Detour, Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters or places.

At breakfast the following morning Junior sat next to Bosco, chattering away about his pet snake that had died and how he was going to find a new pet snake. Bosco pretended to listen intently, although his throbbing head made it difficult for him to concentrate.

"Can ya help me find a new pet snake, Mr. Bosco?" Junior asked.

"What?" Bosco questioned, wondering if he'd heard the little boy correctly.

"No, Junior." Pa Clemm interrupted. "Mr. Bosco can't help ya, cause he's got to help me find Louise. If'n you had left Louise alone, maybe Mr. Bosco could hunt snakes with ya today."

Junior frowned, and looked back down at his plate.

Pa Clemm had spent most of the evening before repairing the pen and looking for the renegade pig. Now he was about to speak again, but stopped when he heard Rebel barking madly at something.

"I wonder what ole Reb is barkin at?" Ma Clemm commented.

Pa walked over to the window and looked out. "THAT'S IT!" He exclaimed. "Get my rifle, Wanda."

"What's wrong, Ezra?" Ma Clemm asked.

"That crazy pig is rootin up the garden." Pa answered.

Wanda appeared at his side with a rifle and cartridges. "You ain't goin to shoot Louise, are ya Pa?"

Bosco looked on astonished.

"I shore am. We're lucky Junior's alive. If it hadn't been for Maurice, he might not be. That's three times now. I ain't takin no more chances. Besides, I was gonna butcher her come fall anyway." Ezra replied, heading towards the front door.

"But Pa…." Wanda started to complain, only to be stopped by Pa Clemm.

"Don't 'but Pa' me, gal. You just stay put. I'll handle this." With that, Ezra stormed out the door toward the garden.

Ma Clemm, Bosco, and even Grandma Clemm followed him as far as the porch.

Pa Clemm stopped at the edge of the garden and yelled at Louise. "Get out of them taters, ya pile of lard."

Louise squealed slightly and continued to root around in the garden.

Pa Clemm took a step closer and aimed his rifle. Holding the pig in his sites for several seconds, he finally relented and lowered the gun. "Crazy sow. Get out now. Go on." Picking up a clod of dirt, he threw it at Louise.

Louise turned quickly towards Pa Clemm and grunted, before taking off in a run, charging at the unsuspecting farmer.

"EZZZRA!" Ma Clemm let out a frightened yelp.

Pa Clemm reacted quickly, throwing he rifle barrel in line with the charging pig and firing.

Bosco was so taken in by the scene that he failed to hear Grandma Clemm comment, "Well, I guess we'll be havin chittlins tonight."

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Bosco had no idea how much hard work was required to put ham on the breakfast table. He and Pa Clemm had spent most of the day butchering poor crazy Louise and putting the meat in the freezer. It was a bloody mess and the day was hot. Thankfully, the women folks had taken away some of the nastier parts, to dispose of, Bosco assumed.

They finally finished in the mid-afternoon.

"Well, it's too late to start bush hoggin tonight. I guess we'd best let that be until t'morrow. I'm gonna go sit a spell, Maurice." Pa Clemm commented, after the two washed up at an outside hydrant.

Bosco thought 'sittin a spell' sounded like a very good idea, but his plans were interrupted by Junior tugging on his pants leg.

"Mr. Bosco. Mr. Bosco, will ya play with us?" Junior pleaded.

"Play?" Bosco questioned.

"Mr. Bosco don't want to play, Junior. He's probably all tuckered out." Wanda Sue interjected.

"Play what?" Bosco asked, curiously.

"Jug ball" Junior announced.

"Jug ball?"

Soon, Bosco found himself introduced to a favorite Southern past time. Picking up what appeared to be a half of an old boat paddle, split down the middle, Bosco stood beside the short plank that was substituting for home plate. He readied himself as Wanda Sue prepared to throw a recently emptied plastic milk jug towards him. When the jug came within range, Bosco swung.

The paddle connected hard, causing the last few drops of milk to explode from the jug into Bosco's face. Momentarily stunned by the warm liquid, Bosco was slow to start toward the makeshift first base. Still he knew he could outrun Junior who now had the milk jug in hand. He slowed slightly wondering if he should let the little boy tag him out.

But Junior had other plans in mind. Raring back, he threw the milk jug as hard as he could, hitting Bosco in the side of the head.

"You're out!" Junior shouted. "You're out!"

"Hey! Owww! That's not fair." Bosco whined, as he clutched his head.

"Is too fair. Them's the rules. Tag em or wapp um…it don't matter." Junior exclaimed.

Bosco gave Wanda Sue a questioning look.

"I guess I should of warned ya of that. I'm sorry, Maurice." Wanda replied sheepishly.

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Supper could not have come soon enough for Bosco. After the incident with Louise the previous afternoon, he hadn't had much of an appetite. And breakfast of course, was interrupted by the events of the morning. Not to mention, that they'd barely stopped to eat any lunch.

Apparently, Grandma Clemm was equally famished, as she commented, "I'm so hungry, my belly and backbone have growed together and my tongue is slappin my brains out."

Bosco stared at her curiously.

After everyone was seated and the blessing said, Pa Clemm started passing various dishes around. With a very large smile on his face, he passed a plate to Bosco. "Here boy, try this."

Bosco looked down at the plate. He couldn't really identify what it held. Whatever it was, it looked like it had been deep fried. The smell was a little unusual, but it didn't really smell badly. "What is it?" Bosco asked, as his stomach growled out loud.

"Chittlins" Pa Clemm replied.

"Chit-lins?" Bosco questioned. He'd never heard of it.

"Maurice, chittlins is.." Wanda Sue started, only to be shushed by Pa Clemm.

"Don't you worry bout what it is, Maurice. Just try it. You'll like it, I gaurrronteeee." Ezra assured him.

Bosco looked at the plate again. 'Oh what the heck. It hasn't killed them. Besides, I am starving.' Bosco thought. He forked three of the items onto his plate.

"Don't be bashful, boy. Eat up." Pa Clemm commented, forking another three chittlins onto Bosco's plate. He watched with a wide grin as Bosco took a bite and the curious look on his face turned to one of satisfaction. "See, I told ya. Good, ain't they? Here, have some ketchup with 'em." Pa Clemm added, dumping what seemed like half a bottle onto Bosco's plate.

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Pa Clemm pushed back from the table and sighed. Patting his very full belly, he commented, "I'm as full as a tick."

Bosco, also pushed away from the table, with a slight burp.

"Good, wadn't it, boy?" Pa questioned.

Bosco shook his head 'yes'. He was almost too full to move.

Pa Clemm stood up and slapped him on the back. "What do ya say we set a spell on the porch while the women folk clean up?"

"Sounds good." Bosco replied and followed Ezra out. He missed the cautioning eye that Ma Clemm gave Pa.

The two sat down in a pair of rocking chairs on one end of the porch. Bosco closed his eyes and took in the fresh night air. He could hear crickets chirping in the distance. Opening his eyes, he noticed Pa Clemm retrieving a jug from under a small table between the two rocking chairs.

Popping the cork out of the jug, Pa Clemm turned it up and took a long drink. "ahhhhhhhh." He hissed, a satisfied look on his face. Seeing Bosco watching him, he offered him the jug.

Bosco hesitantly took the jug from Pa Clemm and sniffed it curiously. "What is it?" He asked, seeing the sly grin on Pa Clemm's face.

"Rotten gut." Pa Clemm answered.

"Rotten gut?" Bosco was baffled.

"Moonshine." Pa Clemm clarified.

"Oh" Bosco replied as he looked back down at the jug. Glancing over again, he saw Pa Clemm nodding his head, as if signaling him to go on and take a drink. Hesitating slightly, Bosco raised the jug to his lips.

Pa Clemm watched as Bosco turned the jug up and took a swallow. Immediately his eyes clinched tight and his face scrunched up. He coughed violently, his face turning red, eyes watering. "Aarrrgggggggg." He groaned, his body shuddering violently.

"Easy now." Pa Clemm commented, reaching for the jug as Bosco continued to try to catch his breath. "She's a mite strong, ain't she?" Turning the jug up, Pa Clemm took another big swig.

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"May the bird of paradise fly up your nose…..May an elephant caress you with his toes….."

Bosco giggled uncontrollably, while trying to keep in tune with Pa Clemm's singing.

"May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose….. May the bird of paradise fly up your nose."

Both men howled with laughter, as Pa passed the now half empty jug back to Bosco.

Accepting it, Bosco commented "This stuff is….not tooooo….hiccup…bad."

"Not bad at all. What are we gonna sing next? You pick the next one, Maurice."

"I've got one…I've got one…" Bosoc muttered excitedly, a broad grin on his face. "If I had a girl and she was…hiccup…mine….I'd paint her…" Bosco stopped abruptly as the front door to the house swung open and a very angry Myrtle Clemm appeared on the porch, her hands braced on her hips.

"EZZRAAA CLEMM!" Looking from Ezra to a now red faced Bosco and back, she continued, "What do ya mean getting this poor boy drunk? What kind of an example is that?"

"Now Myrtle, honey. He just got a little carried away, that's all." Ezra replied.

"A little carried away? He's drunker than a skunk, Ezra!" Ma exclaimed.

At that, Bosco again began to chuckle. It was low at first, but then it grew louder.

Ma Clemm shook her head and pulled the jug from his hands. "I think you've had enough, Maurice." Looking back at Pa, she commented, "I suppose you got a little carried away too, Ezra."

"I ain't drunk, Ma. I'm as sober as a j-j-judge." Pa Clemm commented as he stood and stumbled a bit with his first step.

Ma Clemm was about to continue her tirade, when she was interrupted by a loud groan from Bosco.

Both she and Ezra glanced at him, Ezra commenting, "You ok, boy? Ya look a little green around the gills."

Bosco licked his lips and swallowed hard. "I….I think I'm gonna be sick." He mumbled.

"NOT ON MY PORCH!" Ma Clemm screamed, seeing Maurice begin to gag.

Pa Clemm was quick despite his somewhat inebriated state. He grabbed Bosco by his overalls and drug him off the porch and into the yard just in time.

Bosco fell to his knees clutching his stomach, as he began to heave. Ezra supported him from behind by the straps to his overalls.

After several minutes, Ezra muttered, "Dang, boy. How much did ya eat?"

Bosco let out a low groan, his head falling forward limply.

Moving around to Bosco's side, Ezra placed one hand on his forehead for support.

Bosco tried to open his eyes, hearing voices around him.

He felt something cool against his forehead and then heard an all too familiar voice.

Maurice…Maurice, baby. Open your eyes.

"Ma….ma, I'm sick. Don't leave me, Ma." Bosco mumbled. He struggled to open his eyes and thought he saw Rose standing there.

I know, baby. I know. I'm right here.

"Ma?"

Pa Clemm looked up at Myrtle and now shook his head. "Poor fella thinks I'm his momma."

"Ezra Clemm, you aught to be ashamed of yourself…..makin that poor boy sick like that." She scolded.

Pa Clemm at least had the decency to look ashamed. "I didn't know it would do this to 'em, Myrt. Honest. I'm sorry."

"Well don't just stand there like a knot on a log. Get him to bed." Ma ordered.

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Disclaimers and other oddities:

The song is not mine:

May the Bird of Paradise Fly up Your Nose ; Little Jimmy Dickens; I'm Little, But I'm Loud: The Little Jimmy Dickens Collection

FYI: The official rules of jug ball do not allow throwing the jug at someone above their chest level.

For those of you who may not know what chittlins are, their proper name is chitterlings and they are pig intestines.

Warning: Never mix chitterlings and rotten gut.