Chapter Eighteen—Dawn
Softness… Gentleness…
Link and I were standing on a cloud, floating, drifting in peace and nothingness. Beautiful, empty space. I couldn't say what world we were in, but nothing was attacking us, and we were both immaculately clean, unwounded, and without a trace of fatigue. We could, for once, breathe freely. It was a small liberty we had not been granted in so long, but now we had it back. Life with which to breathe. And we did.
For a moment, all we could do was look at each other. Never had we met at a moment when we didn't both have the weight of the world on our shoulders. Here and now, we were different people.
Link looked much as I remembered him from the time I had spent by his side in the Sacred Realm. His features were more mature and defined, but still easily recognizable. He also looked somehow softer, less like a warrior than usual, although I couldn't say why. His bright hair was mostly concealed beneath his hat, into which Navi darted, but a few locks of it fell into his eyes.
His eyes— They had been oblivious to the reality of life when he was ten, closed in perennial sleep when he was fourteen, and hardened to hide what lay beneath them when he was seventeen. Mine had been the same way every moment I spent as Sheik. We had known each other for years, but never seen each other, never let each other into those parts of our souls that were the deepest and most valuable. This was the first moment in which I had ever looked into his eyes while they were open.
They were large and bright, the shade of blue of a hot summer sky reflected on a clear lake, with slight flakes of aqua like fragments of light reflected through a gemstone. They were expressive when he wasn't guarding them, keeping them steeled so that the enemy would see no weakness. What I saw behind them now was a bittersweet satisfaction, and behind even that, a profound loss. He was mourning for the seven years lost to Ganondorf—seven of his years, but also mine… Hyrule's… Malon's… Saria's…
Seven years of hate in place of happiness.
There was a child in those eyes, but in other aspects of him, as well: his Kokiri clothes, the fairy that followed him, his fidgety shifting, the way he stood so casually. Yet he was also so much older than seventeen, in those eyes and elsewhere: his gauntlets that shone with gold, the physical strength of his body, his sturdy leather boots, the ease with which he always bore his weapons.
He was looking at me closely, sincerely, thinking about me the way I was thinking about him. We made eye contact. I had to be the one to speak first; I had started this. Yet, as always when I spoke to Link, I didn't know where to begin.
"I…want to apologize…for everything."
Though his face didn't change, his eyes betrayed his surprise. The knowledge that I could read Link the same way I could read Impa was reassuring, and I found everything I had ever wanted to say tumbling out of my mouth.
"None of this would happened if I hadn't sent you on this mission… Ganon would never have been able to follow you into the Sacred Realm… You couldn't have known, but I should have, because I knew he knew about you, he knew everything, so I should have known he would have planned for it, and he did, and I sent you right into his trap, and I—"
Here I choked, and felt tears stinging my eyes. I continued more slowly and quietly.
"I forced all of this upon you. I made you do every—everything. I just ordered you around because…I was a princess and I had a hunch. And all that I made you do… It cost you so much… I took seven years of your life…"
Now the tears were streaming down my face. I was at a loss for words; there was no way to apologize enough. The clear image of Link blurred and swam before me.
"Zelda…"
He stepped towards me and wrapped me in his arms. I curled my own arms around him, leaned my head against his shoulder and let my tears stream freely from my eyes to his clothes. Only then did I realize that this was the first time I had ever really touched him, other than rough contact in the middle of a life or death conflict. He was warm; I could feel his strong heartbeat and his slow and rhythmic breathing through the soft fabric of his tunic. I felt a resounding appreciation for the fact that he was a real, living person, not an invincible hero. I realized abruptly the reason he looked so different and vulnerable—the weapons that usually hung on his back were gone.
"Don't blame yourself," he said quietly. "Do you really think Ganon wouldn't have found a way to take over if you hadn't sent to me to the Sacred Realm? This all had to happen. It was destiny. The goddesses created it, and we never could have stopped it. Besides, it's not as if you meant for any of this to happen."
It was true; he was right. Once again, he found the simplest way to make it all better. But he hadn't mentioned the years he had lost. I pulled myself up, though not out of his arms, and tried to regain some semblance of composure. There was only one thing to do.
"Link… I want to give back what I took from you. Give me the Ocarina of Time. As a Sage, I have the power to use it to send you back to when you were ten years old, before all this happened. Please…"
Holding me out at arm's length, Link frowned, looked at me as though trying to see if I was serious. Realizing I was, he reached into his tunic and pulled out the Ocarina, looking at it closely.
Just then, I felt a strange sensation as though I was falling sideways, but stopped, like a dream in which I was falling off a cliff but woke up before I hit the bottom. I swayed slightly on the spot, blinking in surprise, and noticed Link do the same thing.
"What was that?" I asked.
"I don't know," he replied, still frowning. "But…I was about to say, about returning to the past…" He paused thoughtfully, then said, "You know, I don't think it's worth it."
"What?"
That was a bigger surprise than anything that had happened to me tonight. For so long, I had been telling myself that the one thing Link would want more than anything else was his life back. How could that not be true?
"If you send me back, I won't know any of this happened," he explained, crossing his arms casually and shrugging. "So I'm just gonna do it all over again. Destiny, remember? And if I didn't, what would I have to live for for all that time? I'd go back to the forest and be the Boy Without a Fairy again, growing up while everyone else stays the same… I'm not a Kokiri, and I can't live in Kokiri Forest forever."
"You're not a Kokiri?" I asked quickly. Of course, I already knew that, but I still wanted to hear the story behind it.
"No… I'm a Hylian. An orphan. My mother came to the forest when I was a baby. She brought me there because she was wounded. Dying. She left me with the Great Deku Tree, and…"
He cleared his throat and shrugged again; there was a pause during which he stared at his feet and I tried to avoid looking at him, wishing I hadn't asked. Then he continued as if there had been no interruption.
"Sure, there were seven years when I didn't do anything, but I've still done more by now than most people do in their entire lives. I've seen some great places, met some great people… What more could I want? I gave up that time for the greater good. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be standing here. It would probably be the end of the world right now. The end of both of us, too."
His words reminded me of what Nayru had told me in the Sacred Realm just before my fourteenth birthday.
"Are you really sure?" I asked.
Link smiled. It wasn't his usual mischievous and friendly smile—there was some sadness, some wisdom of experience behind it—but it was close.
"I think I know I thing or two about time travel."
I couldn't help smiling back. "Can't argue with that," I admitted. I noticed that the knot in my stomach, the stress of trying to save the world, disappeared only then; in its place came a warmth of contentment and peace with life.
"Okay… Let's go back to Hyrule."
We exchanged a look of mutual understanding as he handed me the Ocarina of Time. I played on it a song which would return us home…
Blue light and soft wind swirled around us. I felt myself floating, and though I couldn't see where I was, I knew Link was beside me.
When it all faded, we alighted where we had left Hyrule—standing atop the rubble that Ganon had once ruled. All of Link's weapons lay there as well; the Master Sword shone with divine light.
"There's still so much rebuilding we have to do," I said heavily as Link gathered up his equipment.
"Yeah," he agreed, though he didn't seem too concerned. "Ganon sure left a mess. Ah, well." He slung a fraternal arm across my shoulder and grinned in such a way that I couldn't help returning the expression. "We can do it."
Still, I sighed heavily as I looked out over the destruction, the smoking ruins of my home, and fingered the Ocarina in my hands. It was horrible.
Standing there with Link, though, I felt inexplicably happy.
"Yeah," I agreed, a smile twitching on my lips. "We can."
He took the Master Sword from where it lay and looked at it sadly. "This needs to go back to the Temple of Time," he informed me, and I heard in his voice that he would miss it; probably it was a friend to him by now.
Together, we walked through the still dark town at the foot of Hyrule Castle, ignoring the Redeads, and entered the sacred silence of the Temple of Time. The three Spiritual Stones still hovered over their places, humming with power. Beyond them, we could see the Pedestal of Time, the resting place of the Master Sword. I watched as Link slowly approached it alone.
Holding the Sword in his left hand, Link stood solidly before the Pedestal. He drew the weapon up, pointing it towards its pedestal, grasped the hilt with both hands, and thrust it full force into the stone. He jumped out of the way as though electrified the instant it was in place.
A column of blue light shot up from the Sword's resting place, growing so bright that I closed my eyes and shielded them from it. When it faded away…nothing had changed. Link lowered his arms, which had been blocking his own eyes, and reached out to give the Sword a gentle tug. It shifted in his grip.
"You try," he instructed me.
I stepped forward and pulled on the blade; it didn't move. Link nodded approvingly.
"It's still there if I need it," he said. Looking over at the Spiritual Stones, he added, "We should give those back, too."
"To whom? The Sages are all in the Sacred Realm."
He was already walking over to pick them up. "This one," he said, lifting the emerald, "belongs to the new Deku Tree Sprout. This one," the ruby, "can go to the new Big Brother of the Gorons, Link."
"I've met him," I said with a laugh.
"Oh, yeah? He's a nice kid. Cool name. And this one," he continued, picking up the sapphire, "I just cannot wait to return to King Zora…along with my apologies that I have to break things off with his daughter."
I laughed again. "It's really a shame that didn't work out."
Link snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, certain qualities about us just clash. Our personalities, for one."
"Your respective species, for another," I pointed out.
"True," he agreed with a nod. "Anyway, I'll deal with these, and you'll…?" He raised an inquisitive eyebrow in my direction.
"Rebuild my castle," I replied promptly. "And start rebuilding my kingdom. It's time for me to give up the life of a Sheikah."
"Did you want your seven years back?" Link asked unexpectedly. "You know, so that you could live as a princess and not as a Sheikah?"
It was an interesting question; I had never thought about it seriously, only in moments when I wished vengeance against Ganon. In truth, I couldn't say that I wasn't glad of the chance I'd gotten to be free from Royal obligations and constraints, but it had come a heavy price.
"The only part of the last seven years that I want back," I replied quietly, "is my mom and dad."
After a pause, Link said, "You have no idea how much I wish I could understand how you feel."
Within months, Hyrule was unrecognizable. My castle stood proudly again, and the town beneath it was filled with the bustling activity of a thriving nation. The changes for the better, which Sheik and the Hero of Time had initiated under Ganon's nose, suddenly flourished under the supervision of myself, Queen Zelda of Hyrule, and Sir Link, Supreme Commander of the Hylian Armed Forces.
The Deku Tree Sprout began to grow prodigiously. Link returned the various Kokiri weapons he had borrowed and moved out of his old tree house, Navi became the guardian fairy of another child, and Mido made amends with his childhood enemy. Link kept his Fairy Bow, however, and still liked to visit the forest often. All the kids loved to see their biggest friend.
Link the Goron settled into the role of Big Brother to the Gorons with some difficulty at first, but with my guidance he got the job under control. I became his Sworn Sister and, informally, his advisor. Link the Hylian returned to him the Megaton Hammer of his ancestors, exchanged his Biggoron Sword for a high-quality, non-magical replica of the Master Sword, and accepted the title of Hero of the Gorons to add to an ever-growing list.
King Zora was not at all offended when Link returned his engagement promise along with his boomerang; in fact, many of the Zoras themselves were relieved that Ruto would never become their queen, because she had given up her crown for her duties as a Sage, though they didn't dare admit it aloud.
In the west, anarchy reigned. Some supported Nabooru and some supported Ganondorf, but neither was there to take power, and so I stayed clear of them until they chose a side. In the end, a woman named Evashina, whom Ganondorf had chosen to be his acting representative in times when he was away on business, took over. This, unfortunately, meant that the Gerudo were now our enemies. Link turned in his membership to their band along with the Mirror Shield and Silver Gauntlets, but kept the Ice Arrows. Those he had stolen fair and square, he told me.
When everything settled down, Link moved into the house in Kakariko that had formerly belonged Impa. Outside the public eye, for he was obviously quite a celebrity now, he and Malon finally got to pursue a relationship that had been too long delayed. He confided in me that as long as he knew he still had his weapons where he could reach them and he could retain some of his Kokiri culture and personality in a world of Hylians, life was good.
Making the adjustment was slightly harder for me. Living a lie for seven years had caused me to forget what it was like to be a member of high society. The few servants who had escaped the slaughter of Ganon's Coup returned to my loyal service in a heartbeat, but they did look at me strangely when I started to do things for myself, or when I spoke casually to them. When I was in a temper, sometimes I even muttered angrily in Sheikah and used words that no one would expect to hear from the mouth of a young lady raised at court. All in all, I knew they said behind my back that I wasn't the princess they remembered—I was better…if a little weird.
One day, for example, a servant named Anika came into my bedchamber and saw me making the bed.
"Your Majesty?" she asked hesitantly. It took a moment before I realized that she was speaking to me, and blinked in surprise.
"Oh!" I stood up straight, brushing hair out of my face, and smiled at her apologetically. "Sorry… Yes?"
Anika stared. "I just wondered… Would you like me to do that for you?"
"Wha—Oh, of course!" I laughed. "By all means, go right ahead!"
As I left the room, I understood something I never had as a child: the reason nobles always spend so much time having tea with each other and playing parlour games. It's because they have nothing else to do.
"Well, if the worst thing about ruling a peaceful country is that I'm bored, I can't complain," I reminded myself.
In the long term, I knew I would need a hobby, something to combat the boredom that was bound to return far too often. I couldn't remember ever having been bored as a child, but I suspected that was simply because I had been so keen to learn everything about the world that there was always something for me to pursue. Now I had seen enough of the world.
This thought led me to pursue something else—myself. I would learn exactly who Queen Zelda was, and, ironically, I decided that the best way to do so would be to reacquaint myself with the arts that were so near to Sheik's heart.
Meditation was an integral part of Sheikah life, both in active forms such as martial arts, and in passive forms. Since a queen couldn't very well participate in the former on a regular basis, I took to spending time by myself to engage in mental exercises; I would regulate my body, my thoughts, and in this way move closer not only to myself but to the goddesses' love. My favourite place to do so was in the first place I had rebuilt after reclaiming my castle; the garden I had always loved as a child. Indeed, I spent as much time meandering through my gardens and grounds, all of them, as I did attending to royal duties. I was quite proud of myself for recreating the nuances of the world I remembered from simpler times, by carefully nurturing each detail personally. In a way, the symbolism of this act helped me to purge my memories of guilt, remorse, and regret. Aim towards the future rather than the past.
Of course, the past does not like to be left behind so easily.
There was one day when I was strolling slowly through a simple hedge maze featured as part of the inner grounds, examining its walls. I came to a halt at one corner, where a few stray twigs were growing too long, and absentmindedly began trying to brush them into the bush. At least, I began absentmindedly; when the foliage refused to cooperate, I became more adamant to make it do so.
"The leaves never grow as any mortal wills them to…even a queen."
I knew that voice. It wasn't Link.
It can't be…
As I turned around, I said carefully, "Hello, Jaret."
I'm sure only another Sheikah could have recognized that the expression on his face at that moment was one of surprise.
"You know my name?" he inquired.
Realizing my mistake, I rather lost my elegance as I said awkwardly, "Yes. Well. Sheik told me about you."
Jaret nodded, apparently satisfied with this. "Can I assume he gave you my message, then?"
For a strange moment, I couldn't think of any message, and I actually wondered if Sheik had forgotten to tell me something. When I realized how bizarre such a thought was, I wondered why it had come to me. I never did devise an answer that satisfied me.
"Oh," I said when I had recovered from my own confusion. "Yes, he did. Thank you."
Jaret nodded briefly, with a short bow. "I merely wanted to come and ensure that all was well with you, Your Majesty. And…to see you. To lay eyes on the monarch I have pledged eternal loyalty to."
I felt the heat rising in my face, and turned my gaze back to the hedge; it would not be becoming for a queen to look down before her vassal. "That's very noble of you," I spoke up momentarily.
"Have you seen Sheik lately?" Jaret asked unexpectedly, tilting his head inquiringly.
"Yes," I replied immediately. Backtracking, I corrected myself, "That is…I've heard from him. I've not seen him personally."
Something like a smile crossed Jaret's face. "Then you are not married?"
Again, I was momentarily bewildered—why did he care if I had a husband?—until I realized what he meant.
"Sheik does not desire to have a wife," I told him truthfully.
"Not even to have you?"
Once again, I was certain I was blushing, and to detract attention from my own embarrassment, I commented tactfully, "I don't believe it is the usual habit of Shadow warriors to be so flattering."
And, once again, I knew it would have taken a Sheikah to read his face. This time, it plainly showed his discomfiture.
"I—I simply mean to afford the necessary respect to my queen, Your Majesty," he stated, bowing to ensure a professional appearance.
"Don't worry," I assured him; for the first time, I was relaxed. Enough so to tell him what I had never before known I had to. "Jaret," I began, "when I spoke to Sheik, he told me about your last meeting. About how you have become the hero of the Sheikah. I want to commend you for it."
Jaret opened his mouth, no doubt to say something appropriately modest and elusive, but I continued.
"My kingdom has its hero, its saviour, in Link. But there are things he cannot understand and cannot do. He had limits, like all mortals. Besides that, I want each race in Hyrule to be able to live independent of me. I don't want them to have to look to me for all their crises. A good leader is one who can help the people to lead themselves. Further even than that, I don't want any one people to be subordinate, to me or two anyone else. It is the tradition of the Sheikah to pledge their lives to the Royal Family of Hyrule…but I don't want that. I want the Sheikah to pledge their loyalty to the Sheikah, I want them to have their own heroes, their own world, in peaceful harmony with the other five races of our world. I don't want my castle to be filled with Sheikah servants fawning over me.
"Jaret… I want you to go back to your people. To be their hero. You and anyone else may pledge what fealty to me or anyone else that they wish. But I will require no service of you."
Throughout my speech, his eyes moved over my face as though seeking to understand what I wasn't saying. When I fell silent, he apparently arrived at the conclusion that I was speaking truth. A moment of silence passed between us.
"In that case," Jaret finally spoke up, "know that whosoever gives their loyalty to Hyrule gives it unto you, myself included, and if your wishes be that we live out lives as we see fit…"
"They are."
"Then we shall do so. And I shall serve the Sheikah."
I smiled, not only with happiness but with relief. "I will never fear for them as long as I know you are with them."
Jaret nodded, offering me a smile of his own, and took a step backward. I knew when he raised his hand that he was about to disappear, but then he stopped himself.
"Your Majesty… Where is Sheik?" he asked simply. "He is not with any Sheikah band. And if he is not here…"
"He has gone out," I invented. "Out into the world to seek justice and injustice, to learn, to explore." I shrugged. "To be a shadow."
This contented Jaret. "I see."
As he disappeared in a flash, he said, "Goodbye."
I looked at the spot where he had stood for several long seconds, before I blinked, shook my head, and turned my attention back to the shrub.
It would never grow in as orderly a manner as its predecessor had done. It wasn't its predecessor. And really…I liked it better this way.
It took nearly a year for me to become comfortable in my rebuilt castle and lifestyle, which had flaws and features that had never been a part of my days as princess. Though I eventually managed to adjust to the dramatic change, I remained convinced that my true identity lay somewhere between the Queen of Hyrule and the survivor of the Sheikah.
Link and I often discussed those years, and all the difficulties that had come before, during and after them. We agreed that, while this state of peace was best for Hyrule, a little action now and then would make life more interesting. Our shared beliefs and experiences, combined with our mutual telepathic connection, made us close friends. We became so close, in fact, that the rumour mill designated him my future husband. Link said these rumours were good for a laugh, as long as Malon knew they weren't true, and I agreed.
The goddesses had been right; I was a better queen for having gone through all I had. And a better person.