AN: Thank-you so very much for all the reviews. I try my best for my reviewers and you all know that. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much and I hope you realize the end is approaching fast. I've enjoyed writing this and I hope you've enjoyed reading it as well. Maybe as soon as I'm done with this little fic, I'll be able to return to the other ones that I've left behind. Don't forget to review.

.

.

Chapter Fifteen

How to Control Your Pain – Ginny Weasley

.

.

She supported his weight until they reached the girl's bathroom on the third floor. His head was leaned against hers, his arms around her shoulder. She had one hand behind him and the other trying to keep him on her.

.

.

She didn't understand why she was doing this. He hurt her and she was angry with him, but there was a part of her that could not let him go, not until she got an explanation. Doesn't she deserve that much? Doesn't everyone else deserve that much?

.

.

Ginny set him on linoleum ground and tore a piece off of her tattered robe where it dragged on the ground. She wet it with faucet water and came back towards him. He leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. His face was screwed up in pain and blood was starting to dry, marring his perfect face.

.

.

He didn't look like the boy who hurt her. Heck, he didn't even look like Draco Malfoy anymore. He just looked like an ordinary boy, not a Slytherin. A boy who could love her in return.

.

.

Mentally, she slapped herself. What was she doing? She could not be thinking like this about him when he hurt her just a few days ago. She wanted to hate him, she needed to hate him so she wouldn't hurt so much, but there was a part that would not let her. When Hermione came to tell her that Ron was going after Draco, her heart jumped out. She felt the need to save him even after all he's done to her.

.

.

Ginny carefully put the cold cloth against Draco's face and he winced, making pain course through her heart. His eyes shot open and he caught her hands, holding it a few inches from his face.

.

.

She suddenly felt conscious. Her eyes were still red from crying over him and she hadn't combed her hair ever since classes ended. Her face flamed from how close she was standing to him, her legs on either side of his own since she was trying to get as close to him as possibly to clean his face up.

.

.

"That hurts," he whispered, his warm breath on her cheeks.

.

.

Time seemed to stop. Ginny felt compel to fall against him, to let him take her into his grasp and hold him in her arms forever, but her told her no. He was the one who hurt her, she can't trust him anymore. He's proved to her why.

.

.

Ginny avoided his gaze and pulled her hands from his. She continued to wipe away the dried blood, ignoring how much he made her heart beat. He continued to stare at her, wincing every now and then, but Ginny ignored him. She could not lead on that she still wanted him, that she still wished he would hold her in his arms.

.

.

"Sorry about what Ron did," Ginny said, concentrating on her hands. "He gets like that all the time. All my brothers do actually. I'm the only girl, not to mention the baby and they feel the need to protect me."

.

.

Draco kept staring at her, maybe hoping that she'll return his gaze, but she didn't glance at him once. Maybe because she's afraid that one glance into his eyes would lose her forever. "I deserved it," he answered, his voice still a whisper. "I shouldn't have done what I did to you. I'm an arse."

.

.

An arse? He was far more than an arse. Ginny stood up and went to the sink to wash out the blood-stained cloth. She twisted it and brought it back to Draco's face, still avoiding his eyes. "I should never speak to you again," she said softly, but it was more to herself. "I want to hate you, but I need to know. What were you after? What did you want from all these girls you slept with?"

.

.

He seemed reluctant to answer. Draco glanced upwards and his lips rose to one side, followed by a soft scoff like he wished she wouldn't ask him that question. "It's stupid," he admitted reluctantly. "I don't even know why I did it in the first place. Now, I wished I hadn't."

.

.

Ginny slowly dabbed around the cut on his forehead. She was silent, listening to the reasons behind Draco's cruelty. "I hate my father," he continued, no longer looking at her. "Ever since I turned seventeen, he's been on my case, pushing me to do things that I don't want to do. I was angry that he thinks he has the right to control my life, so I wanted to prove to him that he has no control over anything."

.

.

Her hands shook, rinsing out the cloth. She never knew that he hated his father. She's always thought that since he was such an arse, he was being just like his father, but she never knew that he didn't want to be just like his father. But what confused her more was, how could a parent force his child to be something that he's not?

.

.

"When I returned this year, I set a goal to sleep with as many girls as I can," he said, still unable to look at her. "It started with Blaise, and then went onto Parvarti and so on. I asked them all never to let this out and as seeing as they were so, in love, you could say, they never opened their mouths. They thought it was just them and that maybe I'll come around, but I never do."

.

.

It hurt so much to hear the truth. She never once thought that maybe she was just Draco Malfoy's goal. That maybe, he never even loved her. She took a deep breath and braced herself for more.

.

.

"That one week ago, Blaise and Pansy said that there was one last girl who I haven't slept with yet and, Ginny, that was you," he finally turned to look at her, but Ginny looked down, away from his probing eyes. "At first, I didn't want to, but I knew it would work. You were Ginny Weasley and if ever my father found out, he would be outraged. So I took the plunge only to find that I hit rock bottom."

.

.

Ginny held back her tears and went back to the sink. She studied Draco through the mirror and it made her so mad that she trusted him. He lied to her and made her believe that he was a good person, but it was all a lie. How does she know that he wasn't lying about his story right now?

.

.

"Everything was going fine, Ginny," he said, a little louder this time, his voice holding disbelief. "I was so stupid to listen to Blaise and Pansy. I should have just left it at that, but I had to listen to them and come across you. It was so weird, so different from everything that I've ever felt before. You were so compelling, so beautiful, I found it hard to resist you. What started out as a game turned into something more and I could not continue with what I did anymore."

.

.

Ginny closed her eyes to stop the tears that could not he held back any longer. They burned against her eyelids, but she refused to open them, afraid that Draco will see. "That I can understand," she said slowly, stopping the shaking in her voice. She sounded so weak, so helpless and she did not want Draco to see her like this. "But you had to lie to me, Draco. You made me believe you were someone you were not."

.

.

The pain was evident in Draco's eyes as well, but Ginny wouldn't think about it. She didn't want to fall in love with him all over again just to end up hurt.

.

.

"I'm sorry," he said.

.

.

Sorry. Inside, Ginny scoffed. He was sorry? How was sorry going to stop that endless pain in his heart? She hated him so much, she hated that she needed him so much that it scared her.

.

.

Draco stood up and walked to her. His presence behind her made her shiver and she felt like turning around, letting him take her into his arms. He took one step closer so he could hold her and Ginny let him. She let him get closer until his hands were snaking around her waist and she closed her eyes. If she didn't see this then she wasn't doing anything wrong.

.

.

His chest was behind her head and she leaned it there, breathing in his intoxicating smell. She would have stayed in his arms forever, but Moaning Myrtle's wailing brought her back to reality. She couldn't do this. She could never do this.

.

.

"No," she said breathlessly, stepping out of Draco's arms. "No. We can't. I can't. I have to go."

.

.

"You still love me," he said certainly. "I know you do and you still want me. That's why you brought me here and cleaned me up."

.

.

She couldn't let him believe this because he'll hold it against her, so she shook her head and stared at him until she had control of her voice again. "Are you kidding me?" she asked, her voice still a bit shaky. "No I didn't. I brought you up here to clean you up so you wouldn't be able to use anything against my brother."

.

.

Then she turned on her heel and left Draco standing in there. How could she not? It still hurt too much to believe everything that Draco said.

.

.

Down the hall, she shook her head at herself and almost fell against the wall. She almost fell for him the second time. How naïve was she going to be? She should learn from her mistake in the past. Michael was one of her examples and so was Harry. Why did she think that Draco would be any different?

.

.

But somehow, Ginny knew why. Because Draco loved her.

.

.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

.

After dinner the next night, he found her again. She should have known that he was never going to give up until he had her forgiveness, but she didn't. She had no idea who Draco Malfoy was at the moment. When she fell for him, she thought she finally had an idea of who the cold-hearted, silver-eyed boy was, but now she knew she never did. She just knew what she thought was supposed to be him.

.

.

During dinner, she didn't eat much. Ron was in the hospital for a serious head injury and Hermione insisted to be by his side, so Ginny ate alone and no one pressed her to finish her plate. It was fine though. She didn't want to speak with anyone right then anyway.

.

.

"Did you hear about what happened between Ron and Malfoy?" one Gryffindor asked another.

.

.

"Yeah," he answered the one who first asked it. "I heard that Malfoy started the fight and had Ron beat up pretty badly, but Ron had a come back and gave Malfoy a black eye."

.

.

"No," another Gryffindor said. "I heard that Malfoy tried to attack Ginny so Ron attacked him. They got into a really big fight and then Ginny pushed Ron into the wall to protect Malfoy. Moaning Myrtle from the girl's bathroom told me she saw them come in there together."

.

.

Ginny stood up and glared at them. Didn't they know how much their words were tearing her apart? Didn't they realize how much she was hurting? How stupid could they be?

.

.

"You don't know the story so why don't you just shut your traps," she yelled at them and turned on her heels. The whispers that usually filled the hall was about her that day and when she ran off, they silenced. Ginny wanted to run away and hide forever.

.

.

She ran out of Hogwarts and towards the lake where she stopped. The air blowing south was whipping strands of red hair into her face so she used on finger to push them back. Stupid Malfoy was all that ran through her head.

.

.

How had she let him get so deep into her heart? Why didn't she stop when she knew he was going to be trouble? What was so sad was the fact that after all he's done, she still loved him.

.

.

"Ginny," he said from behind.

.

.

His voice was so sad, so depressed that she wanted to take him into her arms and never let go. She wanted to tell him that she still loved him, but she couldn't. No matter how much she loved him, she could never let him see it.

.

.

Ginny didn't bother to turn around. She knew that if she saw his face, she would cry, so she didn't even bother. The sun that was visible when she came out was starting to disappear and the sky was beautiful. It was like someone splashed the sky with orange and pink and lavender.

.

.

If her heart wasn't so broken and her head was straight, she would have thought this was the perfect moment to have Draco kiss her, but her heart was broken and her head wasn't straight.

.

.

"Ginny, what can I say?" he asked. "How can I put into words how I feel to make you forgive me again?"

.

.

The wind blew the lake and it didn't look smooth like it always does. The surface was lumpy with tiny waves and it mirrored her heart because her heart was lumpy. It was broken and lumpy.

.

.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness," he said. "I know you hate me, but that was before I met you. That was before I fell in love with you and realized how much you meant to me."

.

.

Was she ever going to be okay again? Was she ever going to go through with life without thinking that men are scumbags? What if she never loved again? What if no one would ever love her the way that Draco loved her? If he ever even loved her.

.

.

"I've given everything up," he whispered pleadingly which wasn't very usually with the Malfoys. "I've thrown away the only book that would keep me from following in my father's footsteps, I've thrown away my freedom for you and you hate me. Ginny, something important is about to happen and I want to hear that you forgive me before I go. I don't want to go on, knowing that I hurt you."

.

.

Did Draco ever love her? He claimed that he did, but was it even true? He did make her fall in love with him just to rip out her heart, so could she believe him when he said that he loved her? Could she even trust those words he was saying?

.

.

"Merlin's Beard, Ginny," he yelled angrily, his voice filled with desperation. "Please, just answer me. All I need is forgiveness."

.

.

All he needed was forgiveness? That was all he needed from her? Before, he needed her to rebel and now he needs her to forgive him? When was he ever going to stop needing her for something so stupid?

.

.

Ginny was so angry. She was so mad that she whirled around and glared at him, turning him into ice. "Is that all?" she asked, her voice drawing with sarcasm. "Are you certain that's all? Last time you needed me to rebel, now you need me to forgive you. What's next? You want me to shine your perfect shoes for you, Malfoy? You want me to dress you in the morning, make breakfast for you and send you off to school with a little baggie for lunch? You want me to make you another silver book and find you girls to rebel with because I'll do that. I'll do anything, Draco to help you rebel. I mean, why not? I've helped you rebel already, haven't I? But no, I'm not enough. You still need Hermione. Have you forgotten her? Oh yes, your father will be real angry. A mudblood, of course she'll be the perfect rebel. Go on, go. Or did you need me to tell her for you?"

.

.

She was seething with anger and her clenched fists were shivering. She wanted to love him but she wanted to hate him as well. She wished she could just make up her mind and let go.

.

.

"No," he answered quietly, staring at the ground.

.

.

Then without thinking, she pushed him against a tree to the side and stared up into his face. She was shaking with fury and pain. "Well why not?" she asked him, her voice dripping with irony and then she laughed like she was mad. "Why wouldn't you want me to?

.

.

"She's the perfect rebel, Malfoy," Ginny said, running her hand down his chest, feeling his stomach tighten. "She'll be so great and you can have sex with her, but you've got to watch out for my brother. He'll kill you the way he tried to yesterday. He's real protective, you know."

.

.

Ginny began to kiss him like she was insane and her hands unbuckled his pants. She slipped off his robes and her lips roam to his ears. She tugged at them and said hoarsely, "And you wouldn't even have to picture her face. You can pretend she's anyone the way you pretended with all those girls."

.

.

She began to tug his pants down while she still had her lips locked on his. Draco was breathless and he had his hands on the small of her back. She didn't want him, she just wanted to show him how it felt to be used and cast aside like it was nothing at all. "You didn't even care who they were," she said against his lips. "You didn't care that they had feelings and that you hurt them. All you care about was you and do you feel better now?"

.

.

Merlin's Beard, they were going to make love by the lake. Ginny suddenly pulled away and she realized she had been crying. What was she about to do to Draco? She pulled away and sat on the ground, staring across the lake. She didn't want to glance at him. If she did, she'd jump into the lake and kill herself.

.

.

Ginny wanted him to feel her pain. She wanted him to have loved someone and feel like it was nothing. She wanted him to give to him what he gave to her, but if she did, that would mean she was as low as he was.

.

.

She got up and ran against the wind towards Hogwarts. The cold burned her face and froze the tears on her cheeks, but she continued to run. She could never let Draco hurt the way she hurt. She still loved him too much.

.

.

In the corridor where Ron and Draco fought yesterday, Ginny stopped and hid in the shadows. She didn't want to go upstairs yet because she would be bombarded with questions and she didn't want that.

.

.

There was a crumbled parchment by her and she absentmindedly picked it up, toying with it in her hands. She kept squeezing it in her hands to release the anger and when Draco came by, she stuffed it into her pocket so she'll stop the noise. When he passed by, she waited in the darkness, and then began her descent upstairs.

.

.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

.

In the pocket of her robe, the parchment was silent and small. It rode with her until it reached her dorm and then it stayed within the robe, hanging off a poster. It wasn't found until late the next morning when the time would have already been too late.