0000 Disclaimer me no own 0000 Well everyone should send their thanks to the Libran Iniquity for this chapter being up before 2020 and she should also be thanked for some of the more humorous lines later on! Go her!

Anyway, life, school, and chaos got in the way of all story updates. Mock exams should be burned in a ritual sacrifice! And the only reason this chapter is going up is because it's me birthday so I get the computer to myself for more than five minutes! So I hope you enjoy this-it's the final chapter! 0000

Soon after Hoshi discovered Malcolm spitting baby food all over Archer, Fayla and Jac'tir started the aging process-in fast forward naturally.

It worked a treat and went fairly smoothly except for Fayla subconsciously stabbing Jac'tir with something that looked suspiciously like a blunt needle. It appeared she still hadn't forgiven him for confessing his love for her only when he thought they were going to die. A fact that was confirmed when they were about to be returned to their home world, Archer could hear her shrill, accusing tone as she screamed:

"You couldn't tell me when we were cooped up in that hecken' pod for thirty hecken' days on end could ya you hecken' darveet! You just wanted to toy with my emotions, you, you, you user! How could you do that to me? And!! And what's even more hecken' unbelievable is that you had absolutely no intention of following it up once you realised we weren't dead!!!!!!!"

Mind you, he almost envied Jac'tir when he went down to sickbay, only to discover an adolescent Trip head-banging too……………….something unidentifiable. Standing there mouth hanging open Archer had a new found respect for the Tucker clan. He marvelled at how Phlox could be completely unaffected by the noise around him, walking up to him and smiling.

"Teenagers are fascinating aren't they?" he beamed.

Archer managed a smile.

"How's it been?"

"No problems, they've both been very well behaved," Phlox told him. "The commander seems to be enjoying himself doesn't he? It's been interesting to watch him interact with the female members of the crew."

Archer watched his friend a moment, grinning broadly; he could well imagine what Trip had been doing.

"What about Malcolm?" he asked, practically sighing with relief as the song ended.

"He's over there drawing some pictures," Phlox replied. "He's been slightly edgy about people being near him but the Commander got him settled."

Archer paused a moment and looked across at Malcolm. But he was distracted from further contemplation by music blaring out once again. He was going to have words with Trip about his taste in music when this was all over.

0000

The next two days passed by uneventfully. Well unless you count Trip's hormone driven antics in the mess hall and Malcolm's strange teenage obsession with a band called 'The Divine Comedy'. Phlox didn't mind the choice of music but Archer, on one of his many visits to sickbay had presented Malcolm with a CD player and headphones. Not that it actually helped of course-Malcolm just sang along to it and walking into sickbay hearing his armoury officer belting out:

"Mini skirts were in style, when she danced down the aisle, back in '63, but it's hard to get by, when your arse is the size of a small COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!"

Needless to say, it wasn't doing much for his sanity and neither was constantly separating Trip from the female population-but damn that boy had energy!

The entire crew (well mostly, some of the female members were rather disappointed upon hearing that Trip was no longer driven by hormones) were relieved when finally both officers emerged from sickbay fully grown once more. While Trip and Malcolm had been……………fun………..as children, there was only so many tantrums and impromptu food fights people could cope with in one go.

Especially food fights in the mess hall, the Laundry Staff nearly went on strike and even worse Chef nearly did too. Dirty clothes Archer could cope with-boil in the bag he could not.

Still, Phlox was happy, he'd spent a happy week viewing human behaviour from childhood right through to adulthood, practically witness human 'mating' rituals (or at least he would have, had Archer not stepped in looking absolutely mortified) and learn a whole range of curses and swear words from Malcolm who, during his teenage years was quite fond of arguing with everyone and anyone and even took down Trip in a fight (although to give Trip his due he didn't want to hurt him-or so he claimed anyway).

On the plus side, Archer had gotten to know Malcolm a whole lot more than he ever wanted to and even though the stain from the baby food wouldn't come off his uniform he was sure it was all for a good cause.

Or at least he prayed it was.

However upon returning to their normal selves they had very disjointed memories and Archer was not in any hurry to tell Malcolm he fed him or Trip that he walked in on him in a………… compromising position.

That brought about another matter-what to tell Starfleet? Archer sat at his desk for a long, long time pondering this matter.

We safely returned Fayla and Jac'tir to their homeworld of 'Weebairns' but not before Fayla tried to kill Jac'tir with a needle………

He erased it and tried again.

After regressing to their childlike states, Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed started to throw food like there was no tomorrow…….

Maybe not.

During their period of growth, Commander Tucker tried to chat up every female member of the crew and Lieutenant Reed introduced a whole new meaning to the words 'angry teenager'…………

Archer paused. Maybe now was a bad time to write this report.

He got up and took Porthos on a walk. Halfway through he found Trip who gave him a winning smile before trying to walk in the opposite direction.

"Trip!" he said brightly. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"About what?"

Archer gave him his best smile and put his arm round his shoulders.

"About your extra-curricular activities and choice in music…………."

0000

"Hello Ensign."

Hoshi looked up from the pad she was reading and smiled.

"Hello Lieutenant, please sit down."

Malcolm slid into a chair and sat there stiffly, unable to look at her.

"Something I can help you with?" she asked brightly.

"I………I mean……..Phlox said……….that you………."

"Changed your nappy?" she prompted helpfully.

Malcolm went so red that for a split second she thought his face would explode.

"That's ok sir, I couldn't let the Captain look after you he had absolutely no idea," said Hoshi trying not to enjoy his discomfort but failing miserably.

"You mean? The captain did as well?" Malcolm choked.

"No, all he did with you was attempt to feed you," Hoshi told him. "And comment on your interesting taste in music. Who are the Divine Comedy anyway?"

Malcolm let out a strangled noise and didn't reply.

0000 Well that's the end, might be an epilogue might not but anyway thoughts and opinions are welcomed! 0000