Chapter 7:The Fool
Rainy grabbed a drink from the fridge and added it to her bag.
"Are you feeling ok?" Rubi didn't know much about the drink, but the citrine bracelet around Rainy's wrists was specifically for stomach problems.
"Nanami's been running after curses these past few days. They make me nauseous."
"Huh, he's still doing that?"
The fae grabbed the suede wrap belt from the kitchen counter and looped it around her waist. "He's nervous about an upcoming date, and killing curses is a good distraction.
"Why doesn't he just do that during his free time?"
"I can only pay him for protecting me."
At the end of her task, one of the strings hung lower than expected. Rubi reached up, her yellow eyes steady on the strings, before pulling back and scurrying to the window ledge. She would let Mother Scorpio step on her before she followed the irrational urges of a human cat.
"But he's going after the ones not bothering you."
Rainy shrugged, undoing her sloppy work. "Fewer curses to bother me in the future? I don't know..."
"Rainy…"
"Humans are weird little creatures, but they grow on ya, you know?"
"Not really, no." The cat strolled to the edge of the window, where the sunlight warmed the spot to her liking.
"He's trying to fix his soul," she noted. "I think it's commendable to take on such a task. It's a huge job, especially considering he's going in blind."
"You're only helping him put a bandaid on the wound with money."
Rainy finished looping the strings into a neat bow. She ran into the living room, where she twirled in front of the large silver mirror. "It's just a little help."
She gathered her curls into a messy low bun and twirled again. Yes, now the turtle neck could have its moment to shine.
"Why? It's not like he's going to survive Limbo." Rubi walked by the mirror. She settled by the skirt of talismans, rubbing her cheek against the onyx pentacles. "And his soul won't survive death."
Rainy stepped back. "Right…" Limbo. A magical forest where all timelines converged with the Ether. The road that led to the Sacred Grounds where the Blue Lotus bloomed. "Do you really think we need him… to make it through Limbo?"
Rubi's eyes narrowed. "The Blue Lotus attracts the powerful. Even in the weakest country, you've had to distract them with bait. In Japan, we'll be lucky if he's enough to get you through."
The fae breathed out. "I don't think he'll be enough to make it through…."
"We can always try again if it's beyond our means, but you will try."
She had to. For her to gain enough power to cast a net, she needed the energy of the Blue Lotus. Without it, she'd be stuck in this hell for another year.
"I will try."
"Good."
Rainy smoothed out the skirt of her silk dress. She needed shoes and gloves. "But hey, if he dies, what are the odds of him going to the Ether?"
"Well, it's not impossible." She saw the fae's eyes brighten again. While Rubi didn't care for some of the Ethereal folks' fascination with humans, she did understand the importance of Rainy having a distraction. "In the past weeks, his soul has gone from guaranteed damnation in the Broken Lair to possibly not. Maybe your guidance can secure him a spot in the Ether over the next few days."
"Hands-on experience," Rainy smiled. "This is the ultimate test."
"That works." If she needed to chant such words to drag the man across the deadly claws of all the curses that would gather in Limbo, then so be it.
The chime of the bell resonated through the house. Rubi stretched before disappearing into her room.
"Can we take it easy on the curses today? I only have one bottle of ginger ale left."
Nanami blinked. "I was hoping we could go shopping for my date night outfit."
"Oh, thank the heavens," she laughed. Going shopping, she could do. The possibilities to create healing memories were endless. "You know I'm a huge fan of you in a suit, but for a date night, I think casual with a dash of proper would work best."
Nanami felt his cheeks warm. He didn't know, actually. "Thank you for putting up with my nervousness these past few days. I hadn't noticed your lack of tolerance."
"Curses are ugly and smell so bad."
She closed the door behind them.
They really did smell bad. "Let's go get you some sweet bread."
[7]
The dates were very traditional. They went to a movie or show, followed by a dinner. Nanami even visited her at work that Monday to walk her home.
The rain cleared up by their next date that Friday. A lovely chill had settled in the air, and he got to wear his first cashmere of the season. The streets were clear of crowds as they walked, the restaurant allowed them a private table on the terrace, and as they said goodnight, she requested they meet on Sunday.
She wanted to see him.
"Of course." He didn't hesitate.
"Great!"
Because this is what he wanted. This is the life he really wanted.
"So what's the problem?"
The blonde didn't remember walking to the cafe where Rainy still worked. In his mind, he wanted to go home and sleep… Nanami felt so tired.
"Things just went well."
She flipped the door sign to Closed and activated the automatic gate until it covered half the door.
"So what's the problem?" She asked again.
"This would be my life. I'd have a good job, a good wife, hopefully, a good child, and live in a good house."
"Right..?"
He shrugged. "I feel ungrateful."
"For asking for a good life?"
"Because this kind of life doesn't…" He failed to come up with the right words. "It doesn't feel… It doesn't feel like a life-"
"It doesn't move your soul."
Both endings encompassed his feelings perfectly.
"It does not… I believe in reincarnation, but truthfully speaking, this life doesn't leave me wanting more."
Airi was more admirable than a perfect main character. Their dates had been worthy of a montage in a romance movie. Even the weather felt pulled out of a well-composed song. And yet there wasn't a burst of emotion, not even the spark of a connection.
Being with her felt like eating in a dream. It still tasted like nothing when he woke up.
Rainy leaned over the countertop. "Hmm, what would make you want to come back?"
"... I... I don't know…." He pulled at the sleeve of his sweater nervously. "I was brought up with the idea that all of these things led to happiness."
"Ah, so your guardians have all these things?"
"Yes, my parents are speaking from experience."
"Are they happy?"
Nanami blinked. "They're satisfied."
"But are they happy?"
That's not something he could answer. "It's not a topic of conversation I'm comfortable having with them."
It was her turn to blink. "I see." Humans were strange. " Let's say you continue seeing Airi. You get married. Have a child. Baby Nanami is asking for guidance from his father. Will you lead them down the path your parents led you?"
Nanami lowered his gaze.
"I would do things differently." The answer came out quickly, surprising even him.
Rainy nodded. "Like what?"
She folded her arms across the glass counter and rested her chin on top. It was way past the store's closing time, but this job was far more critical.
"I'm not sure," her companion admitted. "My most fundamental desire, I guess, would be for them to pursue something that made them happy."
His words felt warm to the fae.
Through the many difficulties of this trial, even at the lowest point of her hopelessness, the belief that Mother wanted to see the evolution of her soul was the most comforting thought Rainy could gather. It gave her pain a greater purpose, even if it was only enough to get her head above water some days.
Nanami's future offspring would be lucky to know his father wanted their happiness above all else.
"That sounds like your soul speaking." Rainy hugged her shoulders a little tighter. "And it's important that you listen."
Nanami's gaze didn't lift from the table. His fingers interlaced nervously, and she wasn't sure if he'd even heard her.
"Do what makes you happy. Your parents will still love you even if your approach to life isn't the same as theirs."
His fingers stopped.
Silence lulled them to a seldomly visited crevice in their hearts. One that yearned for unencumbered happiness in such a demanding world.
Nanami pushed his chair back and stood up. He hated it there.
"Let's go."
Your parents will still love you…
That was the problem. He wasn't sure they would.
[7]
"Sometimes I find a community that is so warm and welcoming that I think about staying here on Earth. It's scary."
Nanami's steps slowed. The gentle tap of his shoes barely resonated against the smooth slate of the terrace floor. He'd been lost in thought since leaving the cafe, so much so that he hadn't noticed taking the road to the shrine behind her residence.
"You've thought about joining the cycle of rebirth?"
They stopped in front of the small temple and watched the paper charms dance with the soft breeze,
"It's one of the few things I enjoy about being here. Humans are weak, their souls fragile, and they're mostly spiritually unaware, but they are generous. They give from the little they have, sometimes all of it. As a fae, emotions are our favorite sustenance. And being surrounded by such selflessness has brought me joy I don't remember ever feeling."
Ethereal souls were perfect. They didn't need to grow through lifetimes of work that reminded them to appreciate the peaks and valleys of their journey. It made their existence peaceful yet somewhat dull and isolating.
"These communities flow. I understand that they have to reach others, but I feel this crushing loneliness when they're not around. Sometimes I wonder if those highs are worth pursuing? While in the Ether, even though I don't remember actually being happy, I know what to expect. I'm a fae; it's not difficult."
Rainy began walking. Nanami followed quietly. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, sorry for the generic 'follow your soul, do what makes you happy' advice. It's not easy. I understand."
He smiled.
Leaning into her overactive Mercury, the setup was longer than the actual point. Still, Nanami appreciated the details. "It's comforting knowing even otherworldly creatures struggle with choosing a path."
For the former sorcerer, the highs of using his talents to help the world around him soothed his heart, yet the demoralizing blow of not being able to fulfill his fullest potential dragged him to his lowest point. Floating in the lukewarm waters of normalcy created a stale existence, but one that felt satisfying compared to those awful lows.
His heart wanted to gamble in the game of life… Yet his mind… His mind just wanted to feel a stable path under his feet.
They reached the entrance of her residence. Rainy didn't need him to come up with her. She waved, and he watched until her figure disappeared behind the elevator doors.
Nanami removed his cell phone from his jacket pocket. He looked through the few messages from his parents. Just a handful in the last 3 years.
Received, whenever he sent them money for necessities.
Understood, when they planned to meet for a family gathering.
The longest sentence in their conversation was his mother telling him his great-aunt had passed away.
Nanami thought of work and life. How thankless those areas felt.
And then he thought of Rainy and Airi. He thought of the past month and how often he felt appreciated for his work…
Maybe he would take Gojo up on his invitation.
A little box popped up at the top of his phone.
I got tickets to the botanical garden for Sunday!
The idea of a stable life tempted him yet again…
Nanami breathed out.
If the Universe would finally give him a solid answer as to which path would lead him to happiness, that would be great.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading!