Winter is the season of peace. A blanket of white blessing covers the sleeping land, while its inhabitants patiently await the passing of the season of silence.
The short warm nights were finally overtaken by long, cold nights of the final season of the year. Before long, the first signs of snowing fell upon the capital city. As for me, my time became so dedicated to Vina to a point that I hardly even talked to Emilia anymore.
As it turns out, Vina was a dainty box full of secrets. For the outside world, she was the perfect carefree girl without a problem in the world. But finding myself as her closest confidant, I saw the real world she lived in. And it wasn't picture perfect as I had imagined.
She was the eldest of six children of the village leader. A destiny to become a hunter like her parents and lead their village someday was placed on her by virtue of birth. And because of this, she couldn't help but feel constrained by her own fate. So, in an act of open rebellion, she ran away to her grandparents here in Prontera and took up a profession of less violence. Because of this, she was practically disowned.
I saw her as a wellspring of smiles but deep inside, she was really lonely.
Somehow, in knowing all of this, I felt responsible for her. I wanted to share her burden. So I said to myself that I should never leave her. For me, she was but a fragile rose that can be crushed by mildest force.
But then again, there's Emilia. I couldn't help but wonder at times what she was doing. How she went on in life without me. What happened after that night during the Moon God festival. I thought about why I was still thinking of these things when I should be happy for where I was right now. This was after all, a dream come true for me.
I was preoccupied by so much thought that it wasn't too surprising to discover that all this had quite an effect in my training. My grade point overall drastically dropped since I found my studies second only to Vina. Father Anthony of course, was quick to notice. After our fourth quarter qualifier, he decided to confront me.
"Red, I've noticed a change in your attitude in your training."
I chuckled, seeing everything as trivial matter. "I kinda noticed that too, Father."
"I don't want to sound intrusive but could the reason have something to do with Vina?"
I smiled at Father Anthony. "Some things are just more important than this, Father."
"Vina?"
"Yes, Father. I feel as though I ought to be always near her."
"I know you and I know Vina. You two have been my students for as long as I can remember. You are like my children already. You have been looking for a your perfect match ever since you were a child. Vina, on the other hand has always been lonely throughout her stay here. Now I ask you this, do you really love her? Or is there only pity in your heart?"
Those words boiled the blood running in my veins. The truth is perhaps the most painful of devices. Father Anthony hit ground zero.
"What do you know, old man? You've never been in my position! You'll never be!" I angrily retorted.
I ran as far away as I could into the frozen forest. I ran until I broke down due to exhaustion. I ran until my heart saw fit. I felt like running forever. But I guess that's what gravity is for. To pull back down those that try to escape the reality of life.
There's no running away from everything. I finally decided to have a talk about Vina about it.
To the irony of things, we found ourselves on the bench were we first kissed, during the last moonless night of Autumn.
"Vina, do you love me?" I asked.
Vina kissed me lightly, afterwhich she replied, "Why do you even ask?"
"It's just that I... I'm confused about... "
Vina tried to fake a smile. She only knew all too well where I was going. "About us?"
She took a deep breath. Her exhales turned into mist and drifted south with the blowing northern wind. Everybody seemed to be a step ahead of me each time.
"So you've finally noticed too. I was hoping you'd find out later. It didn't take me much time to find out that I was just running away from things with this relationship."
"What are you running away from? I'm here. To hell with the past and the future won't come too soon. What's important is here and now," asserted I.
Vina stared at the dimming skies of Pronteran winter. The candlelights coming from the nearby windows gave the place an eerie mystic glow. I hugged her from behind and asked,
"Are you afraid?"
"I'm sorry Red. You are right; I'm afraid. I guess I have been running away all these years. I'm scared of looking back at everything that I have left. But I saw in you and Emi the life of freedom that I could have had. I longed for it so much. I wanted it for myself so much that I thought it was love. But I know you felt it too. That there still is something missing in me. And for that, our relationship can never be whole. I really can't give a heart that Payon never really returned to me."
Tears were welling in my eyes. I hugged her even tighter.
"I can't give a heart that Payon never really returned to me. "
Was it possible that I too, never had the heart to give to begin with? Have I given it to somebody else?
Vina kissed me in the cheeks. "I know I can only dream of having you by my side forever. That night during the Moon God festival, I already knew your heart belongs to another special someone. I saw it in your eyes. They never lie. But I just wanted to live in my dreams a little while longer. But I guess I dreams are never meant to be lived out for so long."
She saw Emilia?
She finally let go of me. I almost collapsed when she did. As if a brace that had been supporting me for so long had been removed. Tables have been turned; it was I who had needed her all along.
But she's right. I wouldn't admit it but she is. We were playing with love without even really knowing what it was.
"I'm going back to my family on Sunday. I shall pray for only good fortune for you two. Thank you for everything, Red. I will never forget the kindness that you have shown me. And don't you be worrying about me, Red. I'm not the fragile girl you think I am. It is time for me to confront something that I avoided a long time ago. Only after I've done that can I truly say that really love something."
Having said those words, she left me, with only the falling snow as cold company.
I though long and hard that night. The following morning, I left a note on Emi's door.
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- Meet me by the Magnolia Patch this afternoon.
- We have to talk.
- Signed, Red
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I waited for her till afternoon. While I waited, I watched the frozen Magnolias sleep soundly underneath a casing of ice. Seeing them so peaceful and calm made me miss the beauty in their liveliness during other times of the year. I never did like winters. Sad to say, a fourth of our lifetimes will be spent just for winters. Each one only colder than the last.
But not necessarily lonelier.
I recalled how Emilia and I used to sleep together as kids every winter. We had this theory that so long as one stayed with his/her best friend, you will never feel cold. As a child, I really believed in it. And perhaps it did work for a while.
I longed for the days. I just needed to get separated from my source of warmth to realize it's importance. I realized that … that my…
That my heart belonged to her.
As the sun slowly started it's daily descent, I heard footsteps coming from my back. I looked hoping to see Emi but I saw somebody else.
It was Dante. "Hey Red! Emi said she'd be following shortly. She had to pick a few things up at the convent."
What the hell is he doing here? thought I.
"Uh, listen Red, I came along here to say something. I understand that you're Emi's best friend so I thought I would like to let you be the first to know."
The hell is this guy trying to pull? Seriously, he's not Emi's first boyfriend?? Is he?
"I like Emi."
Perhaps what I did next came from all the anger pent up inside of me. Or perhaps it was just the rage of the moment. But why now? Now that my heart is feeling so clear about Emi? I really didn't know what two think. I just blanked out.
And before I know it, I had delivered a punch in Dante's face. I felt out of control at that moment. I said,
"Emi is mine."
"Damn you, Droughtsalve!" shouted the archer as he tried to stem the bleeding of his nose, "Just who do you think you are? Emi is a real person, you know. She feels what we feel. You don't toy around with other girls and keep them in the closet when you're through with them!"
I heard a gasp come from the path to the town. I glanced and saw a dumbstruck Emilia. She probably saw everything. I waited for her to side with me, being his best friend.
I should have known what I deserved.
Emi ran towards Dante and tried to heal his wound. Dante jerked away from her in disgust and started walking away from the park. Drops of his warm blood melted the snow that it fell on, staining the snow-covered ground with crimson marks.
I tried to rationalize. "Emi, please understand. I was just confused. Vina and me, it was a mistake. I never should have left you alone."
Emi merely stared at me with cold eyes that pierced through my heart. There were tears in her eyes. I just had to drop all my aces at that single moment.
I ran towards her and kissed her unsuspecting lips. Warm and sweet. The feeling, better than that which I had experienced with Vina. With rush in my blood and the quick, muffled beating of my heart. For ten seconds we stood unmoving.
I looked at her, not as my friend but as the one who had run off with my heart without my notice.
"I love you Emi."
One.
Two.
Three seconds passed.
Then a cold, hard slap landed across my freezing right cheek.
I could no longer speak. Neither could she.
The fields, white as snow, echoed the deafening silence that ended the final season of the year for both of us - A fitting culmination for a year of insanity.
The heart truly grows weak in the cold.
But that which does not kill it, only makes it grow stronger.
Winter is the season of peace. A blanket of white blessing covers the sleeping land, while its inhabitants patiently await the passing of the season of silence.