•Fifth Degree - My Plague •

So you finally did it son. You finally brought a new dawn to the wizarding world. If it wouldn't be to out of character for me, I would give you a round of applause. I suppose I instead will just settle for being the one that read you the official announcement of your Order of Merlin, First Class. Perhaps one day, after you have been an Auror for a few years, we can trade stories on what it's like being in the field. You've certainly earned that respect in my heart, something that precious few even believe that I have.

Albus I know, for one, believes that I have a heart. Has it really been this many years my old pal? All those years of sacrifice, putting things off, never actually going back to them. I can remember when I first met you; right after you came back to Hogwarts after your defeated Grindewald. You took me under your wing, showed me everything that you knew, for you truly thought that I was going to be the one that was going to take your place.

But that was not to be, no, it was not to be. I was not the right person, for you see, I made to many sacrifices. I didn't know when to stop; I didn't know how to temper myself. All my scars and disfigurations prove it. Every morning when I wake up and have to use a spell to get my legs moving because the muscles have atrophied over night I am reminded of all of my sacrifices I have made just so I can see this world as a better place.

It was something that had to be done, who else would have done it? Who else would have been stupid enough to have done it? I gave up so much because I thought it would be worth it in the end. In the end I would have something to show for all my sacrifices, it would all be worth it. I would be able to settle into a peaceful retirement because my years of giving up my life would have made a difference.

For close to seventeen years I believed that those sacrifices didn't make a difference. Excuse me, I wasn't being completely honest. For close to seventeen years, my blood, sweat, and tears were NOT worth it. I can tell you in fact the exact moment when I realized this, for the words are going too burned into my skull, until my dieing day. I can remember the day as clearly as I can remember yesterday. I had just gone on my first mission since I had lost my eye to that bitch Bellatrix Lestrange. We had been trying to secure a runaway hippogriff when, still not being used to my new eye, I missed the hippogriff breaking free and the thing bit off the lower half of my leg. The next day, my face is on the cover of the Daily Prophet with the headline, 'Mad-Eye Moody: Finally Lost It?' You try falling asleep knowing that the world only cares about your downfall and how you screwed up a mission for the first time in your over thirty year career.

It was after that day I just truly became totally detached from my work, but I remained as paranoid as ever. For I couldn't let anything catch me by surprise again, I couldn't. Every time I made one single mistake, my legacy once again became ruined just a little bit more. People forgot about my blood, my sweat, my tears, and everything else that I had given up so that they would have.

I soon just decided that it would be easier to become the person that the newspaper said I was, for I lost the passion to fight it anymore. I became "Mad-Eye Moody." Not "Alastor Moody, Order of Merlin, First, Second, and Third Class." And I felt this way for a long time, for after all why shouldn't I? There wasn't any point in trying to be any different, the world wouldn't care. So you have to excuse me for sounding slightly bitter, but when you tear open your body and then your soul for the world, and all it does is piss on your memory, you tend to become slightly bitter.

Then a green eyed, messy haired boy came along. Never having once heard of me, he was doing what I thought I had been instilling in people. He had a sense of making sure the world was safe, even if it didn't seem like it was his problem, or even if it was the hard thing to do. This boy, I soon realized, was a lot like a younger version of me. He had a set of morals that he had developed himself, he fought the good, not always popular, fight, and he was dedicated to the Defense Against the Dark Arts. Soon enough, it became clear to me that this boy was being groomed by Albus, just as I was, to be the one that took his place.

The last few years, Harry, you have shown why you are the one that is taking up Dumbledore's mantle, and why I never once had a chance. For while I dedicated myself to ridding the world of evil, and fighting the fight, I never once stood back and enjoyed some of life's simple pleasures. I never truly let myself have a life. It wasn't necessary, if the Auror's wanted me to have a life, they would have issued me one when I joined up. But you proved that it is. By fighting to maintain a life on top of all the other fighting, you became much more than a hero; you became a legend, and idol, an icon. Someone that everyone looked up to with respect. That's when I realized that I had it all wrong, you don't get people to remember you or your lessons no matter who many teeth you loose, how many ears, how many legs. You get your legacy remembered by also showing that you can live a normal life while still fighting the fight.

I hope I've instilled that lesson into young Tonks, who certainly is one of the best Auror's to come along in years. She's young, she's energetic, and most of all, she's got brass. She knows how to give people a piece of her mind, without seeming out of place, or insubordinate at all. Through the past two year in which I've worked many missions with her, she's become a lot like the daughter that I never had. Which is once again one of the sacrifices that I made so that this world would be a better place, and like I've said, for many years I thought that my sacrifices were not worth it.

Walking up to Albus, I notice that the man is deep in thought, and has what many have deemed the 'thousand mile stare.' I, personally, prefer to call it the 'thinking one thousand things at once stare.'

"Are you okay Albus?" I say to my oldest, in both senses of the word, friend.

"Just contemplating what the future holds for some of the young birds present here Alastor," Dumbledore responds, and I can't help but agree. Although a certain few I worry about....

"Aye, these kids definitely have their heads screwed on straight," I state instead, and then land both of my eyes upon my reason for losing all my bitterness, "Some even have the ability to be the next Albus Dumbledore, I say."

"Not the next Alastor Moody?" Dumbledore asks with that damned twinkle in his eye. My friend, for everything that you know, human emotion is still not your strong suit. I think you can tell this old boy by the twisted expression that appears on my face.

"God help whoever turns into the next me Albus," I state, wholeheartedly. As I say this, I notice something that has been troubling us for some time now, and since the new dawn is officially rising in the wizarding world, I think now is as good of time as any to fix this. Without even bothering to bid adieu to Albus, I stalk over to the girl that has sectioned herself off from the rest of the world.

"Why are you sitting over here out of the way lass?" I ask Miss Granger, clearly startling her out of her thoughts.

She takes a few moments before giving me an answer that I instantly start to feel her barriers coming down with, "I don't deserve to be with the rest of them."

"Why's that?" I respond, deciding to give voice to a question that many would leave unasked. I'm going to help this girl whether she wants help or not, because I'm not seeing another person end up with the life I have. Albus you tricky old bastard...

"I never did anything that could help any of them, I only hindered them." For all the brains that this girl possesses, she sure can have a head full of troll clubs at times. Reminds me greatly of a person I'm very intimate with.

"Why do you say that? You're the smartest witch of your generation if I do say so myself," I respond, throwing out the bait. If she answers this...

"Smartest? Not even close Professor. I may be the most knowledgeable, but I'm no where near the smartest."

To say I'm shocked that this conversation is going a lot better than expected would be an error of the tongue, although it doesn't necessarily surprise me, "So you finally figured it out."

Her mouth hangs open in shock as I continue on, starting to let her in on a little secret that she probably won't agree with, "We've been worried about you Miss Granger. That is, the whole Order has been worried about you. We thought that you were unable to see the difference."

"You discussed me like that?" she replies, not even trying to hide the scandal that laces her voice. Yes Miss Granger, we discussed many things that would make your naive little head spin.

"Harry was the one that brought it up at one meeting. How he was worried you would never know the success you deserve because you didn't know how to apply your knowledge," I say to her, clearly giving her a slight shock. Yes, Miss Granger, Harry is probably the greatest person you'll ever know, "Albus then thought it was best if we let you figure this out for yourself, because only then would we be able to help you."

"Well, as you can see, I've figured it out, so why don't you help me now?" I almost wince at the bitterness in her voice. I take my time formulating a response, giving a look to Harry and Albus, who are currently having their own serious discussion. Well, if I'm going to say that I ever made a difference, why don't I take the approach that seemed at one time to work?

"Miss Granger, I want you to look at my face," I say, really letting her study my face. Not just the scars, but the emotion hidden under them too, for I want her never to forget this, "I want you to remember this face. This is the face of lost chances."

In a way, trying to help her is almost helping me. I'm finally coming to terms with what I did, and if I can change just one persons life with my experiences, I feel like I quite possibly am a better person.

"What do you mean, 'lost chances'?"

"If you do not remember to seize your opportunities as they are present to you, you will one day resemble this face. I never took the opportunities to lead a life that wasn't devoid of almost all human emotion, and look how I turned out. Don't end up like me lassie."

I walk away, not waiting for a response. The ball is in her court now, there isn't much else I can say or do. As I walk past Harry and Susan to look at the paintings of all who paid the greatest price for bettering the wizarding world, I notice that Harry seems to look more upbeat, and have a certain...look about him that only one other person I know of has. So Albus, you finally did it eh?

Well so did I, my boy. I finally made my sacrifices feel worth it.