Author's Note: The Prologue wasn't that funny, I know. But now the humor
begins and the game actually starts. I must warn you that my English
teacher would be very displeased if she saw this so if you're a stickler
for grammatical and literary correctness, you won't like this. O yeah,
{}means someone's thinking (which is rare amongst some of my friends
*coughWesleycough*) Here ya go.
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD or Sony so don't sue me
Chapter 1: The Journey Begins....
(It's a dark and foggy night. High in the sky, the Moon That Never Sets glowed a waxy blue color, looking down on the small town of Seles. The people of Seles slept quietly in their beds until their peaceful slumbers were interrupted by a rain of flaming arrows. Sandoran soldiers galloped into the village on horses that look like giant aardvarks and pillaged the helpless village. In the middle of the chaos, some soldiers capture a young girl and call over the Great Commander)
Soldier: Great Commander, this way.
Great Commander:*leans over the unconscious girl* Is this her? *Takes a green orb from a soldier and engraves a small insignia on the girl's forehead* Indeed. Take her into custody.
(The Great Commander starts to walk away but he's approached by a man in a black hooded cape)
Great Commander: *to the Hooded Man* Is this really necessary?
Hooded Man: Hell if I know. I just saw a flash of light and I ended up here.
Great Commander: ??
Hooded Man: Yeah, well it's an order from Emperor Joel so you gotta do it.
Great Commander: O...k....but what are you gunna do with her?
Hooded Man: It's not of your concern *leans over to see the prisoner* She looks kinda familiar to me, though...
(Suddenly, the girl regains consciousness)
Ania: WTF?! Who are you?! What are you doing to me?! RAAAAAPE!!! They're trying to RAAAAPE ME!!
[Yes, the girl is indeed Ania, taking the place of Shana. Ania definitely isn't as sweet as Shana and her legs aren't as long as Shana's (Ania's short) but Ania's pretty weak and she used to have brown hair like Shana's (now it's burgundy), but by magic we restored her original color. She's not gunna like that...]
Hooded Man: Why would she think that?
Ania: RAAAAAAAAPEEE!!!!
[Hmph. Can't rape the willing]
Great Commander: I dunno but that voice...god it's annoying!! Take her away.
(The soldiers bound and gagged Ania, to surpress her loud and annoying cries of rape, and threw her into the back of a black-covered wagon. The wagon trudged away followed by the Great Commander and the rest of his batillion on horseback. The Hooded Man mysteriously disappeared as the screen fades to black....)
(...and turns its attention to a wandering warrior, standing majestically on the clifftops watching the forest below with her midnight hair cascading down her back. She noticed a beast rising from the forest.)
Me: Ferybrand, the Green Tusked Dragon.
[Enter the herione and author of this story]
Me: *rubbing gloved hands in excitement* {Hehehe....this is gunna be so fun...}
(Rose, er, I jumped down the cliff and vanished into the forest.)
~ ~ ~
(Now we focus on a blood-red-armor-clad warrior sitting, confused, on a stump. He reads a war bulletin with apathy)
Wesley: Tension between Basil and Sandora increases...why do I care? I just wanna go home.
[Why might I cast the evil ex-boyfriend as Dart, the main character of the game? Well, he looks the most like Dart with brown spiky hair (or, it was the last time I saw him) and he's the buffest of my friends (hey, I did date him). Plus, Dart is confused through most of the game, which is how Wesley is in real life. Okay, on with the fic]
(Wesley hears the galloping of hooves, so he runs over to see if it's someone who can tell him what the hell is going on. He sees soldiers galloping away, ignoring him, but two soldiers stopped in front of Wesley and drew their spears against him)
Soldier A: Who are you?
Wesley: *draws his sword out of instinct* oooo....shiny sword....
Soldier B: You dare draw your weapon against us? Are you a mercenary of Basil?
Wesley: What's a mercenary?
Soldier A:*lowering his lance* You don't know what a mercenary is? Your in a medieval setting, you know that?!
Soldier B: *also lowers his lance* Yeah, how can you be so stupid?!
Wesley: I'm not here by choice. And that last comment was uncalled for!
Soldier A: That sux. Well, I wish we could help you dude, but we gotta go. Bye.
(The soldiers gallop away at a suspiously high speed. Wesley stood at the same spot, staring in the direction of the fleeing soldiers)
Wesley: Hey wait!! Can't you get me outta here??!!
(Thundering footsteps approached Wesley and soon, he was face-to-face with a Dragon that looks like a giant praying mantis)
Wesley: Oh shit.
(He takes a cue from the soldiers and runs like hell. Meanwhile, I'm admiring my dark blue armor, especially the uneven boots, and my looong sword)
Me: Hell ya.
(Wesley soon runs to the path that I'm standing by, followed closly by Ferybrand, who's knocking down trees and such. I'm very much enjoying Wesley being slapped around by the Dragon [payback time] but, due to my sympathetic nature, I eventually rescue him by hiding ourselves behind a huge boulder)
Wesley: You...?
Me: *whispers* Shhh....if you don't wanna die.
(Ferybrand banged his head against the cliff in frustration, then left. As soon we were sure that he was gone, Wesley and I stood up and returned to the dirt road.)
Wesley: How'd ya know that he wouldn't look behind the rock?
Me: Because Dragons, much like yourself, aren't that bright.
(Wesley stood, starring blankly at me and didn't say anything for about a minute)
Wesley: Hey! You called me stupid!
Me: *slaps forehead* What a fine catch you are....don't try to think, it'll hurt too much.
Wesley: ??
Me: Nevermind. By the way, that village over there has just been destroyed.
Wesley: Why do I care?
Me: Stupid!! That's your village!!
Wesley: Oh. Then I guess I'll be going now, see ya later.
Me: Bye.
(Wesley ran off to "his village" and suddenly my dark blue Dragoon Spirit began to glow)
Me: {You've gotta be kidding....oh fine! Oh my god, he's.....?} *yelling to the sky* You happy now?!?! *Storms off into the distance, muttering obscenities*
~ ~ ~
(We return to Wesley, who has now reached the village of Seles and approaches a dying old man)
Dying Old Man: Ahh....Wesley?....Is that really you?....if only you came sooner....
Wesley: How do you know me?
Dying Old Man: *ignores his comment* Aaah...you must...rescue....Ania....*dies*
[I don't think the first guy to you talk to says that but I'm cutting it short since the rest of the people in Seles are basically insignificant.]
[Plous: Bitch]
[....Anyways...]
Wesley: Ania? From real life?! Where is she? What happened to her?!
Commander (no, not the Great one): He's not going to answer you. He's dead.
(Wesley turned around, now standing face-to-face with a tall man in dark armor. Again, I'm cutting out the first battle with the privates because they are insignificant)
Wesley: Who are you? And what did you do with Ania?!
Commander: Ania? She must be the girl we captured. Yes, we burned this town just so we could get to that woman....she should be enjoying the comforts of Hellena prison by now.
Wesley: ??...prison??
Commander: It's sarcasm genius. Hellena is the worst prison in Endiness. It's not comfortable and it's a bad thing she's there....and you're not a genius.
Wesley: grrr....that's the third time I've been called dumb in two minutes!!
Commander: I wonder why.
Wesley: That's it, you asked for it!!
(Wesley charged at the Commander but he stopped him)
Commander: Wait!!
Wesley: *stops, confused*
Commander: That's not how it works. I have to say this one line...ahem...Alright, I'll let you follow her, but not Hellena -- to "hell!"
[I really like that line]
(So the Commander charged at Wesley, who was still a little dumbfounded. The screen dissolved and Wesley found himself holding his sword, standing in a battle stance directly in front of the Commander and two privates.)
Wesley: What the hell....where did those two come from...? Hey, how am I supposed to use this thing?!?!
(The three enemies ignored him and one of the privates ran at Wesley. He tried to run, but Wesley's feet couldn't move!! Wesley braced himself for the blow, and the soldier slashed his dagger across Wesley's chest. Five damage.)
Wesley: Ow?
(The soldier ran back and it was Wesley's turn. He still didn't know how to use the sword, but a mysterious force pulled him toward the private that attacked him. Then, almost automatically, Wesley cut across the soldier twice and shouted...)
Wesley: Double Slash!! *Five damage*
(The soldier disappeared in a flash of red smoke and Wesley ran back to his original position)
Wesley: Sweet! How did I do that?
(He didn't concern himself too much with how he killed the soldier, since he still had to kill two more. The second private was just as easy to beat.)
Commander: How cheeky of you. Gawh!! *Powers up*
Wesley: Now what the hell does that do?
(The Commander attacked Wesley. Eight damage)
Wesley: Oh, that.
(It took a little longer to kill the Commander, due to his power up plus he healed himself)
Wesley: Hey!! How come I can't do that? Oh well, Double Slash!!
(After a couple more additions, the Commander was successfully defeated and Wesley celebrated by doing a little victory dance. Yay, now he's at level two. The Commander left behind some Healing Potions and some other stuff and since Wesley did not want to leave anything to waste, he picked up the Commander's belongings)
Wesley: I have no idea what these things do, but I might as well take them. Now what do I do? Oh yeah, Ania. I guess if we wanna get outta here, I'd better go rescue her. But what about Tina? Ah well, it looked to me like she could take care of herself...plus she called me stupid...grr...Yeah, um, where's Hellena anyways?
(He asked for directions from some random people walking around and then headed back in the direction that he came from. Wesley was now on his first rescue mission and in full Dart-mode. I told you this was gunna be fun.)
Second Author's Note: If you don't remember who Plous is (and the only reason I do is that I just started a new game myself), he's the second guy that Dart talks to in Seles, just before the fight described in this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD or Sony so don't sue me
Chapter 1: The Journey Begins....
(It's a dark and foggy night. High in the sky, the Moon That Never Sets glowed a waxy blue color, looking down on the small town of Seles. The people of Seles slept quietly in their beds until their peaceful slumbers were interrupted by a rain of flaming arrows. Sandoran soldiers galloped into the village on horses that look like giant aardvarks and pillaged the helpless village. In the middle of the chaos, some soldiers capture a young girl and call over the Great Commander)
Soldier: Great Commander, this way.
Great Commander:*leans over the unconscious girl* Is this her? *Takes a green orb from a soldier and engraves a small insignia on the girl's forehead* Indeed. Take her into custody.
(The Great Commander starts to walk away but he's approached by a man in a black hooded cape)
Great Commander: *to the Hooded Man* Is this really necessary?
Hooded Man: Hell if I know. I just saw a flash of light and I ended up here.
Great Commander: ??
Hooded Man: Yeah, well it's an order from Emperor Joel so you gotta do it.
Great Commander: O...k....but what are you gunna do with her?
Hooded Man: It's not of your concern *leans over to see the prisoner* She looks kinda familiar to me, though...
(Suddenly, the girl regains consciousness)
Ania: WTF?! Who are you?! What are you doing to me?! RAAAAAPE!!! They're trying to RAAAAPE ME!!
[Yes, the girl is indeed Ania, taking the place of Shana. Ania definitely isn't as sweet as Shana and her legs aren't as long as Shana's (Ania's short) but Ania's pretty weak and she used to have brown hair like Shana's (now it's burgundy), but by magic we restored her original color. She's not gunna like that...]
Hooded Man: Why would she think that?
Ania: RAAAAAAAAPEEE!!!!
[Hmph. Can't rape the willing]
Great Commander: I dunno but that voice...god it's annoying!! Take her away.
(The soldiers bound and gagged Ania, to surpress her loud and annoying cries of rape, and threw her into the back of a black-covered wagon. The wagon trudged away followed by the Great Commander and the rest of his batillion on horseback. The Hooded Man mysteriously disappeared as the screen fades to black....)
(...and turns its attention to a wandering warrior, standing majestically on the clifftops watching the forest below with her midnight hair cascading down her back. She noticed a beast rising from the forest.)
Me: Ferybrand, the Green Tusked Dragon.
[Enter the herione and author of this story]
Me: *rubbing gloved hands in excitement* {Hehehe....this is gunna be so fun...}
(Rose, er, I jumped down the cliff and vanished into the forest.)
~ ~ ~
(Now we focus on a blood-red-armor-clad warrior sitting, confused, on a stump. He reads a war bulletin with apathy)
Wesley: Tension between Basil and Sandora increases...why do I care? I just wanna go home.
[Why might I cast the evil ex-boyfriend as Dart, the main character of the game? Well, he looks the most like Dart with brown spiky hair (or, it was the last time I saw him) and he's the buffest of my friends (hey, I did date him). Plus, Dart is confused through most of the game, which is how Wesley is in real life. Okay, on with the fic]
(Wesley hears the galloping of hooves, so he runs over to see if it's someone who can tell him what the hell is going on. He sees soldiers galloping away, ignoring him, but two soldiers stopped in front of Wesley and drew their spears against him)
Soldier A: Who are you?
Wesley: *draws his sword out of instinct* oooo....shiny sword....
Soldier B: You dare draw your weapon against us? Are you a mercenary of Basil?
Wesley: What's a mercenary?
Soldier A:*lowering his lance* You don't know what a mercenary is? Your in a medieval setting, you know that?!
Soldier B: *also lowers his lance* Yeah, how can you be so stupid?!
Wesley: I'm not here by choice. And that last comment was uncalled for!
Soldier A: That sux. Well, I wish we could help you dude, but we gotta go. Bye.
(The soldiers gallop away at a suspiously high speed. Wesley stood at the same spot, staring in the direction of the fleeing soldiers)
Wesley: Hey wait!! Can't you get me outta here??!!
(Thundering footsteps approached Wesley and soon, he was face-to-face with a Dragon that looks like a giant praying mantis)
Wesley: Oh shit.
(He takes a cue from the soldiers and runs like hell. Meanwhile, I'm admiring my dark blue armor, especially the uneven boots, and my looong sword)
Me: Hell ya.
(Wesley soon runs to the path that I'm standing by, followed closly by Ferybrand, who's knocking down trees and such. I'm very much enjoying Wesley being slapped around by the Dragon [payback time] but, due to my sympathetic nature, I eventually rescue him by hiding ourselves behind a huge boulder)
Wesley: You...?
Me: *whispers* Shhh....if you don't wanna die.
(Ferybrand banged his head against the cliff in frustration, then left. As soon we were sure that he was gone, Wesley and I stood up and returned to the dirt road.)
Wesley: How'd ya know that he wouldn't look behind the rock?
Me: Because Dragons, much like yourself, aren't that bright.
(Wesley stood, starring blankly at me and didn't say anything for about a minute)
Wesley: Hey! You called me stupid!
Me: *slaps forehead* What a fine catch you are....don't try to think, it'll hurt too much.
Wesley: ??
Me: Nevermind. By the way, that village over there has just been destroyed.
Wesley: Why do I care?
Me: Stupid!! That's your village!!
Wesley: Oh. Then I guess I'll be going now, see ya later.
Me: Bye.
(Wesley ran off to "his village" and suddenly my dark blue Dragoon Spirit began to glow)
Me: {You've gotta be kidding....oh fine! Oh my god, he's.....?} *yelling to the sky* You happy now?!?! *Storms off into the distance, muttering obscenities*
~ ~ ~
(We return to Wesley, who has now reached the village of Seles and approaches a dying old man)
Dying Old Man: Ahh....Wesley?....Is that really you?....if only you came sooner....
Wesley: How do you know me?
Dying Old Man: *ignores his comment* Aaah...you must...rescue....Ania....*dies*
[I don't think the first guy to you talk to says that but I'm cutting it short since the rest of the people in Seles are basically insignificant.]
[Plous: Bitch]
[....Anyways...]
Wesley: Ania? From real life?! Where is she? What happened to her?!
Commander (no, not the Great one): He's not going to answer you. He's dead.
(Wesley turned around, now standing face-to-face with a tall man in dark armor. Again, I'm cutting out the first battle with the privates because they are insignificant)
Wesley: Who are you? And what did you do with Ania?!
Commander: Ania? She must be the girl we captured. Yes, we burned this town just so we could get to that woman....she should be enjoying the comforts of Hellena prison by now.
Wesley: ??...prison??
Commander: It's sarcasm genius. Hellena is the worst prison in Endiness. It's not comfortable and it's a bad thing she's there....and you're not a genius.
Wesley: grrr....that's the third time I've been called dumb in two minutes!!
Commander: I wonder why.
Wesley: That's it, you asked for it!!
(Wesley charged at the Commander but he stopped him)
Commander: Wait!!
Wesley: *stops, confused*
Commander: That's not how it works. I have to say this one line...ahem...Alright, I'll let you follow her, but not Hellena -- to "hell!"
[I really like that line]
(So the Commander charged at Wesley, who was still a little dumbfounded. The screen dissolved and Wesley found himself holding his sword, standing in a battle stance directly in front of the Commander and two privates.)
Wesley: What the hell....where did those two come from...? Hey, how am I supposed to use this thing?!?!
(The three enemies ignored him and one of the privates ran at Wesley. He tried to run, but Wesley's feet couldn't move!! Wesley braced himself for the blow, and the soldier slashed his dagger across Wesley's chest. Five damage.)
Wesley: Ow?
(The soldier ran back and it was Wesley's turn. He still didn't know how to use the sword, but a mysterious force pulled him toward the private that attacked him. Then, almost automatically, Wesley cut across the soldier twice and shouted...)
Wesley: Double Slash!! *Five damage*
(The soldier disappeared in a flash of red smoke and Wesley ran back to his original position)
Wesley: Sweet! How did I do that?
(He didn't concern himself too much with how he killed the soldier, since he still had to kill two more. The second private was just as easy to beat.)
Commander: How cheeky of you. Gawh!! *Powers up*
Wesley: Now what the hell does that do?
(The Commander attacked Wesley. Eight damage)
Wesley: Oh, that.
(It took a little longer to kill the Commander, due to his power up plus he healed himself)
Wesley: Hey!! How come I can't do that? Oh well, Double Slash!!
(After a couple more additions, the Commander was successfully defeated and Wesley celebrated by doing a little victory dance. Yay, now he's at level two. The Commander left behind some Healing Potions and some other stuff and since Wesley did not want to leave anything to waste, he picked up the Commander's belongings)
Wesley: I have no idea what these things do, but I might as well take them. Now what do I do? Oh yeah, Ania. I guess if we wanna get outta here, I'd better go rescue her. But what about Tina? Ah well, it looked to me like she could take care of herself...plus she called me stupid...grr...Yeah, um, where's Hellena anyways?
(He asked for directions from some random people walking around and then headed back in the direction that he came from. Wesley was now on his first rescue mission and in full Dart-mode. I told you this was gunna be fun.)
Second Author's Note: If you don't remember who Plous is (and the only reason I do is that I just started a new game myself), he's the second guy that Dart talks to in Seles, just before the fight described in this chapter.