A/N: I wrote this during math class, which I have early in the morning, so it's kinda freaky. This is, obviously, dedicated to Laura. She knows who she is. Duh. By the way, there's a tiny Secret Window reference in this; try to find it!
Chapter 12: Sirius Black's Amazing Grocery Store Adventure
One day, Sirius came to a disturbing conclusion. The green, fuzzy stuff on the roast beef that he was keeping under his bed was, in fact, mold. Sirius had only one choice: he had to go to the Muggle grocery store and get more. So, pulling out the small amount of Muggle money that he kept around for emergencies, like toilet paper and beer runs, Sirius ran outside and quickly Apparated to the store.
Sirius rushed into the store and made a beeline for the deli counter.
"Yes?" the old, craggy woman behind the counter asked. "Whaddya want?"
"I need some roast-" Sirius began, but was interrupted by the shriek of the girl standing behind him.
"SIRIUS!" she cried as he spun around to face her. "My horoscope for today said I'd meet someone new…"
"O-oh," Sirius stuttered. "That's nice…"
"My name's Laura," Laura stated, sticking out her hand. "And I already know who you are…"
"I bet you do," Sirius muttered, taking his meat from the woman behind the counter. "It was nice to meet you, but I really must be going…"
"No!" Laura insisted, grabbing his arm. "Don't go!"
"I really do have to," Sirius repeated, starting to lose his patience now.
"NO!" Laura screamed insanely. "IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NOBODY CAN!" And, with that, she pulled out a gun and shot him. Thankfully, Sirius had done a trusty Bullet-Repelling Spell before leaving home, so he didn't die.
"Always happy to meet a fan," he muttered as he retreated from the stunned girl. "Even if she is crazy."