Author's note: I think I may cut this story off and give up since Christmas is so far gone, this might be the last chapter unless reviews indicate readers want otherwise, too bad, I was really enjoying writing it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear or anything affiliated with it. I do not own nor have I received permission from any of the mentioned stores or products in this story. I have not received permission from George Lucas or any other Star Wars affiliates either, and I do not believe that their movies melt the brains of those watching and motivate them to antisocial behavior (such as dressing up as a Jedi and attacking a group of heavily armed mercenaries with a plastic lightsaber), so don't sue me.

Chapter 3: Christmas Carnage

Scott's head jerked upward from his Newtype magazine at the sound of the guns going off. Suncoast was right next to the food court, a fact that Scott liked to take advantage of on a regular basis by sneaking off when customers were scarce to snag a few bourbon chicken samples. A sea of screaming people, some still carrying bagged gifts, rushed past Suncoast's doors and farther into the mall.

Whoa, it's kinda like that one part in Akira when… no, wait, stay focused. This is real Scott, you have to use your head and act like a real person. Now, what would Obi-wan do…

RRR

Snake edged along the wall and peaked into the food court. Bullets ripped across the colorful plastic and overly-priced food items, shredding all into colorful confetti and carpeting the floor with bullet casings. He pulled his head back around and made sure the SOCOM was armed and the safety was off.

All right boys, let's dance.

EEE

Scott was prepared for battle, his official Jedi Knight uniform draped over his Suncoast garbs and flowing as he posed dramatically. He retrieved his weapon, a plastic blue lightsaber with realistic humming sound effects and a glowing bulb in the handle for cutting through enemy's necks like butter. He wielded it with grace and precision, striking and jabbing in the air, adding spittle-spray sound effects with each blow.

VVV

Keef was out of the food court and running.

It's gonna cost a goddamn fortune to repair that, well, Vince, and least you'll get yours.

He turned into the Suncoast and spotted a portly young man swinging a glowing sword and making strange swooshing noises.

"What the hell are you doing?" Keef asked, ducking out of sight from the mercs in the food court.

"I am preparing for battle! The evil forthes will feel the thting of my blade! Shwoooooomm shwoooom!" Scott replied, twirling the saber with a surprising amount of skill and peppering Keef's sunglasses with droplets of spittle.

"Stop! Stop! Ok, kiddo, there's some forces of evil out in the food court, why don't you take care of them for me?"

"Yeth! May the forth be with me!" Scott yelled dramatically and charged out of the store with the glowing saber poised for action.

III

Snake ran silently, his footfalls light but strong into the food court and flipped over the Asian Wok stand counter.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" one of the cowering workers asked.

"Shut up, I'm trying to save you," Snake said, peeking past the cash register to watch the mercs. They had stopped firing and were moving through the food court.

What are they looking for? Snake wondered.

EEE

Hugh whipped out his cell phone far from the fight by the "Visit Santa Claus" area.

"Hello?" Percible answered

"Percible, I need you to…"

"My codename is Dark Leviathan, call me that."

"What? Hell no."

"Then I'm raising my price."

"Oh shove it up your ass Perci…"

"What?"

"….. Dark Leviathan."

"Ok, what was it you needed sir?"

"I want to see Keef's bullet-riddled corpse, got it? I want absolute proof he's dead."

"Right, bullet-riddled corpse."

"All right, keep me informed Pe-…. Dark Leviathan."

"Will do, sir."

WWW

"Dark Leviathan???" Melvin asked angrily.

"Yup," Percible replied with pride.

"Ok, well I'm Emerald Phoenix!"

"No!"

"Yes!

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Uh… sirs?" one of the mercs said, "I don't want to interrupt anything, but Keef's not here."

"Oh shit," Emerald Phoenix and Dark Leviathan said in unison.

TTT

Bethany waited, edging along the ground toward the window, prepared to jump through the jagged shards of glass that remained and make a break for the parking lot.

Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm… she thought, she'd have to go see Dr. Kevin right away to get some more meds. She slithered closer, her generous breasts soaking up coke and blood as she crawled past a few destroyed shoppers and their lunches.

A few more feet… ouch! Her arm had cut on a fragment of shattered glass. She could feel her pulse quickening, and her vision began to redden.

Stay calm, STAY calm, STAY CALM… she thought, but a yell from across the food court drew her attention away from the impending rampage.

"Die Sith scum!! Shweoooowww!"

HHH

Scott felt the rush of power flow through him as he leapt toward the evildoers who stared at him in what was obviously awed terror.

"Feel the thting of my ithy thteel… or lather thtuff… or glowing thaber of death!!" Scott said, posing and twirling the toy, "Shwang shwooo shwow shwaaaaaaa…"

"What the hell?" one of the camouflaged storm troopers said. Scott charged forward and jabbed with full force, the saber puncturing the man's chest and giving off a speaker-distorted burning noise just like in the movies.

"Ow! All right kid, you're nerd jerky!" the man said, slapping aside the lightsaber which had retracted back into the handle and lifting his mp5 to Scott's face.

III

Dammit Scott… Snake thought, watching as the boy jabbed at the merc with his plastic lightsaber. He stood from his position behind the counter and squeezed off two rounds with the SOCOM. One of the mercs near Scott screamed and stumbled bleeding into a table as the one with the gun pointed at Scott turned to find the source of the attack. Snake fired again, the bullet thudding into the leg of one of the mercs, sending him falling into a heap as the empty casing rang against the counter of the Asian Wok. The merc who had previously had Scott began to spray rounds at Snake. Snake dived back under the counter as he was showered with fragments of plastic, glass, and sweet and sour pork.

SSS

Bethany was almost to the window, the gunshots and yells reverberating throughout the obliterated food court pushing her heartbeat faster.

Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm… Must kill mimes! No, stay calm, stay calm.

She was at the window before she noticed the blue and red beams of light gliding past the opening. She stood, glass crunching under her weight catching the attention of the several police officers waiting outside, forming a blockade around the entire mall. It was at that exact moment that Bethany remembered she had exited the mental hospital in a slightly less than legal way, and it would be better to go back into the mall.

…

Hugh was at Dillards when he saw the wall of police cars outside.

Oh shit. He thought, retreating back inside. He reached into his leather jacket and drew a .44 magnum, ready for an ambush if he was spotted. He decided to bunker in next to the mannequins and think of a plan.

All right Hugh, think of something, anything. Thirty mercs, not nearly enough, there's gotta be about two hundred cops out there. Ah, Jesus Christ I'm fucked. Hmm, better check on the stash, good thing Vince gave me the code number.

Author's note: Have you ever heard of subliminal advertising? It's when the creator of a commercial or writer of a fanfic slips in little secret messages to the customer or oblivious fanfic reader that go directly to their brain and they can't resist but to obey!! Amazing idn't it? Of course, I would never try anything like that, no, never. Now don't you have something you really reallywant to do for this story? Don't ya?