A/N: Well here's the third and final chapter… Very much inspired by the movie, where Alexander's behaviour began to madden me more and more and I felt so sorry for Hephaistion. When he died, I couldn't help think that at least he stopped suffering and Alexander had his punishment, and I was even a little glad. Insane mind I have, not?

Thanks so much to Camlost for reviewing! I'll quickly post this last chapter and hide under my desk now.

I've always had to live with the idea that there might come a time in which they would try to kill me. People are always jealous of how dear I am to Alexander, or they fear that I influence him to greatly, or would even try to seize power myself. Had they looked closer, they would have known it to be nonsense – but there always were enough reasons to get rid of me. It surprises me they have chosen this day though. Now, when I am farther from Alexander than ever.

I knew there was something strange right away. It wonders me that, whoever did this, chose a poison that made water smell as distinctly wrong as this. I have mixed the wine and the water together, so it won't taste that bad. The goblet is in my hand. All I have to is drink! Am I strong enough to take my own life?

Who will be punished for it? Roxane, probably. Alexander will think that she is jealous of me… For all I know it really is her. It's not like it matters, now that the choice comes down to me. I hope for her – and for Alexander – that she's finally pregnant now. Then at least it has use that he took her as a wife. Not that it is her fault, of course…

I caught Bagoas right-handed while he was in the kitchen, anxiously pouring some powder in her glass. He looked up, startled, but did not move while I approached him and took the bag. I cautiously sniffed the powder. "Poison?" I asked him. He shrugged carelessly, and told me it was just to stop her from conceiving. I don't know why I thought the situation so amusing back then.

I told him that Alexander would take another wife, if she would be without child for much longer, and that he would only gain himself more competition. It seemed to make sense within his tiny brain. I said it only for Alexander. I really don't care about Roxane, or about an heir, but if Alexander wants it… I kept an eye out, but never found him doing it again.

I don't know if she's with child now, I don't think Alexander would tell me if she was. It's not like it really matters to me now anyway. Alexander doesn't need me anymore. After all that I've done for him, given up for him, he has just decided he doesn't need me. He comes to me sometimes, and I try to act normal, not to let it show, not to be weak. But even at such moments, when things will even be almost like the old times, it still feels like he hardly notices me. And I still love him. Gods, I love him so much. My pain is a constant reminder of what we used to share. Not until my love has bled to death will this ache go away, but what is there still to live for then?

I will make my own decision this time. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I will decide for myself what I do, without thinking of Alexander. I am not his puppy, if he thinks that. It's a shame this is all there is left for me to prove that, is this wine with it's evil hidden inside. But it's alright. Alexander will have his way – I will leave his life like he left mine.

The goblet falls to the floor as I powerlessly open my hand. I did it. This moment is the scariest. The moment there's nothing wrong yet, but I fear the pain, the damage it will do in the body that has so long been my shelter. I bite my lip, let my gaze stray to the sunshine outside. It's a beautiful day to die.

The first shot of cramps wrecks through me, and I helplessly gasp for air as I let myself fall down on the bed. It's a shame I'll die without Alexander… I would've like him to be with me at such an important moment. I try to ignore how cold I feel, how my fear makes my body covered with sweat. Or is it the poison? I'm not sure. I decide to crawl under the covers. No need to die uncomfortably, if you can help it.

I close my eyes in surrender. As I gasp for air once more, I realise that perhaps this won't be the quick poison I suspected, but something that will make me suffer for a long time before I die. Why have I not thought of that? Oh well, it's too late now. My own laboured breathing sounds strange in my ears.

I feel a cool hand on my clammy forehead, and I open my eyes. A Persian… Bagaos? I groan. Why him? Of all people to die with, why him? "It will soon be over," he whispers. "It really shouldn't hurt too much." It is strange that on the moment I realise that it is him who put down the poison, I am also strangely drawn to his comfort. As if he understands. But he doesn't, no he can't!, and I want him to go. "Go away." I close my eyes again, and not long after I know that he has left.

The next moment the room is full of people and voices, I don't really hear what they say. They try to make me drink something, but I refuse. It's too late, I want to say, can't you see it's too late? All I can do is utter his name, for I could not die without seeing him one last time. And then he is there, and all others have left.

When I see his eyes, it suddenly hits me hard. I have made the wrong decision. He still loves me, of course he still loves me! I should've stuck with him till the end. I had come this far, why had I given up? I lie to him, say that I will live, everything will be alright, he knows it too. But there is a strange numbness and my senses are cascading down around me… And he just talks talks talks. It's not about me, his attention is already focused elsewhere – as always. When I feel my last moments I search for last words, something to say that will capture my life in short, some kind of wisdom I have found in the time I lived, but I find none. There is no air in my lungs to speak with anyway. Pained, I crawl into the beckoning darkness, leaving Alexander's voice behind. Goodbye…