"C'mon, Pete, we're gonna be late," Sirius announced, hurrying down the hall with Peter scurrying after him. James and I were somewhere in between, trying to keep up with Sirius's long legs. It was ironic, almost, that Sirius was trying to hurry Peter up— it was really his fault that we were so late. Sirius had sworn Andromeda had shown him a passage that led to the third floor— where we were trying to get— which had, in fact, led back to the Great Hall. It had taken a lot of confusion and a Ravenclaw prefect to get us back on the right track.
"I can almost guarantee Farbauti's not going to be so forgiving as Sprout," James grumbled, "and we don't exactly have another excuse."
I nodded, and we picked up the pace. The bell had rung a few minutes ago, and we were at least on the right hall. Sirius, James and I got into the classroom about the same time— Sirius had stopped to wait for us— and Peter came barreling into me. "Easy— you alright?" I asked.
He nodded, just as James announced. "Well, that was certainly worth it— he's not even here!"
I glanced around to confirm it and nodded absently, my attention distracted by something else. It was in a tank near the front of the room, draped among rocks, branches, and some kind of a shrub. Black and garishly orange striped, it was a cylindrical thing pulsating slightly. "What d'you reckon that is?"
Sirius wandered right up to it and tapped the glass. "Good grief it's a snake," he answered.
Peter and I joined him in a second. It was a snake, but it had three heads. Two of them appeared to be asleep, but the third was awake, glaring at us from red eyes. "What kind of a snake had three heads?" Peter asked.
"I dunno," Sirius answered, glancing at me. Somehow being the one that had the right answers when asked questions from a book had appointed me the one that should know.
"I think I remember something, but no, I don't know what it is," I answered. I couldn't help but notice James was not with us— he'd sat down in the back of the room and was rummaging around in his bag. I turned back to the snake, resolving to ask him later.
"You've woken him up, and now he's angry," another voice announced behind us. "And that's the left head— and the left one's the most venomous of the lot."
We whirled around in surprise. Professor Farbauti was a tall man, well over six feet, and broad-shouldered. He had blondish-red hair— at any rate a much lighter color than Lily, who was right behind him— and dark eyes, glaring at us. Peter squeaked and tried to hide behind Sirius, who was far too gangly for it.
Sirius had a mild look on his face, a look I already knew spelled trouble. "Well, if you don't mind my asking, sir—"
"His name is Jormungand and he's a Runespoor," Farbauti answered. "He's pretty smart, too— I won't guarantee he can't get out of that tank. Now— I think you were supposed to be seated by the time the bell rang— if you're there within the next five seconds I might consider not taking points off."
We were probably there in three, even if Sirius did trip over Lily Evans and Athena Terrance's desk on the way back. He took points off anyway.
Farbauti then began to go over what every teacher had before even thinking of trying to teach us anything. Instead of taking notes on the rules, I pulled Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them out of my bag and flipped through it in search of Runespoors. James glanced over and returned to taking notes with a purpose. Peter and Sirius, on the other hand, looked over interestedly.
"What's it say, Remus?" Sirius asked.
"Hold on, I'm looking!" I exclaimed. "Nothing all that interesting in the first paragraph. . . . Here we are: 'The Runespoor, though not in itself a particularly vicious beast, was once the favorite pet of Dark wizards, no doubt because of its striking and intimidating appearance. It is to the writings of Parselmouths who have kept and conversed with the serpents that we owe our understanding of their curious habits.' well, that's certainly interesting."
Sirius glanced over at Farbauti. "Well, d'you reckon—"
"Parselmouth or Dark wizard?" I asked him, arching an eyebrow. If any of his suggestions for terrorizing Slytherin's were an indicator, Sirius's imagination would get us into more than enough trouble.
"Either, but I was thinking Dark wizard. Ever seen a Parselmouth that wasn't one, anyway?" he asked eagerly.
"What is a Parselmouth?" Peter demanded.
"A wizard that can talk to snakes," Sirius replied, reaching out and tapping James on the shoulder. "Say, James— why didn't you come up, too? That thing . . . Jormungand, he said it was? . . . Well, it didn't hurt us, if that's what you were worried about."
"I. Don't. Like. Snakes," James answered through gritted teeth, in a way that suggested he wanted the subject left very much alone. Peter and I returned to diligently taking notes. Sirius was unperturbed but at least didn't press the issue.
After Farbauti's fifteen minutes of note taking was done, he informed us that unlike in some classes, we would get immediately to work. After levitating the desks to the edges of the room, he instructed us to get into pairs. James glared at Sirius when the other boy offered to pair with him and asked Peter, leaving me with our excitable friend.
"I'm going to teach you Expellaramus— if you ever go up against someone in a duel or otherwise, you're likely to find this useful. Properly used, it will disarm an opponent. Improperly used, it's capable of causing quite a bit of damage." He beckoned to a girl who's name I couldn't remember from the Sorting Ceremony. "If you wouldn't mind getting your wand out?" he asked.
She nodded, obviously terrified, and pulled it out of a pocket.
"The wand movement goes like this," he announced, flicking his wand. "The incantation is Expalleramus— try it on me."
She continued to look absolutely terrified, but she did as he asked, waving it and muttering. "Expel— Expeallaramus!" Nothing happened, and she shook the wand again, still muttering.
"Not quite," Farbauti answered dryly, demonstrating the wand movement again. "Now that you may have . . . some idea," he announced, "try it in your pairs."
Almost nobody could do it. Farbauti stalked like a wolf around the room, correcting wand movements and incantations. He didn't help matters any. James wasn't having any luck, and Peter didn't seem to be having any effect on our friend, who looked halfway bored. I fared no better, and Sirius was getting a little frustrated.
"If you manage to turn me blue like you did that needle. . . ." I murmured.
"Relax, Rem, I'm not going to do that," he tried to assure me, still shaking his wand like a ketchup bottle, as if he expected the spell to slowly slide out of it.
"You're not going to get anywhere moving the wand like that, Black!" Farbauti announced.
Sirius growled something probably best left unsaid and waved the wand properly again. "Expellaramus!"
Maybe the frustration did something but at any rate, this time the spell worked. Too well, I might add, as it wasn't just my wand but me that went flying and slammed into one of the desks against the wall. Sirius came running over. "I'm sorry; I'm an idiot— are you alright?" he asked. It came out quickly, punctuated by muttering I probably didn't want to understand, anyway.
"I think I'm fine, really, Sirius," I answered, reaching up to rub my head. I came off with blood above my ear.
"It's nothing Madame Pomfrey won't be able to cure in an instant," Professor Farbauti announced coolly. "But since it is his head, he might be a little disoriented. Black, since you no longer have a partner anyway, you might as well make sure he gets up there. Though Merlin alone knows why I'm trusting two of the people who got lost on their way here."
Sirius nodded and helped me up. We did have to ask someone— Professor McGonagall, as it happened— how to get the hospital wing, but we got there alright. Madame Pomfrey fussed. She demanded to know why the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher found it fit to teach first years something as potentially dangerous as the Expelling Charm on the first day of school, no less.
After a few moments she shooed Sirius out. He still looked worried, and it took a few minutes to get him to leave. After he did, though, she had the cut mend itself, which stung more than a little. "Next Thursday," she told me, "get up here about half an hour before nightfall. I'll get you down underneath the Willow."
I nodded absently, barely registering the information through the massive headache she hadn't fixed. Then she shooed me out back to class.
Sirius was waiting for me in the halls. "Are you okay?" he asked me again.
"I'm fine," I assured him. "Just a cut, wasn't it?"
"You look paler," he answered.
"I'm fine," I grumbled. "Let's go make sure James hasn't done the exact same thing to Peter now, shall we?" I added, heading off down the hall.
"You're sure you're headed in the right direction?" he asked me.
"I've probably got more of an idea than you," I said with a grin.
Author's Note: Yes, I am rebelling against the "Evil potions master for the Marauder's too" cliche! Besides, evil DADA teachers should be more fun. We will meet the potions master eventually. And we'll figure out why I made James afraid of snakes (and it wasn't for grins and giggles). Oh, yes, and I must of course disclaim the passage from Fantastic Beasts, I just can't find a better way to say it! To answer some comments: The parrot has ceased to be: fortunately, that's one of the few. Xandria Nirvana: Actually, I know he's never a pureblood, and I've seen him Muggle-born in at least one other place. Thanks for the reviews, guys, I really appreciate it! — Loki