James let the silky threads of her hair slip through his fingers before repeating the motion as he watched her sleeping so soundly. She had a pretty cute little smile on her face while she did. He'd been up for three or four hours. He had fallen asleep with her, maybe staying that way for forty-five minutes before his mind had him awake again. He wasn't unhappy about it; it felt like a waste to sleep when he'd rather be conscious next to her.
He'd been tempted to wake her up a few times, but it was rare for her to look so peaceful. Besides, sleeping was never helpful in these situations. Since he'd woken up, he'd been struggling with his head again, and it was better to leave her sleeping while he tried to pull himself entirely out of the painful mental battle.
Two-part missions were taxing, mainly because when he finished his hyperfocus on the first part- he ended up staying that way no matter the length until the second could be completed. It was tiring but habitual at this point. It had always been that way and had become easy in its familiarity.
Except he'd seen Natalia from afar, on a separate mission, while doing what he needed to do. In that instant, his focus had been torn in two different and competing directions. From that moment until he snuck into the nearby hotel she was staying in for the night, it was gone. He'd wasted no time finding her after completion of the first section of his orders, and as soon as he did, any focus he had disappeared, the mental war dismissed.
As it always did when he was near Natalia, any of their stolen moments were a relief, but it had been especially so today. It helped to push the steady beat of his orders out of his head. Her soft words and the adoring look in her bright green eyes made his handler's orders for the target much quieter.
He was usually surprised at how much different he realized he felt mentally. How much clearer he could think when he was focused on Natalia. It was thrilling reuniting with her after so long. He had no reference for time, except that he'd done at least three missions since without returning to the Red Room.
For a few hours, her warmth pushed away the need in the back of his head to continue the most direct and efficient path towards mission completion. For a few hours, he was just James, delighted to be with Natalia again.
After waking, and the longer they strayed from it, the more his orders seemed to ache in his head. Lying in the dark, just their breathing around him, he could not resist it creeping back into his mind. As much as he wanted to, and fuck did he ever, James could not fight the cold clutch in his head that was the Winter Soldier's orders.
It was incredibly frustrating when he only wanted to enjoy their tiny window together. He turned deeper into the bed so he could move his arm a little more around her where she was lying on his chest. James could breathe in her scent easier, and loosen his laser tight focus on the mission.
Sometimes it felt so overwhelming, and then he'd look down and see her smiling in her sleep like she was now, and it pulled James' attention back where it belonged. He frowned, that was a weird thought… but it felt true. He belonged here next to her. It didn't even matter if it was giving him a headache, because at the same time it made him feel so light.
It was 5 years later. Natalia was in bed sleeping peacefully. She hadn't slept so well in years. She turned around with a slight groan as she was woken by tiny feet, running up to the bed. Her smile widened more. All years of torture in her childhood were finally worth it. It had led up to these moments.
"Mama-" a two-year-old girl squealed, trying to climb into her parents' bed. Instead, she grinned wide like she had just been up to mischief.
Natasha sighed but slowly sat up to help her daughter into the bed. "Hey, princessa-" she cuddled her daughter close, who gave a high-pitched squeal.
The girl slowly wiggled her way out of Natalia's arms to get to dad and check if he was still asleep. She grinned wide, pulling up his eyelid to see what was happening. "Daddy, wake up!" she smiled wide and leaned down, giving him a very wet kiss.
She watched her daughter interact with the man of her dreams. Placing her hand on her tiny bump, she soaked in the quality time with her little family. It was such a contrast to her childhood like it should be. Natalia would do anything to protect all of them.
Gently she moved to kiss James's hair to say good morning herself.
He slept so deeply these days that he didn't stir until he heard the girlish squeal near his ear. James blinked the sleep from his eyes, a sleepy grin pulling up his face as his little girl launched herself on him.
He chuckled as she tried kissing him awake.
"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping beauty?" He laughed, quickly raising his arms around her to snatch her up from the bed and boost her up higher before setting her on his chest. She roared with laughter and he was glad it was a sound he was so accustomed to.
He smiled as he felt Natalia's gentle kiss and turned to face her as their baby girl burrowed into the blankets to try to escape him.
"Good morning," He said peacefully, reaching up to cup her chin and gently pull her to him for a quick kiss.
It was a little chilly in their small cabin, tucked away into the woods. He'd have to get out of bed to start the wood fire before too long, but he couldn't imagine wanting to leave the picturesque scene they'd built for themselves.
Natalia smiled happily and looked down at him. She kissed him back and lingered for a moment in the bliss of this moment. This was everything she had always wanted to have. Just the two of them away from everyone and have some peace with the love of her life.
"'Lena want kiss too!" The girl called out, jealous of mom getting the attention now, not her. She still wasn't able to pronounce Yelena properly.
She chuckled and leaned over to kiss the girl's hair. "Don't you dare get up right now! We have family time," Natalia whispered when she moved to lie down in bed again. This was such bliss.
The girl moved to grab dad's face to get her kiss and cuddles from James. She had always been a little daddy's girl. So happy to always be around and play with them and especially him.
She lay down on his chest and cuddled him close, grinning widely. "Can we play?" She asked him, excited.
He never got tired of how happy she looked. He was too, but they'd fought so hard and run so far… and it made life much clearer. He kissed her again, reminding himself they'd made it. Their girl got bored quickly, that was for sure. If James found it hard to deny Natalia anything, it was purely impossible for him to tell their daughter no. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, then her forehead and the top of her head until she giggled.
He scooped her up in his flesh arm, pulling her petite body against his chest. The little girl never paid any mind to his metal arm; it had long since been nothing more than what it was. James laughed lightly. She had more energy in the mornings than either of them had a chance of hoping for.
"Later, sweetheart, remember what we said?" He said, his voice getting as firm as it ever did with her- which was nothing more than a gentle reminder. "Mama has to rest more now and we have to keep her company, don't we?" He said, giving her a little squeeze and smiling at Natalia. To think there would be another too-energetic baby running around soon enough. He tucked his head down to whisper in her ear. "Maybe you should give her a big kiss, too."
Yelena looked at him with big, shining eyes. The little kid adored her father. Everyone was able to see that. The way she always lingered to cuddle with him or gain any kind of affection. She listened to him and gave a huff but nodded slowly, somewhat understanding what he meant but not completely.
"But 'Lena bored." She insisted with a huff, trying to get her will. Still, she looked sombre and nodded a bit, moving to cuddle into his embrace happily.
Natalia smiled happily at them both. This was heaven and everything she ever wanted at once. Gently, she caressed Yelena's back, wondering what the two clearly conspired to do when the little girl nodded oh so thoughtfully. It seemed to be something significant when their daughter wiggled out of the embrace and crawled over to her.
"Coming here to say 'hi'?" She mumbled and welcomed her underneath her covers more than willingly. To her surprise, she received a big kiss from their daughter "oh my, thank you." She pulled her into a huge hug.
She shifted in her sleep, curling against his chest more, and James smiled- momentarily losing focus on the aching in his head. He wished this could be what his every day looked like; he wanted Natalia was all he could focus on.
The way she was smiling, James couldn't help but lean in and kiss her softly. He felt the desperate need not to waste any precious time he had with her. More was never guaranteed, and James couldn't stand the thought of that almost as much as he couldn't stand the thought of not prepping for the next section of his current mission.
Something wasn't right. Natalia felt the wet kiss of her daughter mingle with something else. Mix with something…something from another reality. The thought didn't make sense, but it was almost like something…or someone…tried to pull her away. Her own little dream life. But she tried to linger in it, almost like she desperately tried to hold onto something…something she would never have.
Her eyes fluttered open to a cold, sterile room. Not that the hotel changed anything. At least the bed was more comfortable than the one in the Red Room. But it was missing the warmth of the moment. To look into those bright blue eyes of her…her daughter. Natalia closed her eyes again, trying to linger at the image. But it was already fading and left a surprising emptiness in her heart.
Finally, Natalia turned to look at him. It had been weeks until they had met like this again. She pulled the duvet closer to her naked body to shake the coldness that was spreading from her heart through her body.
"I wish we could stay like this forever," she whispered and slowly turned to James. These moments were too valuable to be darkened by something childish and foolish like a dream.
Natalia licked her lips and smiled at him. How she wished the world would just stop like it did feel during those short moments. She leaned over to him and gently ran a finger over his naked back. "You still with me?" She whispered into his ear.
She sighed and moved to lie down on her back and rest her head on his stomach. "I wish we could just get away. The two of us. So there's no one else but us around. Just the two of us until we die. No directives or anything…" she looked up at James, knowing she only would get reprimanded for this statement. But how much she hoped…no, wished for it.
"Me too," James said with a content smile. It seemed unreal to him still, at times, that he was still lying here with her. Yet, they could find moments to come together and just be James and Natalia for a short time.
He leaned in to kiss the top of her messy hair, breathing in deeply and trying to engrain her in his mind instead. If they could, he'd lay here in this room- any room- with her forever too.
A brief flash of lights behind the blinds, more than likely a car driving past, pulled him away. His target was meant to drive into the city tomorrow morning and…
Her voice seemed distant in a way, as his mind ran through the second part again; but her finger tracing along his back pulled him back. He nodded, smiling for her as she shimmied down to lay her head across his stomach. James reached out and ran his hand through her hair, staring up at the darkened ceiling as he tried to push the hyperfocus on his mission away completely.
It mainly worked as he ran a hand along her arm, listening to their steady breathing and the now familiar lilt of her voice. Her words, though, did the opposite of what they usually did. He tucked his head down to lock eyes with her, a frown transforming his previously relaxed face as she went on.
She wasn't talking about what they wished; she was definitely talking about right now- at this moment. James felt the icy grip clutching harder with her last sentence.
'Выполняйте свои указания, солдат'
It felt as if his handler was right next to them for a moment. James shoved it away as harshly as he could, feeling the accompanying ache in his head. Not now. Not while James was with her here like this.
What was she talking about? James could feel the searing, past directives and orders rushing into his mind despite his efforts. That he must be loyal to the state. All he could do was lock his jaw in an attempt to fight it off. A wave of cold, sterile thinking- James wrapped his fingers in her hair more, concentrating on her face to try and keep himself there. Keep James there instead of the forceful pounding starting up in his head.
"We're here now," He said, a subtle redirection, but one he felt might calm both halves of the thoughts warring for dominance in his head.
She gave him a very practiced and polite smile. One she usually reserved for politicians and any targets. With this answer, it was supposed to hide the pain her heart was causing her. Was it really too much to ask for a life of them together without anyone interfering? It appeared like she would never be enough for this man. He clearly didn't understand. They could have more of this. More of these moments. Even a family of their own! It felt like they even had it…for a miraculous moment. It felt so real.
Natalia slowly sat up to get away from his touch. It only worsened the pain that threatened to overtake her whole body. She had never felt for anyone the way she did for him. Dared she even to admit it? Natalia loved him. She loved James Buchanan Barnes. She had fallen for him a long time, but he clearly cherished his orders more.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she deadpanned, a little cold. Natalia was relieved that her voice wasn't wavering with the turmoil of emotions inside her.
How was she supposed to take this but simply ignore it? He never understood her and even now, she had to push him for his luck. He never did anything on his own accord.
Her hand went to her stomach, where a bump had only moments ago. A small one. But still a baby bump. It was strange, but she swore she could feel something in there. Just a lingering dream she'd never be able to reach…at least not the way she wanted it. Not with how he stared at her like she had lost her mind!
"Is that all you want from life? Just be their pawn and kill people? And afterwards, stop by for a quick fuck?" She didn't look at him. Didn't dare to because she knew the answer. It didn't matter what any of them wanted for him. No, the truth was that it would never be more.
She smiled, but she was clearly displeased. James frowned more, the sudden lack of her touch making it more challenging. Mean? He pushed up to sit, wondering what he should say?
James stared at her back helplessly; he wanted to say the right thing. He just didn't know how to explain any of it. How did he explain that at the same time he was sitting here, desperate to never leave her again, there was something else demanding his orders be followed in his head? He wasn't choosing to; it was simply engrained there. He was forever ready to comply when his handler spoke, no matter what. Even when he wasn't standing there.
Didn't she understand how far he pushed just to leave his perch and find her here? No, of course, she didn't; James didn't really want her to either. She was the only one who saw something besides the Winter Soldier, and he didn't want to lose that by telling her she was wrong.
He winced, his orders beating in his head again.
'Найдите Волинского, остановите передачу файлов и покончите с ним и его ячейкой инакомыслия.' (Find Volinsky, stop the file transfer, and put an end to him and his little cell of dissidence.)
James shoved it away, and she'd turned so he could at least see her some now. James leaned forward to try and catch more of her face. What did she want him to say? He sighed, reaching up to run his metal hand across his forehead. It was warm from the sheets and her body, and the easily applied pressure at his temples did help a little. He needed to change the focus; she was upset, and he didn't want her to be. He really didn't want her thinking like that. His orders could wait. He would fulfil them… he just… couldn't do it now anyway. The logic seemed to help, or the pressure from his hand. In either case, he dropped his arm and moved down the bed to face her again.
"Of course not Natalia," He sighed, trying to be calm because he knew she was simply frustrated. He slowly reached for her hand, hoping she'd let him take it. "I want to be with you, constantly…" He paused, struggling for something right to say. It was the only thing he wanted, to be with her, and that's what she didn't understand. He didn't want other things; he didn't have choices… he simply fulfilled his mission and then, when he thought of her or saw her… that veil of focus seemed to lift away…
"I'm not even finished with my mission; I snuck away until daybreak," He added, thinking that would make her understand how much he wanted to be with her. Shouldn't that make her feel better, to realize he had stopped mid-mission? It was why he was mentally foggier tonight, but it was worth it; it was significant. But, on the other hand, he wasn't sure she saw it. Was she mad about the sex? "We don't have to fuck." Although he'd probably rather kill himself than not touch her again. If that was what she was looking for?
He didn't follow her thoughts entirely but could tell by her body language that none of that was what she wanted to hear. Did she simply not want to sneak around? Was it too taxing on her? James saw no alternative.
"They'd move us and we'd never see each other again if anyone found out." He was sort of sugarcoating that. They'd move her if Kudrin didn't use it as an angle to kill her… him, he'd disappear again- into the permanent cold from his dreams possibly- away from her, that was certain. Something angry and scared inside of him knew he'd lose the battle entirely if the hope of seeing her again was gone. Her, him, all this would all wash away, like everything else did, into the blur in his mind. James couldn't bear the thought of losing even thinking about her, so maybe sneaking around seemed less like a problem to him and more of a solution.
"Where is the problem then? You say one thing and act the opposite," she pulled her hand away from his and looked at him. Was that so hard to actually understand? "Why would I believe anything you say about this? Your actions talk for themselves!"
Was he really thinking that she was so stupid to believe any of that nonsense? Hell, even he should know that actions spoke louder than words and he clearly chose his handlers and orders over her. Couldn't he at least once choose her? Deep down, she knew he wouldn't. He always chose his work over anything in his life.
"Congratulations, want an award for that? I had men do more for me than sneak away until the sun dawns," she deadpanned, unimpressed by his statement. Was she supposed to fawn over him for this? She rolled her eyes unnerved. "Sounds more and more that you just want a girl to fuck. I'm convenient, ain't I? For not being able to get pregnant. Even if I was, they'd just take it away!"
She stopped herself from hugging her stomach protectively. There was nothing there. The Red Room made sure of that! It would only distract from the mission.
"You just don't get the point! Life's not supposed to be for one fucking night! I want more in life: a family with kids with you. Be happy away from this shit show. This is not a life. They're using us. If you died today, they wouldn't give a flying fuck! But I have news: they'd just get a new Winter Soldier! You're not special in any way!" She glared at him.
Was he so delusional to think they wouldn't be parted sooner or later? They were tolerating all of this for now. Because they decided it was beneficial for them. "Our lives already depend on someone else! Don't you want to be free to decide on having a family or something as little as what you'll have for breakfast?"
She stared at him and turned away again. Just now, she understood what Marina had tried to tell her years ago. The state wasn't going to give in. Heck, even agree on the most minor details. They were just a tiny wheel in their plans. If they didn't listen, they'd be erased from existence. All she wanted now was what Marina had in her hand's palm. But even that they had taken from her. She had paid with her life.
James frowned, eyebrows pinching together. Why would she not believe him? What did he have to gain by lying? He withdrew his hand and kept floundering for some sort of logic that would help here. Finally, his lips pressed into a hard line; why was she even talking like that? What more was he supposed to be doing? He didn't know, and maybe that was her point. Perhaps she'd seen through him, despite his best tries, that he wasn't whole enough to really be something to her. Clearly, he was failing.
Dammit, why was she thinking all this! What did babies have to do with anything? That wasn't the life they led. She was getting it all wrong and he'd rather have her realize how broken he was than have her think any of that was what he believed. Or how he thought, it couldn't be the furthest thing… at least that's what he thought.
Natalia didn't leave him wondering; she just let him have it. He rolled his fingers into a fist before smoothing them back out. She wanted a lot more than he could even have thought of himself. So this was why she was unhappy? She wanted more and… James couldn't give it to her.
"I know that," He said hollowly. Did Natalia think he had some delusions of grandeur? He was a tool for the state to use; that was his purpose and who he was. His head jerked, the pain searing back full force. He was here for the state, to make sure that… ergh! Natalia was angry, her glare piercing through him and he felt like he was trying to keep his mind free enough to keep up with the conversation.
She turned away and he let out a hard breath, reaching up to dig his metal fingers into the top of his skull until it hurt too badly to continue.
"I… I don't have a choice Natalia, or I would," He ground out roughly, forcing himself to say the words fighting in his head to stay above the rest. This conversation was setting off a lot. He couldn't even think about the things she was talking about; clearly, she'd thought a lot about it all. Clearly, he wasn't what she needed, and how could he expect himself to be… maybe it was foolish to not know it in the first place. To think they made sense… or just the desperate wishes of a half-dead man. He still had to struggle to make her understand, whatever happened, James wasn't going to have her thinking he just wanted a quick fuck and was happy to move along. Did she not understand how vital it felt like she was to him?
"This is all I can remember, and I'm barely able to remember that. It's easier in the red room, but… it's harder out here on regular missions," He said evenly, pushing the pain away to focus on her. He gently grabbed her shoulders, pulling her in one motion so she could face him. So she'd pay attention to what he was trying to say. Instead, he went on painfully stating the facts she was rashly ignoring. Or maybe she was working on flawed logic because he purposefully didn't spell out what was wrong with him. He needed to fix it clearly.
"You're full of bullshit, James, and you know that. Deep down, you are very aware of that. I have proven to you time and time again that you can be more and you still act like you're nothing more. Pushing away responsibilities like you aren't enabling them in any way. You do have a choice whether you like it or not," she glared at him trying to push the information home.
Everybody had a choice, even in the Red Room. It just wasn't a pretty choice. Either play their game and stay on top or die - simple as that. But with them working together, it could be more. They proved it over and over again. So, why didn't he want to see that? They were the best, so they could beat the system! But he was so short-sighted and narrow-minded about it!
Natasha stared at him, unsure of what he meant by that. What did he mean he didn't remember? It had just been what? 15…18 years or so since they met. Since he had saved her life essentially.
"What do you mean you don't remember?" She asked him incredulously, unsure of what to make of that piece of information. Natalia blinked, confused and ran a hand through her hair, feeling her heart being crushed in a very different way than before.
"I don't know how much time has passed since we last saw each other. I don't even remember meeting you anymore… I know I must have trained you, like the others; I know you escaped. I remember how determined you were… but I don't remember much of it. It just all… goes…" He trailed off, grinding his jaw tighter as the pain got too much to speak through. The first thing he could think back to and remember clearly was her cutting his hair…
"You're not some convenience; I care about you," He said, voice breaking for a moment. He swallowed and reoriented himself. "I have this need to be with you, and when I am, it's like I'm waking back up. I remember you, miss you when you're gone too long… so much that I'll deviate from a mission for a chance to be with you for a moment." His voice grew stonier at the end, losing the warmth of him trying inadequately to describe what she meant to him, how he felt about her. But of course, it didn't distract from the iron-cold truth, and she was drawing a line in the sand.
None of his feelings, as intense or as powerful as they were, could change that he couldn't be any of what she was talking about with her. "But I only have a name because you gave me one, Natalia; please try to understand; I… if I could choose to walk away from here with you, I would. I…" He grunted, the statement making him wince; his head felt like someone was squeezing it under a car. James pushed through it but let go of his grip on her shoulders. He had to set his hand on the bed to keep himself steady. Besides, he didn't feel like watching her as she understood how unwhole he was. She was right; she could just walk away… and go, be happy somewhere else. Maybe with someone else, this only worked if she came to him happily. Even though the thought of that made his chest crush almost as much as his head.
"I can't," He grunted and it was getting too painful to speak, but he didn't know what else to say anyway.
She swallowed hard, her throat being so dry all of a sudden. How could James forget her? Had she really been just a minor inconvenience in his life? She had always believed that she had had the exact same impact on his life as she had on his. People remembered moments that impacted his life, didn't they?
Natalia looked away from him despite the try to lure her in. She didn't want him to see how it made her feel. Her usually well-placed mask received more and more cracks as her heart broke with every little piece of information he gave her. If his words were to trust, she would still be only a fleeting image in his life. The way he tried to sweet-talk her now was in stark contrast to reality. How could he even miss her when he didn't remember her? Only recognized the bits and pieces she or the government were feeding him…
Slowly she tasted blood in her mouth with a foul taste. Natalia had a bit on her lower lip without realizing it as she tried to mask an emotional pain with a physical one. But it didn't matter. Still, tears escaped her eyes.
"Then leave. I don't need you-" she pressed out in hatred and anger. She didn't need James...Winter…but she did. She loved the man who had just confessed that he didn't remember her as he should. Only a possible ghost of what she was.
"Just go-" she whispered more quietly this time as she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. All she wanted in life was this man in front of her, but he didn't want her. Natalia slowly got to her feet, grabbing the pillow and throwing it at him as an unfruitful attempt to hurt "Just fucking leave me alone! That's what you want, isn't it!?"
She stared at him in horror as her whole reality seemed to crush her and sink in. He had never loved her the way she did. He didn't want her…even if she was willing to fight everything for him. He wouldn't do the same for her. That was what came down to him. What had memories even to do with it? If they fled right now, they could rediscover things together. But… he didn't want the same thing. Didn't even want the future she saw so clearly. No, she was an excellent time killer until the mission called him again.
"I said LEAVE!" Unlike herself, she suddenly screamed at him, waiting for him to finally move. How did he expect her to lie to him like they were lovers after he revealed such a thing? Her voice cracked with all the emotions she felt.
She was crying… and James wanted to move to comfort her- unsure why the urge was so damn strong. Maybe because he'd never seen her- or anyone- cry. Should he have kept quiet still? How could he when she was drawing her own conclusions?
"Natalia…."
Leave? James glanced away from her, then around the room, as if that would inspire something for him to say. Something to fix the silent tears, something to stop her from saying that. He raised his arm to reach for her face, to wipe them away, but she said it again and his hand stilled, then withdrew.
Why… and a hard determination of some sort, although it wasn't firm; instead, it wriggled and felt like a weight had slipped his normal hand and landed on his chest.
"No," He insisted. "I want to be with you," He corrected; why would he want to leave? Didn't she just hear what he said, that he'd pushed it all away to be with her? He knew it wasn't a good thing, James knew it wasn't easy… but what else could he hope for except for her not to take it as the worst outcome?
She moved off the bed, throwing a pillow at him. He frowned harder, batting it away from him and standing too, intent on following her. Of taking her in his arms and telling her what he meant by it all. Did that matter? Natalia was smart… maybe too smart to deal with someone like him.
How she looked at him was more like a bullet wound through a vital area than a look. He couldn't distinguish it precisely… fear, anger, disbelief… it was all too familiar. James never wanted her to look at him the way everyone else did. She was repulsed… maybe she felt tricked by his silence… or perhaps she was done now that she knew his limitations. Knew he was far from whole enough to be with her.
James looked away from her, unable to take that look coming from the familiar face and her beautiful eyes. He was never meant to be here… and as she screamed, he knew with the growing weight in his stomach, that she didn't want him here either. She was just caught in his crossfire… he wanted to tell her she should run. If she wanted that life, that she should go out after it… that she should leave him here now.
Except as much as he burned to say it, he physically couldn't get the words to his tongue. The aching got too bad and he couldn't move his jaw until he put the thoughts to rest. He couldn't openly talk to her about desertion…
"I'm sorry," He muttered, gathering his clothes. "I can't change any of it. Or I would… for you, I would."
She turned away from him, and his words hit deaf ears. It didn't matter… he saw the look on her face. Finally, she stopped seeing James or Winter… Natalia looked at him and saw the Winter Soldier as he was. After that… who could blame her reaction? Clearly, she didn't want to see anymore.
James grabbed his gear, buckling it on his waist and thigh, and still, he stood, wishing she'd change her mind. Perhaps… perhaps she just needed time. Time to think about it, time to calm down or… or maybe he had gotten exactly what he knew he would. The Winter Soldier wasn't a whole man… and she deserved everything she dreamed about.
She screamed, making James still. His first thought was about how raw she must be to lose her composure, the background thoughts… calculating arrival times or nosy guests. Natalia… really wanted him gone from her right now. He shifted his belt for a nervous moment… but when she didn't turn to look, he moved obediently towards the door.
The second half of his mission was still calling… and Natalia didn't want him there. Didn't want him or the lack of things he could provide for her. What else could he do except follow her wishes and leave her be?
Author's Note:
Thanks for all the amazing feedback! The next section of the story is where things start getting intense for Nat and Bucky, which means a little extra editing is in order to keep up the quality! So sadly next week there's not going to be an update, but after that... it's on! Hold onto your emotions because the Red Room isn't the best place to be for star crossed lovers!
This is the first story of a full series around Bucky and Natasha's unseen past in the MCU. Stay tuned!
Leave a kudos or put it in the comments what you think will happen next or what you loved! It'll be great to hear from you! If you enjoyed the story, feel free to treat me to a coffee on KoFi! ko slash fi dot com slash fatedmuses