THE RANMA HORROR PICTURE SHOW - quantum witch © 1999

see chapter 1 for rating, warnings, and summary

3 : THE END

After everyone gathered in a banquet hall, Ukyo and Shampoo set about serving them all, Mousse supplying utensils from his multi-dimensional sleeves.

Ryouga and Akane barely noticed that nearly everyone in the room was half-undressed, as they had become somewhat numb to such sights throughout the course of the night. They also found they both had difficulty meeting each other's eyes. That's odd, they both thought, without knowing the reason was they shared the same wrenching guilt.

Ranma arrived a few minutes later, and was followed by a large man dressed in a white suit, a scarf on his head, and wearing glasses. Ryoga glanced up and nearly choked on his food. "Genma Saotome?" he said aloud when he'd regained his breath.

Akane too was stunned. "Mr. Saotome! What are you doing here?"

Genma smiled and strolled over to the couple, leaning down to slap them both on the back in a typical friendly greeting. "Why, I meant to be here last night for the big event, but I got held up in certain negotiations. Fear not, everything is settled now." With that, he took his place at the opposite end of the table from their host and helped himself to a huge plate of food, upon which he lavished hearty praise between enormous mouthfuls.

Glancing at each other quizzically, Ryoga and Akane then looked toward Ranma for any comments, but he was distracted... which was just as well, since they both found looking at him made them blush. Both because they'd betrayed each other. But Ryouga doubly so, because even in male-form he found Ranma appealing... and he nearly stabbed himself in the leg with a fork to stop that thought, things were bad enough.

Seated at the head of the long table, Ranma meanwhile was gazing pensively at his creature, who was eating with her fingers (albeit quite daintily and exceedingly ladylike) no matter how hard Ukyo tried to teach her to use chopsticks. It really didn't matter any more, and he certainly didn't want to think of the news he'd just received from Genma. Damned if it didn't figure, he thought, to fall completely in love with just the right girl and guy, on the same night he'd finished creating what he believed would fill that void in his life... So he looked anywhere but at the couple he'd alternately spent the night making incredible, heartbreaking love with.

Both nevertheless disappointed by Ranma's lack of attention, Ryoga and Akane sat silently as well. Then Genma spoke to them. "So, has my son told you everything yet?" From their blank stares, he guessed not. "Foolish boy! He never gets his priorities straight, so busy with his scientific sex experiments and having parties! He'd lose his own head if it wasn't glued on!"

"Son?" the couple asked simultaneously. "Ranma is your son?" At Genma's nod, both of them found their heads reeling from shock. They'd both grown up knowing Genma, a friend to both their families, especially Akane's father Soun. But there had never been a word of a son, let alone a gender-changing one.

Everything felt even more unreal than before. "Mr. Saotome, what in the world is going on?" Akane asked a little loudly, slapping her hands on the table.

Ranma looked up, surprised that Akane seemed to actually know his father personally. "Yeah, Pop, what is going on?"

"Well, I assumed you'd already told them both the details!" Genma insisted. "But I guess you skipped it all because you were having too much fun, as usual."

Seated on the cushions beside the Master, Shampoo and Mousse both rolled their eyes back into their heads. Apparently everyone in the room thought that full introductions had already been covered.

"Since it's all screwed up now, I might as well take care of it for you, eh, son?" With an air of smugness, Genma pushed his glasses up his nose and sat back with arms crossed, prepared to wax eloquent.

"Never mind," Ranma growled, "If you start talking, old man, it'll really end up in a mess." Sighing, he rose and addressed his guests for the entire room to hear, ignoring Genma's loud complaints at the insult. "Akane, Ryoga... it's time to tell you both everything. But for that, let's all go to the baths."

o - o - o

There were two huge baths, as big as swimming pools - one steaming, one cool. Ryouga stood well back from the water's edge, as everyone else gathered closer. Akane held his hand gently, just as nervous as he, but for different reasons.

"Okay, here's the story," Ranma began, taking a deep breath and diving into the cool water, then surfacing in female form. She rose from the pool and pointed at Genma, Shampoo, Mousse, and generally swept her hand at everyone else. "Almost all of us here can change into another form, it's part of our nature."

As demonstration, Shampoo and Mousse dove in as well, resurfacing as a cat and a duck respectively. Genma sighed and dipped himself, becoming a giant panda. Ryoga was shaking with an unnamable feeling, and Akane held his hand more tightly, thinking he was as frightened and confused as she was.

Ranma continued his speech. "We all, except for Ukyou, come from the planet of Jusenkyo, where everyone has two forms, human and otherwise. I alone am human in both forms. It's a lonely existence for me, being so different, though I'm sure humans on this planet wouldn't really understand it that way. That's the reason I created Takacchi, to have someone else to be matched with..."

Having noticed that Takacchi was now male again, they also noticed he was groaning in apparent pain. Holding his head, he began to shake violently, and with no warning his face and body transformed again... into a likeness of Ranma... then Shampoo... Mousse... Ukyo... Ryoga... Just as it happened the night before, as the creature lay alone in its chamber, unnoticed...

Everyone watched in horror now. Ranma turned pale, shouting, "Damn, the biochemistry is breaking down! It's destabilizing!"

The creature howled and began to lash out blindly, as everyone ran for cover. Mousse dove into the warm pool, leapt out again, and grabbed a laser weapon from the sleeve of his robe. Crouching down, he fired to stun the creature. When it was safely asleep, several others lifted its limp form and carried it away. It was decided to keep it in a second cryo-chamber for the time being.

Silence fell hard on the room, until Ranma sighed deeply. "I guess I didn't really expect that to last," she said after a time. "I was in too much of a hurry to make it work... I guess when we get home, I'll turn it over to the Board of Science and let them finish the job... or maybe give it to a zoo..."

Genma, who'd been soaking (hiding) in the hot pool, approached his now-female son. "Let me finish the story for you now, shall I?" When Ranma opened her mouth to protest, Genma stiff-armed her backward into the hot pool, and continued before his son could surface, sputtering with anger.

"Sixteen years ago, a small ship from our planet got lost scouting this solar system and never returned. After much tracking, I located the planet it landed on but the adult pilots were dead, or else hopelessly missing. Knowing them, it could be either... They had a child and I found him, but he had already been adopted by an Earth family, with no idea where he'd come from or why he was so different. So I stayed here to keep an eye on the lost boy, see that he was cared for, and kept in contact with the home world. We'd been making plans for contact with Earth anyway, trading and exchange of knowledge, all that sort of stuff, so the plans just got sped up a little. Now the time has arrived, and we can take the boy home at last." He stopped and looked meaningfully at Ryoga, who stood shaking helplessly, face streaming with tears, having finally understood. "Now you see, boy, why this castle and its people are so compelling to you?"

Akane gasped, whispering to Ryoga, "You're an alien? You change into something else too?"

He nodded silently. Stepping resignedly toward the cold pool, he let himself fall in and crawled back out, a small black pig. Head hanging, he sat before Akane. She crouched down and gathered him into her arms, holding him close to her heart. "Poor Ryoga," she said softly, "no wonder you always felt so alone..."

He nuzzled against her, oinking a little sigh to know that she was still so understanding of him, so kind... as no one else had been. She would not reject him.

Genma continued his speech. "Now we've also made an arrangement with a family of this planet, to relocate one of it's own children to our home planet."

Ranma, now male, having crawled from the heated pool, sighed. "Yes, they've found a girl they want me to marry, sort of as a goodwill gesture or treaty between this world and mine... But Pop," he said plaintively, "I've already found someone I think I can love... two someones actually..." When he glanced over at Akane and Ryouga, both of them felt their hearts jump.

Genma grinned at his child knowingly. "And by some extraordinary coincidence, Fate, it seems has decided for you. You fell for the one we chose without even realizing it!" He pointed at Akane now. "We've tried to make sure she and Ryoga would be together as friends, so they would both have the opportunity to come to you at the same time. We relied on Ryoga's seemingly lousy sense of direction, which was really a magnetic pull to bring him to his own kind, to lead them both here."

Akane was still holding Ryoga in pig form, when it dawned on her. "Wait just a minute... did I hear right? Am I being married off without my consent?"

"It's to me, Akane," Ranma said, rising and approaching her. "After last night, I thought you..."

"But it's without asking me!" she shouted, beginning to squeeze Ryoga a bit too hard. "Is my dad responsible for this?"

"Well, yes," Genma faltered, "but don't you love Ranma?"

"Why didn't anyone think to at least consult me on this?" she ignored the question, demanding loudly. Ryoga squirmed loose from her grip and leapt into the warm pool.

"And me too, for that matter!" Ryoga yelled as he resurfaced. "Did it occur to anyone that I might love Akane too?"

Ranma sighed, coming between them and wrapping an arm around both. "Hey you two, think about this... If I have to marry someone from Earth for the arrangement, at least it's someone I already care about." He kissed Akane on the lips, making her blush hotly. Ryoga flushed as well, mostly jealous... partly intrigued. When Ranma turned and planted kissed Ryoga as well, his eyes bugged out of the socket and his face flamed.

Not releasing the embarrassed couple from his grip, Ranma continued, "See, on my planet there are many multiple marriages, because our shape-changing makes it easier to love more than one person, in more than one form. So... I want to marry you both."

"Both?" they cried in alarm, looking at one another.

He laughed, hugging them tightly, "I know you both love me already, as much as I love you... especially after giving yourselves to me last night..." This caused them both to gasp and blush again. Ranma pushed them together to face each other. "And, hey, if you two want to marry each other as well... the more the merrier!"

Akane and Ryoga gazed at each other hesitantly at first... then realised it was something they could live with, and fell into a long kiss. Ranma laughed and turned to the rest of the crowd, raising his arms triumphantly. "All right! It's settled! We're going home!"

Everyone in the room cheered and began the month-long party all over. Now that Earth knew of them there would be no more need to hide out, so a few decided to stay awhile longer, while others wanted to return to their families on Jusenkyo. Not surprisingly, Genma announced he would stay, as he still hadn't finished his Go game with Soun Tendo, and he intended to win. Ukyo, though she would have liked to join her alien friends and visit a new planet, decided to stay and care for Tsubasa once he awakened.

All in all, the multiple marriage was the best plan Ranma had come up with yet, and really the only logical alternative. Besides, it more than doubled the pleasure... and the fun.

And they all lived happily ever after! THE END!

· DEDICATION - To my Japanese pen pal of many years. She was always so unhappy in her life, and I fear may have ended that life before I could ever meet her in person. Wherever you are, Sachiyo Takahashi, this is for you...

· NOTE - I have been a longtime fan of RHPS, being also a cast member in a local theater (playing as Magenta) for most of my teenage years. I also love Takahashi's work. So the idea to combine the two was too tempting to pass up. Those who know RHPS will see the poetic license I've taken with some plot line and scenes, while keeping others fairly intact and even quoting some parts directly from the movie. Also I really hate sad endings, and I don't like killing off characters (unless it's unavoidable or they piss me off). As for the Ranma ½ folk, some things I made them do was a bit out of character (esp. Ranma's attitude toward sexuality), but hey - some things have to get compromised and I LOVE kinky combos. Plus it developed different psychology behind people's behaviour. Overall, it seemed to fit fairly well.