The next two days thankfully were uneventful. Kel, unable to participate in strenuous practice, dove into books about fighting techniques. Her days were also busily spent helping grade papers for Sir Myles, figuring statistics and amounts of supplies for Raoul, showing Kamara around and occasionally talking to Akial. Kel frowned when she thought about Akial. With Kamara's warning in her mind she could not quite keep herself from studying Akial, trying to look for any discrepancies in his character. She didn't find any. Another thing she did was bond with her friends again. She'd forgiven them for what they said and decided to give them a second chance. Of course since she didn't tell them this out loud they didn't hold their tongues when she joined them for a evening meal.
Neal waved a hand as she sat down and spoke with his mouth full, "So you've finally decided to eat like a sensible person."
Kel scowled at him, "No I did not. I came to converse with my narrow minded friends," she half snapped at them. She regretted this when Neal's face fell. She didn't mean to be irritable she was just tired of feeling like she was fighting an uphill battle in sleet and snow to complete a simple custom. It would be easier if my friends supported me, she thought. Over the course of the two days her friends had come up and asked her why she was doing it. Owen had been intrigued by it, Roald just wanted to know more about it, but mainly everyone else had tried to talk her out of it, for her own good of course.
Without warning her stomach growled and Cleon grinned, "See Kel your body agrees with us. It's telling you to eat," he said waving a nice gooey pastry in front of her face.
Kel had to admit she was hungry after only being allowed to drink water. But then she strengthened her resolve, ashamed that it had crumbled slightly, "No thank you Cleon I'll have to pass."
"Ah come on Kel. No one's going to tell if you just take a little bite," he goaded.
"He's right Kel, it isn't jolly to keep your stomach hungry," Owen piped up.
Merric gave her a worried look, "At least tell us what you're thinking. We haven't heard you utter a word about your family and I'm sure you must be sorely missing them."
Seaver wacked him upside the head, " You dolt! If she doesn't want to talk about it leave her alone. My father was killed by spidrens and while I didn't act like it was no big deal, it's not like I wanted to chat about it casually," he told Merric.
If Kel had had the energy she would have shouted at them. But she used all her energy to keep her Yamani mask on and stood up, "Excuse me but I must get ready for the ceremony," she said calmly and evenly as she left and went to her room to change.
A bell tone later Akial came to get her. All people going through with the Yamani burial custom were supposed to be led by a relative or a person of religious affiliation to the prayer. Since she didn't have the latter and the only person from Yaman she knew that was a religious figurehead was Akial, he was her escort. Being the emperor's adviser he was also the leader of prayers to the emperor's family and keeper of the family's tomb.
She donned a white kimono accented with an outer, shorter, kimono in pale crème. Her slippers were beaded with ivory beads and mother of pearl silk. This was the customary dress for females in prayer participating in the custom. The white colors symbolized the connecting with the god Yama and the transition of the person's spirits on their journey to the spirit world. There were a great number of Tortallian guards posted along the hall towards the chapel where the Chamber of Ordeal was held. Kel entered her hand on Akials arm as he guided her down the aisle towards the front of the room.
Already there, a few of the Yamani guards whom had lived through the attack had kneeled and started to pray. They would pray for their comrades who had died because the families were not there. She glanced at a door off the side used for religious confessionals and noticed two Tortallian guards posted on either side of it. Kel knew that was where the oldest royal children of the emperor, including Kamara would be praying and also that the emperor was probably in there as well. She also noticed a great number of people had filled the pews. Some were there to offer up prayers to the ones lost, but most were there to see this strange, barbaric as some called it, ritual. Already there were muted whispers.
Kel kept her face as stone noting her friends sat in back. Raoul and Lord Wyldon had come as had Hakuin Seastone and Eda Bell. She barely paid any of them a glance. Although she did receive a slight shock when she saw Joren sitting near the front. He raised a brow when their eyes met and she allowed a small puzzled look to slip through her mask when she saw that his eyes held no sympathy, which she couldn't stand, nor hint of mockery for what she was doing. He lifted his shoulders as if to say he was just observing. Before she could contemplate his gesture she had reached the front of the room. Akial guided her to kneel on the floor and took a spot beside her. He was to pray also.
After kneeling Kel forgot about everyone else in the room. She turned her thoughts to prayer and tried to keep her mind focused on guiding her mother and father to the spirit world. She tried to ask Yendari, the god whose chariot claimed the spirits and took them to the after life, to guide her family. But Kel felt numb. She couldn't do it. She knew she was being selfish but she wanted her mother and father back. To be hugged by her mother, enclosed by the strong spirit that supported whatever her daughter wanted and didn't care what the other nobles thought. To listen to her father's soothing voice as he read from a book. She wanted to be able to rough house with her nieces and nephews and to listen to Ander's and Iness' stories about being a knight. She wouldn't even mind trying to hold a conversation with Conal whom she hadn't talked to in ages.
Kel felt a flash of anger at the world and tried to squelch it to no avail. She wanted to curse the gods but even in this state knew that was a bad idea so she screamed in her head angrily at the world. 'Why did you take them all from me! Why! I'm all alone! There's no one left!'
Quickly she scolded herself for thinking such thoughts. The result of burying her rage and keeping her despair at bay left her shaking. Feeling ashamed that she had let that weakness show she quickly cleared her mind of all thoughts and imagined herself by a cool pond watching the ripples. She imagined herself building a stone wall around her feelings and froze her tears like the ice caps she had seen on top of the mountains in Yaman. Finally after eternity she felt herself regain control and she was able to pray. "Please great Yama forgive my thoughts for they are not pure and please send the swift Yendari to collect my mother and father's spirits to guide them to your great realm" was the only prayer she could manage.
Right after she prayed those words one of the Yamani attendants tapped her on the shoulder. Kel noticed the sunlight was creeping through the windows and splaying across the floor. Her knees ached but she allowed the Yamani attendant to lead her back to her room.
Once there Kel donned a new kimono; one of a brown color with an over kimono of a pale white. She then added two sash skirts, which formed layers. These four layers, brown, white, orange, and blue, represented the four elements, which the bodies would connect with again as the ashes were spread into the wind. They were, Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water.
Again the attendant knocked on her door and accompanied Kel to the top of the palace wall. There she met with the guards, the Emperor and his family and Akial. All wore the colors Kel did. Kel ignored the casual onlookers and accepted the ceramic jar, which held the remains of her mother and father. Keladry forced herself to listen to the Kendari, the religious leader from the temple of Yama whom had accompanied the emperor and his family on the trip.
As the final words, "May the wind become stronger, may the fire burn brightly, may the earth become richer and may the water run deeper, so shall Yama accept the spirits into Yenden," were uttered, everyone slid the corks out of their jar and spread some ashes into the wind, knowing some would fall to the earth.
Kel fought to keep her hands from shaking as she performed this ritual. She forced herself not to look at the ground and instead scanned the horizon to search for a sign of peace, hoping her prayer had been enough to guide her parents to Yenden, the Yamani name for the realm of the spirits in the after life. The rest of the ashes where divided equally between a bowl of water and into a burning fire. Then as a sign of respect the Emperor put the fire out with the water and took the tray of ashes from the fire and spread it into the wind. Then everyone, including Kel bowed to the Emperor and silently left the wall of the palace.