Author's Note: Did anyone notice that at the beginning of my latest
chapter, I wrote "Valley of Corrupted Sanity" instead of "Valley of
Corrupted Gravity"? Isn't the corrupted sanity one the name of someone
else's fanfic? I think it is and to its author (I forgot who) -- I'm
sorry!! I totally did NOT mean to do that!!! Woulda updated sooner, but I
was reading Harry Potter!! Okay, maybe it was just writer's block...but it
just seems easier to blame Harry Potter.
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD -- don't you get it already?!
Chapter 17: I KNEW Those Were Fake!
(We enter the deserted Home of Gigantos...well, except for that little theif scurrying up the stairs)
Wesley: HEY!! PUNK!! Come back here and fight like a man!! *Arrow strikes him* Glock!
All: ...glock...?
Boberto: I suggest we proceed with caution while in the Home of Gigantos
Me: Ya think?!
(We duck into the structure to the left of us, and find some items and a shiny little button)
Me: Do you really think we should let Wesley touch that?
Wesley: Haha, very funny. *Pushes button*
(At first, it doesn't seem that much happened, but I'll let you [the Readers] in on a little secret)
Readers: Oooooh...secret...
(The button shuts off the arrows that fire at you in the beginning)
Readers: ::wow::
(Yeah, I know, reeeaal juicy stuff. Onward, into the Home of Gigantos...)
Wesley: I wonder if we'll find any Gigantos here in their natural habitat
Me: {Baby steps....}
Nikole: Um...there might be a problem -- Gigantos are EXTINCT!
Ania: 'Cept Leroy, he's still alive
Timoty: Well, what are the chances that the ONLY Giganto in the land is in the EXACT same spot as we are?
Me: You'd be surprised...
(As we continue our stroll through the Home, we ascended up the stairs and came to what appeared to be an open gate. Until....)
Wesley: *another arrow strikes him* Glock!
Me: I thought we turned off that thing!
(Another overpass, more theives)
Theif 1: We're surprised you bustas made it this far!
Boberto: There's gotta be like, 20 guys up there!
Nikole: *counts on her fingers* 20 on six...yup, I think we can take 'em - -WHAT?! Stop looking at me like that
Boberto: If YOU wanna take on 20 guys, then be my guest.
Wesley: Tina, since you know everything -- why don't you come up with a way to beat these guys!
Me: Well, there is the option of running -- *sprints toward the open gate*
(However, the theives thought the same thing and they roll a boulder in front of the gate.)
Wesley: Brillant, Tina
Me: ExCUSE me? Did I hear any genius plans from your lips on this situation?!
Boberto: I got one!! Retreat!
Timoty: Oh, so we're gunna be pussies and run?
Ania: Of course not --
(Ania was the only one of us to notice the 20 theives cheering loudly as one of the gangstas paraded on the overpass, flipping off it to block our second point of retreat.)
Ania: -- he won't let us.
(We stood around like idiots while the theives jeered and the gangsta threatened us with pretzel-like poses, which puzzled the five of us, but shocked Timoty)
Wesley: Is that supposed to scare us?
Me: *tilts head slightly to the right* I wanna know how he can get his legs to bend like that...
Timoty: Where did you learn those poses?!
Gangsta: That don't concern you, old man!
Timoty: Those are sacred poses, known only to students and masters of the Rouge School of Martial Arts!! Where you taught by a woman warrior named Claire?!
Gangsta: Hell nah! DJ Puppy Chow taught us all our gangsta moves yo
Wesley, Nikole, and Ania: Puppy...chow...?
Me, Boberto, and Timoty: Oh god...
Gangsta: I'm sure DJ would love to show ya his moves...too bad imma gunna kill y'all first!
All: Oh, were have we heard THAT before?
*Screen dissolves, battle begins*
(Yeah, too bad all the gangsta can really do is kick you. Oh, the pain. And his little theif brothas aren't that great either -- slash us with a knife or steal some gold. The gangsta doesn't even die!!)
Gangsta: *cowering on the ground, much like Yellow Hat in the Barrens*
Me: Good thing Wesley doesn't have anything else valuable for them to steal.
Wesley: *eyes still on the gangsta, flips me off*
Me: That wasn't nice
Timoty: Where is Puppy Chow?! Take me to him!
Nikole: The Petco down by my house has a real good deal on all dog products!!
All: Shut up!
Nikole: *lip quivers* Just trying to help...
Gangsta: Puppy Chow...is...uh...that way! *Points to the boulder, then runs*
Theives on the overpass: *flee*
Me: *sheaths rapier* Well THAT was a waste of time.
Ania: Who's this Puppy Chow?
Timoty: A former student of mine -- he left the Rouge School just before Claire did....once he learned that he would never be head Master at the school, he split. He probably also thought I was too suffocating and hard on him.
Nikole: Now what does that say about your teaching skills, Timmy?
Timoty: Timmy?
Me: *smirk* Cute nickname
Wesley: Does this Puppy Chow have my Dragoon Spirit?
Nikole: And Josh too?
Timoty: Probably.
Wesley: Well, then someone help me move this boulder! *Starts to run toward the boulder*
Timoty: *holds him back* That won't be necessary *struts up to the boulder* I'll show you what the REAL Rouge School of Martial Arts can do.
(Timoty doubles over, his fist shaking violently. The screen around him goes black, except for a rippling pool at his feet [what that is, I do not know]. The traditional "aarrrggh!" is muttered before Timoty thrusts his fist at the boulder. He really only punches it once, but it looks like he's attacked it from various angles, trying to look all Matrix-like. The background returns to normal and Timoty slowly pulls his hand behind his back. The boulder before us at first, remains untouched, but after a few moments a large crack creeped up the middle of the huge stone. Instead of it breaking into many chunks, it just sank into the ground as if the ground opened it up and swallowed it. Timoty finally turned to face the rest of us)
All except Timoty: *golf clap*
Timoty: *modest bow* Shall we go then?
~ ~ ~
(Beyond the boulder wasn't as impressive as we expected. A temple, a mine, and a hole in the ground.)
Ania: How boring!
Wesley: We might as well search this mine
Timoty: *sits down and holds head* Ya know what guys, I think that little boulder thing mighta drained my energy -- I think I'll just wait outside here until you guys return
Wesley: Alright then
Nikole: I'll stay with ya, Timmy! So you won't get lonely! *Sits down next to him*
Timoty: *curses under his breath*
Me: And for his protection, ya never know when the gangstas will return. Okay, let's go *disappears into the mine*
(Once we were all gone, Timoty placed a hand on Nikole's bare neck)
Nikole: Oooh...Timmy's getting frisky, eh? *Giggle*
(Instead, Timoty placed pressure with his thumb and forefinger on one of her nerves, rendering her unconscious.)
Timoty: Sorry about that Nikole....*races into the temple*
(Perfect timing -- once Timoty disappeared into the temple, the rest of us reappeared from the mines to find Nikole face-first in the dirt)
Wesley: Nothing but Rock Fireflies -- what the?! Nikole! *Props her against a stone*
Ania: Nikole, can you hear us? *Shakes her conscious*
Nikole: Huh? Wha....oh, I musta been attacked or something -- where's Timmy?
Boberto: Whoever attacked you musta taken Timoty hostage!
Me: There's footprints leading up to that temple -- that must be where they keep all their loot and hostages.
Wesley: Then let's go! *Realizes that everyone is halfway into the temple when he said that* Hey, wait for me!
~ ~ ~
(Inside the temple is a boy with hair so spiky, it could impail human flesh. He slouched on a stone throne, surrounded by lit torches [a Stardust is behind one of those, by the way] and c-walking around the throne is our favorite theif and gangsta, Yellow Hat)
Yellow Hat: *c-walking around the throne* Hahaha, I can't believe those dumb shits from the Barrens followed me here! That stupid little pebble I took must be real valuable yo
DJ Puppy Chow: I bet -- would you STOP doing that?! You're not even doing it right.
Yellow Hat: *still c-walking, just to spite DJ*
DJPC: And take off that stupid hat! *Yanks off his hat*
Yellow Hat: NOOO!! I must have my hat back!! I cannot live without my hat!! *Faints*
DJPC: *throws back his hat* Don't be stupid
Yellow Hat: *strokes his hat* My precious....
(Puppy Chow cracked his knuckles threateningly at Yellow Hat and just as Puppy Chow was about to beat the crap out of his minion, someone stepped into the throne room.)
Timoty: Puppy Chow....tsk tsk, how low you have sank.
DJPC: *gasp* Master!
Yellow Hat: Master?! You take orders from this little bitch?
Timoty: I'd watch my mouth if I were you.
DJPC: I don't take orders from him! I mean, not any more...
Timoty: So you leave my prestigous martial arts instution so that you could sit your ass in the home of a dying culture and order around foul smelling bandits like the midget over there?
Yellow Hat: Who you calling smelly?!
DJPC: Prestigous?! HAH! The Rouge school was a joke, with a joke for a teacher.
Timoty: Let's just settle this once and for all -- you against me, mano a mano
DJPC: Fine with me *tosses a knife into the air*
Yellow Hat: Hehehe, aite boss man I got yo back
Timoty: I said mano a mano -- not mano a stupido
Yellow Hat: You'll pay for that...
DJPC: *holds him back* No, this is between me and him
Wesley: WRONG AGAIN!!
(The rest of us finally show up, weapons drawn, and take our places next to Timoty)
Wesley: You mess with him, you mess with US
Timoty: You guys came here to help me kick ass? *Mock tears* How touching...
Boberto: Don't think it'll happen again
DJPC: HEY!! That's not fair, six on one
Me: Actually, you can only use 3 people in battle so it'll only be three on one
DJPC: Well, in that case YELLOW HAT!! Be useful and fight with me
Yellow Hat: Hehehehe these losers don't know when to quick
*Screen dissolves, battle begins*
(Like in the final battle vs. Swaim, you cannot replace Wesley OR Timoty. This time, if my memory is correct, you attack Yellow Hat/Mappi first 'cause if you don't kill him after a while then he disappears again. This time, Yellow Hat has one of those "cannot combat" attacks [I hate those] and Puppy Chow and Yellow Hat have some pretty lethal combination attacks. After you kill both Yellow Hat and Puppy Chow, Timoty is the one with the special end-of-the-battle-move.)
Timoty: *end-of-battle-move, where he punches Puppy Chow into a statue* Take that!
(Of course, the crumbling old statue couldn't stand up to a 150 pound boy being hurdled at it. One of the massive hands of the statue cracks off and once it falls, it will certainly crush every single one of us to death. But do we run?! Of course not!)
[Dumbasses]
DJPC: *to Timoty* Master! Run!
Boberto: It's hopeless!
(However, instead of the statue crushing us to death, we find our good pal Leroy holding it above his head, Superman-style.)
All: *jaws drop*
Me: What did I tell ya?!
Leroy: Wassup guys! *Cough* I mean....argh? *sets the statue down next to him*
Wesley: But...why?
Leroy: Me tell you after Timoty and Puppy Chow talk.
(And we all turn our attention to Puppy Chow's dying speech to Timoty)
DJPC: Timoty...I'm sorry...I've been a fool....I never shoulda ran away or insulted you...
Timoty: Shh. Don't talk. Talking makes you die
[THE best line of the entire game!]
Nikole: *holds her breath*
DJPC: No, I...hafta tell you something or else...I'll be a real fool...Princess Andrea is a...fake...
All: *gasp*
Me: I KNEW those were fake!
All: *raised eyebrow*
Me: I mean *cough* I knew that SHE was fake...ya...
Timoty: What do you mean? Puppy Chow?
DJPC: *dies*
All: *bows head out of respect*
Timoty: I hafta go bury him, I'll be right back *leaves*
Nikole: *still holding her breath and starting to turn blue*
Ania: What's wrong with you Nikole?
Nikole: *exhales* Well, Timmy said that if you talk then you die *gasp* OH NO I'M GUNNA DIE!!!
All: *smacks their foreheads*
Boberto: Tina, what have you done to her?!
Wesley: Um...ANYWAY -- Leroy, why did you save us a few minutes ago?
Leroy: Because --
Me: Because he likes us too much to let us die! Isn't that right, Leroy? *Pinches his cheeks and pats his face* Besides, if I die then none of y'all go home.
Leroy: Yeah...right...actually *cough* me save you because you defeated Emperor Joel. *To Wesley* You very powerful.
Me: Well I wouldn't say that -- he had a lot of help.
Wesley: You just HAD to shoot me down.
Me: Yup.
Leroy: Why you come here anyway? This is sacred home of Gigantos
Ania: We kinda figured that out already.
Wesley: We came here to rescue Josh and to find something of mine that was stolen.
Leroy: They should be down there *points to a staircase leading underground* You go ahead, me wait here for Timoty.
Wesley: Alright then *sprints down the staircase*
(In the underground storage room)
Nikole: Josh? You down here?
Josh: *from inside a cage* Nikole?! I'm in here!
Nikole: Oh, good your not hurt! Tanya was worried bout you!
Josh: I'm sure, just get me outta here!
Boberto: This is a very puzzling contraption...this could take me HOURS to figure out how to open this...
Me: You could just flip the switch *flips the switch*
Josh: *skips out of the cage* I'M FREE AT LAST!!!
Boberto: Yeah, I knew that...
Wesley: Now where's my Dragoon Spirit?! Oh! Here it is! *Dragoon Spirit shines very brightly*
Me: Seems it's happy to see you...I dunno why, but it is...
Wesley: *pockets Spririt* Just keep your nasty comments to yourself and let's get outta here!
(Back above ground)
Me: Had enough mourning, Timoty?
Timoty: Yeah, I'll get over it.
Leroy: Me come with you
Wesley: What the hell, the more the merrier.
Me: Ugh, cliches...let's go save Tiberoa.
Wesley: Save Tiberoa? From what?
Boberto: Weren't you listening?! Since the princess is a fake that means that the Moon Dagger will be handed down to a complete stranger!
Timoty: Possibly someone working for Jimbo!
Ania: And we dunno what kind of powers the Divine Moon Objects posses!
Me: I don't remember the real cast of LoD being this smart
Wesley: Geez, it was just a simple question
Me: As I was saying...let's go drop off Josh for his wedding and then go save Tiberoa.
(So we gained an unexpected ally and now the seven of us are off to save Tiberoa! But first, we're off to a wedding in Donau)
Little Girl in Donau: Here comes the happy couple!
(So the new Mr and Mrs Josh and Tanya come out and Tanya tosses the bonquet. Now you have two options: have Ania/Shana catch it -- )
Ania: Oh look, I caught the bonquet
Boberto and Timoty: *singing* Wesley and Ania sitting in a tree, F-U-C- --
Me: HEY! Let's keep this PG-13 people
( -- or you can have Nikole/Meru catch it)
Nikole: YAY!! I caught the bonquet!! I'm getting married next!! I TOLD ya I would look totally beautiful in a wedding dress, didn't I Wesley? ;-)
Ania: You told her WHAT?
Me: Oooh, I smell the green-eyed monster....
(NOW we are off to save Tiberoa...but wait, one last pit stop guys)
All: *groan* Lohan? Why are we in Lohan?
(GAME TIP: Instead of waiting till the fourth disk to earn Leroy's/Kongol's Dragoon Spirit, just go to Lohan and BUY the DS from that guy who sold you the water holder thingy 2000)
Me: I say we just gut him and take the damn Spirit
Wesley: You REALLY need to take some Prosac or Midol or something
Me: Oh just wait till the third disk...
Leroy: Ooooh...shiny stone...
*Acquired Spirit of the Golden Dragon*
(Okay, I'm serious this time -- off to save Tiberoa!)
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD -- don't you get it already?!
Chapter 17: I KNEW Those Were Fake!
(We enter the deserted Home of Gigantos...well, except for that little theif scurrying up the stairs)
Wesley: HEY!! PUNK!! Come back here and fight like a man!! *Arrow strikes him* Glock!
All: ...glock...?
Boberto: I suggest we proceed with caution while in the Home of Gigantos
Me: Ya think?!
(We duck into the structure to the left of us, and find some items and a shiny little button)
Me: Do you really think we should let Wesley touch that?
Wesley: Haha, very funny. *Pushes button*
(At first, it doesn't seem that much happened, but I'll let you [the Readers] in on a little secret)
Readers: Oooooh...secret...
(The button shuts off the arrows that fire at you in the beginning)
Readers: ::wow::
(Yeah, I know, reeeaal juicy stuff. Onward, into the Home of Gigantos...)
Wesley: I wonder if we'll find any Gigantos here in their natural habitat
Me: {Baby steps....}
Nikole: Um...there might be a problem -- Gigantos are EXTINCT!
Ania: 'Cept Leroy, he's still alive
Timoty: Well, what are the chances that the ONLY Giganto in the land is in the EXACT same spot as we are?
Me: You'd be surprised...
(As we continue our stroll through the Home, we ascended up the stairs and came to what appeared to be an open gate. Until....)
Wesley: *another arrow strikes him* Glock!
Me: I thought we turned off that thing!
(Another overpass, more theives)
Theif 1: We're surprised you bustas made it this far!
Boberto: There's gotta be like, 20 guys up there!
Nikole: *counts on her fingers* 20 on six...yup, I think we can take 'em - -WHAT?! Stop looking at me like that
Boberto: If YOU wanna take on 20 guys, then be my guest.
Wesley: Tina, since you know everything -- why don't you come up with a way to beat these guys!
Me: Well, there is the option of running -- *sprints toward the open gate*
(However, the theives thought the same thing and they roll a boulder in front of the gate.)
Wesley: Brillant, Tina
Me: ExCUSE me? Did I hear any genius plans from your lips on this situation?!
Boberto: I got one!! Retreat!
Timoty: Oh, so we're gunna be pussies and run?
Ania: Of course not --
(Ania was the only one of us to notice the 20 theives cheering loudly as one of the gangstas paraded on the overpass, flipping off it to block our second point of retreat.)
Ania: -- he won't let us.
(We stood around like idiots while the theives jeered and the gangsta threatened us with pretzel-like poses, which puzzled the five of us, but shocked Timoty)
Wesley: Is that supposed to scare us?
Me: *tilts head slightly to the right* I wanna know how he can get his legs to bend like that...
Timoty: Where did you learn those poses?!
Gangsta: That don't concern you, old man!
Timoty: Those are sacred poses, known only to students and masters of the Rouge School of Martial Arts!! Where you taught by a woman warrior named Claire?!
Gangsta: Hell nah! DJ Puppy Chow taught us all our gangsta moves yo
Wesley, Nikole, and Ania: Puppy...chow...?
Me, Boberto, and Timoty: Oh god...
Gangsta: I'm sure DJ would love to show ya his moves...too bad imma gunna kill y'all first!
All: Oh, were have we heard THAT before?
*Screen dissolves, battle begins*
(Yeah, too bad all the gangsta can really do is kick you. Oh, the pain. And his little theif brothas aren't that great either -- slash us with a knife or steal some gold. The gangsta doesn't even die!!)
Gangsta: *cowering on the ground, much like Yellow Hat in the Barrens*
Me: Good thing Wesley doesn't have anything else valuable for them to steal.
Wesley: *eyes still on the gangsta, flips me off*
Me: That wasn't nice
Timoty: Where is Puppy Chow?! Take me to him!
Nikole: The Petco down by my house has a real good deal on all dog products!!
All: Shut up!
Nikole: *lip quivers* Just trying to help...
Gangsta: Puppy Chow...is...uh...that way! *Points to the boulder, then runs*
Theives on the overpass: *flee*
Me: *sheaths rapier* Well THAT was a waste of time.
Ania: Who's this Puppy Chow?
Timoty: A former student of mine -- he left the Rouge School just before Claire did....once he learned that he would never be head Master at the school, he split. He probably also thought I was too suffocating and hard on him.
Nikole: Now what does that say about your teaching skills, Timmy?
Timoty: Timmy?
Me: *smirk* Cute nickname
Wesley: Does this Puppy Chow have my Dragoon Spirit?
Nikole: And Josh too?
Timoty: Probably.
Wesley: Well, then someone help me move this boulder! *Starts to run toward the boulder*
Timoty: *holds him back* That won't be necessary *struts up to the boulder* I'll show you what the REAL Rouge School of Martial Arts can do.
(Timoty doubles over, his fist shaking violently. The screen around him goes black, except for a rippling pool at his feet [what that is, I do not know]. The traditional "aarrrggh!" is muttered before Timoty thrusts his fist at the boulder. He really only punches it once, but it looks like he's attacked it from various angles, trying to look all Matrix-like. The background returns to normal and Timoty slowly pulls his hand behind his back. The boulder before us at first, remains untouched, but after a few moments a large crack creeped up the middle of the huge stone. Instead of it breaking into many chunks, it just sank into the ground as if the ground opened it up and swallowed it. Timoty finally turned to face the rest of us)
All except Timoty: *golf clap*
Timoty: *modest bow* Shall we go then?
~ ~ ~
(Beyond the boulder wasn't as impressive as we expected. A temple, a mine, and a hole in the ground.)
Ania: How boring!
Wesley: We might as well search this mine
Timoty: *sits down and holds head* Ya know what guys, I think that little boulder thing mighta drained my energy -- I think I'll just wait outside here until you guys return
Wesley: Alright then
Nikole: I'll stay with ya, Timmy! So you won't get lonely! *Sits down next to him*
Timoty: *curses under his breath*
Me: And for his protection, ya never know when the gangstas will return. Okay, let's go *disappears into the mine*
(Once we were all gone, Timoty placed a hand on Nikole's bare neck)
Nikole: Oooh...Timmy's getting frisky, eh? *Giggle*
(Instead, Timoty placed pressure with his thumb and forefinger on one of her nerves, rendering her unconscious.)
Timoty: Sorry about that Nikole....*races into the temple*
(Perfect timing -- once Timoty disappeared into the temple, the rest of us reappeared from the mines to find Nikole face-first in the dirt)
Wesley: Nothing but Rock Fireflies -- what the?! Nikole! *Props her against a stone*
Ania: Nikole, can you hear us? *Shakes her conscious*
Nikole: Huh? Wha....oh, I musta been attacked or something -- where's Timmy?
Boberto: Whoever attacked you musta taken Timoty hostage!
Me: There's footprints leading up to that temple -- that must be where they keep all their loot and hostages.
Wesley: Then let's go! *Realizes that everyone is halfway into the temple when he said that* Hey, wait for me!
~ ~ ~
(Inside the temple is a boy with hair so spiky, it could impail human flesh. He slouched on a stone throne, surrounded by lit torches [a Stardust is behind one of those, by the way] and c-walking around the throne is our favorite theif and gangsta, Yellow Hat)
Yellow Hat: *c-walking around the throne* Hahaha, I can't believe those dumb shits from the Barrens followed me here! That stupid little pebble I took must be real valuable yo
DJ Puppy Chow: I bet -- would you STOP doing that?! You're not even doing it right.
Yellow Hat: *still c-walking, just to spite DJ*
DJPC: And take off that stupid hat! *Yanks off his hat*
Yellow Hat: NOOO!! I must have my hat back!! I cannot live without my hat!! *Faints*
DJPC: *throws back his hat* Don't be stupid
Yellow Hat: *strokes his hat* My precious....
(Puppy Chow cracked his knuckles threateningly at Yellow Hat and just as Puppy Chow was about to beat the crap out of his minion, someone stepped into the throne room.)
Timoty: Puppy Chow....tsk tsk, how low you have sank.
DJPC: *gasp* Master!
Yellow Hat: Master?! You take orders from this little bitch?
Timoty: I'd watch my mouth if I were you.
DJPC: I don't take orders from him! I mean, not any more...
Timoty: So you leave my prestigous martial arts instution so that you could sit your ass in the home of a dying culture and order around foul smelling bandits like the midget over there?
Yellow Hat: Who you calling smelly?!
DJPC: Prestigous?! HAH! The Rouge school was a joke, with a joke for a teacher.
Timoty: Let's just settle this once and for all -- you against me, mano a mano
DJPC: Fine with me *tosses a knife into the air*
Yellow Hat: Hehehe, aite boss man I got yo back
Timoty: I said mano a mano -- not mano a stupido
Yellow Hat: You'll pay for that...
DJPC: *holds him back* No, this is between me and him
Wesley: WRONG AGAIN!!
(The rest of us finally show up, weapons drawn, and take our places next to Timoty)
Wesley: You mess with him, you mess with US
Timoty: You guys came here to help me kick ass? *Mock tears* How touching...
Boberto: Don't think it'll happen again
DJPC: HEY!! That's not fair, six on one
Me: Actually, you can only use 3 people in battle so it'll only be three on one
DJPC: Well, in that case YELLOW HAT!! Be useful and fight with me
Yellow Hat: Hehehehe these losers don't know when to quick
*Screen dissolves, battle begins*
(Like in the final battle vs. Swaim, you cannot replace Wesley OR Timoty. This time, if my memory is correct, you attack Yellow Hat/Mappi first 'cause if you don't kill him after a while then he disappears again. This time, Yellow Hat has one of those "cannot combat" attacks [I hate those] and Puppy Chow and Yellow Hat have some pretty lethal combination attacks. After you kill both Yellow Hat and Puppy Chow, Timoty is the one with the special end-of-the-battle-move.)
Timoty: *end-of-battle-move, where he punches Puppy Chow into a statue* Take that!
(Of course, the crumbling old statue couldn't stand up to a 150 pound boy being hurdled at it. One of the massive hands of the statue cracks off and once it falls, it will certainly crush every single one of us to death. But do we run?! Of course not!)
[Dumbasses]
DJPC: *to Timoty* Master! Run!
Boberto: It's hopeless!
(However, instead of the statue crushing us to death, we find our good pal Leroy holding it above his head, Superman-style.)
All: *jaws drop*
Me: What did I tell ya?!
Leroy: Wassup guys! *Cough* I mean....argh? *sets the statue down next to him*
Wesley: But...why?
Leroy: Me tell you after Timoty and Puppy Chow talk.
(And we all turn our attention to Puppy Chow's dying speech to Timoty)
DJPC: Timoty...I'm sorry...I've been a fool....I never shoulda ran away or insulted you...
Timoty: Shh. Don't talk. Talking makes you die
[THE best line of the entire game!]
Nikole: *holds her breath*
DJPC: No, I...hafta tell you something or else...I'll be a real fool...Princess Andrea is a...fake...
All: *gasp*
Me: I KNEW those were fake!
All: *raised eyebrow*
Me: I mean *cough* I knew that SHE was fake...ya...
Timoty: What do you mean? Puppy Chow?
DJPC: *dies*
All: *bows head out of respect*
Timoty: I hafta go bury him, I'll be right back *leaves*
Nikole: *still holding her breath and starting to turn blue*
Ania: What's wrong with you Nikole?
Nikole: *exhales* Well, Timmy said that if you talk then you die *gasp* OH NO I'M GUNNA DIE!!!
All: *smacks their foreheads*
Boberto: Tina, what have you done to her?!
Wesley: Um...ANYWAY -- Leroy, why did you save us a few minutes ago?
Leroy: Because --
Me: Because he likes us too much to let us die! Isn't that right, Leroy? *Pinches his cheeks and pats his face* Besides, if I die then none of y'all go home.
Leroy: Yeah...right...actually *cough* me save you because you defeated Emperor Joel. *To Wesley* You very powerful.
Me: Well I wouldn't say that -- he had a lot of help.
Wesley: You just HAD to shoot me down.
Me: Yup.
Leroy: Why you come here anyway? This is sacred home of Gigantos
Ania: We kinda figured that out already.
Wesley: We came here to rescue Josh and to find something of mine that was stolen.
Leroy: They should be down there *points to a staircase leading underground* You go ahead, me wait here for Timoty.
Wesley: Alright then *sprints down the staircase*
(In the underground storage room)
Nikole: Josh? You down here?
Josh: *from inside a cage* Nikole?! I'm in here!
Nikole: Oh, good your not hurt! Tanya was worried bout you!
Josh: I'm sure, just get me outta here!
Boberto: This is a very puzzling contraption...this could take me HOURS to figure out how to open this...
Me: You could just flip the switch *flips the switch*
Josh: *skips out of the cage* I'M FREE AT LAST!!!
Boberto: Yeah, I knew that...
Wesley: Now where's my Dragoon Spirit?! Oh! Here it is! *Dragoon Spirit shines very brightly*
Me: Seems it's happy to see you...I dunno why, but it is...
Wesley: *pockets Spririt* Just keep your nasty comments to yourself and let's get outta here!
(Back above ground)
Me: Had enough mourning, Timoty?
Timoty: Yeah, I'll get over it.
Leroy: Me come with you
Wesley: What the hell, the more the merrier.
Me: Ugh, cliches...let's go save Tiberoa.
Wesley: Save Tiberoa? From what?
Boberto: Weren't you listening?! Since the princess is a fake that means that the Moon Dagger will be handed down to a complete stranger!
Timoty: Possibly someone working for Jimbo!
Ania: And we dunno what kind of powers the Divine Moon Objects posses!
Me: I don't remember the real cast of LoD being this smart
Wesley: Geez, it was just a simple question
Me: As I was saying...let's go drop off Josh for his wedding and then go save Tiberoa.
(So we gained an unexpected ally and now the seven of us are off to save Tiberoa! But first, we're off to a wedding in Donau)
Little Girl in Donau: Here comes the happy couple!
(So the new Mr and Mrs Josh and Tanya come out and Tanya tosses the bonquet. Now you have two options: have Ania/Shana catch it -- )
Ania: Oh look, I caught the bonquet
Boberto and Timoty: *singing* Wesley and Ania sitting in a tree, F-U-C- --
Me: HEY! Let's keep this PG-13 people
( -- or you can have Nikole/Meru catch it)
Nikole: YAY!! I caught the bonquet!! I'm getting married next!! I TOLD ya I would look totally beautiful in a wedding dress, didn't I Wesley? ;-)
Ania: You told her WHAT?
Me: Oooh, I smell the green-eyed monster....
(NOW we are off to save Tiberoa...but wait, one last pit stop guys)
All: *groan* Lohan? Why are we in Lohan?
(GAME TIP: Instead of waiting till the fourth disk to earn Leroy's/Kongol's Dragoon Spirit, just go to Lohan and BUY the DS from that guy who sold you the water holder thingy 2000)
Me: I say we just gut him and take the damn Spirit
Wesley: You REALLY need to take some Prosac or Midol or something
Me: Oh just wait till the third disk...
Leroy: Ooooh...shiny stone...
*Acquired Spirit of the Golden Dragon*
(Okay, I'm serious this time -- off to save Tiberoa!)