left arm draped over my stomach comfortably. I was reminded of the many times I'd been in this situation with Menelaus. It is amazing how two identical acts can carry such different emotions with them. I'd never been so comfortable in my life.
But I was in need of fresh air so I slipped out from under Paris' hold. He did not even stir. I crept up to the deck, noting the sleeping sailors piled on animal skins on either side of the ship. My bare feet made no sound and I was careful not to wake them. I went over to the front of the ship and leaned against the railing, gazing at the water bathed in silver light.
"You should not be up here without an escort," a voice said, making me jump. It was Hector. Suddenly I was very aware of my light nightgown being the only covering I had on.
I smiled nervously at him, a tentative smile. "To protect my reputation?" I asked, noting his impassionate face. I shrugged. "I have betrayed my husband. I've no reputation left to protect."
He did not deny it, as I knew he wouldn't. Instead, he merely gestured towards the sleeping sailors. "I make no promises for the men's decorum if they're to find you here."
I was not afraid of them. "They can do nothing to me that hasn't been done already," I whispered, memories of my recent life coming back to haunt me.
I sensed a change in Hector's attitude, though that had not been my goal. "Was your life so terrible?" he asked me, his voice more gentle.
Memory after memory attacked me and I closed my eyes against them. Finally the face of my daughter gazed up at me and I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. I only nodded, ashamed at my weakness.
I sensed his awkwardness and I tried to calm myself as he struggled to find something to say. "You'll be safe in Troy."
I thought of all the people of Troy, sleeping unawares as their doom sailed to them on a prince's ship. "But Troy won't be safe with me," I said quietly, my voice cracking. "You should do it."
"Do what?"
I took a deep breath. "Turn the ship around." I smiled sadly up at him. "I've often wondered why you didn't."
He shrugged. "My brother would be dead if I had."
"You could've restrained him from following me," I said, flippantly. Hector's physical power was obvious.
He did not answer for awhile, knowing I was right. "It would've killed him," he said at last.
I studied him for a time, though he stared straight ahead. "Is that the only reason?" I finally asked.
He did not answer and I began to accept his silence when he replied, "My wife." There was a long pause as though he did not plan to elaborate. But he did. "She told me about women like you."
I smiled mockingly. "Unfaithful women with no morals and no sense of loyalty?"
"We both know that doesn't describe you," Hector replied gently. "And no. She told me of women whose husbands are like yours. Women who are slaves in their own households. I couldn't forgive myself for sending you back to that."
I was surprised. "She described it in such wretched terms?"
He nodded.
I was now curious. "Had she ever lived it?"
He shook his head no. "I promised her I wouldn't."
I smiled gently. "But that still does not bind you to me in any way, shape, or form. I am not the one you made a promise to."
"It could have just as easily been her in that predicament," Hector said softly, his eyes holding a faraway look. It was as if he was watching her sleeping, thousands of miles away. My heart melted as I saw the look on his face at that moment. It was the look I had longed for, and the look I now had with Paris.
He remained like that until he noticed my gaze and then turned to me. "Let me know when you're finished here and I'll escort you back below."
In other words, he'd not allow me to treat myself with disrespect, though I myself would. I smiled. "I am ready now."
He led me below deck and stopped at the door to the chamber I shared with Paris. "The sea looks equally brilliant in the daytime, Helen. You should experience it."
I inclined my head in acceptance of his offer, inwardly smiling. But I did not reply, only slipped back through the door and quietly shut it behind me. I climbed into be with Paris and positioned his arm over me again. I felt him stir and I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. A gently hand touched my face and I felt a soft kiss on my cheek. I had to open my eyes or my smile would give me away. I looked into his eyes gazing in soft wonder at me and I smiled.
"What is it?" I asked him.
He shook his head. "Nothing," he lied. His expression gave him away; I knew exactly what he was thinking and it warmed me to the bone. I am loved, I thought simply.
His words echoed my thoughts. "Sweet dreams, my love." I willingly accepted a tender kiss on my lips and closed my eyes as Paris once again resumed his regular sleeping position.
I fell asleep soon after.