Author: Into-the-Woods
Disclaimers: I don't own Jak, Kiera, The Shadow/Samos, Daxter...... Basically If you played the game none of those people are mine. oh an um...Jerry Springer belongs to Jerry Springer lol '''
Rating: PG-13 because they go on the Jerry Springer show...enough said...
Genre: Understanding...funny (lets see if I can pull this funny stuff off) one shot! some sexual suggestions....
Game: I suppose after Jak 3 O.o just something random that appeared in my mind. Jak 3 spoilers- a little...
Couples: JaKiera, you decide if they are a happy couple or not...lol (Story takes place after their wedding and they are at the Naughty Ottsel).
Summery: Um, we all saw that Jak was that little boy in Jak 2 and Samos originally came from Haven City with Jak. But where does Kiera fit into all this? Or is she really that much younger then Jak?! Samos has some explaining to do.
A/N: I can't spell, I have been dubbed the 'Typo Queen' 3 years in a row. But with my stories I DO go back over and check and check but if I can't spell it and spell checker does not help...well then OO sorry. HOWEVER if you see a word spelled wrong over and over...kindly Tell me I will fix it and the problem will never happen again! I have a dictionary I made of my own when kind people correct my words that are spelled over and over again wrong and it really helps me out! :D so be kind cause I KNOW I CAN'T SPELL! Also...my grammar is not that good either...there are to many rules!! XD I'll try my best to keep the grammar top notch!
Just one Second there Pops!
What a tear full event, Haven city dabbed their eyes with small white rags as they did not sob over a loss. But over a lovely wedding. A Picture perfect wedding between two people so happily in love....
"Ouch! Jak you stepped on my foot!" Kiera cried as she stopped dancing and started hopping around holding her foot Jak just stepped on. She turned around and hit Jak with a small white hand bag she had been holding. And I might add it went perfect with her wedding gown.
"You don't have to hit me!" Jak whimpered as he rubbed his head.
"You need to feel my pain!"
Aheam, as I said, Happily in love. The wedding guest gave their gifts to the bride and groom even though they were most likely not going to be opened until the bride and groom got back from their lovely romantic, super happy, full of good times, honey moon.
"It's going to be so romantic, super happy, full of good times our honey moon will be!" Kiera said brightly as she latched onto Jaks arm as they were flying threw the starlit night towards their honey moon destination.
"Yep and completely free!" Jak said as he landed in front of the Naughty Ottsel. Kiera narrowed her eyes and a sweat drop formed on her forehead as Jak pulled her out of the hover car. "Though Daxter now closes the bar at midnight, so thats when we are going to have to leave."
"What? Jak are you crazy? I simply will not have my honeymoon in a perverted Ottsel's Bar!"
"Come oooonnnnnnn...."Jak said "You made me wear this stupid Tux, what about my pain?"
"Your getting me back for hitting you huh?"
"...........no............."
"Arg! I'm going to hit you again!" Kiera yelled as she ran after Jak. But he ran into the Naughty Ottsel, with out thinking Kiera ran in as well. Jak shut the door as she entered and silently laughed at her for falling into his little trap.
"Oohhhh the newly weds are here!" Tess screamed as she bounced over to Jak and Kiera as Jak put his arm around his new bride. "hum I've been waiting to say this all day Kiera, I love you gown and all but it's an off white color-GASP!"
"What? Whats wrong with my dress?!"
"Its not WHITE!" Tess yelled as she ran back to the counter and Grabbed Daxter. "Look hun Kieras dress is not white..."
"Um....it is to white!"
"Well it's more of a extremely pale cream color...." Daxter said as he looked at the dress as well.
"Kiera had sex before she got marriiieeeedd," Tess Teased and put Daxter down as he snickered as well.
"Jak, no details?!"
"But....we did not have sex..." Jak said as he looked over at Kiera. "You....you were with someone else before me?!"
"No!" Kiera yelped.
"It was Errol huh?! Thats why you fancied him more then me! I'm so happy he died twice!"
"Shut up you freaks! My dress is white and I did not sleep with Errol!" Kiera said.
"Ahh there is my pretty daughter!" Samos said as he walked into the bar and Kiera almost fell over.
"Why are all these people here? I thought this was our honey moon!"
"Well to avoid having sex I invited everyone!"
Kiera hit her forehead as she tried to remember why it was she agreed to marry Jak in the frist place.
-Flash back-
Kiera and Jak were drunk off their ass as they had just won a big race and were now freaking rich.
"Why don't we spend this money on a wedding!" Kiera yelled as she leaned on a chair for support.
"A-rrooaahh! Wedding! Lets get married!" Jak yelled as he was looking into a mirror.
"Okay!" Kiera yelled as she ran to the bathroom to throw up.
-end flash back-
"Oh right thats what happened...." Kiera said as she rubbed her head.
"I wonder what my other self is doing back in our other home village..." Samos said and Jak nodded.
"Wonder what mini me is doing....I should have already met Daxter.... and hey wait..." Jak said as a thought just came to his mind. "If you lived in Haven City with me Pops....then when was Kiera born?!"
"Thats right hun?" Daxter asked thinking about that whole loopy thing. Jak born in haven city, when he's five or so goes to the past in the pretty little village, grows up and comes back to haven city where he saves his child self, who when is five goes back into the past in the pretty little village, grows up and comes back t Haven City where he saves his child self.
"There is no way I'm that younger then Jak! Because if he was fifteen when we got transported to Haven City, that would have made me....ten!" Kiera said as she thought about how she was and what she looked like before she came to Haven City.
"Well no one really knows how old I was when the loop thing took place...." Jak said.
"Well you weren't younger then five!" Kiera said as she crossed her arms. "Well dad!? Where was I?"
"Um, would you believe it if I told you a metal Head ate you?"
Kiera smacked her father on the head with her bag.
"If a metal head ate me I would not be here right now!"
"Um, well thats true also, Oh right you were orphaned at my door, your not really my daughter!"
"What!? And when were you going to tell me this?!"
"Well...that was a lie to..."
"Well what is the truth then?!"
Everyone waited for Samos to answer.
"You are really Daxters twin sister, but he was so ugly they threw him out in the cold. And for treating their son like that your parents were eaten by metal heads!"
"Hey!" Daxter yelled.
"Hey lets all play, where does Kiera really belong!" Tess clapped her hands together.
"No! I wanna know the truth what is it Samos!" Kiera said.
"Hum, you know really, you were sent down to earth, frozen in time. Your really one hundred years old but the ice froze your good looks!" Samos said and Kiera hit her forehead.
"No she was born to a metal head and a person!" Tess called out.
"No it would be more like a metal head and a robot, remember Tess she's really smart!" Daxter said as he tapped his head.
"That would not make me a person at all!" Kiera shouted.
"All right I'm not married to a metal head! If she was a metal head I would have to have been forced to kill my own wife. And She'd have weird yellow thing on her head that allows me to get dark powers and do stupid pointless task to prove I'm a hero!" Jak added.
"Why wont you just tell me the Truth?!" Kiera yelled as flames burned behind her and everyone else got scared and huddled in a corner.
"Okay! I was trying to avoid it! because it's not pretty...."
"Just tell me!"
"All right...see one day I got drunk in haven city....and um accidentally had sex with a transsexual!" Samos said as he blushed slightly.
"Just one Second there Pops! If you had sex with a transsexual that would mean you slept with a man! Two men can't make a baby!" Kiera yelled in anger.
"Well thats the thing, it was a woman dressed up as a man!"
The Room feel quite except Daxter who snickered evilly.
"Samos wanted to have sex with a guy!" Daxter snickered.
"I was drunk stupid!" Samos yelled and hit Daxter on the head. "A couple mounts later the woman man came to my house saying he she was pregnant and no one believe him her that she was really a man if she had a baby....ooohh she tried to drop the baby off with me but like shit was I going to take her baby."
"Grr...." Kiera growled.
"So thats the only reason why I went threw the portal with little Jak...."
"But that would still make me younger then Jak!"
"Oh but see when he was five you were four....I was running away from the Transsexual, thats why I joined forces with Torn hoping he would protect me!, but unknown to me the transsexual was making a time machine as well to find me in my peaceful village...."
"So your saying Kieras mother is really her father also?!" Tess asked.
"No way my wife has two dads?!"
"Is this really what happened dad?" Kiera demanded more then asked.
"Yes it made for quite an episode of Jerry Springer...."
-Flash back-
"Hello welcome audience, today our topic is 'I'm a transsexual and this guy got me pregnant!'" Jerry Springer said as the audience stopped their 'Jerry' chant. "Our frist Guest today is Mike, he's a transsexual elf thingy that came from the future. Mike is originally a woman who wants to be a man. But she is mad because some guy got her pregnant!"
As if queued the audience started to boo this guy.
"Mike tell us your story," Jerry said in a very caring voice.
"Well it was one night, I was walking along the road. When this guy came up to me, he was pretty drunk. However I thought he was a woman at frist! Because he was wearing a pink dress! He soo tricked me into sleeping with him!" Mike, whose real name is Michelle and a woman who is dressed as a man said.
"What a dirty trick he played on you...and then what happened Mike?" Jerry asked.
"I found out I was pregnant and my girlfriend wanted to leave me!"
"No...well lets bring out that man! Come on out Samos!" Jerry said and the audience booed as Samos walked out and took a seat.
"You bitch you ruined my life ass fucker!"
"Hey now I thought you were a man bitch!" Samos said as he snapped his fingers in the air.
"Um, Samos why were you dressed up like a girl that night?" Jerry asked.
"Because I was drunk beyond the legal limit!"
"Well Lets bring out Mikes girlfriend, Shelly!" Jerry said and the audience cheered as some hoochie mama in a black swim suit top and short shorts that showed off her butt walked on to stage.
"Thats right bitch, I'm mikes girlfriend ho! You need the back the fuck off my man or I'm going to whoop your ass bitch!" Shelly yelled and for no apparent reason took off her shirt! "I have boobs bitch! You better take that baby ho!"
"I'm not taking that baby bitch!"
-End flash back-
"....What an odd...story..."Jak said slightly disturbed as Samos was finished tellin it.
"How did you end up keeping me?!" Kiera said slightly pissed off.
"Well they stuffed an apple in my mouth and said if I did not take you they were going to roast me like a pig! And that woman threatened to take her shirt off again an her breast were saggy like Onins!" Samos said and all the guys in the room shuddered. "So I had to take you in!"
"Oh it's nice to know I'm loved!"
"I love you my wife!" Jak said and Kiera hit him with her bag again, before he could touch her.
"Well thats the truth....luckily I never have to be on that talk show again....those audience members were mean!"
"Grrrrr....." Kiera growled again.
-A couple of hours later-
"Hello and welcome to the Jerry Springer show, imagine living with only one parent all your life. And finally finding out who your other parent is after the longest time. On today's show 'My father slept with a Transsexual and I'm trying to deal with the after shock!' Here with us today is Kiera...."
"I hate my father! He's a bitch!" Kiera yelled and for no apparent reason took off her shirt.
"Wooohooo! thats my wife!" Jak yelled from the audience.
"I dunno why he waited so long to tell me the truth! And the jerk has the nerve to tell me how he did not want me!"
"Boo!" The audience yelled and random comments like, "Kill your father!" "Roast him like a pig" "Nice boobs!"-Jak and Daxter
"and Returning to this show for his second time...audience please welcome Samos!" Jerry said and the audience booed more, Jak and Daxter chimed in to as Tess put her hands over Daxters eyes so he could stop looking at Kiera's chest.
"You bitch!" Kiera yelled and Samos got a sweat bead over his head.
"Just like your other father and step mother!"
"DIE!" Kiera yelled as she picked up a chair and threw it at Samos! Samos ducked but there were two chairs on stage and Kiera picked up the other one and started chasing Samos around the stage with a chair.
"Well I suppose Steve needs to go up there and stop the fight....and I guess its time for a commercial!" Jerry said as the audience chanted Jerry's name as the show faded into a commercial....
The End???
A/N::: Umm that was the most random thing I ever wrote in my life....lol. I was inspired because I was wondering if Kiera was younger then Jak...and if not...then why was she not in Haven city with Jak and Samos...? but as I was writing this on my play list the song 'Jerry Springer' by Weird Al played and thats how this story went to Jerry Springer! lol..... great song.... XD. -sigh- that show was also completely random. I used to watch it all the time...lol but I don't know when its on any more....ehehehe.
Does anyone have any ideas of Kieras origin? I'd like to hear! :D