Edelgard jerked awake and curled into a ball in the darkness, starting to sob anew. Her dreams had actually been pleasant for once. It was about the family events they had attended. Even if Gete and Magda had been forced to play nice with them, those events had always been wonderful. She loved the so much. On church holidays, the entire family would get together and respect the traditions or simply find ways to spend time together. Those days were some of the happiest of her life. Even if those two-faced bitches had been forced to play nice, it was refreshing to not have people fighting all the time or at all really.
Now she knew she would never get those days back again.
She heard a yawn from the side and felt arms wrap around her. "El...? What's wrong?" Of course, it was Juliane. The woman rubbed her back and pulled her into a soft hug, starting to rock back and forth with her. What time it was, Edelgard couldn't be sure. It was simply late. It could be midnight, it could be four in the morning. It wasn't light enough to check the clock on the nightstand. She just wanted to go back to sleep, but the pleasant memories caused her mothing but pain now.
All she could do was choke out a strangled sob in response. There was really nothing she could say right now. She was too consumed with pain and sorrow to be coherent. Again. It all hurt so very much. She wanted things to go back to the way they had been before. Not perfect, but mostly happy. Most of her plural mothers loved her something fierce. The women would often do whatever they could for the other children... If their mothers were busy, they would take care of them. At least one woman was with the younger children at all times. She missed those days. Yes, Juliane was by her side most of the time, but it was no replacement for being able to spend time with Augusta, Karola, and Katinka. She missed her own mother. Why had Anselma plotted against Juliane? What was her mother's goal? At least Helga had been up front about wanting Ionius all to herself…
She felt Juliane sit up fully and pull her into her lap, then started humming again. At least it wasn't church hymns this time. She hated the church so very much. It was awful, terrible, and deserved to burn. Rhea was an awful being that didn't understand humanity and would see it slowly wither and die if given the choice. She didn't want them progressing. She wanted them stagnant and never evolving. How anybody was so cruel, she didn't understand... Then again, she didn't understand the cruelty put for by the slitherers either. They had caused so much pain to her family... They deserved to be destroyed too.
How long she cried for, she wasn't sure, but it was until she could weep no more. She was wrung dry like a towl or rag. She had nothing left to give. Once again, her throat burned, making it hard to draw in breath from how raw everything was. She missed the old days. She wanted her siblings back. She wanted her mothers back, all of them. Even Helga. She would take the imperfection and conflict Helga and her daughters caused over this isolation and lack of love anyday. They had at least played nice some of the time. Everything they said was either feigned or an outright lie, but at least there was some sort of kindness and love their toward her father. Even that much was better than this. She hated this. She hated all of this.
Juliane kissed her head and got up, then went to the door. Edelgard heard soft talking come from the hallway and then Juliane returned, keeping Edelgard in her lap. "I'll have a servant bring us some water, El. You could use it after that, right?"
Edelgard hiccuped and nodded. "Y-Yeah..." It hurt to speak, but she didn't want the silence to crush her again. After that, she really didn't want silence. Even the humming was better than nothing. She'd even take the hated hymns over the deafening silence. How she'd spent hours in silence writing poetry as a child was beyond her. She could simply sit outside and watch the world for hours on end, finding beauty in the smallest of things. From a bug crawling on a flower to the way light reflected off puddles... She'd really enjoyed the beauty of the natural world.
Now that was gone. All gone. She couldn't find beauty in anything anymore. What was there left? The world was cruel, harsh, and unfair. Even survival was unfair. Animals had to die for others to eat. There was nothing fair nor soft about that. She'd seen it when out hunting with Tobias. The screams of the jackrabbits as they met their fatal end at Evelin's talons had been traumatising to her as such a little girl. But now... Death was a part of life. She hadn't bene there for the funerals of her siblings but she saw their final resting places. It hadn't sunk in how gone they were until seeing Tobias, Eckhart, and Alina. She was so alone in the world now. Some of her only friends were dead . She would never see them again. No matter how much she screamed, cried, and begged, they were gone . She would never see them again.
Everything hurt again. How Juliane bore losing so much with such kindness and grace was beyond her. She just... She didn't understand. How did she deal with so much pain? It would be so much easier to shut her heart down and not feel anything. And yet, she still chose to care for Edelgard despite everything...
People just made no sense sometimes. Duke Aegir and the others... How could they have stripped her father of his power? She didn't understand. And then aiding and abetting in regicide. They had killed so many members of the royal family through their awful deeds. They were essentially killing their Emperor through stress. How could they do this to him? She had thought people inherently kind and giving at one time, but no, she seemed to be wrong... People were cruel and selfish and, if something stood in the way of their own personal interests, they would do everything they could to get that obstacle out of the way. How could people be like this?
She could feel her body wanting to start sobbing again, but she was wrung out like a rag. She had nothing more to give. She wanted to curl up and die. But Juliane would lose everyone that needed her and who knew what would happen should the last child die? It would have been kindness and a mercy to let her die instead of bearing this awful fate. She had to bear the guilt of losing ten siblings. She should never have been allowed to live. Itt would have been a kindness and a mercy. She just... All of it hurt so very much. But still.. Juliane at least had her to care for so that meant that she had a reason to retain her kindness and compassion. If Edelgard died, what would that mean for Juliane? She couldn't imagine how badly Augusta and Karola had it to find their children dead.
What of the other concubines, though...? Had they been notified of their children's deaths? Or had Juliane hidden it from them? She didn't know. There were so many questions that should be answered but she would probably never find them. Juliane would want to shelter her from the awful reality that was now her life. She hoped that she would never have to find some of these things out even if she was curious. Still... She hoped that, once she succeeded as Empress, she could be able to bring back Katinka and Kerstin. She missed them so much. Katinka and Anselma had constantly been at each other's throats with how they raised their children. Katinka had wanted to prepare for the worst-case scenario if something ever happened. She had had Alina and Leopold trained in just about every survival skill imaginable. Anselma had severely restricted Edelgard's access to those skills even though she'd wanted to learn them... It was just a mess... Anselma hadn't much gotten along with the other women including Juliane.
A knock on the door roused her from her thoughts and Juliane gently squeezed Edelgard. "I'll be back in a second." She stood up and went to the door, though Edelgard couldn't really see what was going on. She came back with a pitcher of water and a candle, given to her by the servant. She sat the water on the nightstand and poured a glass for Edelgard. She took it and started sipping it though she really wanted to down it right then and there. But she'd probably just end up spluttering and choking, so it wasn't worth it.
She tucked up against Juliane after she sat back down. "There you go, El. Nice and slow. No need to down the entire pitcher right now." She leaned into a kiss on the head from Juliane. She really did want to down it right then and there though... It was hard to exercise self-control sometimes. But she really did need to right now.
Juliane reached over and grabbed the book that they'd been reading earlier. They'd gotten through it but she started reading again. This time, the Empress' voice was loud and clear, not worried about anything. Edelgard couldn't really focus on the story or the words, though. She was just glad to have some sort of noise right now. She wished there were some way to maybe play back and record music or people talking and things like that... But it was a flight of fancy and she knew it. No such thing would ever be possible.
Eventually, though, she felt herself yawn and looked up at Juliane. "I should try to sleep again..." Yeah, she really was tire. She didn't want to go back to those memories, but there wasn't any choice. Plus, Juliane needed the sleep too. She no doubt had a day full of court duties she'd need to handle. Edelgard really needed to stop relying on her so heavily. But there were some days that it was just impossible to function. Like the previous day. They both really needed the sleep. So she sat her glass to the side on the nightstand and blew the candle out. She took the book from Juliane and sat it next to the glass and pitcher. With that, they curled up together once again and fell back into the arms of slumber.
#
Dawn's fingers crept in through the window, making Edelgard's eyes flutter open and she looked around, Juliane was still asleep, but no doubt about to rouse with dawn starting to creep over the horizon. Edelgard was quiet. Once again, the pleasant memories of times passed had found her in her dreams. In some regards, she'd rather have the nightmares. They were horrific, but at least they were mostly just figments of her mind. But the happy memories... They represented everything she would never have again. She missed her family. Holidays would never be the same again. Nothing would ever be the same again. She wasn't sure how to deal with it now that the reality of everything was settling in.
Juliane sat up a few moments later and kissed Edelgard's head. "How are you feeling now, El?"
She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. "I don't wanna leave the room but...I really shouldn't keep you from court again." It was so selfish to keep Juliane from doing what was for the good of the country. She had kept her cooped up for the better part of three months at this point. Nothing had been fun, but she needed to try to function. There would be days as Empress she wouldn't feel good but she'd have to function anyway. Now was the best time to start getting used to that. Especially at Garreg Mach in a few years... Yeah, she would have to go to classes whether or not she felt like it. So she was best off going to lessons today and spending time with Ueli. She might as well put her time into something constructive.
"Okay. Well, if you feel like coming back, just do that then send Hubert to get me. He'll know where to find me." Juliane smiled at her warmly and Edelgard nodded. She hoped that it wouldn't come to that. She really wanted to be active that day. Well. She didn't feel like leaving the room but she also felt like being active... It was hard to have conflicting interests like this. But she really needed to just learn to deal with it and be functional even if it was incredibly difficult.
They went through their morning routine and parted ways, finding herself alone with Hubert. He offered her a bow. "Good morning, my lady. I take it we'll be up to the usual schedule then?"
She nodded, tucking her braided pigtail behind her ear. "Yeah. We'll go down to the kitchens to grab some meals for me, then I'll do combat classes, and we'll down to Ueli." There wasn't much more to her day than that. She should probably make visiting her siblings a part of her routine though... She didn't want to think about it though. It was so incredibly stressful and upsetting. She would consider the ramifications of that later. She would have to watch them slowly waste away and... She shook her head. No. Think about it later. Birds today.
With that done, they headed out of the royal wing and down to the kitchens so she could have her meals for the day.
#
With her combat classes done for the day, she headed down to Ueli's house though she had her arms wrapped around herself. She felt so incredibly vulnerable and isolated now. The world wasn't the same. The colors in the flowers weren't quite as bright. The sunshine didn't feel as warm. It was summer, yet she felt incredibly cold. It was as if the blood in her veins had turned to ice and the warmth from her heart had been entirely drained. It was like being back in the dungeon, sleeping on the cold floor for a day she couldn't handle moving from the pain of her flesh having been torn open and stitched back together. She wanted to hide away from the world.
The tears crept into her eyes again but she wiped them away. Ueli was doing afternoon feeding (she could see the blood dripping from the bucket) which made her shudder. It was still too much for her. She might not be able to handle even tidbitting today.
"Oh, Edelgard! I'm glad to see- What's wrong, little lady?" He sat the bucket down and walked over. She could sense Hubert tensing a bit from something she couldn't pick up on. Ueli wrapped his arms around Edelgard and she closed her eyes. She could practically feel Hubert bristling even though he was no doubt maintaining his composure. "Do you need another day off? If so, just let me know... Working with birds of prey when you're upset isn't a good idea... They can feel your energy." Edelgard frowned at that, but she could tell it was true. The horse had been a bit stiff and jumpy underneath her hand today. It had probably been feeding off her energy... She really didn't know much about animals.
"Maybe I should just focus on learning about furniture today if that's the case." She didn't want to potentially upset Romy or have some sort of accident with the bird. She had at least gotten her wish to be active through combat classes and was feeling even more exhausted than she had been when waking up. She really was just a mess today. She still wanted to hold Romy, but if it would upset the bird, that really wasn't a good idea.
Ueli nodded. "Yeah, that's probably for the best. You don't want to mess with a bird of prey when you're in a bad headspace. Animals can really feed off bad energy and it can upset them. You only want to work with a bird of prey when you have a clear head. You might miss some body language and then end up in a real dire spot." Considering she didn't know the first thing about raptor body language, it was probably for the best that she stuck with furniture then. Missing something that could end her up in a bad place was far from ideal. She was really having a hard time today. And she would really need to think about if she wanted to see her siblings more often. She hadn't even gotten to say goodbye because she'd been so upset.
"Plus, I'm not sure how I'd deal with tidbitting today because of it." She frowned. Yeah, that was another good point. If she couldn't handle tidbitting, then that would only serve to upset Romy further. Especially if she hadn't eaten at all that day. She wanted the bird to be in the best shape possible and, if that meant skipping a day with her, it was for the best. She just... Yeah, she hated all of this so much. But she had to be realistic with her expectations of herself right now. Julilane always told her to be kind to herself and moder herself on bad days. It had stuck with her through all of this since when she could at least first start recalling being free bit by bit.
"All right then. I'll have Helen teach you. I'll give Romy her feeding now. I hadn't fed her today cuz of you coming down here today. I had to do evening feeding for her yesterday and she was none too happy about it. But I'll get her own. Why don't you go to the house and Helen will pick up your lessons where you left off?" Ueli smiled at her and she nodded. She at least didn't need to be shown where the house was. Even now, the route was becoming quickly familiar and she could follow it without too much trouble. So she headed to the house and went through the door.
Helen was nowhere to be seen in the living room and she looked up at Hubert. "We really ought to find her."
"I don't feel like traipsing through the house is a good idea..." Her voice was quiet, still a bit worn out from the crying session earlier in the morning and just how she felt. She was so withdrawn from the world right now, but at least her mind wasn't in that extreme fuzzy feeling like it was yesterday. "Could you call for her?" She did feel bad for making Hubert do that... She knew she could trust him with anything, but still. She really knew he wasn't the type of person that liked to raise his voice. He could and would do it, but it wasn't his favorite thing to do.
"Helen! Are you in here?" Despite everything, he did call out for the woman. It took only a few minutes for her to poke her head out of the kitchen and to walk over. "Oh, good morning, Edelgard! What brings you to the house so early? I thought you'd be outside with Ueli and Romy. I was working on cleaning the clothes. Sorry, but won't be able to offer much in the way of instruction for furniture today." She gave an apologetic smile. Edelgard did frown at that. She was looking forward to learning about furniture. But if Helen couldn't do it, she couldn't do it.
"Do you need some help?" She might as well do something constructive while she was down here. Even if it wasn't what she had planned on, she could still learn something. She just handed her clothes off to the servants and they washed them. Plus, she couldn't imagine how hard it had to be in order to wash clothes for a family of five. She hoped that she could be of use to Helen despite not really being able to do anything in regards to falconry today. She might as well make herself useful somehow .
Helen frowned at that. "You're a royal. You really shouldn't be worrying yourself with some commoner's dirty clothes." Maybe that was true, but she still wanted to be of use. She didn't want to go back and sit in Juliane's room while crying or wallowing in sorrow. Keeping busy was at least helping keep her mind off how bad she felt. She really needed something to keep her occupied today.
"Please let me help. I won't get in the way. I promise. I won't know what I'm doing but that's why you're here, right? You can help teach me." She was desperate to be of use somehow. She really, really didn't want to sit around and feel awful. She wanted to be helpful and useful. Plus, there was no telling what would come about when she went to Garreg Mach. She might be expected to do her own clothes there too. She wasn't sure. There were so many uncertainties of what skills she would need to have when she went to Garreg Mach. She didn't want to be completely and utterly useless when she went to the Officer's Academy. So many of the nobles there would be useless if they had to cook or do things like laundry. Even if she was bad at it, having some knowledge of it would be useful and help her be self-sufficient at the monastery.
Helen sighed then nodded. "All right, Edelgard. I can see you mean well. Now, come into the kitchen." They headed into the kitchen and Hubert sat in one of the dining chairs while Helen brought Edelgard over to the stove. She started to explain a myriad of things that mostly flew over Edelgard's head. Stuff about making soap and other such topics. She was overwhelmed, but she did her best to keep up. She hoped that she would get this all down one day. Even the falconry furniture seemed more straight forward than laundry somehow... It was crazy how much went into cleaning clothes. She'd never once thought about what would be involved with it.
They went about their day relatively quietly with Helen explaining how to handle certain laundry tasks and sometimes talking a bit about falconry and furniture making. Edelgard did have to stop every so often to eat but Helen didn't mind too much. It wasn't unexpected at this point even though they had only known each other a few days. Granted, she ate even less than normal... her stomach was still incredibly upset from the previous day so she was having to eat light and with what little bit she could manage to get down. Most of it was just bread and dried fruits or meats, but something was better than nothing for her body at this point. She was trying so hard to put weight on, but she'd barely gained a couple pounds in the months that she'd been free from the Crest experiments. Her combat classes were helping with that since muscle also had mass, but still... She was being slow to gain weight which wasn't good for somebody as tiny and light as she was.
The day eventually wound down to dinner and Helen looked at Edelgard. "Do you think you'll be able to handle cutting meat tonight?" Edelgard could feel the blood drain from her face and Helen nodded. "All right; that answers that question then. We'll just stick to veggies for you tonight." She smiled at Edelgard who nodded a little. She felt bad for being so utterly useless today. She was trying, but she just wasn't able to handle too much tonight. She was trying her best. At least she was functional today so that was a step in the right direction. Still... It wasn't much. Laundry had been fairly taxing physically, so she'd probably sleep through the entire night. That was a plus, she supposed.
With that done, she took the vegetables for prep and started cutting. Again, her cuts were slow, rough, and uneven. She'd only been at this for a couple of days, after all, so it would take her time to develop the skill fully. "Helen, do you have any pointers on how to make this easier?" She wanted to be more efficient with her time and slices. She was really trying her best to make sure they were good for the family. As long as it wasn't scorched, it'd probably be fine... But she was used to getting beautiful meals that appealed to both the eye and the pallet. At least when she was served properly in the dining room. When in Juliane's room or on the go, she simply got what was easy to carry or easy to eat. It wasn't anything crazy. She was just eating so little right now that it was hard for her body to keep up.
"Just relax and let yourself develop a feel for the knife, honey. You'll get better in due time. This is only your third time chopping. You don't need to stress how it looks. You fancy nobles might have good-looking meals, but we commoners don't have the luxury of that. As long as it's edible is fine with us. So your cuts don't need to be fully even or anything like that. You're doing fine." Helen smiled at her. "But I can give you some tips to be more efficient." She stood behind Edelgard and adjusted her grip on the knife, then started to show her how to be more effective with it. A few things did click in her head and she smiled up at her.
"This does make more sense. Thanks!" Even with as low as she was feeling, it didn't mean she couldn't feel accomplished over a small task. She wanted to be better for the family since she was pretty sure that they would still appreciate not having really uneven, lopsided chunks of vegetables in their meals. She really wanted to make sure their meals were both pleasing to the eye and pallet. It was pretty bland stuff though... Still, it was what they could afford. Spices were simply out of the realm for most commoners, even if they were well off like Helen and Ueli. Being employed by the royal family definitely had its perks.
Helen helped walk Edelgard through how to cook the meal and it didn't get scorched which was definitely a win in Edelgard's book. She didn't want to burn this family's food and potentially force them to have to recook something. They were no doubt limited and strict on what they had as was. She felt a bit bad for eating what they offered her, but it also felt rude to refuse what they told her was okay to do. At least Enbarr allowed them to grow food year round... From what she knew of Faerghus, they couldn't always make it through the cold winter. Supplies were tough to come by and feeding a large family could be difficult through the colder months. She now wasn't fond of Enbarr's heat after losing her tolerance to it, but it was still better to be able to grow food year round rather than have to scrounge the land for each and every morsel to get through the winter.
They settled down and Ueli scratched his scraggly beard. "Er, sorry for misleading you today, Edelgard. I forgot it was laundry day. You didn't get a mite of falconry practice or knowledge in today."
She shook her head. "Helen still did teach me a little bit while we were washing clothes. Plus, I'm not sure what life will be like at Garreg Mach. I'm not sure if I'll have to wash my own clothes or not. So learning to do laundry wasn't a bad thing." It really wasn't. She was trying to prepare herself for life at the monastery in a few years for when they went there. Hubert would be with her, of course... She couldn't imagine being apart from him yet again when there was always the chance they could go together. She wasn't sure if they'd be together in every class or not, but they at least wouldn't have to be apart for a year during the time she was there. Granted, she wasn't sure how useful the education would be to either of them... It might just be about forging bonds with other nobles while they were there. She was vaguely aware of Duke Aegir having a son, but she wasn't sure if that meant anything or not…
Ueli nodded, though he still looked abashed. "Still... You shouldn't have to worry about some commoner's dirty clothes. It ain't an easy task to deal with. Real taxing as I'm sure you noticed. Honestly, it's even more taxing than wrestling with a golden eagle!" He chuckled, but she could tell he was serious. She...could agree with that. Holding Evelin for the coping and furniture replacement had absolutely nothing on dealing with the laundry. It was at least a nice day out so they hadn't had to worry about any rain or anything of the like. How much must it have been demoralising to do laundry then only to have it absolutely ruined by bad weather? Honestly, now that she thought of it, how did the Kingdom do laundry in the winter when things were frozen over? She couldn't really remember anything of the Kingdom other than it was freezing cold and she'd hated it. That was just apparently one of her constant thoughts to the point it had ingrained itself into her memory despite how hard it was for her to recall much of anything.
"I can definitely agree with that... I'll probably sleep well tonight because of it." Yeah, she wasn't exactly looking forward to doing laundry again, but it'd be a good skill to have. She was pretty sure Karola knew how to do laundry since she'd had a large family with few servants... She talked about how she'd had to pitch in and learn to do tasks no noble really ought to do. She was incredibly domestic despite being a noble and would do things most nobles wouldn't ever dream of. She still needed to ask her about potentially cooking under her... She needed to learn how to use spices. Karola was a noble so she had to have at least some access to spices. Plus, she cooked in the royal kitchens... So even if she hadn't had much access in her homelands, she could have learned under the cooks in the royal kitchens.
"Hopefully tomorrow will be better for you. We've only known each other a few days, but you're legitimately kind and helpful. We don't want to see you suffer too much if we can help it." Ueli smiled at her and she felt a bit of color rise in her cheeks. She kind of did feel like family with them. They had been wary of her that first day, but once they had gotten over it, they really had treated her quite well. They weren't too afraid of getting hurt by her or the royal family somehow. She really hoped that their positive interactions could continue into the future. Annika was the least willing to accept those invitations, but she could see why. She probably hadn't had too much interaction with the royal family on a positive basis... Edelgard really needed to spend time with her to hopefully turn that around. Annika would one day be Edelgard's falconer and possibly her children's falconer. They really needed to have a positive relationship for the future. Annika was still learning, of course, but having that well-founded relationship would go a long way in making sure the future of the Hresvelg line was secured when it came to falconry.
"Thanks..." She really was grateful to have met these people. They were kind and down to earth. She really didn't regret opening up to them, though Hubert did have a legitimate reason to worry about her being so flippat with how she trusted people sometimes. She had never really known too much pain or unkindness until she'd been taken from her family. She wasn't sure about Fhirdiad and if she'd face unkindness there or not. She just couldn't remember much about it other than hating how cold it was there. She did pick at her food a little. "What if I don't feel well for a long time?" She didn't want to miss out on working with Romy and possibly visiting with Evelin. She wanted to be around the birds as much as possible. They were absolutely majestic.
"I'll just have to keep an eye on them in that case. You just definitely don't want to be mad if you work with a bird of prey. Or really be around any animal in that case. They will feed off your energy. An already gh-strung animal could become even more nervous and flighty if you're in that sort of headspace. But sometimes, you just have to work with them even when you're in a bad headspace. It can have real consequences, though. Can't tell you how many times I've been bitten or nipped because I misread the birds due to a bad mood." Ueli rubbed the back of his neck. Edelgard hoped that wouldn't happen to her, but she didn't know how to read raptor body language. Would she really be able to avoid getting hurt if she were in one of her down moods like she was now? "But I'll teach you their body language as we go, okay?"
"Okay." There would no doubt be a lot to deal with in that regard. She had been in riding lessons since she'd been little, but with so much time having elapsed since her last lessons, she'd kind of forgotten almost everything horse boy language she'd learned as a child. Horses weren't her favorite, but she'd have to learn to ride them if she wanted to get anywhere. Plus, Tobias had shown her what working with a horse, dog, and eagle did for prey. They could pick up that two legs meant danger while a horse wouldn't spook them. She wanted that sort of teamwork. That did make her tap her chin. "Do you train falconry dogs too?"
Ueli tilted his head before nodding. "Yeah, haven't trained one in a hot minute, though. With everything having been going on, nobody in the family has asked me to train one. We'll have to find a bitch with whelps. I mainly work with pointers though I do a few other breeds too. Pointers are great because they'll tell you where the prey is without flushing it. But other breeds are great too. Thankfully, I do know a breeder, so hopefully she has some pups or will soon." Ueli smiled and Edelgard managed a tiny smile herself. "I'm guessing it's because you want a dog?"
"I remember Toby working with a dog and horse on the hunting trip he took me out on. I don't really understand all the coordination that goes on between it, but I thought having a dog would be useful when I finally get to start hunting." She couldn't really remember the specifics of how Tobias had used the dog. Though it did hurt to remember him like he had been back then... The image of him crying in the bed was burned into her mind now despite the fuzzy feeling normally making it hard to remember much. She just wanted to be the best falconer she could be. Well... Assuming she could get past her difficulties with prey and dealing with dead bodies.
"I'll make a trip down into the city tomorrow to talk with my breeder friend. If the Empress agrees, you can come with me. Sound good?" She perked up at that and nodded. She hadn't been down in the city since before the Crest experiments. Though... Would she be able to handle being around so many people again? A room with ten people could be a lot for her. Plus, she'd have to ride her horse down into the city. She'd have Hubert there which would be enough guard for her. Juliane trusted him to keep her safe.
She looked at Hubert and he nodded. "I'll go speak to the Empress once we're done eating. We'll need to head back to your room for the night. I'll inform you afterward if the Empress has allowed you to go down or not." They really didn't need him to tell her since she'd be in the room with them, but it was best to keep up appearances. If anybody outside of their family knew Edelgard shared a room with the Empress, it might cause severe negative repercussions. What they'd be, Edelgard wasn't sure, but she knew they would really cause issues for the royal family if people outside of that small circle knew.
"Okay, Hubert. I hope she does let me go down with you. I haven't been down to Enbarr in years." She looked at Ueli shyly. "I don't want to distract from business too much, but there's a chocolatier I'd like to visit if it's not too much of a digression." Tobias had become close with the woman and so Edelgard had gotten to know her at least somewhat. She was a kind woman that always gave them at least one little freebie. Tobias compensated her for everything else, but it was just one little piece of chocolate. The royal chocolatier wasn't bad, but she just preferred Erma's chocolates. They were top quality and she really enjoyed them... Plus, there were seasonal treats made with ingredients from the Kingdom and Alliance that were some of her favorites. Like cherry cordials. She so rarely got those…
"Yeah, sure. I won't mind making a small side trip." Ueli smiled at her and she returned it a bit more warmly. Yeah, she was starting to look forward to tomorrow even if she wasn't completely out of this funk. Something told her it would last for quite a while. She was doing her absolute best to pull herself out of it, but it was just hard when she had seen her siblings like that. The full weight of the past two years had finally come crashing down on her. Somehow, even seeing the graves of her siblings that had passed hadn't had that sink in fully. Some part of her still believed things would be okay... But now, she knew they wouldn't be. Things would never, ever be the same again. She hated it. It was so hard.
"Thank you." She really did appreciate it. Her excursions down to the city had honestly been all about just exploring the nooks and crannies without too much craziness. Tobias always seemed to know just where to take her to make her smile. She would never get those days back. And she would probably never be allowed down to the city on her own... Honestly, she might not even be able to go tomorrow. Juliane was trying to help her, but she might be too afraid to let Edelgard that far out of her sight. The city could and would b dangerous for royals to venture out into without guards. She would have Hubert, but that might not be enough for Juliane... She trusted Hubert with everything that she was, though. He would do everything in his power to make sure that she was safe. Nothing could ever sway him from that.
"Ain't no problem. Plus, it'll be nice to see you smile." Ueli offered her a warm smile and she couldn't help but return it. This family truly was so kind. She was sure that, if they had any sort of negative intention, Hubert would be able to sense it. He had threatened them that first day, but he hadn't said anything since then really... He ought to be able to read them like open books. So if he wasn't saying anything against them, she truly did believe the best.
With that, dinner wrapped up shortly afterward and Edelgard headed back to the castle. Juliane was waiting for her and she rested against the woman. "How did today go, honey?"
"It was pretty quiet, all things considered... I really just helped Helen out with laundry. She managed to get a little bit about falconry in during, but it was mostly just teaching me how to take care of clothes." Honestly, she never would've thought so much went into doing laundry... It was crazy just how much time and effort had to go into laundry day. And Helen hadn't even been finished with it... She felt a bit bad for leaving the woman to finish the tasks by herself, but how many years had she been doing it on her own? Edelgard had probably just helped speed things along a bit, though she might also have slowed them down with Helen needing to explain everything. She wasn't really sure.
"Sometimes you just need a quiet day after an upset." Julilane ran her fingers through Edelgard's hair, starting to take out the braids and pigtails. "Still, never expected to hear you'd help with laundry... It was your choice, though, so it's really up to you." Edelgard nodded. She hadn't had too much choice in the matter, but she hadn't horribly minded helping either. She needed to keep busy after the previous day. Helen's presence was a relatively gentle one, so she didn't mind spending time around the woman.
"Ueli wants to go out into the city tomorrow to talk to a dog breeder friend of his. Would it be okay if Hubert and I went with him?" She glanced at Hubert who was standing in the doorway, obviously waiting to hear Juliane's answer.
Juliane looked down at Edelgard, her lips pursed together. "I don't know if that's a good idea, El... The Imperial family isn't in the same position it was when you were a child. I've already told you about the Insurrection... Those people might try to send assassins if you leave the safety of the palace. Or people might just try to kill you even if they aren't affiliated with the Seven." Edelgard looked down. That was what she'd been afraid of. She didn't fully grasp the situation the royal family was in. She was the only heir left. She couldn't be killed or else all hell would break loose. Unless one of the women got pregnant again or her father managed to find a much younger woman... But after losing so much, she wasn't sure if he wanted more children or another concubine. He'd already lost four of the women he'd loved so dearly.
"Your Majesty, if I may... I will be with her as she said. I know my father is a traitor to the Imperial line, but my dedication to Lady Edelgard is absolute. Nothing can sway me from keeping her safe. If we could speak for a while, I may be able to convince you otherwise." His tone was respectful, but she could sense he wasn't too happy about it being implied that he couldn't keep her safe on his own. She trusted him. His senses were incredibly honed and he could basically read people's mind's like a book. Very little could be kept from him.
"El, would you mind if I went to talk to Hubert for a bit?"
"I don't really have much choice..." She'd try to curl up with a book for a while and see if that would distract her. Helen had mostly spoken while they were cleaning laundry, explaining how to do things and when exactly to do them. So the silence hadn't been too much of a worry. Or if they didn't talk, she had performed songs that Edelgard had never heard before. She called them washing songs and they were mostly to help pass the time while doing the tedious tasks. She went over to the bookshelf and grabbed one of her books, then curled up with it on the bed.
Juliane kissed her head then the Empress and Hubert headed out of her room. She could hear them talking quietly outside of the door, but it wasn't loud enough to really carry through the thick wood. They obviously didn't want her to overhear even if it was likely about her.
They came back in about forty-five minutes later by which time Edelgard had curled in on herself and shook from the deafening silence. She felt Juliane wrap her arms around her and rub her back. "I'm sorry for leaving you for so long, El... I'll let Hubert go into the city without." Edelgard cracked her eyes and she looked up.
"No other guards necessary?" It felt like a relatively quick turnaround. She didn't really feel like talking after spending so much time in the silence, but she knew she needed to. She hated the effect that being alone and in quiet could have on her... The silence was just too overwhelming at times. She didn't know how to cope with it. And if this was any indication, it would go on for at least a couple more days... She wasn't looking forward to it. Maybe Helen could teach her some more of the washing songs or if there were any other songs she knew for tasks like cooking and such…
Juliane shook her head. "He's more than capable enough of keeping you safe by himself. Now how about we get ready for bed?"
Hubert still stood by the doorway and bowed. "I'll take the news to Ueli then head to bed myself. Sleep well, Lady Edelgard, Your Majesty." He closed the door behind him and left the pair alone. With that done, they went through their nighttime routine then curled into bed. It was still a little early, so Juliane kept her comfortable with tales of other hunts she'd been on until she'd drifted off into a peaceful slumber.