Author's Note: Woulda updated sooner, but my computer is on drugs. This is
a chapter, mostly devouted to the ladies. Ex-girlfriends of one confused
Dragoon unite against him, sexual harassers are punished -- severely -- and
we discover that unfortunately, some men are immuned to our "feminine
charm" *cough* yeah, that's it.... Did I mention there's mallets in this
chapter?
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD and I don't know the meaning of the word "alky" so sorry
Chapter 14: Bout Time You Showed Up!
Wesley: Tina, you really hate me, don't you?
Me: Hate is such a strong word, Wesley....it's more like I "strongly dislike" you
??: I SAID get your hand offa my ASS!
Gangsta [a different one]: Well you asked for it
Theif: Yeah, I mean look at you, you're barely dressed!
??: That STILL doesn't give you the right to touch my ASS! *Takes a mallet and beats the crap outta the two guys*
Gangsta and Theif: x_x
(Okay, okay, I think it's about time for me to reveal the identity of the barely-dressed mallet-wielding girl)
Nikole: Oh, hey guys!
Ania: It's bout time you showed up!
Wesley: Great. You give my other ex-girlfriend a MALLET?! It's bad enough that you arm yourself with a sword....
[Yes, Nikole went out with Wesley...just after I did in fact It's really funny actually.....]
Nikole: *twirls mallet* This is gunna be fuuuunn....but Tina, what the hell did you do to my hair?
[Nikole is very dark-skinned, much of which you can see now that she has donned the traditional Meru ballet costume. And she usually has dark hair, but for the sake of the game, her hair is platinum]
Boberto: Hair just like Jimbos....
Wesley: *stiffles a chuckle*
Nikole: Need I remind you that I have a mallet...?
Ania: So what are you doing here?
Nikole: Same thing you are. I heard that you guys are going to Fletz to get permission to go to confront the Eastsiders. So I'm coming with you
Wesley: WHY?! I can't have TWO ex-girlfriends traveling with me!
Timoty: Oh get over it, you're not getting our sympathy
Boberto: *nods in agreement*
Wesley: Why?! What about brotherhood? We have to stick together against them! *Points to me, Ania, and Nikole*
Girls: *death glare*
Timoty: Because Nikole and Tina are nice to me and Boberto
Boberto: Plus they're hot
[I'm so vain I bet I think this story's about me...]
Ania: HEY!
Boberto: Oh yeah and Ania's....nice looking...*cough*
Nikole: As much as I love to be complimented, we really should get going to Fletz. You guys can fill me in with what you've been doing on the way *exits*
Me: Who gave her the idea that she's in charge?
~ ~ ~
(We go through the Barrens AGAIN to get to Fletz, and we recapped our journey to Nikole. So, we go back to Fletz and we have a little run-in with a royal pain)
Citizen: Oh, shit, here comes Princess Andrea!
Citizen 2: Run! Hide! I'm too young to diiiiiiiiee!!!!!!
Boberto: Don't you think they're exaggerating just a little?
Princess Andrea: HEY! Who the hell said "oh shit here comes Princess Andrea"? Who said it? WHO SAID IT?!
*Cricket chirping*
Me: DAMN THE CRICKETS! *Runs around, frantically stomping on the ground*
Princess Andrea: Fine, if that's how you are going to be......Bodyguard!
Bodyguard: Yes, Your Highness?
Princess Andrea: You know what to do
Bodyguard: Yes, Your Highness *shoots into the crowd*
Random Guy: *dies*
Boberto: Maybe not....
Princess Andrea: You peasants bore me. I'm retiring back to the Castle. AND IF ANYONE DECIDES TO CELEBRATE MY DEPARTURE.....
Bodyguard: *cocks his rifle*
Citizens: *monotone, robotic voice* Oh, Princess Andrea we are so sad and depressed that you are leaving. We don't know what to do with ourselves, we're so sad.
Princess Andrea: That's better *goes back to the Castle*
Wesley: Damn whadda royal bitch
Boberto: But this is so strange....Andrea is usually so sweet and nice
[Andrea goes to same school as me, Timoty, Boberto, and Ania and she went to middle school with Timoty and Boberto]
Timoty: Yeah, that certainly was....weird....
(We eventually get over it, and we go right up to the Castle gate to try and get an appointment with the King)
Nikole: *to the gatekeeper* We need to see King Zior
Me and Wesley: Oh shit...
Officer: Hehehe, I got a promotion....and NO you cannot get into the Castle. NOBODY goes into the Castle, especially YOU TWO *points to Wesley and me*
Me: Aw, c'mon can't you just make an exception for us? I mean, we're not REALLY jewerly theives and underage drinkers...*nervous laughter*
Wesley: I really didn't take anything from the jewerly shop...it was all a joke....*nervous chuckle*
Officer: *death glare* Unless by some miracle you can get an honest person to vouch for you, I'm not letting you in
Boberto: It's all bling bling, I'm the King of Serdio.
Officer: Like hell you are -- that lie didn't work last night and it won't work today. I said an HONEST person to vouch for you
Me: Haven't you ever heard the expression "innocent until proven guilty"?
Officer: No, this is a medievel society
Ania: Leave this to me...this is a woman's job *walks up to the Officer seductively*
Officer: *raised eyebrow*
Ania: Well, hello there Officer *wink wink wink wink*
Officer: Ma'am, do you have something in your eye?
Ania: Oh, no of course not! *Fake laugh* but I think I have something on my mouth *wipes her mouth provocatively*
Officer: You have nothing on your mouth, ma'am and I am not easily swayed by girls who lick their fingers suggestively.
Ania: *pouts* He must be gay....let's go guys he's not gunna crack
Nikole: Damn, what did you two do?!
~ ~ ~
Wesley: Ok, we need an honest person --
Boberto: BUT I REALLY AM THE KING OF SERDIO!
Me: We know. It's okay
Wesley: As I was saying, we need to find someone to vouch for us to get us into the Castle and talk with the king.
Me: I've just come up with a new epithet for you -- Wesley, the one with a big sword and little brain
All: What's an epithet?
Me: It's a flowery nickname the Greeks liked to use, like "Dawn with her rose-red fingers in 'The Odyssey'" Didn't you learn anything in freshmen English?
All: No.
Wesley: Well I got one for you -- Tina, the one with a big mouth and little heart
Nikole: OOH! OOH!! Can I make one up too?!?!
All: .....
Me: Knock yourself out
Nikole: Okay, okay, UMMMMM.......Boberto, the King of the Bling-Bling!
Boberto: Hellllssss yes....
Nikole: I HAVE ANOTHER!!!!! Timoty, the old guy who really isn't!!! ^_^
Timoty: She must have the same drugs that Cristy has.
Me: ..... I'm afraid. I'm going to leave now.
(Nikole is now being possesed by the spirit of Meru, like Leroy was earlier by Kongol. God save us all. While she bounced and twirled behind us, we searched the town of Fletz [again] to find a...um, voucher?)
Wesley: Well, who can vouch for us?
[Vouch....my new favorite word]
Boberto: Tina, what bout your sister?
Me: Nah, she might have another....outburst....
*Enter the gem shop*
Binchenzo: Oooooooh.....big telescope.....I guess I can afford it...if I don't eat for a month. Decisions, decisions
Wesley: Binchenzo?
Binchenzo: Oh! It's you guys. And I see you have a new friend
Nikole: NIKOLE!! *Twirls*
Boberto: The one who is on very strong drugs
Binchenzo: Um, es un placer
Nikole: El gusto es mio ^_^
Binchenzo: So what brings you back to Fletz?
Boberto: We need a voucher
Binchenzo: Voucher?
Wesley: Hey, I'm the only one allowed to repeat things
Me: We need to talk with the king. And don't you work in the Castle or something....?
Binchenzo: Yes, I do, but I'm running errands right now. So you'll hafta wait *leaves shop*
All: *blink blink*
Nikole: How wooude! *Pouts*
Ania: I'm the only one allowed to pout *pouts*
Nikole: POUTING CONTEST!!!!!!!!
Ania and Nikole: *pouts*
The rest of us: *blink blink* ::wow::
[Like I said, God save us all]
(Well, while the girls have their little "contest" me and the boys go and follow Binchenzo out into the square where he is just standing there, pretending to look busy. Right behind Binchenzo is the Officer, our favorite person in the world)
Wesley: I thought you had errands
Binchenzo: I do. See, I'm getting my groceries *takes an apple and examines it*
Apple Vender: You better buy that.
Officer: *glares*
Me and Wesley: *nervous wave*
Timoty: Well, can or can't you get us into the Castle?
Binchenzo: Of course I can get you into the Castle....but I have to pick up something from my house first. Follow me
Me: But we're right in front of the gate!! Can't you just let us in NOW?!
Binchenzo: No. I'm stalling just to piss you off. Now follow me.
All: *follows, with me cursing under my breath*
Ania and Nikole: *still pouting*
Boberto: Should we go get them?
Wesley: Nah, they'll be there a while....we can come back for them when we go into the Castle.
(Now we're back in Binchenzo's house and the clock chimes again.)
Binchenzo: Now we can go into the Castle.
All: {Weirdo}
(And now we are back at the Castle and whadda ya know?)
Ania and Nikole: *still pouting*
Wesley: Alright girls time to go into the Castle
Nikole: CASTLE!!!!!! Can I meet Prince Charming there?!
Ania: HAHAHAHA I win!!! *Victory dance*
Me: There is no such man as Prince Charming *growls*
Nikole: No, no, no, Tina you need to pout! Like this *pouts*
Me: I. Don't. Pout.
Nikole: Fine then....be that way X-P
Officer: What the hell do you want?
Binchenzo: It's okay. They're with me.
Officer: *growls* Fine, you can go in...but I'm watching you!
Me and Wesley: *smuggly walk into the Castle*
(A talk...with the King! This better be more interesting than the talk we had with Boberto in chapter 4)
Boberto: I resent that.
Second Author's Note: And the mystery of the meaning of the word "alky" remains as such. Dammit, where's my dictionary?!
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD and I don't know the meaning of the word "alky" so sorry
Chapter 14: Bout Time You Showed Up!
Wesley: Tina, you really hate me, don't you?
Me: Hate is such a strong word, Wesley....it's more like I "strongly dislike" you
??: I SAID get your hand offa my ASS!
Gangsta [a different one]: Well you asked for it
Theif: Yeah, I mean look at you, you're barely dressed!
??: That STILL doesn't give you the right to touch my ASS! *Takes a mallet and beats the crap outta the two guys*
Gangsta and Theif: x_x
(Okay, okay, I think it's about time for me to reveal the identity of the barely-dressed mallet-wielding girl)
Nikole: Oh, hey guys!
Ania: It's bout time you showed up!
Wesley: Great. You give my other ex-girlfriend a MALLET?! It's bad enough that you arm yourself with a sword....
[Yes, Nikole went out with Wesley...just after I did in fact It's really funny actually.....]
Nikole: *twirls mallet* This is gunna be fuuuunn....but Tina, what the hell did you do to my hair?
[Nikole is very dark-skinned, much of which you can see now that she has donned the traditional Meru ballet costume. And she usually has dark hair, but for the sake of the game, her hair is platinum]
Boberto: Hair just like Jimbos....
Wesley: *stiffles a chuckle*
Nikole: Need I remind you that I have a mallet...?
Ania: So what are you doing here?
Nikole: Same thing you are. I heard that you guys are going to Fletz to get permission to go to confront the Eastsiders. So I'm coming with you
Wesley: WHY?! I can't have TWO ex-girlfriends traveling with me!
Timoty: Oh get over it, you're not getting our sympathy
Boberto: *nods in agreement*
Wesley: Why?! What about brotherhood? We have to stick together against them! *Points to me, Ania, and Nikole*
Girls: *death glare*
Timoty: Because Nikole and Tina are nice to me and Boberto
Boberto: Plus they're hot
[I'm so vain I bet I think this story's about me...]
Ania: HEY!
Boberto: Oh yeah and Ania's....nice looking...*cough*
Nikole: As much as I love to be complimented, we really should get going to Fletz. You guys can fill me in with what you've been doing on the way *exits*
Me: Who gave her the idea that she's in charge?
~ ~ ~
(We go through the Barrens AGAIN to get to Fletz, and we recapped our journey to Nikole. So, we go back to Fletz and we have a little run-in with a royal pain)
Citizen: Oh, shit, here comes Princess Andrea!
Citizen 2: Run! Hide! I'm too young to diiiiiiiiee!!!!!!
Boberto: Don't you think they're exaggerating just a little?
Princess Andrea: HEY! Who the hell said "oh shit here comes Princess Andrea"? Who said it? WHO SAID IT?!
*Cricket chirping*
Me: DAMN THE CRICKETS! *Runs around, frantically stomping on the ground*
Princess Andrea: Fine, if that's how you are going to be......Bodyguard!
Bodyguard: Yes, Your Highness?
Princess Andrea: You know what to do
Bodyguard: Yes, Your Highness *shoots into the crowd*
Random Guy: *dies*
Boberto: Maybe not....
Princess Andrea: You peasants bore me. I'm retiring back to the Castle. AND IF ANYONE DECIDES TO CELEBRATE MY DEPARTURE.....
Bodyguard: *cocks his rifle*
Citizens: *monotone, robotic voice* Oh, Princess Andrea we are so sad and depressed that you are leaving. We don't know what to do with ourselves, we're so sad.
Princess Andrea: That's better *goes back to the Castle*
Wesley: Damn whadda royal bitch
Boberto: But this is so strange....Andrea is usually so sweet and nice
[Andrea goes to same school as me, Timoty, Boberto, and Ania and she went to middle school with Timoty and Boberto]
Timoty: Yeah, that certainly was....weird....
(We eventually get over it, and we go right up to the Castle gate to try and get an appointment with the King)
Nikole: *to the gatekeeper* We need to see King Zior
Me and Wesley: Oh shit...
Officer: Hehehe, I got a promotion....and NO you cannot get into the Castle. NOBODY goes into the Castle, especially YOU TWO *points to Wesley and me*
Me: Aw, c'mon can't you just make an exception for us? I mean, we're not REALLY jewerly theives and underage drinkers...*nervous laughter*
Wesley: I really didn't take anything from the jewerly shop...it was all a joke....*nervous chuckle*
Officer: *death glare* Unless by some miracle you can get an honest person to vouch for you, I'm not letting you in
Boberto: It's all bling bling, I'm the King of Serdio.
Officer: Like hell you are -- that lie didn't work last night and it won't work today. I said an HONEST person to vouch for you
Me: Haven't you ever heard the expression "innocent until proven guilty"?
Officer: No, this is a medievel society
Ania: Leave this to me...this is a woman's job *walks up to the Officer seductively*
Officer: *raised eyebrow*
Ania: Well, hello there Officer *wink wink wink wink*
Officer: Ma'am, do you have something in your eye?
Ania: Oh, no of course not! *Fake laugh* but I think I have something on my mouth *wipes her mouth provocatively*
Officer: You have nothing on your mouth, ma'am and I am not easily swayed by girls who lick their fingers suggestively.
Ania: *pouts* He must be gay....let's go guys he's not gunna crack
Nikole: Damn, what did you two do?!
~ ~ ~
Wesley: Ok, we need an honest person --
Boberto: BUT I REALLY AM THE KING OF SERDIO!
Me: We know. It's okay
Wesley: As I was saying, we need to find someone to vouch for us to get us into the Castle and talk with the king.
Me: I've just come up with a new epithet for you -- Wesley, the one with a big sword and little brain
All: What's an epithet?
Me: It's a flowery nickname the Greeks liked to use, like "Dawn with her rose-red fingers in 'The Odyssey'" Didn't you learn anything in freshmen English?
All: No.
Wesley: Well I got one for you -- Tina, the one with a big mouth and little heart
Nikole: OOH! OOH!! Can I make one up too?!?!
All: .....
Me: Knock yourself out
Nikole: Okay, okay, UMMMMM.......Boberto, the King of the Bling-Bling!
Boberto: Hellllssss yes....
Nikole: I HAVE ANOTHER!!!!! Timoty, the old guy who really isn't!!! ^_^
Timoty: She must have the same drugs that Cristy has.
Me: ..... I'm afraid. I'm going to leave now.
(Nikole is now being possesed by the spirit of Meru, like Leroy was earlier by Kongol. God save us all. While she bounced and twirled behind us, we searched the town of Fletz [again] to find a...um, voucher?)
Wesley: Well, who can vouch for us?
[Vouch....my new favorite word]
Boberto: Tina, what bout your sister?
Me: Nah, she might have another....outburst....
*Enter the gem shop*
Binchenzo: Oooooooh.....big telescope.....I guess I can afford it...if I don't eat for a month. Decisions, decisions
Wesley: Binchenzo?
Binchenzo: Oh! It's you guys. And I see you have a new friend
Nikole: NIKOLE!! *Twirls*
Boberto: The one who is on very strong drugs
Binchenzo: Um, es un placer
Nikole: El gusto es mio ^_^
Binchenzo: So what brings you back to Fletz?
Boberto: We need a voucher
Binchenzo: Voucher?
Wesley: Hey, I'm the only one allowed to repeat things
Me: We need to talk with the king. And don't you work in the Castle or something....?
Binchenzo: Yes, I do, but I'm running errands right now. So you'll hafta wait *leaves shop*
All: *blink blink*
Nikole: How wooude! *Pouts*
Ania: I'm the only one allowed to pout *pouts*
Nikole: POUTING CONTEST!!!!!!!!
Ania and Nikole: *pouts*
The rest of us: *blink blink* ::wow::
[Like I said, God save us all]
(Well, while the girls have their little "contest" me and the boys go and follow Binchenzo out into the square where he is just standing there, pretending to look busy. Right behind Binchenzo is the Officer, our favorite person in the world)
Wesley: I thought you had errands
Binchenzo: I do. See, I'm getting my groceries *takes an apple and examines it*
Apple Vender: You better buy that.
Officer: *glares*
Me and Wesley: *nervous wave*
Timoty: Well, can or can't you get us into the Castle?
Binchenzo: Of course I can get you into the Castle....but I have to pick up something from my house first. Follow me
Me: But we're right in front of the gate!! Can't you just let us in NOW?!
Binchenzo: No. I'm stalling just to piss you off. Now follow me.
All: *follows, with me cursing under my breath*
Ania and Nikole: *still pouting*
Boberto: Should we go get them?
Wesley: Nah, they'll be there a while....we can come back for them when we go into the Castle.
(Now we're back in Binchenzo's house and the clock chimes again.)
Binchenzo: Now we can go into the Castle.
All: {Weirdo}
(And now we are back at the Castle and whadda ya know?)
Ania and Nikole: *still pouting*
Wesley: Alright girls time to go into the Castle
Nikole: CASTLE!!!!!! Can I meet Prince Charming there?!
Ania: HAHAHAHA I win!!! *Victory dance*
Me: There is no such man as Prince Charming *growls*
Nikole: No, no, no, Tina you need to pout! Like this *pouts*
Me: I. Don't. Pout.
Nikole: Fine then....be that way X-P
Officer: What the hell do you want?
Binchenzo: It's okay. They're with me.
Officer: *growls* Fine, you can go in...but I'm watching you!
Me and Wesley: *smuggly walk into the Castle*
(A talk...with the King! This better be more interesting than the talk we had with Boberto in chapter 4)
Boberto: I resent that.
Second Author's Note: And the mystery of the meaning of the word "alky" remains as such. Dammit, where's my dictionary?!