Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing!

Living to Die, but Dieing to Live

Most of my students fear me, and those that do not hate me. No one has ever understood me, no one has gone through the pain I have suffered. No one understands what I must endure every day.

No one sees the pain in my eyes when I hear a snide remark about me, either said by a student or a teacher. It doesn't really matter, because I chose this path long ago. I chose it when I was but a child.

I did know what I was getting myself in to; I'm not going to pretend that the Dark Lord tried to butter me up. He didn't have heart enough for that. But all I knew was that by joining him, I could have power.

I grew with time, and finally I realized how evil Voldemort was. I went to Dumbledore for a second chance. He granted this request, under one condition. I would have to join the Order.

I did this readily, although few accepted me. And now, even during the second war, after I have proven my loyalty, they still shun me.

Why? Because I'm a slime ball. Because I wear the Dark Mark. And mostly because I hated James Potter.

But I don't hate Harry. Truly I don't. I just act this way because he is a Potter, and I have hated Potters all of my life. So why should he be any different.

My whole life, I have been waiting to die. Waiting for a chance to get out of this human prison. A chance to prove myself by dying for what I believe in.

Yet, I have also been dying to lie. I have been dying for a chance to throw caution to the wind and smile. To give someone a hug. To talk to a student, really talk to them, not just reproach them.

But I would never do this. My whole life, my whole life has been spent trying to prove myself to someone.

I would die for love. I would die for someone to give me a hug, a kind word, a small smile. Love, that is what I would die for.

Cole's Useless Ramblings

My 'b' key is mad at me. It keeps getting stuck. So if any word should have a b in it, and it doesn't please lame my computer. Her name is ACYAT ((AHK YET)). It stands for always crashing yet always there.

So, what do you think of Snape. I'm not one of those Snape sympathizers. In fact, I hate Snape. But I wanted to try and get his thoughts down on paper. So, yeah, go on and flame me, just please, review.