Needing a Release
Walking into the small area where they found the best wood she saw some was already cut down from the trees. All she needed was to cut it down into smaller pieces and bundle it up. Putting three long branches in front of her she picked up the axe and swung it the ground as hard as she could. Closing her eyes as it hit the ground she hoped it hit the wood. Opening her eyes she had seen that she missed the wood and hit the ground.
"I guess I'll have to do this the hard way." She groaned as she single a branch out. Raising the axe again she tightened her grip around the middle of the handle. So tight her knuckles were white.
Tension had built up in her. Not from just one thing, but everything. The past days. The past months. Even the past year had gotten to her. It was all building up at that point. She needed a release. Even though islands were thought to be a getaway this one wasn't gonna let her have that peace she needed. Inhaling slowly she thrust the axe down hard against the wood. Looking down she had cut it in half.
Sighing in a slight tension relief, it still wasn't enough. Just a breath. Picking up another piece of wood she put it in front of her. Raising the axe she looked over to her left seeing something out of the corner of her eye. A figure walking amongst the brush towards her.
She could tell who it was, with the black t-shirt and dirty blonde hair. The cigarette snug between his lips. Turning she saw the bandage on his arm that reminded her of what happened every time she saw it.
He stopped and seemed to be looking her way. Could he see her? His eyes seemed fixed on her. Did he follow her up here just to taunt her? Pulling the cigarette out of his mouth he threw to the ground.
Putting it out with his foot as he walked away. Her eyes were fixed on him as he walked out of her sight. What had he been doing there? She questioned herself.
Trying to push it from her mind as she did everything, she went back to the wood. She wanted to forget about Sawyer. She wanted to forget about that smug grin on his face.
She wanted to forget about the kiss. She wanted to forget about that day and everything that happened for no reason. She wanted to forget about everything that had happened to her. She wanted to start new on that island like Jack had said. Seemed easy. Just sit there on the beach and stare out onto the horizon and make life new. Well it wasn't as easy as it seemed.
Putting more wood on the ground she raised the axe yet again. Chopping the wood in half. Putting another in front of her she chopped some more and more and more until exhaustion took her. Putting the axe head to the ground she rested her elbow on the end of the handle. She looked over to the pile of wood and saw she had much more to go.
"Dammit." She cursed under her breath as she bent down to pick up another branch. Swinging the axe back behind her head she swung it down even harder to the wood. Shattering it into many pieces.
She stood there starring at the wood. In some why that piece of wood felt like her past. It was shattered into many pieces that cut her in the dark.
"Angry?" A gentle voice woke her from her trance. She quickly turned around to face it. Jack stood there arms folded to his chest. Kate gave a weak smile as she turned back to the wood. She picked the axe up once again.
"What he do?" Jack questioned stopping her swing mid-air. She knew whom he was talking about. "Nothing." She replied with her back still turned.
"Come on Kate. He had to have done something. I've never seen this tense." He exclaimed.
"He didn't do anything.' She repeated swinging the axe down on the wood.
"Kate." He wined trying to get her to tell him. She stopped what she was doing and looked back at him. That look was all she needed to give to get him to back off.
Backing down he looked to the ground in shame.
"I told you not worry about me Jack." She said sitting down on a tree stump. He stood silent knowing she was right.
"Well what'd he want?" He asked.
"To give me the sunscreen and flashlight." She replied.
"Why didn't he give it up at the end of the game?" Jack questioned. Kate remained quiet. She didn't know if she should tell him the real reason or make up something.
"He had the stuff in his tent.' She said taking the easy way. Jack seemed to understand, but he felt like a piece was missing. Still he didn't wanna ask questions seeing how as how he had hit a bit of a rough patch with her.
He sat there quiet just watching her chop the wood. He had nowhere else to go. Nothing else to do seeing how golf was done for the day and everyone at the caves were well. He just enjoyed the silent company, as did she. Just the feeling of knowing someone was there was comforting.
Better then feeling alone like both did most of the time. Jack was always surrounded by people, yet always felt alone. They shared that. They could be surrounded by many people, but still feel like they were in a room alone. They needed that one person who felt the same.
Kate thought that was how Sawyer felt. He had screwed over so many people and pushed everyone he loved away. If he had ever loved anyone. He always seemed to look as if her were alone. That was because he chooses to be. He actually distanced himself physically from the world.
Every night when Kate starred into the fire questioning the day she would look up and see him sitting there in his chair watching the others. Alone. This seemed to be the reason they all butted heads. Kate more then Jack wanted to be alone emotionally and Sawyer just wanted to be alone. Truth was he didn't want to he forced himself to.
After the wood was cut Jack helped Kate gather it up and carry back to the beach. Still silence pushed them to say something to end it. Walking out onto the trail that led them to the beach the silence was broken.
"So what do you miss most?" Jack asked out of the blue.
"What?" Kate asked with a curious look.
"What do you miss most from normal life?" He asked again.
"Nothing really." She said looking away towards the water like she always did.
"Come on there has to be something. Chocolate, French fries, nice warm bed." His words turned to drone as her mind wondered. What did she miss?
Her life before this was a prison cell. Sitting in an eight by ten hollowed out concrete box. Spending lonely days and even colder nights away from life. Did she miss that compared to this? A tropical island in the middle of nowhere, with something haunted the many unknown places.
Seemed somewhat better then an empty cell. But before that life didn't seem much better. The screams in the night and constant running from her fears. Seemed like something she'd want to forget rather then remember.
In her own world of thought she slowly walked along side Jack who still waited for an answer.
"Kate?" He questioned. She looked to him. He had that look of worry again. He tried hard to hide it, but it couldn't stay away forever. She stopped him before he asked.
"Just trying to think of what I miss." She blurted out.
"It can't be that hard." He assumed.
"Well it is." She replied barely above a whisper. Jack understood what it meant. He didn't understand why he knew, but he did.
"So what do you miss?" Kate asked.
"Umm let's see. There's steak with whipped mashed potatoes, chocolate chip cookies, and hotdogs." He listed off.
"That's all food." Kate laughed wondering how long of list he could've made.
"Well the boar just ain't doing it for me." Jack smiled catching one peak out from her lips. He said no more feeling good that he had eased her up a bit. It was just a crack in her shell, but she'd have to break free from it on her own.
Coming to the clearing of the sand their conversation of food had engorged their wildest desires.
"Banana pudding." Kate smiled.
"Banana pudding! That was one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard of." Jack announced loudly enough for even the quietest predators could hear.
Sawyer sat in the seat he always sat in the same doorway of the makeshift tent book in hand. Hearing the conversation he couldn't help but look up.
"Well you know that whole thing with the spinach and the mashed potatoes was worse. I mean. Ok I can't even comprehend that." Kate shot back as she looked over to see the looming Sawyer watching her again.
"But you gotta think about this. People put gravy on spinach and people put gravy on potatoes. So it only seems natural that the two be put together." Jack explained as he started to go on about more disgusting food combinations.
Kate was hardly listening. She was trying to, but the grating stare from Sawyer pulled her attention away. She never directly looked over at him, but her eyes peaked over off and on to see if his eyes were still on her. And they were. He didn't even seem to look down at his book. His eyes just followed her as if she were the prey and he the hunter. She fell weak as she turned back to Jack. By his time his voice had stopped and he looked in front of him as he walked.
"Sorry what were you saying?' Kate apologized. Turning to her he seemed to know what was going on, but hid it with a slight smile.
"It was nothing." He brushed off looking away again. Kate nodded her head in acceptance as she gazed out to the sunset.
Trying hard to ignore Sawyer's impending stare off.
They carried the wood to the fire. It had become a small blaze not even big enough to cook marshmallows. Starting it again Jack quickly checked how Shannon was doing. She seemed quite fine and back to shooting down Boone. After that Jack followed Kate unconsciously to her stuff.
Not far from the other's but far enough to keep it private. Kate squatted down and began going through her backpack. Jack stood over her trying to figure out what she was doing. As she got up he looked away.
Away was the wrong place to look. Sawyer was coming down the hill just as he looked over. Sawyer didn't want to play in his game and simply looked away.
"Here." Kate's voice beckoned. Jack looked down. She held out a flashlight to him. Kate could see by his questioning stare he was confused.
"You need it more in the caves more then we need it out here." Kate offered.
"It's darker out here." Jack said as his eyes wondered over to Sawyer, but quickly returned to hers.
She saw how he tried to pass it off and it didn't work. She knew what he was talking about.
She sighed at his stubbornness.
"Fine.' She said putting the flashlight back in her backpack. Sitting down Jack did the same. She waited for him to say something. Like he always did to break tension.
"So what are you doing tonight?" He asked not disappointing her. His words seemed more like a pick up line then a question. But there was no movie theaters or restaurants to go to. So it just passed off.
"Sitting here at the tribal council as usual looking into the fire." Kate smiled sarcastically. She again waited for his response.
"Why don't you come back to the caves tonight." He asked. There it was. He never disappointed her.
This time it did seem more like a pick up line. One he knew never worked on her.
She looked him strait in the eyes.
"I'm fine here." She replied. He was shut down. He really had hoped she would come to the caves with him. And the others. He hated her being alone out on the beach. Especially with him.
"Well ok." Jack sighed as he got up. He had a somewhat sad puppy face as he looked down at her.
"Goodnight Kate." He said walking off.
"Goodnight." She responded as she watched him walk away. She turned back feeling bad about letting him go like that.
Trying not to dwell on it she got up and walked over to the rest of the group around the fire.
Night came quickly over the island. And as Kate said she sat around the fire with the others looking into the fire. She didn't know what the others thought about as they looking into the flames, but she thought of life. She dwelled of every thought that came into her head.
Some she pushed out quickly and some she sat there for what seemed like hours thinking about it. It was still only early evening as she looked up to see most of the others had fallen asleep. At least those around the fire had. Some lonely soul wondered the shore. Focusing on them she seemed to be mesmerized by the way they just stood there. Staring out into the black ocean motionless.
As they turned she knew who it was. She seemed to always catch herself staring at some unknown being and it always turning out to be him. As he headed back up her eyes wondered back down to the flames. Questioning yet another thought. Why did she always seem to be attracted to Sawyer? Not in an emotion away. Just some how everyday on that island she bumped into him one way or another many times a day.
Maybe it wasn't her doing it. Maybe Sawyer was the one attracted to her. Hell they slept no more then twenty feet away from each other. It was just coincidence. She pushed it from her main thought leaving it to still itch at the back of her mind. Why was she always attracted to him?
She sat there thoughtless for a while as she just stared at the fire. Her mind clear of anything and everything. Just hypnotized by the swooning flames. Then a sudden feeling that she wasn't alone roused her to look up. Doing so she was confronted by Sawyer sitting on the log next to her.
"How long have you been sitting there?' She asked taken back.
"Couple minutes." He sighed.
"What do you see in that?" He asked motioning to the fire. She looked back to it.
"Thought. Fears of a past life looming in front of me." She said letting a lot out. More then she wanted.
"Damn that's deep." Sawyer said with no hint of trying to be smart. She looked back at him with an angry glare.
"Hey did you hear any sarcasm on my voice?" He asked trying to defend himself. She looked away knowing he was right.
"That's what I thought." He shot back.
"Why are you over here Sawyer?" She asked not even looking away form the flames.
"Being part of the group like you said." He smiled in satisfaction that he was actually doing something he was told to do.
"Doesn't work when the group is asleep." She reminded him.
His smile slowly faded.
"You aren't." He commented. She looked back at him not knowing whether he was coming on to her or just pointing out the fact that she was awake. She couldn't tell without the smile.
"Well I'm heading that way too." She said as she crawled down resting her head on the log she was sitting on. She pulled a cover over her body that Jack had given to her as she closed her eyes.
"Goodnight. Don't let the bed bugs bite." He said as he looked over her. She tried all she could to fall asleep, but nothing helped. She didn't know why. She usually could barely wait to lie down before she was out. Maybe it was the thought of knowing Sawyer was less the two feet from her? Most likely watching her. Not being able to settle she opened her eyes.
Looking up Sawyer still sat there. Staring the same way she did into the fire. She knew he couldn't see her watching, but he could probably feel it. Her eyes wondered back down to the fire as she stared into it long into the night.