Batman: The Three Bats

by Barbatos76

The Dark Knight. The Caped Crusader. The World's Greatest Detective. Solving "The Three Jokers" was the greatest mystery he had to unravel up to that point. But what will he do when he is faced with not only realizing that he may not have truly solved the mystery of his greatest enemy; but that he must solve the greater mystery surrounding himself! Who is the real Batman?

14. The Three Bats: The Long Thanksgiving

Batman: The Three Bats- The Long Thanksgiving Chapter 1

"Thursday, November 24. The city streets are crowded for the holiday. Even with the snow.

Hidden in the chaos is the element, waiting to strike like snakes. And I'm there too. Watching. Trying to find the last can of yams for Thanksgiving. 2 years of nights have turned me into a nocturnal animal. I must choose my targets carefully. Wait, "Target!" Maybe that's where I could find a can of yams! But, does Gotham even have a Target? It's a big city. There must be one.

I can't be everywhere. But they don't know where I am. We have a signal now, for when I'm needed. When that light hits the sky, it's not just a call- it's a warning. To them. Fear is a tool and so am I. Wait, I didn't mean to say that I'm a tool. I'll take that part out later. They think I'm hiding in the shadows. But I AM the shadows. I wish I could say I'm making a difference, but I don't know. Murder, robberies, assault, jaywalkers, people that drive 5 miles over the speed limit, tax evasion, internet bullying, littering- 2 years later, they're all up. And now this.

This city's eating itself. Eating itself all the way out. Wait, that didn't sound right…..eating itself like a stuffed Thanksgiving turkey. Still doesn't sound right…..Maybe it can't be saved, but I have to try. PUSH MYSELF. Like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I heard he pees in water bottles when he's at the gym. Now, I pee in water bottles too. These nights all roll together in a rush, Behind the mask. Sometimes in the morning I have to force myself to remember everything that happened so I take my shirt off and walk around with my sunglasses on inside the house."

Just then, The Batman spots a man walking with a large Thanksgiving turkey that he just purchased. The man is thinking about how much his family will enjoy the succulent turkey. Money has been tight lately. He had to work extra shifts the past month in order to save up enough money to buy it but now that he has it….it will be all worth it to see the smiles on the faces of his wife and children.

Just then, a group of thugs with clown makeup on comes out of nowhere.

Clown Thug 1- "Well, what of we got here!? A nice Thanksgiving turkey being carried by a …..jive turkey! Now hand it over man! Me and my crew about to slam!"

Clown Thug 2- "Wait, ain't ya got no dressing to go with it? I love dressing!"

Clown Thug 3- "It's called stuffing moron. Now, hand the turkey over before things get messy up in here!"

Man- "Please, please don't take the turkey. I worked all month just to buy it! Please, my family is really looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving dinner!"

Clown Thug 1- "I don't give a damn about your fams bruh! Now give me that turkey!"

The Clown Thugs start to attack the man, hitting and kicking him. Clown Thug 3 grabs the turkey and holds it up in the air.

Clown Thug 3- "I got the turkey bitches!"

Just as the clowns are getting ready to start beating the man again they hear….footsteps…..from the shadows. The men stop and stare into the dark alley way as they hear the footsteps echoing until they are able to start to see…..him. Suddenly, the deep notes from a piano start to play a haunting theme as he walks closer and closer.

Clown Thug 1- "What the Hell!?"

Clown Thug 2- "Where'd he come from? And where'd that weird music come from? Is that the Darth Vader theme?"

Clown Thug 1- "Hell naw! I would actually describe it as rather musically similar though in rhythm, melody and tempo and the overall haunting atmosphere that it creates."

Just then, as the man from the shadows reveals himself and steps ever so closer to Clown Thug 3 who is still grasping onto the turkey…..

The Batman- "I thought the Insane Clown Posse broke up."

Clown Thug 3- "Who are you!?"

The Batman grabs the turkey from Clown Thug 3, breaks off a huge turkey leg and begins to beat the Clown thug in the face knocking him down. The Batman ferociously pummels the Clown Thug over and over with the turkey leg until he is nearly unconscious.

Finally, The Batman stops beating him and looks up. He angrily growls…..

"I…..am….VEGAN!"

Clown Thug 1 then points a gun at The Batman. The Batman quickly knocks the gun out of his hand and assaults him with a combination of punches and kicks knocking him out.

Suddenly, Clown Thug 2 runs up from behind with a knife.

Clown Thug 2 – "Eat this!"

Just then, The Batman sticks his armored gloved hand inside the turkey, ripping out the giblets…..he then grabs Clown Thug 3 and sticks his entire head into the inner…uhhhhhhhhhhh….cavity.

The Batman- "No, you meat eating bastard….you….eat…THIS!"

With each Clown Thug now being incapacitated The Batman now looks down at the man whom he just saved.

Man-"You…you're real! You saved me! Thank you Mr.…..Vegan? But…..but now I have no turkey for Thanksgiving! I have no food for my wife and children. I even put in extra shifts to buy it."

The Batman – "I don't condone the senseless eating of poor defenseless animals, but here's a check for $1,000. Buy all the damn turkey you want for your family. Let's say it's all in the name of….RENEWAL."

Man- "Thank you Mr. Vegan! Wait, you just HAPPENED to have a check for $1000 floating around in your utility belt AND you mentioned RENEWAL? Are you really Bruce…."

The Batman- "Of course not! That's absurd!"

Man- "No! I'm right! The check is even from Wayne Enterprises! I knew it! Wait until I tell my wife about this!"

The Batman- "NO! YOU MUST TELL NO ONE!"

Just then a mail truck pulls up from out of nowhere. The delivery driver gets out and begins to speak.

Delivery Man-"Special delivery for The Batman, special delivery for The Batman!"

He then gives The Batman an envelope.

Delivery Man- "Please sign here sir!"

The Batman- "Ummmmmm….ok…sure."

Delivery Man-"Thank you much! Happy Thanksgiving!"

The Batman looks at the envelope. It looks like it was created by either a child or a madman, with a mishmash of letters that look like they were cut out of a magazine spelling out ..."To The Batman….Open Now."

The Batman slowly opens the envelope and reads the card inside.

The Batman- "Bring him into the light?" "What does that mean? This guy?"

"Hey buddy, could you come stand over here under this streetlamp for a second?"

Man- "Oh, well…..I guess. I really need to be getting home to my wife and kids with all the food I'm going to buy with this check, but sure! I can take a second for my new pal Brucey to stand under a streetlamp. Just one question though, why in the heck am I…"

POW!

Suddenly a gun blast comes from out of nowhere and hits the man killing him instantly.

The Batman- "Noooooooooooo! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

The man falls over dead from the gunshot. From out of nowhere the mail truck pulls back up again.

Delivery Man- "Ouch! Looks like somebody's having a bad day! Well, I've got another delivery for The Batman! Please sign here!"

The Batman-"Uhhhhhh…ok…ok."

The Batman signs for the letter and again opens a strange looking envelope. He opens it and begins to read…

"This key has legs but can't open a door. This key has legs but can't open a door? What the Hell!?" What could that mean!?"

For the next four hours The Batman uses every detective skill at his disposal to try and solve the riddle.

First he changes into grungy clothes and drives around on a motorcycle with a bike helmet on.

"This key has legs but can't open a door. This key has legs but can't open a door? What the Hell!?" What could that mean!?"

Then he goes back home and takes his shirt off and spreads a bunch of papers all over the floor.

"This key has legs but can't open a door. This key has legs but can't open a door? What the Hell!?" What could that mean!?"

Then he does a stakeout outside Selina's place. He watches with binoculars as she changes her clothes. He should be thinking about how hot she looks but…

"This key has legs but can't open a door. This key has legs but can't open a door? What the Hell!?" What could that mean!?"

Finally, he puts his Batman suit back on and goes back on the hunt. The hunt for clues to this riddle!

A few blocks away and six stories up we find two punks….Nick and Eddie. They are going through a wallet that they recently stole.

Nick- "All right. American Express. (Tossing the card at Eddie). Don't leave home without it."

A chill wind BLOWS as Nick counts cash. There's a distant, metallic CLANG; Eddie hears it and tenses up.

Eddie- "Let's beat it, man. I don't like it up here."

Nick-"What are ya, scared of heights?"

Eddie- "I dunno, after what happened to Johnny Gobbles."

Nick-"Look, Johnny Gobbles ate too much turkey and took a walk off a roof, all right? No big loss."

Eddie- "No man, that ain't what I heard. I heard the (gulp) BAT got em."

Nick- "The BAT? Gimme a break will you Eddie?"

Eddie- "Five stories straight down, there was no cranberry sauce left in the can he stole."

Nick- "NO SHIT! It was all over the pavement!"

ANOTHER SOUND. Now even Nick can't ignore the slight tingle at the base of his spine...

Nick- "There ain't no BAT."

At the opposite corner of the roof, some fifteen yards away... at the end of a line, a STRANGE BLACK SILHOUETTE is dropping slowly, implacably, into frame...

Eddie – "You shouldn'ta turned the gun on that kid, man. You shouldn'ta –"

Nick- "You want your cut of this money or don't you? Now shut up! Shut up –"

Both punks freeze at the sudden, inexplicable sound of boots crunching on gravel.

At the edge of the roof, bathed in moonlight, is a black apparition.

Eddie freezes, a choked gurgle in his throat. The black figure advances and spreads its arms, slowly, majestically. Great shadowy wings flap in the wind.

On its chest is the emblem of a bat, in an oval yellow field, glowing like a target in the darkness..

Nick drops to the gravel, grabs the gun, and fires twice.

Two clean hits. The strange black figure is knocked to the roof.

He bends to retrieve his loot. Eddie lets out an odd, pre-verbal squeal... and Nick sees….. The human bat, back on its feet…..nightmarish, and moving inevitably closer.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere is the sound of a loud, roaring motorcycle engine. The Batman comes crashing through a door on the roof on his motorcycle. He smashes into Eddie. Batman 89 shakes his head in utter disappointment.

The Batman starts punching Eddie- "This key has legs but can't open a door! This key has legs but can't open a door! What do you know about that riddle!?"

Eddie (while getting pummeled in the face) "I don't know shit about that riddle man!"

Batman 89' grabs Nick by the shirt, hoists him into the air.

Nick-"Don't kill me... don't kill me..."

Batman 89'-"I'm not going to kill you. I want you to tell all your friends about me."

Suddenly The Batman runs up.

The Batman-"Wait, I need to ask him a question! This key has legs but can't open a door! What does that mean scumbag!"

Batman 89'- "Dammit kid, get ahold of yourself. You're ruining my big moment. The moment everyone has been waiting for."

The Batman- "What moment is that?"

Batman 89'-"You know how you said that vegan shit? Watch and learn…."

Nick-"Who are you!"

Batman 89'- "I'm Batman!"

Nick- "Then, ...who's, who's THAT guy?"

Batman 89 throws Nick down.

Batman 89'- "Dammit kid! You ruined my moment! Plus you come crashing in on a motorcycle. A MOTORCYCLE!? You must not have passed Batman 101 in school kid. Class number 1 was STEALTH 101. Oh, and you also must have missed class number two….ADVANCED DETECTIVE SKILLS."

The Batman- "What do you mean? I'm a great detective!"

Batman 89'- (long sigh) "TurKEY."

The Batman- "What?"

Batman- "The answer to your stupid riddle. This key has legs but can't open a door. It's TurKEY….Turkey dammit! I can't believe you couldn't figure that out."

Batman 89' starts to leave…

The Batman- "Where are you going? I thought we were hanging out?"

Batman 89'- "I'd like to…..but Alfred just took the turkey out of the oven….

And I've gotta go to work!...on eating some turkey."

To be continued...