AN: Sorry for the delay, my loves, but this turned out nice.

the very first night – taylor swift

"i drive down different roads
but they all lead back to you"

It all started on a cool spring night.

James hadn't even planned for it really.

It was the day after the full moon and Remus had had a particularly rough transformation, and he was still recovering, so James had volunteered to take over his friend's prefect duties.

Now, to some people, this might have struck them as odd. James Potter volunteering for prefect duties. But he was trying to be more responsible, and he did want to help his friend.

Lily being there had just been an added bonus.

Of course, he wasn't going to... insinuate himself to her, he knew better than that at this point. And while it was true that he had asked her out a few times throughout the year, the average number had gone down significantly compared to last year. And he'd really tried to ask her out sincerely, in meaningful ways, in moments he thought were very appropriate. But... alas, he'd had no luck. He might just start considering giving up... as much as that thought made his stomach physically ache.

He didn't want Lily to think he'd only volunteered to patrol with her because he was trying to sneakily get to spend time with her. So, he'd be perfectly friendly and cordial, but he was not under any circumstances to do anything that might even resemble flirting. Absolutely not.

Lily didn't seem too thrilled seeing James show up instead of Remus—not that she ever seemed too thrilled to see him.

"You do not have to do this. I can patrol on my own." Lily informed him promptly once he explained the situation.

"Evans, you know you're not supposed to patrol on your own. I already told McGonagall I'd step in for Remus, and she's agreed. So, you don't have to worry about anything. This is all very above board."

Lily looked at him as if she was trying to dissect his thoughts.

"Fine," she sighed. "But you have to take this seriously."

He gave her a grin. "Of course, I'll be a model prefect."

She paused. "Is Remus... is he okay?"

James's head tilted. "He'll... be okay." James couldn't ever really be sure of that. But Remus had to be okay. He just had to.

They went off into their section of the castle together. James couldn't help half the waffle that was coming out of his mouth like word vomit but Lily didn't seem to mind it too much. Overall, it was not an unpleasant two hours. In fact, James would go as far as to rank them within his Top 5 Lily interactions.

Of course, he hadn't really expected for an event of the sort to repeat itself, but then Remus had—very abashedly—asked James if he could help him out some more with his prefect duties. It wasn't easy dealing with being a werewolf along with his schoolwork and prefect duties on top of that. It had never been. Remus had just been too proud to ask for help. It was only after James had seemed so eager to help out that Remus caved and asked.

James was more than happy to do it—again, nothing to do with Lily. Even if Sirius bullied him relentlessly about turning into a narc.

And even though Lily was a little bit weirded out at James's new sense of responsibility, she didn't comment on it. He only patrolled with her a few more times, and when they had to discuss prefect business, James always tried to be serious and efficient. But even those boring interactions he enjoyed, just if he got to talk to her. He was ridiculous, he knew.

If he had to pinpoint a specific moment when things... changed, he'd definitely have to say the day in the music room.

He'd been looking for her, she was late to a prefect meeting, which was unlike Lily. He never would've thought to look for her in the music room, but someone had seen her in the vicinity, and then James had heard the music coming from inside, and he couldn't help peeking inside.

He sure hadn't been expecting to find Lily inside, hands comfortably cradling a guitar. And her voice... James realised then that he had never heard her sing before. Because he'd certainly have remembered this.

Her voice was low, satin-smooth, and it had a velvety quality to it that made James's chest fill with warmth. The guitar she was playing was only playing a few grave notes that complimented Lily's voice very nicely.

James held his breath the entire minute it took for Lily to finish the song.

Once she was done, she looked up and finally spotted James in the doorway. She jumped in her seat in surprise. "James!" Her cheeks filled with a red so deep it was almost maroon. James would be lying if he said he didn't find that cute as hell.

"Wh–what are you doing here?" Lily stumbled over her words.

He wasn't fully recovered from what he'd just witnessed. It had genuinely felt like a religious experience. "Uh... I'm sorry. I... was just looking for you. You were late to the prefect meeting, and I was worried."

Lily's eyes widened a fraction. "Oh. Oh, shoot. I lost track of time." She stood up, holding her guitar by the neck.

"I didn't know you... played, or sang."

Lily glanced at her guitar, almost like she'd forgotten she was holding it. "Huh? Oh, yeah... well, I don't exactly advertise it."

"You should," James said, a little too eagerly. "I mean, I'm just saying, because you're so good."

"I'm really not that good."

James knew from experience that Lily had a really hard time accepting compliments, and maybe he should've backed down, but something
wouldn't let him. He needed her to know just how fucking amazing she was. Just this once. "I'm not just saying it, I just heard you singing and you've the voice of a freaking angel, Evans."

Lily looked anywhere but at him. "You just think that because you don't often hear people who know how to sing in tune. Who've been taught house to use their voices."

She still wasn't taking the compliment, but she hadn't yelled at him or stormed off yet, so he was definitely taking this as a win. "You've taken lessons?" He asked.

Lily nodded. "Some. My family owns a music school, so I know at least a little bit about most instruments."

James's brows raised in surprise not only at the information but at the fact that Lily had willingly shared it with him. Sure, they'd been talking more since James started doing prefect duties but Lily rarely spoke about anything personal. If the conversation ever veered off prefect topics, it was usually about classes or something about their friends.

"That... is extremely cool. What instruments do you play, then? Apart from guitar?"

"Well... this is actually a bass guitar, not like a regular guitar, but I play that too. Piano is the other one I'm better at. Those are our most requested lessons, so I have to know it pretty well to be able to teach it. Then... I had a stint with the cello but I wasn't that good at it."

"You teach?"

Lily shrugged. "Just during the summer. I give lessons to little kids."

James held back a grin. He wished so badly that he could see that.

"We should get to the meeting," Lily said before James could even reply. She'd already put her guitar away in a sleek black case. "We're probably very unfashionably late now."

"All right," he said, trying not to sound too disappointed. "But... you have to promise to play for me again."

For a second, James thought she'd scowl and ignore him, but she didn't. She only looked at him through slightly narrowed eyes, and if he wasn't being delusional, he thought he even saw the barest hint of a smile on her lips. "We'll see," she said.

It felt like a dream to James. He couldn't believe it... after all this time, Lily was actually warming up to him. She'd talked to him as she would a friend. And then, a few days later, she'd casually let it drop that she perused the music room every other day after dinner to play. He had to be dreaming. Or Lily must've been replaced with an extremely realistic replica.

So, the music room became their spot. For the next four weeks, every other day, Lily would excuse herself from dinner and James would almost immediately follow her to the music room. She played for him but not always. Sometimes they just... talked.

If James hadn't been in love with Lily already, he would've fallen in love with her all over again.

Every single day James could feel the need to ask her out bubbling in his chest again but he kept pushing it down. He didn't want to fuck things up. If he lost his Lily time because of his own stupidity, he might never recover. Those days in the music room were sacred to him.

But the end of term was approaching, and it was all going to come to an end anyway. And he knew once they went on break he wouldn't be able to stand not seeing Lily again until summer ended. He had to ask her out. He felt sick thinking about it though. He'd taken so many rejections from her gracefully, but this time... it was different. If she rejected him this time... he feared it'd be the death of him.

He knew had to try, but he also knew he needed some reassurance before he did. His friends didn't know what he'd been doing so he couldn't go to them. The only person who could reassure him about Lily's answer... was Lily.

Maybe it was a stupid thing to talk about it before he actually did it... there was a chance he'd only freak her out. But he felt like their relationship had evolved enough for him to bring this up. And this way he could gauge Lily's feelings. If she seemed freaked out, he'd just play it off as a joke. It was a perfect plan, really.

"If I... hypothetically were to ask you out one more time," James said casually one June day, a couple of days before the end of term. His feet up on the piano bench. "What would you say? Hypothetically."

Lily went very still for a second. She was sitting at the piano. James had pulled up a chair next to the grand piano, facing her. A red flush went up Lily's cheeks. She inspected the piano keys very carefully.

Finally, she said: "Well, I don't know. I guess there's only one way to find out. Hypothetically."

James's heart stopped. He was sure it had genuinely stopped. He'd expected her to be... evasive at best, appalled at worst. But that had practically been an invitation for him to ask her out. She'd even sounded fucking flirty. His heart leaped with excitement. This would be the most epic ask-out ever. And now he knew Lily was almost sure to say yes. The gears were turning in his brain already. He had plans. He needed to get to work right away.

James took his feet off the bench. "All right. That's good to know."

Then, the next day, during Charms, he slipped her a note.

Meet me at midnight. Our spot.

He smirked as he watched her read. She rolled her eyes at him. He knew she probably would've been there either way. She occasionally snuck into the music room in the middle of the night. But he had to make sure this time.

He got to the music room two hours before midnight so he could start setting up. He knew it was a little corny, but he'd filled the room with lilies. But not just any old ones, these were yellow orienpet lilies, which he knew for a fact were Lily's favourites. There must've been hundreds of them in the room, and he spent a good while arranging and rearranging them to his liking. Then he rehearsed what he was going to say. Twice. He'd even put on his nicest Muggle clothes.

His stomach churned with nerves.

And then midnight finally came...

...and went.

The minutes seemed to drag on forever. 12:08... 12:15... 12:27. No Lily.

He sat there, amongst the hundreds of flowers, just staring at the clock. Before he knew it, the entire night had passed, and he'd fallen asleep waiting, only waking when he almost fell out of his chair. But he knew that at six in the morning... it was far past time to call it. Lily had stood him up.

He tried to tell himself it was fine. That there was a mixup... a misunderstanding. An explanation. He just had to... talk to Lily. She'd probably gotten scared last minute. But they were close enough that he could talk to her about it... he could reassure her. He'd get rid of the flowers, he'd be a normal teenage boy. He'd take it slow. At snail's pace if she wanted. He'd do anything. He just needed to... talk to her.

But he got to breakfast and Lily wasn't there. It became apparent once the day was over that Lily was avoiding him. She didn't want... him. He'd gone and done it. He'd scared her.

So, he packed his feelings away and shoved them as far down as he could. This was it. She didn't want to go out with him. Not now, not ever. The message was clear. He'd ruined everything.

He went to the music room later in the day, hoping he could talk to her, if it only was to reassure her he wasn't going to try to ask her out again, and maybe beg her to let him still be her friend.

But she wasn't there. The next day they went home. James got on the Hogwart Express, the sense of an ending impending. He swallowed thickly as he boarded the train, trying to keep his feelings in check. It was all over now. Almost six years of pining... of yearning. He wouldn't bother her again, that he knew. He'd always have a part of his heart, how could she not? But this was it. He'd try to forget her, try to learn how not to feel like his heart blossomed every time he saw her. And he could only hope it'd work.

But now... looking at her. Face ghostly white, her body limp in his arms... he knew. He knew. He hadn't gotten over her even a little bit. He was still as in love with her as he was the very first time he saw her—yes, he believed he'd fallen in love with Lily at first sight, sue him—, as in love with her as he'd been when he'd filled the music room with lilies.

And he knew she wasn't going to die, but looking at her like this made his chest tighten in distress. He couldn't stand seeing her like this. He had to help her. He just had to.

He reached for her ankle, his hand hovering over the two tiny punctures. He took a deep breath. Closed his eyes.