Sunrise over the tango factory's A/N: Hello again. I was so happy to receive such positive feedback so quickly after posting that I nearly spontaneously combusted (I didn't, my mum has cream carpets. Nuff said!). Thanks to all you cool peeps who reviewed and to those that read but (sob) did NOT review…WHY?…WHATS YOUR PROMBLEM…DO YOU ENJOY MAKING ME CRY?
Oh, and as a final note, thank you Lucid 3 days, who gave me a pat on the head :)
Rimmer sat on his bunk, glowering moodily at the room he was in. He thought things were going to get better after he'd got a hard light body, it meant he could touch things, it meant theoretically, he could hit Lister or at the very least throw something at him, then run away very quickly. Something that he was very good at.
But nothing had got better, in fact it'd got a lot worse.
At least while they were on the 'Dwarf' there was the safety of a huge ship, where if 'alone time' was needed it was easily accessible. There were seldom places on board Starbug where you could go to be alone, and this was what was driving Rimmer up the wall. He wasn't a social person; he didn't crave the hustle and bustle of wild parties, his heart didn't flutter in excitement at the thought of a room full of strangers all waiting for him to get to know them. Quite the opposite in fact.
Before Rimmer could advance any further with his 'I hate death' session, a huge force rocked the ship, the lights flickered, and Lister's guitar fell to the floor with a bang. Rimmer couldn't help but smirk.
"Thank you!" he mouthed to the big guy upstairs before running to the cockpit. Starbug continued to turn, and spin and shake as Rimmer ran down the corridor, he eventually reached the cock pit door, but before he could open it Starbug gave one last tremendous jolt, coupled with an almightily crash, which indicated they'd landed, perhaps not a gracefully as first intended. Rimmer was knocked off on impact, and was currently pulling himself upright.
"Lister?" he croaked "are you dead?"
Lister came tumbling out of the cockpit, looking dazed, but miraculously unscathed.
"No" he replied, checking for cuts and bruises.
"Crap" cursed Rimmer. He paused, allowing Lister to get himself together, before launching into his lecture.
"Why did we crash?"
Lister groaned, "It wasn't my fault"
Rimmer let out a laugh "I beg to differ as YOU were the one steering the craft! What really happened?"
"We hit somethin'" replied Lister, moving bits of debris and twisted metal about on the floor with his toe.
"What? What did we hit?" squealed Rimmer angrily, although secretly his was in heaven. Lister had screwed up big time, twice in one day…that must add up to nearly 2 months of constant nagging. The JOY!
"A tree!"
"You hit a tree" screamed Rimmer, "you idiotic smeg head, how could you miss a tree!"
"It was the tree's fault!" protested Lister "he didn't give way!"
Rimmer blinked at him a few times, with an expressionless look upon his face. "What did you expect the tree to do, Lister?" he asked, smirking "suddenly sprout legs, and run away. I think it's time someone told you trees don't do that!"
Lister stared at him for a few minutes, thinking up a decent comeback "they do in 'Lord of the Rings'"
"Yes Lister, and also in 'Lord of the Rings' they had Hobbits, trolls and a magical ring that makes you invisable. I shall have to put a date down in my diary. '12 o clock, explain to Lister the differences between reality and fantasy, cancel all other arrangements as this discussion is likely to last several millennia"
"You never know when to shut up do you?" retorted Lister, sliding a piece of metal towards Rimmer, who snarled and prepared for full scale argument, or at least he would have, had Kryten not chosen that moment to come out of the cockpit.
He was wearing what could only be described as a mechanoid frown.
"You're arguing again! We've just crash landed, escaped death by the narrowest of narrow margins and somehow you still find the time and the energy to argue over trivial things. Surely that deserves a medal of some kind!" Kryten sighed and walked back into the cockpit. Lister pulled his tongue out a Rimmer before following.
"Any reported damages?" he asked, moving several empty beer cans from his seat.
"No, sir." Answered Kryten.
"So we can lift off then," grinned Lister, starting the engines.
"No, I'm afraid we can't sir."
The engine gave a racking cough, before dying. Lister stared at the mechanoid.
"But…but you just said"
Kryten looked guilty, "I know what I said sir, and the reason I said we had no reported damages is because the damage report machine is…well damaged, so that means it can't report any damages, meaning if we rely solely on the damage report machines analysis, then we have no damages as it has reported none as it is itself damaged." He gave a grin, and continued clearing up the cockpit.
Lister collapsed back in his chair "Kryten" he said slowly "it would have been far, far easier for you just to have said 'Yes, there are some damages' in the first place!"
Cat came bursting into the cockpit; "Thank god" he whooped, "The mirrors are fine!"
"Oh hurrah" breathed Lister, sarcastically "come on Cat, we've got to do a manual damage check on the whole ship!"
The Cat laughed, "Ooohh, that's funny man, me doing work, classic! What a joke!"
"Cat" said Lister, shaking his head "I wasn't jokin'!"
The Cats grin slipped from his face, before he shrieked, "you expect ME to do work?"
Lister and Kryten nodded.
"I can't work," wailed the Cat "do you have any idea what work does to my manicure…it wrecks it. I might as well by a knuckle draggin' caveman with nails like that!"
"Please, Cat" begged Lister, taking his jacket off "a little hard work never killed anyone"
"That's precisely right" nodded the cat "but why should I take the risk, knowing my luck I'd the first guy to be killed by hard work!"
"Sirs, might I suggest that we have a look round the nearby town, perhaps gather some tools and other necessary equipment for the repair of the ship"
Lister quickly agreed, anything to put off fixing the ship, and who was he to pass up some social interaction.
"I'll go get smeghead then!" he grinned, walking out of the cockpit.
For Rimmer, it was quite strange to see sunlight filtering in through Starbug's windows. He was so absorbed in watching the unusual spectacle, he barely noticed Lister coming in.
"Did you knock my guitar over?" he asked, snatching his prized possession off the floor as if it were acid.
Rimmer did his best to conceal his jump; "No" he said quickly "it fell over in the crash!"
Lister made a serious of noises, similar to a cat hissing "and you didn't pick it up?"
"It was in the middle of the crash, what was I supposed to do, stop to pick up that lump of rotting wood rather then run away from danger?"
"Yes!" nodded Lister, angrily, running his fingers across the shiny wood, tracing possible scratches or knocks, "I don't care if the whole ships on fire, or if the Zero-G cheerleaders are having a lap dancing contest, if you are ever left alone with my guitar, you see that it's safe, and that it can't come to any harm!"
Rimmer's mouth hung open, and his eyes were glazed over. "You've got BIG problems, you know that?" he managed to say eventually.
Lister felt now was a good time to change the subject.
"We're goin' on a little 'expedition' there's a town nearby, wanna come?"
"No" replied Rimmer moodily.
"Come on" urged Lister, "it'll be good for you, get some fresh air?"
"That sounds absolutely lovely, but I'm a hologram nitwit, I don't need air"
"Then just come for a walk man, have a break from the ship"
"Why, I can stay here and not breathe the ships air rather then not breathe the air out there!"
Lister frowned "so, that's a definite no!"
"Yes" smiled Rimmer, "no, I mean, no to…yes to…I'm confused!"
"Me too" huffed Lister.
Rimmer's mouth became thin, "fine, I'll come!"
He couldn't understand it; he had a feeling, a premonition. Something deep down, told him if he didn't go, he'd regret it.
At that precise moment, Rimmer didn't know it, but his decision would completely alter his outlook on life…well death.