A/N: Thank you reviewers! Hope to hear from more of you soon!
Chapter 3- A Rose By Any Other Name...
A few months later...
"Are you sure you must go Naneth?" Laereth questioned for what seemed like a millionth time. Really, she did not want to be left alone so soon, much left to be the only caregiver to her still babbling babe of a sister. At first she had thought it selfish that her mother would leave her to travel to the Havens to sail West with Haldir's mother. Who would think it not selfish anyway? To leave a babe behind... before the babe was even able to control her own bladder, much less speak one word. To leave behind other family when they had already lost so much with the loss of their fathers.
But then Laereth had looked at Haldir's mother, and saw only death about her from the loss of her husband. Laereth's own mother was not well off, and the usual radiant glow about her was no longer there.
Laereth only hoped that sailing to Aman would help them seek what they needed. And she also hoped and prayed for any help from the Valar she could get on how to raise a child, but she knew there would be others in the city that would be there for questions.
"Laereth," Branneth sighed heavily, closing up her bag and walking over to her. She took Laereth in her arms and hugged her closely, "For the last time, I will be going West. It is the only way I feel as though I could survive... and you know the promises of Mandos to re-embody the slain so that they may once again reside in Aman. I wish to be there when that happens."
"I know Nana," she said, "but I know not what I will do without you."
Branneth smiled slightly, "You told me you could handle this, Laereth. If you cannot, you must write to your brother and his wife. They will come to help."
Laereth looked away from her and nodded her head, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes, "Aye, Naneth."
"Laereth, iell nín, you must not think I am doing this because I do not love you," Branneth said, turning Laereth's eyes up to meet hers. "I do this because I love you... I would be of little addition to your life here in Lórien, sulking about until I at last faded into complete emptiness."
"I know you are correct, Nana, I just will miss your advice. That is all," she replied.
Branneth sighed, and placed a kiss upon her forehead, "And I will miss speaking with my eldest daughter, and watching my babe grow."
"Cuileth will miss you as well, Nana. She will never know what it is like to have such a wonderful elleth as her mother," Laereth sighed and gazed across the room toward the crib her sister was now sleeping in.
"But she will know what it is like to have a wonderful sister," Branneth replied and stepped away to gather her things. "I promised Tuilinn that you would also try your best to keep an eye on Haldir and his brothers. She is worried Haldir will not be able to care for them."
Laereth could not help but chuckle, though she felt supremely sorry for Haldir and being left with two young ones to look after. Many of the townsfolk had commented quietly, gossiped and even made some off color jests about how Tuilinn was being so horrible to leave her children alone, and alone with their elder brother who could barely get over the fact that the ellon he looked up to most had passed into another place, and that he would now be in charge of two, very important lives. As a matter of fact, it seemed that having the two Elflings placed in his care had done little to phase him, especially now that the spent every single waking moment alone in the trees thinking or beating the targets in the archery range to nothingness.
"I will help if he allows me to help," Laereth said, but she knew his pride. She knew his over confidence in all manners. And she was sure that this experience would be no different.
With another heavy sigh, Branneth walked to the door. Laereth quickly gathered up Cuileth in her arms and followed after her mother. They reached the city floor quickly to find the small contingent of wardens that had volunteered for this duty to escort the two wives of two of their beloved friends to the Havens. Tuilinn was already there with Haldir, Orophin and Rúmil, placing her last kisses on Rúmil and Orophin's foreheads before giving Haldir a few parting words. All in all, the scene was even more solemn than that of when the wardens left for the borders, but she had expected that. Little was spoken as the ellyth mounted their horses and were escorted to the gates. Orophin began to take off after his mother, but he stopped just as he reached the tall gates of the city and turned back to them.
Laereth held Cuileth tightly, gazing off after the traveling party until she could no longer see them. With a small sigh, she gazed down at Cuileth and smiled at her peaceful sister. She raised the babe slightly so that she could place a kiss to the babe's brow, "Well, I am afraid it is just us now, Cuileth. One day you will meet your brother, and in the long future, mother again, but now we must see to getting you back to your crib."
The babe gurgled happily, even though she was asleep. Laereth chuckled and glanced up as the sound of a sobbing Rúmil reached her ears, only to find Haldir gazing at her in a pained manner, it appearing as though he was severely disjointed at the moment. It was obvious to her that he had absolutely no idea as to what he should be doing, much less why the child was crying in the first place. She felt pity for him, and walked over to him, "I will trade you a babe for a babe."
Haldir did not reply for a moment, and just gave her a hard stony gaze. "You already think I cannot do this?!"
"Haldir, I never said such a thing, I just thought perhaps you might need help," she said.
"Well, I do not need your charity, or the charity of others," he remarked and straightened his body, raising his chin. She had seen this move many times before, especially when there were things he was not very good at (which where few, though), but normally it had happened when he was only a small Elfling about Orophin's age. "I am perfectly capable of doing this myself."
Laereth nodded her head and sighed, "Very well then, mellon. You know where to find me if you do need help."
She walked away then, up to her talan to settle Cuileth down once more for her nap.
It had been an entire day since she had last heard from Haldir, and she figured that things must have being going somewhat smoothly that she had not heard of a fire igniting the tree his talan was in, or that an eruption of the largest proportions had not taken place because of his extremely short temper. Or perhaps it had, and she had somehow not been aware of it. But the sun was beginning to set on the second day of their mothers departure, and she decided that it would be best not worry about it. Though taking care of Orophin and Rúmil would be very difficult for Haldir in the beginning, she had every confidence in the world that Haldir could find a way to manage everything.
He always did; that was just Haldir's way.
He never failed at anything.
Laereth sighed to herself and went back to reading the book she had recently borrowed from Amroth's library. Only through two sentences, she was interrupted by the sound of a hard, urgent knock on her door. She closed the book up and took it with her as she walked towards the door. Unsure of who was on the opposite side of the door, she opened the wood slowly, and found a very bedraggled Elf. Not only did he look angry, but sad and worn as well, adding to the untidiness of his wrinkled clothes. It was as though he had slept in the clothes between fits of yelling and impatience. And it was not something she had expected of her friend.
"Haldir..." she began.
"The last thing I want to do is prove all of the Elves of this city that they were right and I cannot take care of my brothers," he said with a heavy sigh, as he tried to peer around her into the quiet talan.
Laereth nodded her head and smiled slightly, "Asking for help does not prove that you cannot take care of them Haldir. It only says that you care for them so much, you think someone else could be better at it than you until you learn. You wish the best for them."
Haldir glanced at the ground and let out a defeated breath, "I need help Laereth."
"Aye, you do, mellon," she replied with a chuckle to herself, "but that is a discussion for another time. Let me gather Cuileth. Will you please put out the fire?"
He did not reply, but followed her into the talan anyway and began putting out the fire as Laereth took to wrapping Cuileth up in blankets. Soon they were headed over to Haldir's talan, Haldir being extremely quiet as they walked until finally he glanced at her, "I should brief you on what has happened."
Laereth laughed, "Well, it cannot have been too bad... I heard no yelling."
"Oh, it was bad, and there was plenty of yelling," he said with a heavy sigh. "First of all Rúmil will not stop wailing. I have tried everything, but he will not stop crying. I feel as though it is because Naneth is gone and he can sense it or something... but every time I go to pick him up, he gets horribly worse. Orophin has been very quiet... too quiet, except this morning when I snuck away to have a few moments to myself. He would not leave me be, and I yelled at him, saying some things that were not necessarily nice and he locked himself in his chambers. He has refused to come out or eat anything or even speak to me."
She glanced up at him, "You have certainly dug yourself into a hole my friend."
"It is my own grave," he replied bitterly.
Laereth shot him a stern look, "Quick talking like that, Haldir. The last thing your brothers need is someone who is downhearted all of the time."
"But how could I possibly be happy when my father has passed, my mother has left me and my brothers, and now I must worry about them rather than training for the warden program?" he asked.
She stopped in her tracks and gazed at him, "Let us get one thing straight right now, Haldir. Quit thinking you are the only one with troubles. You are not the only one here with these very same problems. I too share your sorrow and unhappiness. I have lost a father and mother. You must think of Orophin and Rúmil... they have lost exactly what you have. So what if you cannot train as much as you like before the warden program? Your brothers need you now. And if anything, your brothers will help you to reach your ultimate goal. They will teach those skill you severely lack."
"I lack in nothing," he said.
"Aye, in your martial forces you lack in nothing. You are an able-bodied fighter and intelligent," she said. "So you need no training in that area, so you should not be worried about missing out on that. However, you need a different type of training."
"And what would that be?" he questioned, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down his nose at her.
She hated when he did that, it made her feel so insignificant and bristled her even more. "You think of no one but yourself. You have no patience. You have the shortest and most vicious temper in the world. Your skills for communicating with others effectively is atrocious. You must also have those qualities to be what you want to be. To be a good March Warden, you must possess them and have had some practice with them. Either that or you will not be able to command the respect you wish for. Caring for your brothers will teach you that."
Haldir was silent then, his face softening and his arms going back down to his sides, "Perhaps you are correct."
"I am," she sighed heavily and started walking again.
He followed after her, "But I know not how to learn it."
Laereth glanced at him and smiled, "I shall teach you."
With that remark, they grew silent again and found themselves in front of Haldir's talan. She opened the door and entered the front room. It still looked as though it were in neat working order. Pushing the door further back and entering, she glanced at Haldir. "Have you eaten anything recently?"
"Nay," he replied.
The sound of a latch being removed and hinges creaking open flooded the room, and there was light footfalls on the floor. Orophin came barreling around the corner and ran to her, placing his arms about her hips where he could reach and held on tightly. Laereth chuckled, and glanced back at Haldir, "Please take Cuileth and put her in one of Rúmil's free cribs."
"Aye," Haldir said, gently taking the babe into his arms and walking off with her.
Now with her arms free, Laereth knelt down to Orophin's level and hugged him closely to her, "What seems to be the problem, dearest Orophin?"
"Haldir yelled at me. He scared me... I want my Adar and Naneth back," he said, a slight sniffle finding his throat and working it's way out of his mouth.
"Well, I am sorry he did that. And he is very sorry about it as well," Laereth said and brushed back a piece of his wispy, loose hair. "And I know how you feel about your father and mother, Orophin, but we all must make adjustments."
"But why did Nana have to leave us with him?" he questioned.
Laereth had noticed Haldir walk in just then, and could feel his disappointment by what Orophin had just said. She glanced in Haldir's direction, just to confirm that what she felt was correct, and she could have sworn what she saw there in his eyes were tears. He quickly turned his gaze away, and turned toward the door of the talan. She had hoped that he would think better of it than to leave, but she supposed that perhaps he needed to be alone for a little while to reflect on the past few days and regroup his strategies.
"Orophin, never say that about your brother," she scolded. "He loves you, but does not know how to show it. And he wants to do his best caring for you, but he does not know how."
"Naneth said you would help before she left," Orophin replied. "Where have you been the last few days?"
Laereth smiled, and sighed, "I told your brother I would help if he ever needed it. And he decided that now was the time he needed help. I figure that I shall be spending more time here to teach Haldir how to care for you and Rúmil."
"Really?" he questioned.
"Aye," she said, standing up. "Now, let's fix us some food, and tend to Rúmil. Then you and Rúmil will bathe, and afterwards we shall see about what is going to happen."
He sat upon a high flet and overlooked the flickering lights among the darkened city. It had been a rough few months for him, but only in the last few days had it come to a head and boiled over. He was at his ropes end in trying to deal with all of this change personally, and then having to face it while still trying to remain a decent caregiver for his brothers was horrible. Laereth had been right about him, though. He was all of those things she mentioned, and he had absolutely no idea how to go about changing them, but he was glad that she had been kind enough to sympathize where pity was needed.
But how, in all the wide world, would he ever be able to live up to what his parents would have been, had they survived, and stayed to care for his brothers?
The answer still eluded him, and he feared it would elude him for a long time.
However, there was one thing that had become clear to him these past few days... he would never, ever bind with another and have children as long as he was a warden. He would never, ever wish to be the cause of what he and his family had been through the past few months. Even if he was impatient and self-centered, he certainly was not cruel, and in some ways he thought what had happened, because his father was a warden, was cruel to his mother and brothers. He would rather live all the ages of the world alone than place his wife and children in the situation he was now in. It was as simple as that, as long as casual dalliances were not too frowned upon by others.
Haldir sighed to himself and stood from his spot. It was growing very late, and he figured that he should probably head back to the talan to see what had happened since his cowardly exit. The walk back went much more quickly than he expected, and he let himself into the talan quietly. No sound could be heard in the talan except for the crackling of quickly dimming fire, and he grew worried that Laereth could have possible killed his brothers and been done with it, but he knew that Laereth was nowhere near as hotheaded and irrational as he. Closing the door behind him, he walked further into the room to stoke the fire, finding Laereth there on the lounge. She lay with her head on a pillow and her eyes closed, in a seemingly peaceful slumber.
He smiled, feeling a slightly warm feeling come over him. It was a strange one, he would admit that, but he figured it was probably just being so close to the fire that had done it to him on such a chilly night. He quickly placed two wooden logs over the flames, and moved the burnt ones about, causing the flame to jump up and engulf the new ones. Setting the wrought iron poker on the ground, he turned again toward Laereth.
The moving flames danced about her face in shadows and vibrant oranges, causing him to notice the finer points of her facial features. Never had he actually taken time to look at her like this, he just took the very normal rose for what it was worth and continued on with his life. He never realized that even the most run of the mill roses could be as beautiful as those which the Valier Vána the Ever-young and Irmo produced in their gardens of Valinor. Always had he taken his friendship with Laereth for granted, and never really realized what a beauty- in all ways besides aesthetically- he could call his friend.
Haldir again felt that feeling, but this time it worked its way up to hismind and niggled at it for a few moments before going away. He sighed and walked over to her, taking the blanket that rested on the back of lounge, placing it over her body and removing the book that was resting over her chest. For a moment he sat on the low table beside the lounge to gaze upon her. He wanted to wake her and speak with her about some things, but he felt horrible to have to interrupt such a blissful slumber of the person who had saved him today from committing other egregious acts toward his brothers.
She shifted slightly beneath the blanket, causing strands of her soft hair to fall over her face. Ever so carefully, he reached over and began to brush the hair away so as not disturb her, but has his fingers brushed her nose and before he could pull his hand away, her hands shot up to brush away his hand.
Her eyes opened slowly and she sat up quickly, "I cannot believe I fell asleep."
"It is fine that you fell asleep, it seems that everything is in working order," he replied and sat back, looking at her.
Laereth removed the blanket from her body and stood up from the lounge, walking over to the kitchen, "Are you hungry?"
"Aye, I am, but I can fix something after you are gone," he said.
"So quick to get rid of me?" she questioned, "After I have been gracious enough to save you today?"
He did not reply as he walked over to join her, stopping behind her and placing his hands on her arms to make her stop her movements. She glanced back at him and he sighed, "Laereth, you know I did not mean it like that."
She nodded her head, "I know that, I am only giving you a hard time."
"I am very sorry for the way I have been acting, Laereth. First snipping at you yesterday," he said. "All you have been the last few months was friendly where and when I needed a friend the most. And truthfully, I am astonished you would even help me today, without any pretense to it while I have been the worst friend in the world since the deaths of our fathers. And I am also sorry that I am so self-absorbed that I have neglected to realize that you two are living through the same things I am."
"You apologies are accepted," she said. Laereth raised a curious brow and smiled slightly, "I must be very good at talking sense into people."
"You are," he said with a laugh. "But even though I know I must work on things, I have no idea how to begin."
"Are you willing to truly learn?" she asked.
"Aye," he said.
"I have a plan," she glanced at him and walked away to sit down at the table.
Haldir watched her do this, "And what is this plan?"
"Well, it has always been an unspoken promise between the families of wardens that if something should go wrong, that the families would stay together and help each other," she replied and met his eyes. "I propose that we hold to that form. I will help you with your brothers, because you will need it if you are participate in the warden training that will happen soon."
"I would never ask you to take over all the responsibilities when I become a warden," he said. "I thought I would wait until Rúmil reached fifty years to try out to become a warden."
Laereth laughed, "I never said I would take all the responsibility, but I will help with it. And there is certainly no reason why you should put your dreams on hold to take care of your brothers, albeit a wonderful task because you truly have wonderful brothers."
"Why are you being so kind to me, Laereth? I certainly do not deserve your friendship after all these years and the way I have acted with you," he said.
"No... you may not," she paused pensively, "but I like to think that it is just because you areyoung and not as matured or intelligent as I to realize this."
"Amusing, really, Laereth," he scowled and turned around to gather the food sitting there to carry it over to the table.
Laereth laughed and rested her head on her hand, "But you will repay me for all my help."
"And how will I do that?" he questioned.
"If I ever need help with anything around my talan, you must promise to help me," she said.
"Deal," he replied.
"Not so fast," she laughed and sighed. "I also wish to have you teach me how to use a sword and help me perfect my usage of a bow."
Haldir chuckled and met her eyes, holding out his arm for her to take, "All conditions are agreeable."
Then we have an accord," she grabbed his forearm and laughed again. "Muindor."
iell nin- my daughter
mellon- friend
munidor- brother
Vana and Irmo- Husband and wife Valar. Where she walked, flowers were said to spring up and birds sang. Irmo was more commonly known as Lórien, for the gardens in which he lived in Valinor with his wife. Yes, there is a Lórien in Valinor. That is how Lothlórien was named in Arda.