Title: Just Desserts (3/?)

Author: nailbunny617

Pairing: B/F eventually…I think…

Rating: PG-13 for now

Disclaimers: No, I don't own any of these characters, I'm just taking them for a joyride and mean no harm. Oh and if girlsmut is illegal where you live, move! If it's not your cup of tea, then I suggest stopping reading right now.

Author's Notes: I kinda muck with the timeline. It's my world, here, get over it. A couple people asked me where in the Angel timeline this occurs…mostly their guesses were correct – I'm figuring the middle of the second season before Fred is rescued.

I didn't know what to say to Willow. How could I explain to her that everything began and ended with Buffy? That, in all my fucked up life, I had never let myself be vulnerable to anyone until her? How that, for that one second before sleep would claim me from my misery, I would envision her in my arms and I would smile. How dancing with her that night didn't make me want her physically, it made me love her more.

But, considering the way she was shooting me a 'looks could kill' glare, I had to say something.

"Willow, could we not do this tonight?" There was a bit of a pleading edge to my voice and I didn't like it one bit.

Cordy, bless her glamorous little heart, shoved her way between us, me moving more willingly back than Big Red. Waving an inebriated finger in the redhead's face, C couldn't seem to decide which Willow was real, so she kept wavering ever so slightly. "Go 'way, Willow. Don' wan' you fuckin' this up for our Faithy here."

I really don't know who was more surprised, me or Willow. For my part, I silently mouthed 'my Faithy?' with a raised eyebrow at a distinctly amused Angel, who just shrugged amusedly.

Even though I knew I couldn't put off the talk of doom forever, I really wanted to just go to bed and ignore everything. Just once in my life, I had known carefree.

Gently easing Cordelia over to Angel, I looked Willow directly in the eye and said, "No, it's okay, C, I can handle this."

I'll give it to Willow, she wasn't at all impressed that I'd already managed to win over friends from her let's-gut-Faith-again club. I led her upstairs to my room, not wanting the entire crowd to hear all my sins retold at a very high volume. I didn't want anything to jinx what I'd found here, just a little peace.

So, shutting the door quietly and not quite able to meet her in the eyes, I quietly said, "Okay, let's have it."

"Well…" she looked a little taken aback. Guess psycho slayers aren't supposed to just take their licks like everybody else. "I came here to warn you not to come back to Sunnydale."

That hurt. Even expecting it, it made me suck in a pained breath and look even further away from her accusing stare. I refused to cry in front of her.

"Please, Willow, can we not do this tonight?"

"You don't get to ask me that, you don't get to ask for anything from me. You almost destroyed my life twice and you damn near destroyed my best friend twice! That's not something you can just keep putting off! Don't you have a heart? Don't you get it?" Through her righteous anger, I heard tears. She didn't want to cry in front of me either, it would seem. But I heard what she wasn't saying. Between the lines, it was all there.

They trusted me. When I turned out to not fit snugly into their world, they turned on me. Willow felt both righteous and extraordinarily guilty. I was just a kid when all that went down, and I think she knew that no one ever really reached out a helping hand. That's okay, I would've just slapped it away anyway.

"I don't get to ask for anything? It's my birthday, Willow. Did you know that? This is the first happy, honestly and truly happy, one I have EVER had!" I could tell I'd shocked her. Yeah, that's right Red, I was human under all the bravado. I could crack with the worst of them. It was all too much, and for the second time in a day, I found it all pouring out of me. "Eight years ago today the man I called 'Daddy' beat my mom to death for giving me grape juice to celebrate. So excuse me if I want to savor ONE FUCKING HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

The tears wouldn't stop. I didn't want to cry in front of one of the people who hated me most. I didn't want to show her my vulnerability. I didn't want to show her that I was still just a scared little girl.

When I finally got myself under control again, I was alone. I guess she didn't want to see me as a human being any more than I wanted her to see me as one.

The next morning I wandered downstairs, hoping to avoid all signs of Willow's presence. I plopped down at the reception desk, looking blearily at the lobby and sighing loudly.

Sometimes I wish slayers got hangovers. I don't know, maybe it isn't a slayer thing, but I've never gotten a headache or rocky stomach. That morning I could have used the melodrama, a real excuse to moan and mope for a good few hours.

Cordelia came bouncing, yes that's right she bounced, through the front door with her face almost bursting with glee. She was walking awkwardly and seemed to be trying to hide something behind her, so I tried my best not to act interested. Of course.

With what I'm sure she considered a grand flourish, she stepped aside and I got a full view of what she was so damn happy about.

A shiny new black bike with a fucking pink ribbon gaudily stuck on the handlebars.

I sat there, completely flat-footed. For the umpteenth time in about twenty-four hours, Cordelia had completely shocked me. I think she understood having to hide behind a mask, holding yourself up and away from everything just in case things got bad again. There's more to that girl than anyone, especially her, will ever admit.

Well, I admit it.

My eyes big and shiny as a pair of cds, I approached the bike as if in a dream. Tears burned my eyelids again, but for the first time it was tears of happiness. Of shock. Of someone who finally cared enough to listen, really listen.

It took a little convincing on her part, but Cordy got me on the bike in no time, holding the seat while I pedaled uncertainly and the handlebars bucked in my grasp. Slayer strength really could have taken a break because it made me so edgy.

Making circles on the first floor of the Hyperion, I laughed like a child. It must have been infectious, because even C was grinning like a schoolgirl. I came to a stop and held onto Cordy's arm, shaking with laughter and happiness.

I thought I was going to burst.

The hairs on the back of my neck letting me know someone was looking, I glanced around and caught Willow standing at the railing on the second floor. She was studying me with an almost strangled look, like she wanted to laugh with us but was holding herself back.

Fuck Willow, I thought. So I convinced Cordy to scrounge up another bike and we held a series of wildly unorganized races, tires squealing on the marble floor. Shrieking, laughing and shouting, we almost didn't notice it when Angel cleared his throat. Very loudly.

I totally knew the big guy was touched, especially the way he was smirking and cocking an eyebrow at us. But he had to play the big brother and make us stop riding indoors.

I looked up at the railing, only to find empty air. I still wonder how long she stood there and what went through her mind.

Manhandling the bike upstairs, I thought of my mom. A brave woman made into the ultimate victim. I never wanted to be like her, too afraid to do what I know is right. To give in. To defer to someone else out of love. To be that weak.

I opened my door and immediately sensed a presence. It's very hard to surprise a slayer, but I guess a witch would be someone who could. She was sitting primly on my bed, looking at me. I tried to play it cool by standing uncertainly, clutching the forgotten bike in slightly trembling hands. It's not that I was afraid of her, but I was afraid of the realization I'd just had. I cared what she thought of me. Not because of Buffy, but because of just her.

"Willow," my voice came out a croak, no hopes of cool or collected there.