Author's Note: A future reference to the French is not meant to offend. I
LOVE THE FRENCH, THE FRENCH ROCK!!
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD. Um, yeah......
Chapter 34: I Want My Lawyer!
(We arrive at Zenebatos, and you get to buy really cool armor that totally nullifies certain types of attacks, according to each element your characters are [ie, Wesley gets armor that nullifies fire attacks]. Very useful, especially if you want to go back to Vellweb and fight the old Dragoons)
Jose, Kazu, Trisha, Vincent: We're not old!! Just dead!!
(Whatever. You get to ride Coolon, a giant sting ray, who will take you to anywhere on the continent)
Coolon: Hello
Nikole: Is there a reason that you're called Coolon? Are you cool??
Coolon: Hell if I know. I'm just glad that I'm not a Pokemon
Lapto 01: EVACUATION PLAN 2-B. HUMANS ARE ATTACKING ZENEBTAOS, ALL MUST FLEE TO KADESSA
Wesley: Why does it speak in all caps?
Me: Cuz it's an annoying little bitch like that
Boberto: It's late, too.
Timoty: Much like someone else we know
Wesley: Don't even look at me
Me: I guess this city is still functioning, just not....properly. This city always bugged me the most....spent many a day in prison here....it was just a damn necklace, I don't see what the big deal was....
All: ....
Me: Oh ::ahem:: sorry.
Wesley: So, where now?
Lorena: To the Batmobile! Come Robin!
Nikole: Holy Laptos, Batman! Let's go!
All: ::blink blink::
Lorena: I mean -- to the f-cking Signet Sphere?
Nikole: Holy Signet Spheres! Oh, wait, are we done with the Batman thing?
All: ::nods::
Lapto 02: NO WINGLY MAGIC REGRISTERED, NO HUMANS ALLOWED TO ENTER THE CHAMBER OF THE SIGNET SPHERE
Nikole: Hey!! I'm a Wingly!!
Lapto 02: NO WINGLY MAGIC REGRISTERED. NO CLOTHES REGRISTERED EITHER.
Nikole: ::pouts:: Hmph!
Wesley: Hey! If we can't get to the Signet Sphere cuz we're Humans, that means that Mateo can't either! ::claps his hands gleefully::
All: Wow, that's just, wow.
Me: I see your alter-ego, Captain Obvious has returned
Wesley: Huh?
Nikole: ::clapping with him:: Why are we clapping?
(In order to get to the Signet Sphere, you gotta go to change the law. This means you race down pathways and through tunnels while the Wingly police chase you down and send you to jail)
All: ::in jail:: DAMMIT!!
Lorena: No windows, no doors, no way out.....NOOOOOO I'M F-CKING CLAUSTERPHOBIC!!!! ::runs around, frantically banging on the walls::
All: ::blink blink::
Me: Wait, we're missing someone
Leroy: ::comes crashing in through the wall:: The po-po always trying to bring down the black man
Wesley: How did he not get sent down here with the rest of us?
Me: He's too big!
Timoty: Thank goodness Leroy's so heavy!
Leroy: ::shrugs:: Anything to bring down The Man
(Yeah, you fight the power Leroy! ::raises fist:: Anyway, if you do get sent to jail, then you can get the code to change the law so the police won't chase you. And you do this!)
All: ::dances around the cop, singing:: You can't get us, you can't get us, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!!
Wingly Cop: ....
(Anyway, the real issue here is getting to the Signet Sphere. You stand in line after line just so you can get sent to another window!! I always imagined Zenebatos to operate kinda like the DMV....)
::Elevator music plays::
Lapto 03: NEXT
::Sign flashes "next teller available window 3"::
Lapto 03: STATE YOUR BUSINESS
Wesley: Uh, I need to get to the Signet Sphere
Lapto 03: PLEASE GIVE FULL AND LEGAL NAME, ID, BIRTH CERTIFICATE, AND PROOF OF RESIDENCY
Wesley: Uh, I, um....
Me: Let me take care of this ::hands the lapto my ID, birth certificate, and proof of residency, all from 11,000 years before:: I NEVER throw anything away
Lapto 03: ::stamps it, hands it back to me:: GO TO WINDOW 6
Lapto 06: ::evaluates documents, stamps them, hands them back:: GO TO WINDOW 4
Lapto 04: ::evaluates documents, stamps them, hands them back:: GO TO WINDOW 6
Wesley: But we just got back from window 6
Lapto 04: THIS WINDOW DEALS WITH ABUSE BY MAGICAL CREATURES. YOU NEED ENTRANCE TO THE SIGNET SPHERE. GO TO WINDOW 6
Lapto 06: ::evaluates documents...etc etc etc:: YES, I CAN HELP YOU HERE. BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK IN HALF AN HOUR
Wesley: Why?!
Lapto 06: I'M ON MY LUNCH BREAK ::closes the window::
Wesley: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ::Sobs::
(Lucky for you gamers, this is not how it happens in the game. Just in my imagination)
Wesley: Just to torture me!!
(::Evil laugh:: Yes, well.... anyway, we get the law changed. Now, you can go into the chamber of the Signet Sphere -- the "Great Hall")
Lapto 05: ::randomly there by the save point:: WESLEY, TINA, TIMOTY, BOBERTO, NIKOLE, LEROY, LORENA.....SEVEN ACCUSED, ENTERING THE GREAT HALL
Wesley: Accused? Of what?
Boberto: I wouldn't even try
(In the Great Hall.....)
Judge Nomos: I AM NOMOS. I AM THE LAW, I AM JUSTICE.
Me: Ah, yes, but Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life
Nomos: SILENCE. WESLEY, TINA, TIMOTY, BOBERTO, NIKOLE, LEROY, LORENA YOU STAND ACCUSED OF TREACHERY AGAINST SOA'S WILL. THE VERDICT....
Laptos: GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY [you get the idea]
Boberto: What the hell?! We didn't even get a trial!!
Timoty: Yeah, we get to present witnesses and an impartial jury decides our fate!
Me: We are Americans!
Nomos: EVEN MORE REASON TO CONVICT YOU.
Wesley: He must be French....
Nomos: ::now speaking with a French accent:: COME FORTH, WINGED EXECUTIONERS!
::Screen dissolves, battle begins::
(You now fight three winged executioners. Here's how you should go about this: attack the chick, then the dude with the reaper, then guy in the diaper)
Winged Executioners: We have names ya know
(I know, I just can't remember them. Anyway, they're not that hard. Once they are defeated....)
Nomos: HURRY, MASTER, I COULD NOT STOP THE BETRAYERS OF SOA ::falls and breaks::
Nikole: ::curses him in French::
Wesley: How do you know French?
Nikole: Two years in high school!
(Fascinating. But, to the Signet Sphere!)
Lorena: Come Robin!
Mateo: ::destroys the Signet Sphere with the Moon Dagger::
Wesley: ::gasp:: We are too late!
Mateo: Thank you Captain Obvious
Me: That's MY line, thank you very much!
Mateo: Well, two down, one to go. Aww, are you gunna cry?
Boberto: Wait, how did you get here before us? You didn't change any laws!
Mateo: I have my ways....oh, and Wesley, I have a message for you from Ania ::punches him in the stomach::
Wesley: OW! That hurt!
Mateo: Ania knows only to hate now!
Wesley: Like she didn't already
Mateo: Yeah, I know, but that's all she does now. But don't worry, she'll get a chance to personally deliver that message to you once we reach the Moon That Never Sets....that is, if you can catch me ::disappears::
Me: That's not Mateo
Timoty: What do you mean?
Boberto: Who is he then?
Me: If I told you now, it would spoil the rest of the story
All: ...
Me: Besides, I don't know
Wesley: Well, whoever he is, we will stop him no matter what!! ::shakes his fist in a very Dart-like manner::
Lorena: I didn't think it was possible, but he's even more of an idiot when he's acting heroic.
All: ::nods::
Second Author's Note: This chapter's theme: damn the bureaucracy
Disclaimer: I don't own LoD. Um, yeah......
Chapter 34: I Want My Lawyer!
(We arrive at Zenebatos, and you get to buy really cool armor that totally nullifies certain types of attacks, according to each element your characters are [ie, Wesley gets armor that nullifies fire attacks]. Very useful, especially if you want to go back to Vellweb and fight the old Dragoons)
Jose, Kazu, Trisha, Vincent: We're not old!! Just dead!!
(Whatever. You get to ride Coolon, a giant sting ray, who will take you to anywhere on the continent)
Coolon: Hello
Nikole: Is there a reason that you're called Coolon? Are you cool??
Coolon: Hell if I know. I'm just glad that I'm not a Pokemon
Lapto 01: EVACUATION PLAN 2-B. HUMANS ARE ATTACKING ZENEBTAOS, ALL MUST FLEE TO KADESSA
Wesley: Why does it speak in all caps?
Me: Cuz it's an annoying little bitch like that
Boberto: It's late, too.
Timoty: Much like someone else we know
Wesley: Don't even look at me
Me: I guess this city is still functioning, just not....properly. This city always bugged me the most....spent many a day in prison here....it was just a damn necklace, I don't see what the big deal was....
All: ....
Me: Oh ::ahem:: sorry.
Wesley: So, where now?
Lorena: To the Batmobile! Come Robin!
Nikole: Holy Laptos, Batman! Let's go!
All: ::blink blink::
Lorena: I mean -- to the f-cking Signet Sphere?
Nikole: Holy Signet Spheres! Oh, wait, are we done with the Batman thing?
All: ::nods::
Lapto 02: NO WINGLY MAGIC REGRISTERED, NO HUMANS ALLOWED TO ENTER THE CHAMBER OF THE SIGNET SPHERE
Nikole: Hey!! I'm a Wingly!!
Lapto 02: NO WINGLY MAGIC REGRISTERED. NO CLOTHES REGRISTERED EITHER.
Nikole: ::pouts:: Hmph!
Wesley: Hey! If we can't get to the Signet Sphere cuz we're Humans, that means that Mateo can't either! ::claps his hands gleefully::
All: Wow, that's just, wow.
Me: I see your alter-ego, Captain Obvious has returned
Wesley: Huh?
Nikole: ::clapping with him:: Why are we clapping?
(In order to get to the Signet Sphere, you gotta go to change the law. This means you race down pathways and through tunnels while the Wingly police chase you down and send you to jail)
All: ::in jail:: DAMMIT!!
Lorena: No windows, no doors, no way out.....NOOOOOO I'M F-CKING CLAUSTERPHOBIC!!!! ::runs around, frantically banging on the walls::
All: ::blink blink::
Me: Wait, we're missing someone
Leroy: ::comes crashing in through the wall:: The po-po always trying to bring down the black man
Wesley: How did he not get sent down here with the rest of us?
Me: He's too big!
Timoty: Thank goodness Leroy's so heavy!
Leroy: ::shrugs:: Anything to bring down The Man
(Yeah, you fight the power Leroy! ::raises fist:: Anyway, if you do get sent to jail, then you can get the code to change the law so the police won't chase you. And you do this!)
All: ::dances around the cop, singing:: You can't get us, you can't get us, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!!
Wingly Cop: ....
(Anyway, the real issue here is getting to the Signet Sphere. You stand in line after line just so you can get sent to another window!! I always imagined Zenebatos to operate kinda like the DMV....)
::Elevator music plays::
Lapto 03: NEXT
::Sign flashes "next teller available window 3"::
Lapto 03: STATE YOUR BUSINESS
Wesley: Uh, I need to get to the Signet Sphere
Lapto 03: PLEASE GIVE FULL AND LEGAL NAME, ID, BIRTH CERTIFICATE, AND PROOF OF RESIDENCY
Wesley: Uh, I, um....
Me: Let me take care of this ::hands the lapto my ID, birth certificate, and proof of residency, all from 11,000 years before:: I NEVER throw anything away
Lapto 03: ::stamps it, hands it back to me:: GO TO WINDOW 6
Lapto 06: ::evaluates documents, stamps them, hands them back:: GO TO WINDOW 4
Lapto 04: ::evaluates documents, stamps them, hands them back:: GO TO WINDOW 6
Wesley: But we just got back from window 6
Lapto 04: THIS WINDOW DEALS WITH ABUSE BY MAGICAL CREATURES. YOU NEED ENTRANCE TO THE SIGNET SPHERE. GO TO WINDOW 6
Lapto 06: ::evaluates documents...etc etc etc:: YES, I CAN HELP YOU HERE. BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK IN HALF AN HOUR
Wesley: Why?!
Lapto 06: I'M ON MY LUNCH BREAK ::closes the window::
Wesley: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ::Sobs::
(Lucky for you gamers, this is not how it happens in the game. Just in my imagination)
Wesley: Just to torture me!!
(::Evil laugh:: Yes, well.... anyway, we get the law changed. Now, you can go into the chamber of the Signet Sphere -- the "Great Hall")
Lapto 05: ::randomly there by the save point:: WESLEY, TINA, TIMOTY, BOBERTO, NIKOLE, LEROY, LORENA.....SEVEN ACCUSED, ENTERING THE GREAT HALL
Wesley: Accused? Of what?
Boberto: I wouldn't even try
(In the Great Hall.....)
Judge Nomos: I AM NOMOS. I AM THE LAW, I AM JUSTICE.
Me: Ah, yes, but Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life
Nomos: SILENCE. WESLEY, TINA, TIMOTY, BOBERTO, NIKOLE, LEROY, LORENA YOU STAND ACCUSED OF TREACHERY AGAINST SOA'S WILL. THE VERDICT....
Laptos: GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY [you get the idea]
Boberto: What the hell?! We didn't even get a trial!!
Timoty: Yeah, we get to present witnesses and an impartial jury decides our fate!
Me: We are Americans!
Nomos: EVEN MORE REASON TO CONVICT YOU.
Wesley: He must be French....
Nomos: ::now speaking with a French accent:: COME FORTH, WINGED EXECUTIONERS!
::Screen dissolves, battle begins::
(You now fight three winged executioners. Here's how you should go about this: attack the chick, then the dude with the reaper, then guy in the diaper)
Winged Executioners: We have names ya know
(I know, I just can't remember them. Anyway, they're not that hard. Once they are defeated....)
Nomos: HURRY, MASTER, I COULD NOT STOP THE BETRAYERS OF SOA ::falls and breaks::
Nikole: ::curses him in French::
Wesley: How do you know French?
Nikole: Two years in high school!
(Fascinating. But, to the Signet Sphere!)
Lorena: Come Robin!
Mateo: ::destroys the Signet Sphere with the Moon Dagger::
Wesley: ::gasp:: We are too late!
Mateo: Thank you Captain Obvious
Me: That's MY line, thank you very much!
Mateo: Well, two down, one to go. Aww, are you gunna cry?
Boberto: Wait, how did you get here before us? You didn't change any laws!
Mateo: I have my ways....oh, and Wesley, I have a message for you from Ania ::punches him in the stomach::
Wesley: OW! That hurt!
Mateo: Ania knows only to hate now!
Wesley: Like she didn't already
Mateo: Yeah, I know, but that's all she does now. But don't worry, she'll get a chance to personally deliver that message to you once we reach the Moon That Never Sets....that is, if you can catch me ::disappears::
Me: That's not Mateo
Timoty: What do you mean?
Boberto: Who is he then?
Me: If I told you now, it would spoil the rest of the story
All: ...
Me: Besides, I don't know
Wesley: Well, whoever he is, we will stop him no matter what!! ::shakes his fist in a very Dart-like manner::
Lorena: I didn't think it was possible, but he's even more of an idiot when he's acting heroic.
All: ::nods::
Second Author's Note: This chapter's theme: damn the bureaucracy