Happy siiiiigh.
44
- baby, I'm yours -
Early evening. We're sitting in Edward's backyard, enjoying adult beverages to celebrate his birthday while our boys play in the sprinkler to take the edge off this heatwave.
At one point, Emmett runs around with all of his clothes on and lets the boys chase him, jumping through the water spray. And then Edward joins in, too, his T-shirt clinging to his hard body. Broad shoulders. Sculpted arms.
I'm staring. Maybe drooling. I'm shameless, and I don't even care.
I watch as Edward picks up both Mikey and Seth, one over each of his shoulders, and spins them around. They giggle and scream. I smile and snap some pictures, wanting to remember how carefree everything feels. Even though there's still the nagging worry in the back of my mind about how the custody battle will go, I push that all aside for the night.
I push it all aside to celebrate the man I love.
The water is turned off when the sun starts to dip below the horizon. I walk across wet grass to grab Mikey, so I can head next door and change him out of his swimsuit.
When I get close to them, Edward's eyes spark with mischief.
"What?" I taunt and tease.
He answers by grabbing me. Hugging me. He's soaked and cold, and I'm dry and warm, or I was, until he holds me tight and purposely gets me wet. I yelp in surprise. He laughs deeply. Holds me close, not letting go. I love it though. Especially the way his mouth barely brushes my neck, and his hand slides a little lower down my back. It's not obvious to anyone else, but of course, I'm always aware of him.
After Mikey is in clean clothes and I'm dried off, we rejoin everyone and eat Chinese takeout that Em and Rose ordered before it's time for cake. Edward lets Seth sit on his lap and asks for help blowing out the candles. Mikey wants to help, too, so Edward lets him sit on his other knee.
The sight just… does something to me. Seeing Edward being playful and silly with the boys. Seeing how happy they are despite everything. It's healing and reassuring that everything is going to be okay.
I snap a picture of them with the cake and then Rose tells me to join in. I stand next to my guys and bend my knees, smiling at the phone. Edward snakes a hand around my waist, pulling me even closer.
I know years from now I'll look back on this photo and see a new woman, one who is finally on her way to being happy. I'll see a man who is close to having everything he's ever wanted. See two little boys who have no idea what's really going on around them because that's what we do—we shield them and love them and put them first.
I know years from now when I look back on this, I'll see a family. Because that's what we already are.
We sing, and when Edward's cake no longer glows, his eyes meet mine, a small, satisfied smile on his face.
I think I know what he wished for—me, maybe. Me and him and the boys. Maybe he wished for all of this mess to be behind us already, so we can get to the good part.
I know that's all I want and need and wish for, too.
Eventually, we move inside. With the kids distracted by the TV, we sit on the couch and have more drinks. Edward sits close to me. At one point his arm is stretched along the back of the cushions behind me, and if I just moved a little closer, I could curl against him. I don't because of the boys. But his fingers brush my shoulder every now and then, and all I want is to bury my face against his shirt and breathe him in.
When Emmett asks about how mediation went, Edward just shakes his head. But he does tell us that he's grateful Gianna wasn't spiteful enough to take half of his advance.
"Wait. You already got your advance?" I ask, sipping my wine. "Meaning you submitted your manuscript. You're done done?"
Edward's smile is shy but proud. "Yeah. I'm done done," he echoes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I push, sort of teasing but also curious.
His gaze doesn't leave mine. "I guess I was waiting for the perfect moment."
"Aww," Rose says. "You guys."
I glance at her and fight a smile. She's not condescending or phony. Her expression genuinely gives away that she thinks this is sweet.
And it is sweet. His words and the way he's staring at me. It's intense, with pure affection clear on his face. I like that we don't have to hide around Em and Rose.
This entire night has been filled with subtle and not-so-subtle touches from him. The way our fingers brushed when he handed me my wine glass. The purposeful way he grabbed my waist anytime he passed by. At one point, I was standing at the open fridge, and he came up behind me. No one else was around, but his chest was to my back. He pushed my hair to one side, so he could press a sweet kiss on my neck. His mouth lingered. I melted. Then he nonchalantly reached above me to grab another beer, like we both weren't dying inside to be close.
I quickly turned around and didn't let him go. I kept him there for one more beat, grabbing the back of his neck to pull his face down, so I could kiss him on the mouth. We got lost in it, mouths pressed together, his fingers digging into my hips. Caught up in it, we fell back a bit and stumbled further against the fridge, bottles and jars clanking together. It wasn't until the fridge beeped from being open too long that we finally, reluctantly, ended our kiss.
"Wow," Emmett says, pulling me out of my sensual thoughts. "It sounds like we have more than just your birthday to celebrate tonight."
"Right? A completed book and a finished chapter, so to speak," Rose muses, looking smug as one does when you're finally free of a family member you didn't care for.
"Seriously, congratulations," I tell Edward. "I'm so proud of you."
He holds my gaze. "Thank you."
"I want to read it," I insist.
He nods. "Okay."
"Like, right the F now."
With a deep laugh, he swigs his beer. "Baby, you will."
It's brazen, using that term of endearment in front of Rose and Em, but it genuinely seems like he slipped up. Like he just couldn't help it.
"Do you have a copy?" I push.
"I mean, yeah…"
I wave my hand impatiently. "What are you waiting for?"
He just grins, enjoying my impatience. "Don't you want to wait until it's a real book? Or at least bound? It's just on my laptop."
"So?"
"I have an idea," Rose chimes in. "How about Em and I take the boys for the night? And you two can read. Or not read. Consider it your birthday present."
Edward looks at me. I can already tell he is one hundred percent on board with this idea.
"It's up to you," he tells me softly. "I'd love to spend the night with you."
A whole night with Edward. No interruptions. No guilt. We can sleep or not sleep, read or not read, but it will be his face I wake up to in the morning. His body I can snuggle. His arms that will hold me.
I don't need any convincing.
"I'd love it, too," I tell Edward, then look at Rose. "Are you sure?"
"Totally. We can stay here with the boys," Rose offers.
I hesitate. I don't necessarily want to spend an evening with Edward at my house. Or here. He must sense my reluctance. His thoughts must mirror mine.
"Let's go back to Hotel Ballard," Edward suggests, a twinkle in his eyes.
Again, zero convincing is needed. "Okay."
XXX
Em and Rose run home to grab whatever they'll need for the night while Edward and I get the boys ready for bed. I decide to bathe Mikey at home and talk to him about having a sleepover with Seth.
"So, you're not going to sleep in your big boy bed tonight, but you'll sleep at Seth's," I tell him, scrubbing his hair.
"Why?" he asks, submerging his toy octopus underwater.
"Because Momma and Edward are going to celebrate his birthday," I tell Mikey vaguely. "Lean your head back," I remind him as I rinse his hair.
He makes a face and wipes the water from his eyes then says, "It still Edwohd's birfday?"
"Yes, baby. But it's just going to be the grownups this time."
"Why?"
"Because we're friends. Friends sometimes hang out alone. But Aunt Rose and Uncle Em are going to stay with you at Seth's house. And Momma and Edward will be back tomorrow morning and we'll all make breakfast together, okay?"
"I yike Sef's race tar bed," Mikey says excitedly.
I smile, relieved he's not asking too many difficult questions. "Yeah, baby, it's cool."
When Mikey's done bathing, I carry him over to Edward's and we put the boys to bed. They're giggling too much and asking for so many books, but I don't want to leave yet. I love this little moment of them tucked into Seth's race car bed while Edward and I sit beside it, laughing along with them.
During the fifth book, Rose stands in the doorway, giving us a look.
"Go," she mouths to me.
I look at Edward. "Aunt Rose is going to finish reading the book for y'all, okay?" I say to the boys as Edward and I stand.
I kiss Mikey. Edward hugs Seth. And then we're off.
After we stop by the store to buy a bottle of champagne and some snacks, we're on our way to the hotel.
Edward holds my hand the entire way.
"This is okay, right?" I ask, only second-guessing it for a beat.
He looks over at me, then his eyes shift back to the road. All he does is bring my hand to his lips and kisses the inside of my wrist.
Yes.
It's okay.
And yeah, maybe it's ironic that I'm seeking approval to stay the night with each other when we were previously sneaking around. But it felt right then. It feels right now.
I'm done overthinking for the night.
He finds street parking and carries our bags into the hotel. We wait behind one guest, and when it's our turn to speak with the clerk, Edward asks if room sixteen is available—the room we last stayed in. To our luck, it is. We get everything squared away, and Edward pays despite my insistence that he shouldn't because it's his birthday.
I'm sure I'll find another way to pay him back.
Edward is handed a card key and then the clerk says, "Enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen."
It jars me. Not in a good or bad way, just… shocks me for a second. I'm half expecting Gianna to be standing behind us or something before I realize he's talking about me.
"Thank you," Edward says without missing a beat and takes my hand in his, walking us to the elevator.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" I echo when we're on our way up to the second floor.
Edward hooks an arm around my neck and pulls me close, breathing into my ear, "One day, right?"
My stomach flips. Maybe it shouldn't because fuck, we're both still married. But I said I wasn't going to overthink tonight, and I'm keeping my promise to myself.
"Sooner rather than later," I whisper.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He smiles and kisses my temple as the doors open, and we walk down the quiet hall to our room.
It feels good to be back.
Feels good to be here knowing we can stay the entire night.
I instantly throw myself onto the velvety emerald comforter, toeing off my sandals.
"You want this now?" he asks, holding up the bottle of champagne.
I prop myself up on my elbows. "Mmm... not yet."
Having the champagne now requires opening and drinking it. It requires our hands to be full, and I need them to be on each other. The champagne can wait.
He sticks it in the mini fridge and then crawls onto the bed with me after kicking off his shoes.
We lie side-by-side, facing each other. His hand on my hip. Our faces close.
"Happy Birthday," I whisper. He just smiles. "So, what do you want to do?"
"Probably just sleep."
I laugh. "Uh-huh."
"What do you want to do?" he asks.
"Probably just read."
He laughs, too. "Figures. You only use me for early access to my novel, huh?"
I scoff. "You only use me for inspo," I joke.
His eyes light up. "The best fucking inspiration."
But of course, we're teasing. No sleeping or reading will happen until we've had each other.
He kisses me.
It's the softest and sweetest. Slowest, most sensual. His mouth trails to my neck, my earlobe. I close my eyes, goosebumps all over from having him close.
He breathes out, "Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Bella."
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
I open my eyes to find sincerity on his handsome face. "I love you, too."
He stays serious. "I really, really love you."
I swallow. "I know."
"Like, in a way I've never loved anyone. Ever."
I laugh softly, eating up his sweet words. "Same for me. But why are you saying this?"
"Because I feel like a dick for everything that happened. For how you're being treated by others. And for the time we spent apart after Gianna's accident." He pauses, eyes blazing with genuine remorse. "I hate that I let you down. I hate that I made you doubt us and that I made a decision for both of us without taking your thoughts and feelings into consideration. I'm just… I'm sorry. That's all. I'm so sorry, Bella."
I kiss him. "It's okay. I don't hold that against you." Relief flashes over his face, and my fingers graze his jaw. "We don't have to talk about any of that, though. I don't want to talk about any of that. I want it to be just about us tonight."
His smile is small, but he looks more than okay with this idea.
"Just us," he whispers.
He captures my lips in a kiss, and our mouths stay attached as he rolls me onto my back and settles between my legs.
We take our time because we can. We make out and grind against one another, working ourselves up. The hard bulge in his jeans presses deliciously against me, each pass creating a frenzy.
With patience, he undresses me. I try to speed it along, attempting to help him, but he just shakes his head. He stays quiet, focused, unbuttoning, unclasping. Peeling off layer after layer, pressing soft kisses to my skin until I'm completely naked.
The build-up makes me want it that much more.
"Sorry, but—" I start to tell him before quickly undressing him.
He laughs at my haste.
When he's naked, he hovers over me.
His mouth is on mine. I try to pull him down to feel his weight, but he shakes his head again.
A kiss on my neck.
My chest.
My stomach.
My hip.
My clit.
He looks up at me, eyes dangerously devilish.
He kisses me there again, this time using his tongue. His entire mouth, sucking and licking and fuck.
He uses his fingers, building up the sensation. A deep, delicious ache starts to creep in, and I want it. I need, need, need it.
"Your mouth feels so good," I babble, so close. "So good on my pussy…"
"I fucking love it," he grits out, words muffled with his head still between my legs. "Love making you feel good."
And he does exactly that. My arousal builds and builds until it tips over, and seconds later, I'm coming. My body tingles, and my stomach clenches as I cry out, fuck fuck fuck. The feeling lasts until it's too much, and I'm too sensitive from his tongue.
I pull for him to move up, and he lies behind me, holding me close and spooning me. His dick presses against my ass.
"Wanna slowly fuck you from behind… can I?" he whispers, and I breathe out a yes, god yes. Still wet from his mouth, he grips himself and teases me with the head of his cock.
"Ugh," he groans. "Baby…"
My stomach flickers with anticipation and attraction.
Desire.
Love.
He pushes into me.
"All the way," he encourages, moving slowly.
I hook my calf around his and angle myself a bit so he can go deeper. We moan in unison as he goes all the way in and then pulls back, doing it again. And again. Our bodies are flush, then, and he thrusts lazily, his hot mouth on my shoulder.
"Fuck, I'll never get enough," he breathes. "Never get enough of you."
"Ever."
I reach back, my hand on his ass, wanting to feel his body moving. I tell him, yes, fuck yes. He whispers, good? Is it good for you, baby? I love that he continuously checks in. Always makes sure I'm okay with whatever we're doing. I tell him always. And I mean it.
His hands explore, squeezing my tits, rolling my nipples between his fingers. His palm snakes down my stomach before he teases me, touching me between my legs.
He bites my shoulder and nibbles on my ear. "Want this forever. You hear me? For-fucking-ever."
"Please," I pant. "You're all I want."
"Get on top," he murmurs after a few minutes. "Wanna see your pretty face."
He pulls out and lies on his back before I sink down onto him.
"God, I've missed you," he sighs.
My gaze is heavy with desire as I stare down at him while I ride him. "Me too. So fucking much."
With my hands on his chest, I use him for leverage, hips rolling. He hungrily watches me, rubbing slow, lazy circles around my clit. I take over for him when he grabs my waist and thrusts up into me harder and faster. I fall forward, desperate for his lips.
His breath is in my ear, against my neck. I love the way he sounds. The noises he's making. Grunts and groans and the deepest almost-growls.
"Can you come again?" he asks, voice low and seductive.
"I don't know." It feels so fucking good, but it might not happen for me. Not yet anyway.
"Please, baby," he begs, sounding so sweet. "I want you to."
"It's okay. We have all night. And morning." I laugh breathlessly, then add more seriously: "We have forever."
"Yeah, we fuckin' do." His voice sounds strangled, and I know he's close.
I give him the okay, urging him to come. He grips my hips, staying inside of me as he rolls us over so I'm on my back. He goes deeper, fingers tangled in my hair, his hot, ragged breath on my neck. He pumps in and out of me faster, faster, faster. A minute later, his fingers dig into my skin, and he holds me tight as he comes inside of me. He mumbles a string of curses and love you and fuck, Bella, fuck.
I don't care if we're a mess or that I should probably go pee, but I hook my ankles around his waist and keep him inside of me, kissing him, not wanting to move yet.
He relaxes against me.
"I let you down," he instantly says.
I laugh in disbelief as he rolls off of me and I curl against him, my fingers playing with his chest hair.
"Shut up! You made me come."
"Not twice."
"So? I'm not greedy."
He smiles. "I'd be fine with it if you were."
"Well, I guess that's not true. I'm greedy for you," I clarify.
"Yeah?"
"For your love and attention and... your book."
His laugh is so fucking cute. "You're not greedy, you're just supportive and I wouldn't change anything about you."
The sincerity in his voice kills me. "Nothing?"
"Nope." He kisses me. "Not a damn thing."
My heart bursts. "I'd say the same, but unless you fixed the ending of your book…" I'm mostly teasing, but I really hope this night doesn't end with me in tears again.
He stays quiet. Too quiet.
"Regardless of whether or not you break my heart again with your words, I'll still support you and want to reread it," I whisper, fingers grazing his lips.
"Now?"
"Now."
We both get up, me to use the bathroom, and him to pull on boxers. He opens the champagne. When I'm back in bed, he hands me a full glass, then opens his laptop.
And I read.