Author's Note: yeah....
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD
Chapter 26: Culture Clash
[Before we go to the Wingly Forest, we're gunna make just one pit stop]
Lorena: F*ck no!
Timoty: Didn't you say that just before we fought Stacy, and we ended up running around the whole damn country?
[I swear, it's only one stop...to Neet]
(In Neet...)
All: *standing in the snow, in front of the stone memorial*
Wesley: Uh....yeah....
Nikole: *sniff* It's so sad....anybody got a hanky?
Boberto: *sniff* Here, use mine...
Timoty: Oh god, don't tell me that you SERIOUSLY own a "hanky"
Me: And were you just CRYING?!
Boberto: *sniff* It is very manly to own a hanky...and just because you are the Ice Queen doesn't mean that I can't *lip quiver* pay my respects
Nikole: Aw, c'mere, you poor baby *pulls Boberto into her bosom, like my aunt Edna does...if I had an aunt Edna...*
Boberto: *smushed up against Nikole's chest* Oh, hello there
Timoty: *aside to the boys* Maybe he's a smarter man than we all thought
Leroy and Wesley: *nods in agreement*
Lorena: F*cking idiots.
(Awkward silence starting.....now)
*Cricket chirps*
Me: God DAMN!! They're everywhere!!
[Must you all make everything so difficult?! Just grab the stupid Stardust and leave]
(I think we've had enough of Neet....now, in the northern end of the Evergreen Forest)
Wesley: It's a dead end.
Nikole: Or so it would SEEM
(She places her hand on the "dead end," and while doing so, wings of light sprouted from Nikole's back)
Wesley: OMG you're a Wingly!
Nikole: Took you long enough!
Me: Why didn't you tell us?
Nikole: Would you have thought of me the same if I told you when we first met?
Boberto: Wow
Timoty: Yeah, that's the first time that someone other than Tina has said something profound.
Lorena: I think the word "f*ck" is pretty profound
Timoty: You would think that, wouldn't you?
Lorena: Yup -- I mean, f*ck yeah.
Timoty: That's better.
(And the portal to the Wingly Forest is opened while this meaningless conversation carries on)
Nikole: Shall we?
(Back into the "home of Nikole," except Roddy isn't guarding the entrance this time -- it's four young Winglies, although their concentrations seem to be somewhere else)
Wingly 1: *looking at a magazine* Damn, check out the wings on HER!
Wingly 2: Dude, lemme see! *Checks out the same magazine* Ooooooh, what I wouldn't do to get some of THAT!
Wingly 3: C'mon guys, we need to be guarding the boundary
Wingly 4: Just because you're a fag, doesn't mean the rest of us can't have a little fun *steals the magazine from Wingly 2*
Me: Really, you boys should listen to the "fag"
Wingly 3: I am NOT a fag!
Winglies 1, 2, 4: Holy shit, Humans!
Nikole: Guys, we need to speak with the Ancestor
Wingly 3: I'll go check with the Ancestor *flys away*
Wingly 1: *flys down to me* So, are all Humans as beautiful as you?
Timoty: Smooth -- Wesley, Boberto, write that down
Wesley: Okay *takes out a pen*
Boberto: *hits him* He's being sarcastic
Wesley: Oh.
Me: You tell that to all the Humans that invade your forest, don't you?
Lorena: *to Wingly 2* Don't. Even. Try.
Wingly 2: Oooh, it suddenly got very cold in here....
Nikole: How long can that kid take??
Wingly 4: I dunno, but I know what we can do while we're waiting....*wink*
(Wingly 3 finally shows up, stuffing his face with doughnuts and coffee)
Wingly 3: The Ancestor will see you *slaps the hand of Wingly 2, who is trying to take his doughnuts* He's in the very back of the forest
Wesley: Of course he is
(Winglies are all about green teleporting devices. If you wanna get from Point A to Point B, even if Point B is five feet away, you must use the green teleporting device. Personally, they sound like some lazy bastards to me)
Boberto: Lazy bastards? These are my kinda people!
(When we first enter the Wingly building, we have a heart-felt encounter with Nikole's parents)
Nikole: I love you Mommy! I love you Daddy!
Nikole's Mommy and Daddy: We love you too Nikole!
Boberto: I feel the love! Do you feel the love?
Lorena: *blink blink*
Boberto: O...kay then
(The second encounter is another heart-felt one between Nikole and Roddy)
Nikole: Roddy! What are you doing here?
Roddy: I'm on probation...cuz I let you in the Forest
Me: Oooh, bad boy
Nikole: Who cares?! You need to be out there, helping us defeat the Divine Dragon!
Roddy: Nikole, you don't understand -- the Ancestor will tell you, our power has severely depleted since the Dragon Campaign, and if the ancients couldn't even contain the beast, what makes you think I'll make a difference?
Nikole: If you come with us to the Mount, you might just make a difference!
Roddy: But the commandment!
Nikole: Screw the commandment! If you really want to be with me, you'll come with me to fight the Divine Dragon!
Roddy: Please, Nikole, just...don't leave me again
Wesley: What's this?
Roddy: Who's he *points to Wesley*?
Nikole: Oh, it's a...long story, I don't wanna bore you
Me: *nods in agreement*
Wesley: Why, who are you?
Roddy: I'm Nikole's fiance!
All: !?
Lorena: Maybe it's true about what they say about Winglies, how they age faster than Humans yet they still look young....
Nikole: Fiance? Then where's my ring?!
Roddy: I...uh....oh shit, I knew I forgot something.....
Nikole: Fine then! Stay here! And don't give me a ring!
(Finally, the last encounter we have before we meet the Ancestor is not so heart-felt....)
Elder Bardel: Humans! You must not be allowed to pass!
[The Bardel brothers are not important enough for me to give my friends their parts]
Bardels: Bitch
[I thought we got over that joke in the first disk!!]
Elder Bardel: Anyway.... you must not be allowed to pass!
Wesley: You said that already
Elder Bardel: Of...course I did! Do not talk back to me, Human!
Nikole: Why do you hate Humans so much anyway? You weren't like this when I left the forest
Elder Bardel: It's all your fault for my hatred! My little sister was enchanted by your stories of the outside world, and how good the Human world could be, so after you left the forest, she went to try and follow you! And she was KILLED by a Human! It's your fault that she's dead, Nikole!
Nikole: Oh, I'm so sorry....I didn't know....
Elder Bardel: Your apologizes won't bring her back...and it won't take away my pain! *Wingly symbol, and he prepares a fireball* The only thing that can take away my pain is for all Humans to be dead! *Shoots the fireball*
(Quick reflexes and, surprisingly, quick thinking allow Wesley to transform into a Dragoon and deflect the fireball)
Wesley: Whoa.
Me and Nikole: Nice.
Elder Bardel: *on his knees* How dare you, Nikole.....bringing the legendary destroyers to our home!
Me: Hmph, typical. Those who flaunt their power disappear when the truly powerful appear. *Leaves the room*
Nikole: I'm still sorry *leaves*
Wesley: Hey, I think she just complimented me!
Timoty: STOP THE PRESSES! Tina has just complimented Wesley!
Wesley: Well, now ya killed it! *Leaves*
Lorena: *to Bardel* Yeah, stay down bitch!
(So all the Humans [and the Giganto] leave Elder Bardel laying on the ground, and suddenly, his little hot-tempered brother appears)
Elder Bardel: They're....Dragoons....I just couldn't.....
Younger Bardel: *knocks out his brother* Pansy. I won't stop until all Humans have become extinct! *Disappears*
[That's not nice]
~ ~ ~
(We finally arrive in the Ancestor's, uh, office, for lack of a better word. Inside, we find a mini waterfall, a throne-like seat with stairs leading up to it, two doors....but no Ancestor)
Lorena: WTF?!
Nikole: Calm down, he'll be here....I hope so...
(Just then, a little man with buzzed platinum hair wearing a pale blue tunic magically appears in the room...and he appears pissed off)
Ancestor Swaim: You hate me. You must hate me.
[Yes, this is the same Swaim that was the warden of Hellena, who we killed in disk one. I used my author magic and reincarnated him as Ancestor Swaim]
(At that, the seven of us dropped to the floor laughing)
Ancestor Swaim: That's right. Laugh it up, ya bitches. Go on, don't hold back.
Boberto: *in between bouts of laughter* The bald man's wearing a dress!
Ancestor Swaim: Hey, didn't you hear the narrator? It's a goddamn TUNIC.
Boberto: Call it whatever you want --
Timoty: Ma'am! *They collapse in laughter*
Ancestor Swaim: At least I'm not wearing a freaking loincloth, like hairy over there! *Points to Leroy*
Leroy: Me too sexy to be clothed, that's why.
(The laughter suddenly comes to a dead halt)
Leroy: What?
Me: Do me a favor, Leroy -- never say that again.
Ancestor Swaim: Anyway, I know why you all are here -- you want the Dragon Block Staff so that you can defeat the Divine Dragon. Fine with me, but you need to go to the Forbidden City.
Wesley: Why is it called the "Forbidden City"?
Boberto: Is that where all the Wingly hos congregate?
Leroy: *praying* Please, let there be Wingly hos.....
Timoty: Nikole, why aren't you in the Forbidden City?
Nikole: *smacks Timoty*
Timoty: Dammit, I thought when Ania left, that would end!
Ancestory Swaim: Shut up, ya bastards. There are no Wingly hos in the Forbidden City.
Boys: Dammit
Ancestor Swaim: It's called the Forbidden City because I don't allow anyone from the forest to enter it. It's the ruins of the former Wingly capital, Kadessa. If y'all would step inside door number one, I'll take ya to the city.
(As we all enter door number one, Nikole stays back and asks Ancestor Swaim for a favor)
Nikole: Could you please get rid of the commandment that forbids Winglies from leaving the forest, so I can visit my parents and Roddy whenever I want?
Ancestor Swaim: No.
Nikole: But --
Ancestor Swaim: I said no, bitch! Now go through the door!
Nikole: You're mean *Pouts*
~ ~ ~
Wesley: Uh, where's the city? I see nothing but flat, black land and a stairway that seems to lead up to the Moon That Never Sets.
(Thanks for describing the landscape for me)
Wesley: You're welcome.
Ancestor Swaim: The city is far away, and only my great magical power can transport you there. Now, climb up the stairway.
Boberto: Are we gunna use one of those green teleporting devices? I love those!
Ancestor Swaim: Please keep your hands and arms inside the green bubble at all times, and you may experience some mild motion sickness.
Me: Oh crap
All: Tina sits in the back
Ancestor Swaim: Thank you, goodbye *conjures a green teleporting bubble*
Me: Wait, is there anything else that we should know? Like, are there any monsters in the city?
Ancestor Swaim: *thinks for a moment* Not to my knowledge
Me: Okay. Just hand me a barf bag, and I'll be fine.
(The green teleporting device encloses our group and we fly through stone rings, to the ruined city of Kadessa)
Ancestor Swaim: Poor bastards.
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD
Chapter 26: Culture Clash
[Before we go to the Wingly Forest, we're gunna make just one pit stop]
Lorena: F*ck no!
Timoty: Didn't you say that just before we fought Stacy, and we ended up running around the whole damn country?
[I swear, it's only one stop...to Neet]
(In Neet...)
All: *standing in the snow, in front of the stone memorial*
Wesley: Uh....yeah....
Nikole: *sniff* It's so sad....anybody got a hanky?
Boberto: *sniff* Here, use mine...
Timoty: Oh god, don't tell me that you SERIOUSLY own a "hanky"
Me: And were you just CRYING?!
Boberto: *sniff* It is very manly to own a hanky...and just because you are the Ice Queen doesn't mean that I can't *lip quiver* pay my respects
Nikole: Aw, c'mere, you poor baby *pulls Boberto into her bosom, like my aunt Edna does...if I had an aunt Edna...*
Boberto: *smushed up against Nikole's chest* Oh, hello there
Timoty: *aside to the boys* Maybe he's a smarter man than we all thought
Leroy and Wesley: *nods in agreement*
Lorena: F*cking idiots.
(Awkward silence starting.....now)
*Cricket chirps*
Me: God DAMN!! They're everywhere!!
[Must you all make everything so difficult?! Just grab the stupid Stardust and leave]
(I think we've had enough of Neet....now, in the northern end of the Evergreen Forest)
Wesley: It's a dead end.
Nikole: Or so it would SEEM
(She places her hand on the "dead end," and while doing so, wings of light sprouted from Nikole's back)
Wesley: OMG you're a Wingly!
Nikole: Took you long enough!
Me: Why didn't you tell us?
Nikole: Would you have thought of me the same if I told you when we first met?
Boberto: Wow
Timoty: Yeah, that's the first time that someone other than Tina has said something profound.
Lorena: I think the word "f*ck" is pretty profound
Timoty: You would think that, wouldn't you?
Lorena: Yup -- I mean, f*ck yeah.
Timoty: That's better.
(And the portal to the Wingly Forest is opened while this meaningless conversation carries on)
Nikole: Shall we?
(Back into the "home of Nikole," except Roddy isn't guarding the entrance this time -- it's four young Winglies, although their concentrations seem to be somewhere else)
Wingly 1: *looking at a magazine* Damn, check out the wings on HER!
Wingly 2: Dude, lemme see! *Checks out the same magazine* Ooooooh, what I wouldn't do to get some of THAT!
Wingly 3: C'mon guys, we need to be guarding the boundary
Wingly 4: Just because you're a fag, doesn't mean the rest of us can't have a little fun *steals the magazine from Wingly 2*
Me: Really, you boys should listen to the "fag"
Wingly 3: I am NOT a fag!
Winglies 1, 2, 4: Holy shit, Humans!
Nikole: Guys, we need to speak with the Ancestor
Wingly 3: I'll go check with the Ancestor *flys away*
Wingly 1: *flys down to me* So, are all Humans as beautiful as you?
Timoty: Smooth -- Wesley, Boberto, write that down
Wesley: Okay *takes out a pen*
Boberto: *hits him* He's being sarcastic
Wesley: Oh.
Me: You tell that to all the Humans that invade your forest, don't you?
Lorena: *to Wingly 2* Don't. Even. Try.
Wingly 2: Oooh, it suddenly got very cold in here....
Nikole: How long can that kid take??
Wingly 4: I dunno, but I know what we can do while we're waiting....*wink*
(Wingly 3 finally shows up, stuffing his face with doughnuts and coffee)
Wingly 3: The Ancestor will see you *slaps the hand of Wingly 2, who is trying to take his doughnuts* He's in the very back of the forest
Wesley: Of course he is
(Winglies are all about green teleporting devices. If you wanna get from Point A to Point B, even if Point B is five feet away, you must use the green teleporting device. Personally, they sound like some lazy bastards to me)
Boberto: Lazy bastards? These are my kinda people!
(When we first enter the Wingly building, we have a heart-felt encounter with Nikole's parents)
Nikole: I love you Mommy! I love you Daddy!
Nikole's Mommy and Daddy: We love you too Nikole!
Boberto: I feel the love! Do you feel the love?
Lorena: *blink blink*
Boberto: O...kay then
(The second encounter is another heart-felt one between Nikole and Roddy)
Nikole: Roddy! What are you doing here?
Roddy: I'm on probation...cuz I let you in the Forest
Me: Oooh, bad boy
Nikole: Who cares?! You need to be out there, helping us defeat the Divine Dragon!
Roddy: Nikole, you don't understand -- the Ancestor will tell you, our power has severely depleted since the Dragon Campaign, and if the ancients couldn't even contain the beast, what makes you think I'll make a difference?
Nikole: If you come with us to the Mount, you might just make a difference!
Roddy: But the commandment!
Nikole: Screw the commandment! If you really want to be with me, you'll come with me to fight the Divine Dragon!
Roddy: Please, Nikole, just...don't leave me again
Wesley: What's this?
Roddy: Who's he *points to Wesley*?
Nikole: Oh, it's a...long story, I don't wanna bore you
Me: *nods in agreement*
Wesley: Why, who are you?
Roddy: I'm Nikole's fiance!
All: !?
Lorena: Maybe it's true about what they say about Winglies, how they age faster than Humans yet they still look young....
Nikole: Fiance? Then where's my ring?!
Roddy: I...uh....oh shit, I knew I forgot something.....
Nikole: Fine then! Stay here! And don't give me a ring!
(Finally, the last encounter we have before we meet the Ancestor is not so heart-felt....)
Elder Bardel: Humans! You must not be allowed to pass!
[The Bardel brothers are not important enough for me to give my friends their parts]
Bardels: Bitch
[I thought we got over that joke in the first disk!!]
Elder Bardel: Anyway.... you must not be allowed to pass!
Wesley: You said that already
Elder Bardel: Of...course I did! Do not talk back to me, Human!
Nikole: Why do you hate Humans so much anyway? You weren't like this when I left the forest
Elder Bardel: It's all your fault for my hatred! My little sister was enchanted by your stories of the outside world, and how good the Human world could be, so after you left the forest, she went to try and follow you! And she was KILLED by a Human! It's your fault that she's dead, Nikole!
Nikole: Oh, I'm so sorry....I didn't know....
Elder Bardel: Your apologizes won't bring her back...and it won't take away my pain! *Wingly symbol, and he prepares a fireball* The only thing that can take away my pain is for all Humans to be dead! *Shoots the fireball*
(Quick reflexes and, surprisingly, quick thinking allow Wesley to transform into a Dragoon and deflect the fireball)
Wesley: Whoa.
Me and Nikole: Nice.
Elder Bardel: *on his knees* How dare you, Nikole.....bringing the legendary destroyers to our home!
Me: Hmph, typical. Those who flaunt their power disappear when the truly powerful appear. *Leaves the room*
Nikole: I'm still sorry *leaves*
Wesley: Hey, I think she just complimented me!
Timoty: STOP THE PRESSES! Tina has just complimented Wesley!
Wesley: Well, now ya killed it! *Leaves*
Lorena: *to Bardel* Yeah, stay down bitch!
(So all the Humans [and the Giganto] leave Elder Bardel laying on the ground, and suddenly, his little hot-tempered brother appears)
Elder Bardel: They're....Dragoons....I just couldn't.....
Younger Bardel: *knocks out his brother* Pansy. I won't stop until all Humans have become extinct! *Disappears*
[That's not nice]
~ ~ ~
(We finally arrive in the Ancestor's, uh, office, for lack of a better word. Inside, we find a mini waterfall, a throne-like seat with stairs leading up to it, two doors....but no Ancestor)
Lorena: WTF?!
Nikole: Calm down, he'll be here....I hope so...
(Just then, a little man with buzzed platinum hair wearing a pale blue tunic magically appears in the room...and he appears pissed off)
Ancestor Swaim: You hate me. You must hate me.
[Yes, this is the same Swaim that was the warden of Hellena, who we killed in disk one. I used my author magic and reincarnated him as Ancestor Swaim]
(At that, the seven of us dropped to the floor laughing)
Ancestor Swaim: That's right. Laugh it up, ya bitches. Go on, don't hold back.
Boberto: *in between bouts of laughter* The bald man's wearing a dress!
Ancestor Swaim: Hey, didn't you hear the narrator? It's a goddamn TUNIC.
Boberto: Call it whatever you want --
Timoty: Ma'am! *They collapse in laughter*
Ancestor Swaim: At least I'm not wearing a freaking loincloth, like hairy over there! *Points to Leroy*
Leroy: Me too sexy to be clothed, that's why.
(The laughter suddenly comes to a dead halt)
Leroy: What?
Me: Do me a favor, Leroy -- never say that again.
Ancestor Swaim: Anyway, I know why you all are here -- you want the Dragon Block Staff so that you can defeat the Divine Dragon. Fine with me, but you need to go to the Forbidden City.
Wesley: Why is it called the "Forbidden City"?
Boberto: Is that where all the Wingly hos congregate?
Leroy: *praying* Please, let there be Wingly hos.....
Timoty: Nikole, why aren't you in the Forbidden City?
Nikole: *smacks Timoty*
Timoty: Dammit, I thought when Ania left, that would end!
Ancestory Swaim: Shut up, ya bastards. There are no Wingly hos in the Forbidden City.
Boys: Dammit
Ancestor Swaim: It's called the Forbidden City because I don't allow anyone from the forest to enter it. It's the ruins of the former Wingly capital, Kadessa. If y'all would step inside door number one, I'll take ya to the city.
(As we all enter door number one, Nikole stays back and asks Ancestor Swaim for a favor)
Nikole: Could you please get rid of the commandment that forbids Winglies from leaving the forest, so I can visit my parents and Roddy whenever I want?
Ancestor Swaim: No.
Nikole: But --
Ancestor Swaim: I said no, bitch! Now go through the door!
Nikole: You're mean *Pouts*
~ ~ ~
Wesley: Uh, where's the city? I see nothing but flat, black land and a stairway that seems to lead up to the Moon That Never Sets.
(Thanks for describing the landscape for me)
Wesley: You're welcome.
Ancestor Swaim: The city is far away, and only my great magical power can transport you there. Now, climb up the stairway.
Boberto: Are we gunna use one of those green teleporting devices? I love those!
Ancestor Swaim: Please keep your hands and arms inside the green bubble at all times, and you may experience some mild motion sickness.
Me: Oh crap
All: Tina sits in the back
Ancestor Swaim: Thank you, goodbye *conjures a green teleporting bubble*
Me: Wait, is there anything else that we should know? Like, are there any monsters in the city?
Ancestor Swaim: *thinks for a moment* Not to my knowledge
Me: Okay. Just hand me a barf bag, and I'll be fine.
(The green teleporting device encloses our group and we fly through stone rings, to the ruined city of Kadessa)
Ancestor Swaim: Poor bastards.