Chapter Four—Identity

I woke in the morning, as I had done every other morning of the rest of my life. It felt odd to do so; my mind and soul were so raw with pain that it didn't seem right that my body should be able to go about its usual routines. Basic needs such as sleep were selfish to desire when there were things so much more important than that in the world.

When I emerged from my tent and asked the time, the children looked up from their game of cards and told me it was close to noon, about eleven o'clock. Couldn't I tell, they asked, pointing at the sun.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I'm used to telling time on clocks."

This comment must have reminded them all of my past as Impa had told it, for their faces suddenly illuminated with recollection of my royal education, then darkened with recollection of why I had received it and why I was with them now. They weren't the only ones who were wondering how I was going to cope.

"Where's Impa?" I asked, looking for anything familiar.

"Talking to Mom and Dad," said the girl who had first greeted us the day before. She nodded towards the larger of the two caravans.

"Oh. Uh… Is there breakfast?" I asked sheepishly, thinking I had probably slept through it. I felt guilty for interrupting their game over trivial things like time and food. In this world, they seemed more like nobles than me.

"Breakfast? Yeah, sure. I think there's some stuff in that bag…" She nodded towards a large sack at the back of the smaller caravan.

I found some bread and dried fruit where she indicated; it wasn't the hot meals I was used to, but it was something. I settled myself down next to the siblings.

"So," I began awkwardly, "I don't know any of your names or anything yet."

They didn't answer for a moment. "Just let us finish this hand," said the youngest finally.

"Oh."

I waited and chewed in silence. The game culminated as the oldest boy pulled into the lead and won a fabulous victory—at least, this is what I gathered from their shouts. The game wasn't one I knew, but whether this was because it was a Sheikah game or simply not a royal one, I couldn't have said.

"All right, then."

The girl who'd told me where Impa was was speaking again. She seemed to be the leader.

"I'll introduce you to everyone. I'm Hisha, I'm twelve. These are my brothers, Nagy and Mian, they're nine and eleven. And our little sister, Kimia. She's seven. Our parents are Lekhan and Vesta."

I had already met the parents the night before, so I knew that Vesta was the elder of the two sisters who were the mothers of these families, and that she was very much the matriarch. That would explain why her eldest daughter was in charge of the younger generation.

"These are Edir and Aunt Yivam's kids, Alma and Jaret. Alma's my age and Jaret's fourteen."

Everyone mumbled hello when Hisha introduced them. They all seemed fairly bland, for Sheikah, at least, making me think that they probably would have been much less dull if I hadn't been present. The exceptions were Kimia, who was full of youthful enthusiasm, and Jaret, who had a depth of emotion in his eyes that made me wish wholeheartedly that I could still be a girl.

Just then, Impa emerged from the larger caravan, followed by Vesta and Lekhan.

"Come on, kids, let's pack up!" Lekhan called. "We're moving on east towards Kokiri Forest, as soon as we can! Let's go!"

Instantly, all six children were up and moving, packing away their tents, the remnants of breakfast, which I hurriedly finished, and anything else that had been lying around. They all knew their roles so well that all ten of them seemed to function as a single entity. Impa and I stood out of the way and watched.

"Why are we moving?" I asked Impa, as we stood aside to avoid getting in their way.

"Because we must keep on the move, outside easy tracking," she answered simply. After a pause, she added, "We are Sheikah. Sheikah move."

"Can twelve people stay in hiding for…years?" I asked quietly.

Impa sighed. "I don't believe so, and neither do Vesta and Lekhan. We've agreed that Lekhan will train you and the other boys in the martial arts, because you should all learn them now that we may need to defend ourselves at a moment's notice. When you're proficient, we will leave them and make our way on our own. Two people, two Sheikah, can hide for as long as they need."

"How long do you think that will take? My training, I mean."

"You're clever. Not much more than a few months, I would say."

I rolled this over in my mind. A few months, and then it would just be me and Impa, until Link returned, and then… I stopped myself before I could start to imagine what would come after that.

In mere minutes, everything was packed.

"Ride with us, you two," called Edir from the smaller caravan. "We have more free space."

"Let's go," said Impa, pushing me forwards.

When I climbed up, I found myself seated next to Jaret in the back. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. Then I remembered that my face was mostly hidden.

"Hi," I said. I had never been scared to speak before, but these children made me nervous.

"Hi, Sheik." Beat. "You sure slept in late this morning." He was making an attempt at conversation with someone he normally wouldn't have spoken to, and I appreciated his effort.

"I had trouble falling asleep last night," I told him truthfully. I was going to be lying so much for the foreseeable future that if I could possibly find a place not to, I would take it. Daring to elaborate slightly, I explained, "I just kept thinking about…"

"Oh. Right. Well, think about something else then."

"It's a bit hard." I managed a laugh, but it was bitter and painful.

"Then tell me what it's like living at the castle. And tell me about Princess Zelda," he added on impulse. "I've always wondered what she was like."

"Zelda?" I asked, unsure whether or not to smile. I saw the humour, but I wasn't sure he would think it appropriate to laugh right now. "She's really nice," I began, "but she kind of likes to stick to herself. I guess it's 'cause she grew up alone inside the castle, so she doesn't really have friends. I think she just had me and Impa, really. But she's really strong, too, you know? Will power. No wonder she wouldn't agree to be Ganondorf's heir. She'd never compromise."

Jaret looked at me closely, making me nervous. Then he said, "You were supposed to marry her, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I think so." I decided to stick with Impa's story.

"What did you think of that? Would you have liked to marry her?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. All either of us had ever had was each other. It could have been nice to be married to my best friend."

Jaret smirked at me. "Was she pretty? I saw pictures of her and she sure looked it, but I never knew if those pictures were supposed to make her look good."

I hoped he couldn't see me blushing. "She looked like her pictures," I answered non-committally. How else was I supposed to respond to that question?

"Pretty, then?"

I hesitated, then went for, "Yes."

Jaret chuckled. "Y'know, to be perfectly honest, none of us were really looking forward to having you with us. We like Impa, but we thought you were going to be some stuck up brat. Spoiled rotten, you know? A perfect little Hylian prince!" He laughed.

I nodded sagely. "So that's why you're all acting so distant, I guess?"

"Sorry about that," Jaret said with another laugh, noticeably more nervous as he glanced at his hands in his lap. "I'll tell the others, though, you're just a regular guy like us."

"Thanks." You have no idea.

Apparently, Jaret's endorsement was valuable. The others quickly accepted me as "a regular guy;" they never could have guessed who I was. After all, princesses don't enjoy rough sports or show a natural talent for martial arts.

As Impa had predicted, it didn't take long for me to become skilled in the traditional weapons of the Sheikah: the shiv, the hookchain, and the throwing stars. I also learned to use my fists and feet in combat, and according to Lekhan, I had "lightning reflexes."

"You're a born fighter, Sheik," he panted as he dodged my attacks, parrying with a stick. "You're putting my boys to shame."

"Putting me to shame, too," Jaret commented, standing off to the side with his hands on his hips. He was not to be enjoying losing to a ten-year-old, and I had to wonder how he'd feel losing to a ten-year-old girl, and grinned beneath my facial coverings at the thought.

I couldn't help wondering, though, how I would compare to Link.

No. Sheik doesn't know anyone named Link.

I didn't allow myself to think about him.

The girls soon welcomed me as well. They thought I was unusually considerate for a boy, and were impressed at how I could tell what they expected of me. Like I had a sixth sense for the way girls' minds work. Like I had been inside a girl's mind myself. At first, it's true that they were suspicious of how too good to be true I came across as, but they soon learned that I was just trying to be a nice person. After that, they loved me, and confided in me almost as if I was one of the girls. Almost.

Every two or three days, we packed up and moved somewhere else. I was getting good at that, too; Impa said I could come and go like a shadow—a true Sheikah. I could tell she was proud of me every time I snuck up behind her and caught her by surprise.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear you'd never lived in a castle, Sheik," she told me one day, after I crept up with such silence that she didn't notice me until I jumped clear over her head and dove into the river next to which she sat. Although she smiled, there was an unmistakable sadness in her eyes.

I pulled myself out of the water and flopped down next to her. I returned her expression as I said, "Well, I'm a Sheikah, right? It's not like I'm some princess."

"Of course. And I think it's time you and I made a life of our own. You're ready. You can hide like wind, you can fight like fire, you're as musical as the forest, you're as smart as the water. You're as talented a Sheikah son as ever was born."

Lying on my stomach on the shore, I trailed my fingers in the water and wished I could have done the same with my toes.

"I'm tired of being hidden and covered like this," I said quietly, almost without realizing I was speaking.

"I know," Impa sighed, pulling me up into her arms. "So am I. But it's only the beginning."

Early the next morning, we all packed up to leave. Impa and I prepared ourselves to part from the ten people who had been like family to us for the past three and a half months.

Saying goodbye to all the other children, I tried to replicate the affectionate one-armed hug-cum-handshake that I had seen boys give each other in place of a girl's embrace. I don't think I really succeeded, but they didn't give any sign that they noticed. After all, I guess it generally doesn't occur to people that a young boy would be lying about his gender. As if to prove this idea, Alma gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before blushing furiously.

"You're really sweet, you know, Sheik. Somehow, it's like you know what girls are thinking."

I smiled. You have no idea. "Thanks. You're really sweet, too, Alma."

"Let's go, Sheik!" called Impa from where she sat on her pure white horse. She was holding the reins of a dappled grey pony named Umikae that Vesta had donated for me.

"Coming!" I called back, running and waving goodbye to all my old friends.

Friends… I had friends… And now they were all gone…

Without ten other people, Impa and I could cover most of the distance from the foot of Death Mountain down to Lake Hylia within a night. During the days, we stayed put to stay safe. Impa kept me on my toes, not just in combat skills but also in my use of both Sheikah and Hylian magic, and in music. I began to specialize in playing a type of small harp used by the Sheikah.

Impa and I both knew that the goddesses expected something from me, but we didn't know what, so we took care to ensure that I would be ready for anything.

I kept very close track of time, so that I would know when Link was going to return. When we had been on the run for two months and five days beyond the three months and sixteen days we had spent with the other Sheikah, Impa woke me up with a wide smile.

Blinking in confusion, I muttered, "What? What is it?" Usually, I just slept when I was tired, regardless of whether it was day or night, and Impa didn't wake me up. If not for the pleasant look on her face, I would have thought it was time to pack up and run from Ganondorf.

"Don't you know what day it is?"

I shook my head, rubbing my eyes sleepily to wake them up.

Impa handed me a small box. "Happy birthday, Sheik."

"Birthday? Oh! I'm eleven today! Oh, wow!"

It occurred to me as I opened the box that I had been measuring time in days since Link had gone. Everything had been shoved to the back of my mind, even my own eleventh birthday. Immediately after this, it occurred to me that this couldn't have been my real birthday; I had in fact turned eleven several months ago, not long after I had left the castle. Of course, I thought sadly, I had been too busy to notice. And Impa hadn't wanted to call attention to the fact, either. So this was evidently to be the new, falsified anniversary of the beginning of my life.

If she had to pick a day for that, it should have been the day of Ganon's Coup…

I placed such thoughts out of my mind, and opened my present.

"They're beautiful!" I gasped when I opened the box. "Oh, thank you Impa!"

I embraced her joyfully, then remembered my façade. Boys don't generally get excited over a pair of golden Triforce earrings, however beautiful they may be.

"I mean… Not for me," I correctly gruffly, pulling away from the hug. "But someday I could, you know, give them to…my girlfriend or something. A girl would like these. Not me, though."

Impa smiled. "Of course."

"Thanks anyway."

"You're welcome."

Hyrule was changing.

Some of these changes, I attributed to Ganondorf, such as the Redead infestation and Moblin looting in Hyrule Castle Town which forced the villagers to relocate en mass to Kakariko.

Others seemed to be resultant of another force, such as the mysterious draining of the well in Kakariko.

There were many rumours:

Monsters had overrun Kokiri Forest and the Lost Woods.

The former queen of the Gerudo, a woman named Nabooru, had disappeared.

The water level of Lake Hylia was steadily decreasing.

Ingo, the farmhand of Lon Lon ranch, had kicked its owner, Talon, out of power.

And other horrors cursed the land.

All this put me even more focused on counting the days until Link's return. Before I knew it, Impa was wishing me a happy birthday again.

"Thanks," I said, as Impa served me some game I had caught and she had cooked. I was a competent hunter; at first, I had taken pride in each catch, but now it was a mundane event.

"What's wrong, Sheik? You sound distracted." She could always read me like that, just as I could read her. Sheikah can read each other.

"Yeah, a little bit. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

These thoughts had been simmering in the back of my mind for some time now. I decided to voice them. "Well, we've been hiding from everyone for so long. It's as if…as if we think Ganondorf himself is after us. And why would he be? We don't know anything, we aren't hiding anything."

I paused in case Impa wanted to say something, but she simply continued to eat, chewing thoughtfully and watching me.

"If we keep hiding, Ganondorf is going to think we are hiding something. He'll come after us."

Pause again; still nothing from Impa.

"So I thought that maybe it would be best if we made ourselves more public, more visible. There are problems in the world that we could solve, I think. And if we stay in the public eye, no one will suspect that we're not telling them something."

"Hm," said Impa, in a tone I knew all too well. "I see."

"What do you think?" I asked, though I was quite sure I knew the answer.

"I think… that your idea could work."

"But? There's a 'but', I know there is."

"Don't be so quick to anger," Impa warned me coolly. I closed my mouth and bit back the objection that I hadn't been getting angry. "I was simply going to say that you're very young to be trying to solve the problems of the world."

Now I was getting angry. She still thought of me as a child, like a delicate little thing, even though I had long proven myself to be otherwise.

"No, I'm not!"

"You're a child," she said, confirming my suspicion.

"I'm twelve! And Link was—"

"SHEIK!"

Impa was suddenly on her feet, trembling with obvious rage… but, as usual, her eyes revealed the emotion her face didn't; it this case, fear, which ignited in me as well.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said in a voice so sharp I winced. "You don't know anyone named Link and you never have. Ridiculous nonsense. I never want to hear you making things up like that. If I ever catch you lying to me, you will most seriously regret it. Am I perfectly clear?"

My heart was beating, not quickly, but unusually hard. I nodded, recognizing the dangerous things I had done. Both of us sat in silence for a moment, recovering from the shock of the abrupt close call.

"When you're fourteen," Impa said as we finished breakfast, "then you can do whatever you like."

We made eye contact; between us passed a mutual understanding, and I nodded.