Author's Note: This is the chapter where things get explained. And yet, we
are still lost and confused.
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD -- don't you get it already?!
Chapter 30: Wesley, I Am Your Father?!
::Acquired Moon Gem, Moon Dagger, Moon Mirror, and JIMBO!::
(After the encounter at the Tower of Flanvel, Queen Megan and Katherine returned to Dennigrad, while the now eight of us [wouldn't that be awesome if you could fight with Lloyd?] continued on to Vellweb)
Wesley: I really am sorry about that, Katherine!
Katherine: It's....okay ::under her breath:: ya bastard.....
(Between the Tower and Vellweb is the Snow Field [how original]. With our luck, we walked right into the middle of a blizzard)
All: Damn the video game gods
Video Game Gods: ::smite::
Nikole: Look! A cave! Let's stay there while the storm blows over!
Timoty: Why are you always so...cheery?!
Nikole: You're just lucky!
(In the cave)
Wesley: Okay, spill it
Jimbo: ::sitting in front of the fire:: What do you need to know?
Wesley: Why did you take Ania from Seles?! What is she to you?! Why did you kill Melvin?!
Boberto: ::shaking his fists:: Why do the video game gods hate us so?!
Video Game Gods: ::evil laugh::
Jimbo: I can't help you with that ::points at Wesley:: But about Ania....ah yes, I recall capturing her during the Serdian War. She thought I was trying to rape her, but I was just taking her for Emperor Diaz.
Me: Yeah. That sounds like her.
Jimbo: Honestly Wesley, I think Ania's a step down for you.
Wesley: Shut up! Damn, how is it that EVERY FRIGGIN character in this game knows that I'm in love with Ania?!
Me: That's just how it is in video games.
Video Game Gods: ::nods::
Jimbo: And I killed Melvin out of self-defense
Wesley: No you didn't!
Jimbo: Yeah, you're right. I dunno why I killed him, actually.
Wesley: Shut up, I don't wanna talk about that....but why does Emperor Diaz want Ania? And why the Moon Objects?
Jimbo: How should I know? I'm just a lacky. He just told me to collect the Moon Objects, and eventually, Ania, so that I could create my utopia.
Me: And what exactly is your utopia?
Jimbo: Not quite sure. I'm basically winging this whole villian thing.
All: ::smacks foreheads::
Jimbo: But I will say this... "Count 108 years when the Moon That Never Sets glows red, the Moon Child shall descend to fill the world with holy bliss"
All: What the hell was that for?!
Jimbo: I dunno, it just felt like the right thing to say.
All: ::profanities::
(And we leave the cave in the snow field and continue to Vellweb. There is an optional boss if you fall into a pit -- and thanks to Wesley's clumsiness, we indeed fall into the pit)
All: Damn you!
Wesley: It's not my fault! The snow is slippery! ::notices the stone carving in front of us:: What's this?
Leroy: Big rock, with writing on it. Giganto writing.
Nikole: And Wingly writing, too!
Wesley: And Human writing.
Boberto: Well, read it then!
Leroy, Nikole, Wesley: We can't read that shit.
Boberto: ::sweatdrop::
Me: For Christ sake....it says "No one is allowed to enter. All offenders will be punished. By order of the Law City Zenebatos"
Wesley: What's that mean?
Me: DUH it means DON'T ENTER. Let's go back up.
Nikole: Wait! What is this?
Me: Fort Magrad. A Human fort during the Dragon Campaign. But this is not apart of the storyline, this is a subchapter, so we don't need to be here.
Nikole: Oooooh.....forbidden and mysterious.
Timoty: We gotta visit it then.
Me: ::profanities::
(As you go further into the Fort, you [or rather, me] hear flashbacks of the Dragon Campaign)
Voices: Long live Emperor Diaz! Long live Gloriano!
Taco Bell Dog: Viva las Gorditas!
Voices: .....
Taco Bell Dog: Lo siento
(And at the end of the Fort, I hear another flashback of a conversation between Emperor Diaz, Mateo, and me)
Emperor Diaz: So, word is you two are getting married once we win the war!
Mateo: ::takes my hand:: Yup.
Emperor Diaz: Well isn't that cute
Me: Hey, then where's my ring?
Mateo: Um...we're kinda in the middle of a war...
Me: So? Jose got Kimberly a ring.
Mateo: Um -- uh --
Emperor Diaz: Sucks for you man
(Back to our semi-reality)
Me: I never did get that ring
Wesley: Tina?
Me: Wha? Oh, yeah, let's bail
(But the sword embedded in the wall came to life and started to attack us)
Me: Dammit, I knew this would happen.
(Yeah, the Polter Armor is optional, but if you beat him you can get mucho experience and a really cool sword for Wesley/Dart. Remember, first the Polter Sword, then Armor, then Helm. Once the Polter Armor was beaten, we resumed our trek to Vellweb)
- - -
Boberto: So this is Vellweb
Timoty: Kinda disappointing
Lorena: It's an ancient ruin, what did you expect?
Wesley: So is this another Wingly ruin?
Me: No, it was the capital of the Humans during the Dragon Campaign, actually.
Jimbo: Emperor Diaz should be at his throne, which is of course in the very back of the establishment.
(Before we found the throne of the Emperor, we found more random peddlers [more of my sister's friends])
Steven: ::turning over a Yu-Gi-Oh! trading card:: Hah! Your fell right into my trap!
Kasey: No!
Steven: Your monster's attack points are now cut in half, making it weaker than my Curse of Dragon!
Kasey: ::turning over another card:: But my magic card will restore my monster's attack points! Yeah, what now BITCH?!
Me: Um...guys?
Kasey: What?! We're busy, and I'm winning!
Me: Aren't you gunna sell us stuff?
Steven: ::not looking up from his cards:: Help yourselves
All: ::takes all their stuff:: Dumbasses
(And we also had another run-in with Kimberly just before we went into the throne room, but she just tells us to come back after we talk with Diaz)
Kimberly: Hello, goodbye
(FINALLY we get to the throne room. The room is lit by two torches, and an unconscious Ania is propped up against one of them. An empty gap separates Ania and a man in red and white robes, sitting on a stone throne.)
Wesley: Ania! ::runs to her::
All: How sweet
Emperor Diaz: Don't worry, she's just sleeping. Ah, Jimbo. I assume you brought the Moon Objects.
Jimbo: Yeah, here ya go
Moon Objects: ::magically fly to Diaz::
Diaz: Excellent. Now I can purge the world
Jimbo: Purge?
Wesley: The world?
Diaz: Yeah, as in like world destruction. DUH. Damn, y'all are dense
All: ::gasp::
Jimbo: What?! That's not what we had planned!
Diaz: Come on now, don't be so naive! I made you start a WAR for Christ's sake. If I was willing to destroy a country, what makes you think I'd stop there?
Good Guys: He's got a point
Jimbo: But -- that's not part of my utopia!
Diaz: But it's part of MY utopia.
Jimbo: I thought we were gunna create MY utopia!
Diaz: Nope. Gunna do it my way. See ya
(And Diaz takes out a huge red staff from his robes and points it at Jimbo. Before any of us could react, Jimbo was magically lifted into the air and smashed against the crumbling floor, falling into the abyss below.)
All: OH MY GOD!
Diaz: He was getting on my nerves anyway. Him and that pretty platinum hair of his. Oh, Wesley, ya know how I said that I would give Ania back once you brought me the Moon Objects?
Wesley: Yeah?
Diaz: Well, I lied. I need her to help me purge the world.
Ania: ::magically hovers in between us and the throne -- just out of reach from Wesley::
Wesley: Hey! Give her back!
Diaz: Um, no.
Me: WTF?! The real Emperor Diaz would NEVER do that! Reveal yourself!
Diaz: Aww, Tina, are you sad that I killed your boyfriend?
Me: EX!!
Diaz: It's okay, you don't have to explain it to me -- I've accepted that you've moved on. It's only fair, seeing as how I've moved on as well.
Me: WTF are you talking about?
Diaz: ::sigh:: I might as well...this mask is starting to smell.
::VIDEO TIME!::
(The man called Diaz slowly removed his mask, revealing a young, pale face with sleepy brown eyes. His mouth curled into a sneer as he shook his curly, orange [naturally orange, honestly] hair from his face)
Mateo: Tina, Wesley....it's been a while
(The audience now sees the look of complete and utter confusion on the faces of Wesley, Leroy, Timoty, Boberto, Nikole, and Lorena)
Leroy: That's not...
Lorena: No, she wouldn't....
Boberto: I think she did...
(Now cut to my special close-up: jaw dropped, and flashes of the super-cool video of the Dragon Campaign played in the background, especially the part where I saw Mateo get petrified and he told me to save myself)
Me: It...cannot be!
::END VIDEO::
Mateo: ::now wearing a red armored jumpsuit:: Surprise
Wesley: What do you mean, "it's been a while" -- I've never met you!
Mateo: Idiot, I'm your father
All: ::jaws drop::
Lorena: You're f-cking kidding me
Wesley: You're my WHAT?!
Mateo: Do you want me to say it again? ::covers his mouth and talks in a Darth Vadar-like fashion:: WESLEY. I AM YOUR FATHER ::Darth Vadar breathing::
Wesley: But how? My video game father died when the Black Monster attacked Neet!
Me: No, Mateo died during the Dragon Campaign!
Readers: We are very confused.
Dragoons: Yeah. So are we.
Mateo: NO! I didn't die AT ALL ::sigh:: I better start at the beginning. You know the real reason that Tina has all the answers to things? Ya know, like about Dragoons and Virages and the Dragon Campaign?
Me: Because I know everything!
Mateo: No, it's because she FOUGHT in the Dragon Campaign! She was the first and only Dark Dragoon! And I was the first Red-Eyed Dragoon! We're both over 11,000 years old!
All: ::gasp::
Nikole: But you two are so young! What IS your secret?
Mateo: My secret was that I was preserved in stone for all those years.
Me: Wait, you mean that the petrification wore off? And then you went off and had a kid with some slut?!
Wesley: Hey, don't bring my video game mother into this
Timoty: Yeah, don't bring my video game daughter into this
All: ??
Timoty: Shit, did I say that out loud?
Mateo: I thought you died! What the hell was I supposed to do?!
Nikole: Hold it...where you two, like, dating 11,000 years ago?
Mateo: We were engaged
Me: I never DID get that ring
Mateo: A little late now, honey
All except Wesley, Me, Mateo: ::falls to the floor laughing::
[You see, from seventh to ninth grades, Mateo and I have endured torture from our friends because we both liked each other, but didn't want to admit it. We finally went out in tenth grade -- lasted three months. Leroy still holds bets on when we'll hook up again. I warned y'all in the beginning that I had issues.]
Wesley: HEY! We're trying to have a serious moment here!
Mateo: ANYWAY, in the last battle of the Dragon Campaign, five of the Dragoons died, I was petrified by Melbu Frahma, and Tina was the only one to survive. During the battle at Kadessa, the Humans discovered Frahma's source of power as the Crystal Sphere. The dumbasses destroyed the Crystal Sphere, not knowning that the soul of the God of Destruction was contained in the sphere.
Wesley: God of Destruction?!
Mateo: Are you always this annoying?
Wesley: Bastard
Mateo: The prophesy -- "count 108 years when the Moon That Never Sets glows red, the Moon Child shall descend to fill the world with holy bliss" -- why do you think it was repeated twenty times in this fic? The Moon Child is actually the soul of the God of Destruction. The Moon That Never Sets is its flesh, and when the two meet, they form the God of Destruction: the final fruit of the Divine Tree. The "holy bliss" is actually world purification, by way of destruction.
All: ::gasp:: Noooooo!!
Mateo: ::mock gasp:: Yes! So, every 108 years, the soul of the God inhabits a body and tries to get back to its flesh. However, something stops it every time. Anyone wanna guess who does this?
::Jeopardy music plays::
Leroy: Oh! Me know, me know! The Black Monster!
Mateo: Yes! Now there is only one person in the world who knows this and is OLD ENOUGH to do this.
::More Jeopardy music::
All: ::slowly turn to me::
Me: Crap.
Mateo: ::ding ding ding:: Yes! Tina is the Black Monster!! And she's under some sort of magic spell to preserve her youth!
All: ::gasp::
Nikole: ::strokes chin:: Interesting...
Wesley: WHAT?!
Boberto: That explains a lot of things
Me: Whoop-de-do, Mateo. Everybody knows now that I am the Black Monster. But it doesn't matter now, I killed the last Moon Child eighteen years ago.
Mateo: That's what YOU think. Ya know that little baby Princess Louvia that you killed eighteen years ago?
Me: Yeah?
Mateo: She wasn't the Moon Child. She had a twin sister -- named Ania.
Timoty: I KNEW IT! I KNEW she was EVIL!
Lorena: This is f-cking ridiculous! We're stuck in a f-cking soap opera!
Wesley: Crap
Mateo: Now you know the truth. Tina is the Black Monster, and Ania is the Moon Child. What are you going to do now? Kill her?
Me: Uh, yeah. It's just a video game ::lunges at Ania, rapier ready::
Mateo: ::sends me flying back:: You think it would be that easy? Baby, you must have lost some of your mind in these 11,000 years.
Me: Oh, NOW you call me Baby
Mateo: I have everything I need to purify this pathetic world -- the Moon Child and the Moon Objects. By the way, thanks for being my delivery boy, son
Wesley: Don't call me that....your hair alone is disturbing enough....
Mateo: Ugh, what am I still DOING here? I need to go destroy the world ::blows me a kiss:: See you on the Moon, Mamacita
(A blinding white light fills the room, and Mateo disappears with Ania and the Moon Objects)
Me: What's up with the nicknames? He never used to call me cutsy nicknames...
Wesley: Ania? Mateo? WTF JUST HAPPENED HERE?!
[No one knows...]
Boberto: ::falls to his knees:: Oh great video game gods! Please, put us out of my misery!
Video Game Gods: No. Torture is more fun ::evil laugh::
[The Video Game Gods have spoken]
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD -- don't you get it already?!
Chapter 30: Wesley, I Am Your Father?!
::Acquired Moon Gem, Moon Dagger, Moon Mirror, and JIMBO!::
(After the encounter at the Tower of Flanvel, Queen Megan and Katherine returned to Dennigrad, while the now eight of us [wouldn't that be awesome if you could fight with Lloyd?] continued on to Vellweb)
Wesley: I really am sorry about that, Katherine!
Katherine: It's....okay ::under her breath:: ya bastard.....
(Between the Tower and Vellweb is the Snow Field [how original]. With our luck, we walked right into the middle of a blizzard)
All: Damn the video game gods
Video Game Gods: ::smite::
Nikole: Look! A cave! Let's stay there while the storm blows over!
Timoty: Why are you always so...cheery?!
Nikole: You're just lucky!
(In the cave)
Wesley: Okay, spill it
Jimbo: ::sitting in front of the fire:: What do you need to know?
Wesley: Why did you take Ania from Seles?! What is she to you?! Why did you kill Melvin?!
Boberto: ::shaking his fists:: Why do the video game gods hate us so?!
Video Game Gods: ::evil laugh::
Jimbo: I can't help you with that ::points at Wesley:: But about Ania....ah yes, I recall capturing her during the Serdian War. She thought I was trying to rape her, but I was just taking her for Emperor Diaz.
Me: Yeah. That sounds like her.
Jimbo: Honestly Wesley, I think Ania's a step down for you.
Wesley: Shut up! Damn, how is it that EVERY FRIGGIN character in this game knows that I'm in love with Ania?!
Me: That's just how it is in video games.
Video Game Gods: ::nods::
Jimbo: And I killed Melvin out of self-defense
Wesley: No you didn't!
Jimbo: Yeah, you're right. I dunno why I killed him, actually.
Wesley: Shut up, I don't wanna talk about that....but why does Emperor Diaz want Ania? And why the Moon Objects?
Jimbo: How should I know? I'm just a lacky. He just told me to collect the Moon Objects, and eventually, Ania, so that I could create my utopia.
Me: And what exactly is your utopia?
Jimbo: Not quite sure. I'm basically winging this whole villian thing.
All: ::smacks foreheads::
Jimbo: But I will say this... "Count 108 years when the Moon That Never Sets glows red, the Moon Child shall descend to fill the world with holy bliss"
All: What the hell was that for?!
Jimbo: I dunno, it just felt like the right thing to say.
All: ::profanities::
(And we leave the cave in the snow field and continue to Vellweb. There is an optional boss if you fall into a pit -- and thanks to Wesley's clumsiness, we indeed fall into the pit)
All: Damn you!
Wesley: It's not my fault! The snow is slippery! ::notices the stone carving in front of us:: What's this?
Leroy: Big rock, with writing on it. Giganto writing.
Nikole: And Wingly writing, too!
Wesley: And Human writing.
Boberto: Well, read it then!
Leroy, Nikole, Wesley: We can't read that shit.
Boberto: ::sweatdrop::
Me: For Christ sake....it says "No one is allowed to enter. All offenders will be punished. By order of the Law City Zenebatos"
Wesley: What's that mean?
Me: DUH it means DON'T ENTER. Let's go back up.
Nikole: Wait! What is this?
Me: Fort Magrad. A Human fort during the Dragon Campaign. But this is not apart of the storyline, this is a subchapter, so we don't need to be here.
Nikole: Oooooh.....forbidden and mysterious.
Timoty: We gotta visit it then.
Me: ::profanities::
(As you go further into the Fort, you [or rather, me] hear flashbacks of the Dragon Campaign)
Voices: Long live Emperor Diaz! Long live Gloriano!
Taco Bell Dog: Viva las Gorditas!
Voices: .....
Taco Bell Dog: Lo siento
(And at the end of the Fort, I hear another flashback of a conversation between Emperor Diaz, Mateo, and me)
Emperor Diaz: So, word is you two are getting married once we win the war!
Mateo: ::takes my hand:: Yup.
Emperor Diaz: Well isn't that cute
Me: Hey, then where's my ring?
Mateo: Um...we're kinda in the middle of a war...
Me: So? Jose got Kimberly a ring.
Mateo: Um -- uh --
Emperor Diaz: Sucks for you man
(Back to our semi-reality)
Me: I never did get that ring
Wesley: Tina?
Me: Wha? Oh, yeah, let's bail
(But the sword embedded in the wall came to life and started to attack us)
Me: Dammit, I knew this would happen.
(Yeah, the Polter Armor is optional, but if you beat him you can get mucho experience and a really cool sword for Wesley/Dart. Remember, first the Polter Sword, then Armor, then Helm. Once the Polter Armor was beaten, we resumed our trek to Vellweb)
- - -
Boberto: So this is Vellweb
Timoty: Kinda disappointing
Lorena: It's an ancient ruin, what did you expect?
Wesley: So is this another Wingly ruin?
Me: No, it was the capital of the Humans during the Dragon Campaign, actually.
Jimbo: Emperor Diaz should be at his throne, which is of course in the very back of the establishment.
(Before we found the throne of the Emperor, we found more random peddlers [more of my sister's friends])
Steven: ::turning over a Yu-Gi-Oh! trading card:: Hah! Your fell right into my trap!
Kasey: No!
Steven: Your monster's attack points are now cut in half, making it weaker than my Curse of Dragon!
Kasey: ::turning over another card:: But my magic card will restore my monster's attack points! Yeah, what now BITCH?!
Me: Um...guys?
Kasey: What?! We're busy, and I'm winning!
Me: Aren't you gunna sell us stuff?
Steven: ::not looking up from his cards:: Help yourselves
All: ::takes all their stuff:: Dumbasses
(And we also had another run-in with Kimberly just before we went into the throne room, but she just tells us to come back after we talk with Diaz)
Kimberly: Hello, goodbye
(FINALLY we get to the throne room. The room is lit by two torches, and an unconscious Ania is propped up against one of them. An empty gap separates Ania and a man in red and white robes, sitting on a stone throne.)
Wesley: Ania! ::runs to her::
All: How sweet
Emperor Diaz: Don't worry, she's just sleeping. Ah, Jimbo. I assume you brought the Moon Objects.
Jimbo: Yeah, here ya go
Moon Objects: ::magically fly to Diaz::
Diaz: Excellent. Now I can purge the world
Jimbo: Purge?
Wesley: The world?
Diaz: Yeah, as in like world destruction. DUH. Damn, y'all are dense
All: ::gasp::
Jimbo: What?! That's not what we had planned!
Diaz: Come on now, don't be so naive! I made you start a WAR for Christ's sake. If I was willing to destroy a country, what makes you think I'd stop there?
Good Guys: He's got a point
Jimbo: But -- that's not part of my utopia!
Diaz: But it's part of MY utopia.
Jimbo: I thought we were gunna create MY utopia!
Diaz: Nope. Gunna do it my way. See ya
(And Diaz takes out a huge red staff from his robes and points it at Jimbo. Before any of us could react, Jimbo was magically lifted into the air and smashed against the crumbling floor, falling into the abyss below.)
All: OH MY GOD!
Diaz: He was getting on my nerves anyway. Him and that pretty platinum hair of his. Oh, Wesley, ya know how I said that I would give Ania back once you brought me the Moon Objects?
Wesley: Yeah?
Diaz: Well, I lied. I need her to help me purge the world.
Ania: ::magically hovers in between us and the throne -- just out of reach from Wesley::
Wesley: Hey! Give her back!
Diaz: Um, no.
Me: WTF?! The real Emperor Diaz would NEVER do that! Reveal yourself!
Diaz: Aww, Tina, are you sad that I killed your boyfriend?
Me: EX!!
Diaz: It's okay, you don't have to explain it to me -- I've accepted that you've moved on. It's only fair, seeing as how I've moved on as well.
Me: WTF are you talking about?
Diaz: ::sigh:: I might as well...this mask is starting to smell.
::VIDEO TIME!::
(The man called Diaz slowly removed his mask, revealing a young, pale face with sleepy brown eyes. His mouth curled into a sneer as he shook his curly, orange [naturally orange, honestly] hair from his face)
Mateo: Tina, Wesley....it's been a while
(The audience now sees the look of complete and utter confusion on the faces of Wesley, Leroy, Timoty, Boberto, Nikole, and Lorena)
Leroy: That's not...
Lorena: No, she wouldn't....
Boberto: I think she did...
(Now cut to my special close-up: jaw dropped, and flashes of the super-cool video of the Dragon Campaign played in the background, especially the part where I saw Mateo get petrified and he told me to save myself)
Me: It...cannot be!
::END VIDEO::
Mateo: ::now wearing a red armored jumpsuit:: Surprise
Wesley: What do you mean, "it's been a while" -- I've never met you!
Mateo: Idiot, I'm your father
All: ::jaws drop::
Lorena: You're f-cking kidding me
Wesley: You're my WHAT?!
Mateo: Do you want me to say it again? ::covers his mouth and talks in a Darth Vadar-like fashion:: WESLEY. I AM YOUR FATHER ::Darth Vadar breathing::
Wesley: But how? My video game father died when the Black Monster attacked Neet!
Me: No, Mateo died during the Dragon Campaign!
Readers: We are very confused.
Dragoons: Yeah. So are we.
Mateo: NO! I didn't die AT ALL ::sigh:: I better start at the beginning. You know the real reason that Tina has all the answers to things? Ya know, like about Dragoons and Virages and the Dragon Campaign?
Me: Because I know everything!
Mateo: No, it's because she FOUGHT in the Dragon Campaign! She was the first and only Dark Dragoon! And I was the first Red-Eyed Dragoon! We're both over 11,000 years old!
All: ::gasp::
Nikole: But you two are so young! What IS your secret?
Mateo: My secret was that I was preserved in stone for all those years.
Me: Wait, you mean that the petrification wore off? And then you went off and had a kid with some slut?!
Wesley: Hey, don't bring my video game mother into this
Timoty: Yeah, don't bring my video game daughter into this
All: ??
Timoty: Shit, did I say that out loud?
Mateo: I thought you died! What the hell was I supposed to do?!
Nikole: Hold it...where you two, like, dating 11,000 years ago?
Mateo: We were engaged
Me: I never DID get that ring
Mateo: A little late now, honey
All except Wesley, Me, Mateo: ::falls to the floor laughing::
[You see, from seventh to ninth grades, Mateo and I have endured torture from our friends because we both liked each other, but didn't want to admit it. We finally went out in tenth grade -- lasted three months. Leroy still holds bets on when we'll hook up again. I warned y'all in the beginning that I had issues.]
Wesley: HEY! We're trying to have a serious moment here!
Mateo: ANYWAY, in the last battle of the Dragon Campaign, five of the Dragoons died, I was petrified by Melbu Frahma, and Tina was the only one to survive. During the battle at Kadessa, the Humans discovered Frahma's source of power as the Crystal Sphere. The dumbasses destroyed the Crystal Sphere, not knowning that the soul of the God of Destruction was contained in the sphere.
Wesley: God of Destruction?!
Mateo: Are you always this annoying?
Wesley: Bastard
Mateo: The prophesy -- "count 108 years when the Moon That Never Sets glows red, the Moon Child shall descend to fill the world with holy bliss" -- why do you think it was repeated twenty times in this fic? The Moon Child is actually the soul of the God of Destruction. The Moon That Never Sets is its flesh, and when the two meet, they form the God of Destruction: the final fruit of the Divine Tree. The "holy bliss" is actually world purification, by way of destruction.
All: ::gasp:: Noooooo!!
Mateo: ::mock gasp:: Yes! So, every 108 years, the soul of the God inhabits a body and tries to get back to its flesh. However, something stops it every time. Anyone wanna guess who does this?
::Jeopardy music plays::
Leroy: Oh! Me know, me know! The Black Monster!
Mateo: Yes! Now there is only one person in the world who knows this and is OLD ENOUGH to do this.
::More Jeopardy music::
All: ::slowly turn to me::
Me: Crap.
Mateo: ::ding ding ding:: Yes! Tina is the Black Monster!! And she's under some sort of magic spell to preserve her youth!
All: ::gasp::
Nikole: ::strokes chin:: Interesting...
Wesley: WHAT?!
Boberto: That explains a lot of things
Me: Whoop-de-do, Mateo. Everybody knows now that I am the Black Monster. But it doesn't matter now, I killed the last Moon Child eighteen years ago.
Mateo: That's what YOU think. Ya know that little baby Princess Louvia that you killed eighteen years ago?
Me: Yeah?
Mateo: She wasn't the Moon Child. She had a twin sister -- named Ania.
Timoty: I KNEW IT! I KNEW she was EVIL!
Lorena: This is f-cking ridiculous! We're stuck in a f-cking soap opera!
Wesley: Crap
Mateo: Now you know the truth. Tina is the Black Monster, and Ania is the Moon Child. What are you going to do now? Kill her?
Me: Uh, yeah. It's just a video game ::lunges at Ania, rapier ready::
Mateo: ::sends me flying back:: You think it would be that easy? Baby, you must have lost some of your mind in these 11,000 years.
Me: Oh, NOW you call me Baby
Mateo: I have everything I need to purify this pathetic world -- the Moon Child and the Moon Objects. By the way, thanks for being my delivery boy, son
Wesley: Don't call me that....your hair alone is disturbing enough....
Mateo: Ugh, what am I still DOING here? I need to go destroy the world ::blows me a kiss:: See you on the Moon, Mamacita
(A blinding white light fills the room, and Mateo disappears with Ania and the Moon Objects)
Me: What's up with the nicknames? He never used to call me cutsy nicknames...
Wesley: Ania? Mateo? WTF JUST HAPPENED HERE?!
[No one knows...]
Boberto: ::falls to his knees:: Oh great video game gods! Please, put us out of my misery!
Video Game Gods: No. Torture is more fun ::evil laugh::
[The Video Game Gods have spoken]