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Sweet little one-shot. Harry is on the train, leaving school and leaving behind his fifth year. A certain someone's death is haunting him, making him feel like he is responsible for fixing it or finding a way he could have stopped it--until a friend makes him talk...

When You Wake

By: Valaina Surion (Vikki)

If only I don't bend and break

I'll meet you on the other side

I'll meet you in the light

If only I don't suffocate

I'll meet you in the morning when you wake.

-Keane 'Bend and Break'

Voices were all around him, but he couldn't hear them clearly; they were muffled noises that seemed like they were miles away. He couldn't quite make himself listen to the voices anyway, as the voices of another kept running through his mind. It repeated itself, over and over, like a broken record. The visions of a man's last moment in life played over and over in his head. His eyes were unfocused to the world around him. Instead, they were in tune with the world inside his head, where his eyes were squinted as he watched the movie repeatedly, trying to understand what had happened. Trying to find a glitch that no one else had seen, a small gleam of hope that something, anything, could have been done to stop the accident.

"...Harry?" A small voice whispered into his ear. His eyes focused into the real world again, and the sun shining through the window blinded him. Had it missed the memo that someone had died? Even if not today, how could it still shine when that someone was gone from the world forever?

"Harry, are you listening to me?" A small hand touched his arm and he jumped. The hand was warm. He glanced down at it and noticed who it was in an instant: Luna.

Harry looked away. He felt too tired to talk. Too annoyed, too angry, too sad, too confused... he was still trying to process what had happened not too long ago. But he nodded, to let her know that he had heard her. "Yeah, I'm listening Luna..."

There was a moment of silence. Even he noticed it. The others in the compartment had gone silent and all seemed determined not to look at him, but they were definitely glancing at him to see how he was feeling. "D'you want something to eat, mate? You're starting to make Snape look like he has a tan."

A mumble was all that his best friend, Ron, got in reply. Ron understood, and quickly looked away. "Hermione, how about we go check in the hall? We... we ought to make sure that no one's... doing anything... err—"

"Yes!" Hermione said, jumping up. She grabbed Ron's hand and then pushed him out of the compartment. "Harry..." She paused in front of him. Harry didn't look up. "Please, don't act so distant—Ron and I are here for you to talk to."

Before she forced herself and Ron out of the compartment, she placed a quick kiss on his cheek. Harry hardly noticed. What he did notice, however, was Luna Lovegood's presence in the compartment—just the two of them. Neville had gone off for a snack from the food cart some time ago, and had probably gotten himself into a compartment with Seamus and Dean. Neville seemed to have caught on faster than the others that he wanted space.

An even larger silence drifted in the air of the compartment. Harry glanced over at Luna and saw her staring at him, for once her eyes not wide. They were soft, calm, but slightly weary-looking. She seemed to be studying him and trying to see what he was thinking, as though his stone expression was able to express any emotion.

"Harry." Luna whispered, her voice surprisingly weak. She sounded as though she was on the verge of crying, if anything. "...Have you never experienced death before?"

"What does that mean?" He growled quickly in defense. "I saw my parents die, didn't I? What makes you think I haven't experienced death? I've probably had more experience with death than anyone in the whole school!" Green eyes narrowed at her, chipping away at Luna's soft face.

"...That's not what I meant." She murmured. She seemed generally unharmed from Harry's outburst, and obviously did not mind his rude remark of his 'tremendous experiences with death'.

"You were a baby when your parents died, Harry. You probably didn't even notice, and it couldn't have hurt you as much as Sirius' death did. Have you never really experienced having someone close to you die, who you really knew and cared about?"

Harry shifted in his seat, leaning his head back against the seat. "...I have... with Cedric—"

"But Cedric wasn't family," Luna interrupted. "Sirius was your family, wasn't he? Cedric was a friend, but you hadn't really known him before your fourth year. Have you ever had a family member who you loved die?"

Why was she interrogating him? Harry's only wish was to be left alone, to go over the death in his head, and to keep going over it until he found that little glitch he was looking for. He wanted to fix everything himself—not with the help of others. None of them could even possibly understand, could they? And the last thing he wanted to do was talk about his feelings.

"Harry."

"No." Harry replied, his voice void of any emotion. He narrowed his eyes and glared at Luna, only to notice that she was still staring at him with a caring look. Why did she never get mad? For some reason, he had to make her angry, he had to make her cry—he didn't want anybody's pity, or their consoles... he didn't need it. But she just wouldn't give up on him. She just wouldn't leave him alone. She just wouldn't stop looking at him like that.

Luna stood from her seat and took a step forward to his side of the compartment, then sat down next to him. Her proximity was entirely too noticeable; she was nearly leaning against him...

"Harry, I saw my mum die too." Luna whispered, but her voice felt so loud. "I was nine, Harry. You aren't the only one in the world who's been through a lot. Don't you understand? Neville understands too. We're here, too. Or did you forget about us?"

"I didn't forget!" Harry snapped, pushing Luna away and leaping from the seat. "Why can't you just leave me alone? I don't want to talk right now, I really just want to be by myself!"

A slightly hurt look pierced her eyes, and a happy feeling ran through his stomach; he had finally gotten to her—

"You need to talk. Bad things happen when people don't talk, Harry. And I didn't think you forgot about us. But you should understand that we're here, too."

"I know you're here, and I'll talk to you if I ever need a counselor, Luna, but right now I definitely don't need one!" Harry dropped into the seat opposite Luna, scooted near the window, and stared out. "Just leave me alone."

And for a moment, there was a silence in the room. But only a moment.

"That's not what I meant."

There she was again, sitting next to him, too close for him to feel comfortable, her face near his and her whispering words into his ear that made him so aggravated. Did this make her happy, annoying him? Making him think so much about that fact that Sirius was gone for good, forever? Leaving him on his own to deal with his life, leaving him with no godfather, leaving him to deal with the great misery that he was doomed to constantly feel?

"Harry, Neville and I are still here. We've both lost things that mean so much to us, but we're still here. We got past it all. In the end it still left a scar, Harry—" He half-expected her to chuckle at the pun, but she remained serious. "—but we've generally healed from it all. Nothing is so horrible that the scar always remains wide open. It will always heal over, maybe not completely, but it will heal."

Luna touched his hand and curled her fingers through his own. Her hand was still warm, and it seemed to radiate warmth. He felt odd—anger was still there, but it felt so much smaller. The sadness was still as great as it was, but for a moment, he felt somewhat better. Luna leaned her head on his shoulder and began to hum. He didn't move, somewhat possessed to stay in the spot forever.

"Don't apologize for what you said, either." She paused her humming to speak. "I know you didn't completely mean it. You're just lonely is all. It's horrible to think that Sirius ditched you though, Harry. I bet he cared about you more than anything, and he'd have left his spirit here if he felt you couldn't do it alone."

He did not have to look over at Luna to know that she was smiling, not a wide smile, but a nice thin one that made her look as though she were pleased of where she was and what she was saying. Made her look normal—not normal, though... it made her look abnormally beautiful.

"I meant what I told you, too."

"What?" He asked, frowning.

A sly smile crept across her lips. "No one is ever gone forever. You just have to wait before you see them again, is all."

With that, she placed a kiss on his cheek and stood up. "Remember what I said, please, because I don't want to have to repeat myself one million, five-hundred and twenty thousand, seven-hundred and two times."

She left not with words, but a mysterious smile. Harry sat there, feeling more confused than ever, but feeling less clouded by his emotions. Anger had become a droplet in his pool of feelings, but sadness was still a good percentage of that pool. But still...

"Harry?" Hermione entered the compartment. "An owl just came. It was for you." She placed a letter beside him before retreating to the hall. Harry half-smiled at her, deciding to try and calm down his friends and let them know he wasn't on a rampage anymore.

The envelope had 'Harry' written on it in cursive, and he quickly tore it open. It didn't surprise him that it was from Lupin.

Harry,

I know this won't be very helpful. Consoling people isn't something I'm good at. But you know where to find me over the summer if you ever need a friend to talk to. I have asked Mrs. Weasley very kindly to send you a bag of floo powder should you need to contact me. It's often best to talk with a friend instead of keeping it in, Harry, remember that.

Harry, this is a tough time for you, but don't take it badly. Sirius and James wouldn't want it that way, I'm sure of it. Be good, Harry. I expect I'll be seeing you at some point this summer.

-Remus

It was short, not very heartfelt, but Harry knew that Remus would be very busy with the Order and that letter writing couldn't possibly be at the top of his priority list. Being told to keep his chin up and be good wasn't something that thrilled him, and a twinge of annoyance nipped at him, but he decided to let it go.

"Don't take it so badly..." Harry muttered. Was that possible? He sighed and closed his eyes, the letter contained in a tight grip. He could still see Sirius, falling into the curtain, disappearing... but he could also see the good times he had with Sirius, though they were few.

Forget everything? That would never happen. But spend his life grieving over it? Never. That, he could definitely do for his father and Sirius.

Lovesick, bitter and hardened heart

Aching, waiting for life to start

Meet me in the morning when you wake up

Meet me in the morning then you'll wake up