'Okay' said Drew. 'Lets start with a game called Weird Newscasters, so if you guys could take your places?' As Colin and Kathy, the balding man and the woman, collected a pair of stools from next to the desk, took them to the centre of the performance area, and sat down Wayne, the African American, moved to the area next to Drew's desk, while Ryan, the tall guy, went to the opposite end.

As the players got in place, Drew read the details of the game from a card. 'Colin, you're the anchor of a local news broadcast. Kathy, Wayne and Ryan are your fellow presenters, but they each have a weird characteristic. Kathy is the co-anchor, who is having trouble staying awake. Wayne, you're doing the sports as a bartender at last call. Ryan, you're the weather forecaster, whose report features the first nine plagues of Egypt.'

'Only nine?' asked Ryan.

'Isn't that enough?' replied Drew. 'Anyway, Colin, start the scene as soon as you hear the intro.'

As the intro played, Colin looked straight at the camera, apparently not noticing Kathy yawning. 'Hello, and welcome to the 6 0'Clock news. I'm your anchor, Jester Littleofthetopplease.' After pausing due to laughter from the audience, Colin continued. 'Our top story. Late last night, thieves broke into the local police dog training centre, removed all the toilets and draped brightly stitched collars and leashes on the pipework. In a press statement the principal revealed that, despite receiving a number of interesting leads, investigators have nothing to go on.'

As the next bout of laughter subsided, Colin continued. 'Here with the rest of the news is my co-anchor, Dee Lightful.' Suddenly noticing Kathy was about to slump forward, Colin held her up and whispered 'Wake up, you on!'

'Wha!' yelped Kathy, as she jerked up in surprise, as the words CAN'T STAY AWAKE appeared on the audience monitors. 'Sorry bout that, folks' she added drowsily. 'I've been having trouble sleeping lately, because of the lumps in my new mattress, and I'm not the only one! You'd think these days, they'd be able to make a mattress that was comfortable to sleep on, but no, so tomorrow I'm taking my neighbours, and a camera crew, down to the factory to raise hell, if we can walk!'

With that, she slumped sideways, resting her head on Colin, as he looked back toward the camera.

'Thank you for that stimulating report. Now it's time to check in with Chip Olatte at sports.'

As the camera view shifted to Wayne, the monitors displayed the caption BARTENDER AT LAST CALL. 'Well folks, there was a lot of action today, some of which seems to moved to the bar here!' said Wayne. 'So much so, it looks like I'm going to have to call time!' Jerking his head to one side, as if avoiding something being thrown, Wayne quickly looked over his shoulder, before facing the audience, a scowl now on his face.

'Hey, cut that out! I will not have that going on in my bar!' After a brief silence, as if listening to someone, Wayne spoke again. 'What did you call me?' After a pause, Wayne stepped forward, and raised his fist, with a finger extended. 'I think you better wash your mouth out, buddy, cause I will not tolerate that kind of language in here. My ears are not urinals!'

Following another pause, Wayne visibly gulped, before starting to back away. 'Uh, we seen to have a situation here, so I'm going hand back to you, Jest!' And with that, Wayne turned and run to the space behind the nearest wooden column, after which the camera view switched back to Colin, who watched Wayne over Kathy's head resting on his arm, before again facing forward.

'Thanks, Chip, and stay safe! Finally, let's get the latest from weather guru Chuck Nitdown!'

As the shot switched to Ryan, and the words REPORTING ON THE FIRST NINE PLAGUES OF EGYPT appeared on the monitors, he raised his right hand, as if pointing at a board on a wall. 'Thanks, Jest! Well, we've got water turning to blood in many areas, with frogs, gnats and flies coming up from the south. There's also pestilence and boils out west, plus hail and fire on the east side. There have been reports of locusts near the centre, where my in-laws live, but that's probably just the relatives popping over for a get together! Then, in the forecast, we could be getting three days of darkness, but that might just be some folk releasing their egos! Back to you.'

As the camera view returned to the centre, Kathy was sitting at an angle, with her hand over her mouth, as Colin looked ahead.'Good to know, Chip! Well, that's all we have time for. Be sure to tune in same time tomorrow, for the latest updates.'

After the News theme played, Colin and Kathy returned the stools to the side, before joining Wayne and Ryan to sit in their respective chairs.

'Wow!' said Drew. 'How do you always manage to come up with such great stuff?'

'Dumb luck.' replied Colin.

NOTES

The stolen police toilets gag is based on a Two Ronnies joke.

The plagues are mentioned in the following bible passages: 1. Turning water to blood: Exodus 7:14–24, 2. Frogs: Exodus 7:25–8:11/15, 3. Lice or gnats: Exodus 8:12–15/8:16–19, 4. Wild animals or flies: Exodus 8:16–28/8:20–32, 5. Pestilence of livestock: Exodus 9:1–7, 6. Boils: Exodus 9:8–12, 7. Thunderstorm of hail and fire: Exodus 9:13–35, 8. Locusts: Exodus 10:1–20, 9. Darkness for three days: Exodus 10:21–29.