Ready to read Edward's novel?
This is the last official chapter. Sniffle. The epilogue is next, and then I have a futuretake because it seems I can't let them go. So two more to go!
Thank you so much for reading!
45
- turning page -
Kiss.
My eyes momentarily leave the laptop screen, my attention shifting to Edward. He's next to me, shirtless and sitting up against the headboard, face nuzzled against my neck.
Kiss.
"Hey, you," I say nicely. "I'm trying to focus."
He grins and presses a kiss to my bare shoulder. "Don't mind me."
I've been reading for the last two hours. Edward wanted me to start from where he made his major edits, which was more than three-quarters through the book. But I wanted to start from the beginning to get the full effect.
I'm loving it even more the second time around, especially now that I'm aware it's about us.
"I'm just getting to the halfway mark. I can't stop now," I tell him.
"I'm not asking you to stop," he murmurs, toying with the straps of my tank top before his featherlight touch trails down my arm.
"Edward," I warn through a soft laugh, so close to caving and straddling him.
"Fine. I'll go shower." With a kiss on my lips, he leaves the bed. He's only in boxers, and I stare at his strong, broad back until he disappears.
The problem is now that he's gone, I miss him.
It's almost midnight, and I probably have a few more hours of reading until I'm done. But I think the birthday boy is feeling a little neglected.
I set the laptop on the nightstand and walk into the bathroom. The water is already running, and he's naked, standing in the walk-in shower. I ogle him for a second, watching the stream going down his toned body.
"Nice ass," I tease. But I mean it.
He turns around, and his eyes light up when he sees me stripping out of my silk pajama set.
I open the glass door and step inside. He grabs me and pulls me close, our naked bodies flush as I join him under the spray of water.
"I knew you couldn't resist," he says smugly.
"No, I really can't resist you. I think that's been established," I say without thinking because it's the truth.
My words don't faze him but they make me pause.
"What?" he asks, tilting his head back to wet his hair.
I hesitate but shake my head. "Nothing. I'm trying not to overthink tonight."
"Okay, but if something is bothering you, I want to know."
I bite the inside of my cheek and then say, "Do you feel like what we have is tainted because of how we went about it?" Even after I blurt it, I know it holds zero weight. Zero truth. But I have to ask because it'd stay there, in the dark corners of my mind, if I didn't.
He instantly frowns. "Like what we have is cheapened because we didn't divorce our spouses first?"
"Maybe. Yes."
"Fuck, no. And I really hope you don't think that, either."
We switch spots, and I get my hair wet.
"I don't think that," I promise. "But you don't think other people will—"
"Fuck other people. I thought we established that."
"Yeah, we did. I know. But that's easy to say when no one blames you."
"You know I hate how you've been treated. I wish I could change that, but the only thing I can do is stay by your side and stick up for you," he says fiercely. "I essentially cut Alice and Jasper out of my life after the way Alice treated you."
I know he did. I didn't even find that out from him but from Rose. I guess when she told Alice she and Emmett wouldn't be attending her couple's baby shower, Alice threw a fit. Texted her all this stuff about how the stress wasn't good for the baby. That I was ruining this time for her and Jasper, and how offended she was that they would pull away from them the same way Edward had.
Rose sent Alice a middle finger emoji and told her she was free to block her on social media, too.
I couldn't have loved Rose more after hearing that.
"I didn't ask you to cut them out of your life," I gently remind Edward. Water drips down his face and his sexy body. "You know I don't expect that."
"But I wanted to. For you. Yeah, I'll be civil to them because they're Seth's aunt and uncle, and no, I won't keep him from them. But we don't have to be friends," he says simply, a man who has made up his mind.
He kisses me under the water. One, two, three pecks. And then he kisses my forehead, nose, cheeks, and neck. So many wet kisses that ease my heart.
"People are gonna get over it," he reassures me. "We weren't happy. We make each other happy. Yeah, what we did was selfish, but we're owning up to our mistakes. I can't be sorry when we find what we need in each other. We're in love, and anyone who has a problem with you and me being together can fuck off."
Everything inside of me softens. Melts. Liquifies.
"Okay," I say simply. Because when he lays it out like that, it is simple. "I love you."
Another kiss.
Another reassurance.
"How do you think the boys will take it?" I ask, thinking of earlier tonight and how excited they were for a sleepover.
Edward grabs the shampoo and squirts some in his hand. "We'll have to have a lot of conversations. It will probably be confusing, and they might have questions, but ultimately, I think they'll be okay. Don't you?"
"Yeah, I do." I smile a little, imagining us as a family.
"My biggest concern is that one day Seth might feel abandoned by Gianna," Edward says, and I sense protectiveness in his tone.
"I really hope not," I mumble, my stomach sinking. "It'll be an adjustment, I'm sure, but you're so good with him, Edward. And you know I'll be there for him, too. He's so loved, and we'll always remind him."
He stops scrubbing his hair and grabs my face to kiss me. "God, I fucking love you. Thank you."
I smile and kiss him back. "Where should we eventually live?" I ask, taking over for him and washing his hair. I stand on my tiptoes, and he dips his head to make it easier for me to reach.
"I don't care where we live. I'll go wherever you want to go."
"Maybe outside of Seattle? Some space from everyone would be nice." I think about it. "Never mind, I love the city too much."
I can't see his face because his head is still dipped, but I can hear the amusement in his tone when he says, "Yeah, you ain't no country bumpkin."
I laugh, thinking about a slower life. "I don't know. With you, I could be."
We switch spots, and he rinses his hair before grabbing my waist and holding me, his palms sliding down to the ass that he loves so much.
"What—you wanna buy some land? Build a house? Gimme some babies?" he asks, his voice warmed with a slight country accent that makes me chuckle.
My stomach flickers with the best nerves and anticipation for what our lives will actually look like one day.
"Yeah? You want a baby?" I whisper. We haven't talked about this before, but now it's all I want us to discuss. Babies. Babies. Babies. Him, me. Starting our own, blended family. Our boys being brothers to each other and a new sibling.
His gaze softens. "With you, yes. Don't you?"
"Yes."
His smile is so fucking endearing. "Have my babies. Be my wife. All of it. Everything."
I kiss him, wishing it were all happening now but feeling confused about all of the other steps we need to take first.
"Everything. With you," I murmur. "But are we allowed to be thinking about stuff like this right now?"
"Yeah? I don't think there's any right or wrong way to go about this. It's not like we're going to move in together tomorrow. It's not like you're going to have a baby next week. I love talking about our future."
"Me too," I agree, and he turns me around to start washing my back, indulging me as I get carried away. "I think we should elope. One day. I love Italy."
"Yeah?"
"No wedding wedding. We've both done all of that before. I want our thing to be our thing. Different."
"Okay."
"So eloping. Just you and me. And Mikey and Seth."
"I'd love that," he agrees softly.
"Fine, maybe Rose and Emmett, too. And your dad, if he wants to go."
He chuckles, kissing my shoulder once the soap washes away. "Whatever you want, baby."
"And I don't want a diamond."
He scoffs. "I'm going to get you a ring, Bella."
"Okay, but no diamonds."
I rinse off the rest of my body as he says, "Fine, no diamonds. Now can I make some stipulations?"
"Sure."
He drops to his knees and for one heart-stopping second, I think he's about to propose right here, right now. I'd say yes. Maybe that's fucked up, to get engaged while you're still legally married. I'm so far gone for this man.
Instead of proposing, he puts his mouth on me, slowly licking, tongue flat and purposeful on my clit.
"I can put my mouth on you whenever I want," he murmurs, licking and sucking again while looking up at me, his gaze heavy with hot desire.
"Sure," I say again breathlessly as I lift my leg to rest over his shoulder, his mouth moving lower to eat me out. "Whatever you want, baby."
XXX
After Edward makes me come in the shower, we move to the bed where he fucks me slowly, making it last. He whispers sexy words about how wet I am, how goddamn good it feels to fuck me. He murmurs sweet ones, too, like baby and mine, and want you for-fucking-ever. He takes his time, building my arousal and making me come again before his thrusts turn unrestrained, and he groans his release.
"No more distracting me," I tease after we've cleaned up and are back in bed.
He grins, draping an arm across my stomach. "You love it."
"I do."
"You love me."
"I do." I kiss him to seal the sentiment. "But now it's one in the morning, and I have a manuscript to finish."
"Finish it tomorrow."
"I'm offended you think I have that much self-restraint when it comes to your words."
His laugh is soft and shy. "Do you know how much I fucking love you?"
"I actually do," I murmur, smiling. Grabbing his laptop, I dim my lamp. "Will you read to me?"
"I don't love you that much," he jokes.
I laugh in disbelief. "Shut up. Yes, you do."
"Yeah, I really do." He smirks and lifts his arm for me to curl against him. "C'mere, you."
He reads aloud to me, and it might just be my new favorite way to consume his words. Eventually, he starts to yawn, his voice dropping, lazy and thick with drowsiness.
"You can sleep," I whisper.
I take the laptop from him, and he closes his eyes, sinking against his pillow.
"Wake me when you get to the good part," he mumbles.
"Does that mean you changed the ending?"
With his eyes still closed, he smiles sleepily. "No spoilers."
Dramatically rolling my eyes, I kiss him and settle against the headboard, soaking up his words as I read on my own in the quietness of the room.
My eyes are heavy, but it's just after three in the morning when I get to the part where Holden is going to leave Lola and travel back to the future to seek closure with his wife. When I realize he's still going and that Edward didn't go in the direction I'd suggested about Holden not going back at all, disappointment sinks in.
"Fucker," I mutter under my breath about Holden.
I'm tempted to wake Edward and give him shit, but I decide to keep reading.
When I get to the chapter where Holden's wife, Emma, confesses she's pregnant, it hits a little too close to home for me and stirs up many emotions because that was almost our reality. I nearly stop reading and put the laptop away for the night, but I push through the discomfort the story is creating for me and continue on. I'm so glad I do because just one chapter later, I realize everything I'm reading now is completely new to me.
After learning the news of her pregnancy, Holden and Emma have a very candid conversation about their marriage, and some harsh truths come out. He accuses her of not supporting and caring for him the way he deserves. She confesses that she was trying to stick it out for the sake of appearances, but she hasn't been happy for a while. She also admits to having fallen out of love with him far sooner than he did with her. She's harsh when she speaks. Cold. It reads exactly like Gianna, and I have to wonder what she would think if she ever read this book. Wonder if she would pick up on the fact that Edward's writing about his life.
Keeping up with airing the truth, Holden tells Emma about Lola.
He tells her everything… minus the time-travel aspect. He admits he fell in love with someone else. That he wants to be with her. He tells Emma he'll help raise their baby and be the best father he can be, but he can no longer stay married to her. He can no longer live a lie.
Emotion rises hot in my throat, and my tears begin to flow. They're not tears of sadness or happiness, but pure relief. It's close to the way I felt when Edward told me he and Gianna were finally getting a divorce.
I keep reading, desperate to know what happens next. My heart speeds up when I realize Holden is going to travel back in time to get Lola and potentially bring her back to the future with him.
My tears slow down as I devour every word, anxious something awful will happen and keep him from traveling back or finding her again.
But Edward must love me because Holden safely makes it back to Lola.
Her relief when they're reunited makes me so damn happy. He tells her what happened when he went back home and how his wife is pregnant, but they're no longer staying together. He confesses he can't leave his unborn son behind and asks Lola to go back with him. To start a new life with him. He acknowledges it won't be easy, but he knows they'll make it work because he loves her and he knew from the very first moment they met. She's hesitant upon hearing the news, but he drops to his knees and begs. Tells her he can't live without her. That he doesn't want to.
For a moment, I worry she won't want to leave her life behind, but thankfully, she says yes. Says that she loves him too and that the only future she wants is with him.
It's everything I wanted and more in an ending. So much fucking more, because Holden is still staying true to himself by going back to raise his son, but he's also going to be with the woman he's meant to be with.
"Edward," I say, sniffling.
He's on his stomach, still sleeping. I gently shake him, but he doesn't budge, still breathing deeply.
I close the laptop and lie on his back, kissing his shoulder and the side of his neck.
"Wake up," I murmur.
He stirs. "You done?"
"Yes."
"What time is it?"
"Three-thirty."
I roll to lie next to him, and he blinks his eyes open, looking at me. "Baby, you weren't supposed to cry this time."
I smile a little and shake my head. "Are you kidding me? They're happy, relieved tears."
"So, you liked it?"
"I fucking loved it." I kiss him over and over and over again. "It's so much better than my suggestion of Holden never going back because how could he not be there for his son? Yeah. It's the best. The perfect ending."
Relief floods his face, and he pulls me closer, so I'm snuggled against him, our legs tangled and faces close.
"It's what I should've done back in the day," he whispers. "Even though I found out Gianna was pregnant, it didn't mean I had to stay. After meeting you, I knew that Gianna and I weren't right together. I should've spoken up. I still could've raised Seth without staying married to her."
My fingers trace his lips, hanging onto his every word. "Yeah, we could have done many things differently, but we can't dwell on that."
He kisses my fingertips. "I know. I promise I'm not dwelling. But this book was just… I don't know. An apology of sorts. Me rewriting history. What could've been? Our one day."
My heart softens and melts completely for this man. "Thank you for changing it. I loved every word about us."
"You don't have to thank me," he says sincerely and presses a tender kiss to my mouth. I'm about to kiss him back and show him with my body just how much I do appreciate and love him when he cups my face and murmurs, "I fucking love you, Bella. And I loved writing about us being together. We always will be together. In every world, every universe… in every life."