..:: It's In The Script! ::..
Gr, I REALLY wanted this thing up sooner! I had it done yesterday, but then I couldn't log in!!! Gr………
Ice cream time! For Chica De Los Ojos Cafe, Wanda got you Founder's Favorite®. For todd fan, Wanda got you Mud Pie Mojo®. Yes, tie-dye bandannas are fun. For heartsyhawk, Wanda got you Peanut Butter Cup Perfection™. Oh, and I am SO sorry about the Anastasia thing! I won't do it, I promise! Oh, and a eunuch is a dude who's been castrated. You know what castrated means, right? For Readerrr Grrrl, Wanda got you Germanchökolätekäke®. For Storm, she got you Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip®. (I swear, that's really how they put it.) For Wolverine, uh, Wanda couldn't find beer-flavored (I bet that lousy pimple-covered buck-toothed teen was keeping it all for himself!), so she got you Coffee Lovers Only®. For EE's Skysong, Wanda got you Cookie Doughn't You Want Some™. And, same as heartsyhawk, I am SO sorry about the Anastasia thing! I didn't mean to steal anyone's ideas. I'm not psychic, you know. For Sangofanatic, Wanda got you Apple Pie A La Coldstone®. YES! Plot avoiding! I'm SO using your idea! Merci beaucoup, mon amie! For psychobunny410, Wanda got you Cheesecake Fantasy®. Yes, I do love severe randomness.
And for me, Wanda got Cookie Minster™! I love mint chocolate chip. (high fives Storm) Now, what was I going to put here? Oh yeah! Okay, I know Mulan 2 doesn't come out till February '05, but I'm already planning it! Meaning I'm planning who's gonna go with who. ROMY, no frickin' duh (besides, y'all would kill me if I did anything else), JUBBY, and since no one else said anything about Ray and Roberto except EE's Skysong, I'm going with TABAY and…uh…ROMARA? What do you call Roberto/Amara? And no, Ray and Roberto can't go together because The Emperor has 3 daughters that he didn't point out until the sequel! Convenient, eh? But if any of you guys don't feel okee with those pairings, let me know!
Who doesn't know the storyline of Mulan 2? (looks around) Well, I'm telling you anyway! According to my handy dandy mini storybook that came with my DVD (from my good buddy Kimberly for Christmas), 1 month after Mulan saved China from the Huns, Shang proposed to her! (kinda fast, no? But they were soldiers together, so WHATEVER) But the thing is, if Mulan and Shang get married, then Shang's ancestors become her guardians, and poor Mushu doesn't have a job anymore! So he kinda wants to split them up (ooh…bad Pyro…) But more importantly, The Emperor's all like, "Hm, I wanna avoid a clash with the Mongols, so we've decided on an alliance!" Translation: I'm going to make an arranged marriage between my 3 lovely daughters and the Mongol Lord Dude's 3 sons! (I have no clue what they look like, but something tells me I'm gonna have to put Sam in here somehow…and probably end up reusing the Brotherhood…or maybe Piotr…) So Mulan and Shang have to guard the three girls (Jubilee,Tabby,and Amara) while they travel to the Mongols. So, for help, they enlist The Gang! (Bobby, Ray, and Roberto) So then The Girls unexpectedly fall in love with The Gang (and do not tell me you didn't see that coming), so who's gonna uphold the alliance? (cough)MULAN(cough)
Yep, that's basically what happens…well, the cliffhangy stuff gets resolved, and I'm pretty damn sure that it's MULANG (or WHATEVER you call the two) in the end, cuz it's Disney! There're always happy endings!
Oh yeah, for this chappie only: La la la is the Unimportant Soldier Dudes singing (to tell apart from when Bobby, Ray, Roberto, Rogue, and....Scott....sing)
DISCLAIMER: Does Tabitha call Beast Wild Blue Yonder Boy? Is Jean cooler than Rogue? Is ROTT MTB? (Ew, just look at it…rot plus a t…)
So the troops were plodding along off to meet General Forge's army, grumbling as usual (only about 10 of the Unimportant Soldier Dudes came back from their trip to Alaska), when they decided to burst into song.
For a long time we've been marching off to battle
In a thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle, Bobby sang. Several cows they were passing by mooed at him, clearly offended.
Like a pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore
Ray ran up to Bobby and Rob (yep, typing out Roberto is just TOO long).
Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!
"Huh?" Rogue said. Apparently, they had all forgotten she was a girl again. Ray put an arm around her shoulders and pulled a scroll of paper out of his armor. Rogue took one look and ran away.
That's what I said, a girl worth fighting for!
I want her paler than the moon
On the paper, a girl in a kimono that looked like a drawing of Tabitha giggled, while the characters on the side turned into Ray.
With eyes that shine like stars
She flipped her fan open, and they kissed behind it. Then they changed into Bobby lifting Jubilee on a piece of wood.
My girl will marvel at my strength, Bobby sang.
He pulled his jacket open and Jubilee looked through a hole in his torso.
Adore my battle scars
The picture changed to Rob and Amara sitting in a giant bowl of rice.
I couldn't care less what she'll wear
Or what she looks like, Rob sang.
It all depends on what she cooks like:
Beef, pork, chicken, Mmm!
A cow and a pig popped up out of the rice, and a chicken came flying down to land in Amara's arms. The scene cut to a sculpture of a cow, a pig, Rob, and Amara holding a chicken. Who knew Rob had Mad Sculpting Skills? Bobby and Rogue walked through a river.
Bet the local boys thought you were quite the charmer, Bobby sang. Rogue shoved him underwater, and Rob caught a fish that popped up.
And I'll bet the ladies love a man in armor, Ray sang, walking out of the river with water in his armor, making him look super muscular until all the water spilled out.
You can guess what we have missed the most
Since we went off to war
Pyro, who was in the wagon with the cannons, saw the girls picking plants and wolf whistled. "It was in the script, sheila!" he said to Wanda, who glared at him.
What do we want? Ray sang.
A girl worth fighting for!
My girl will think I have no faults, Bobby sang. Rogue walked away from him and bumped into Rob.
That I'm a major find, Rob sang. Ray joined them, and Rogue rolled her eyes.
How about a girl who's got a brain,
Who always speaks her mind? She sang.
"Nah!" Bobby, Ray, and Rob all said in unison. "It's in the script, it's in the script!" Ray said quickly to Tabitha, who looked ready to throw several bombs at them.
My manly ways and turn of phrase
Are sure to thrill her, Ray sang. He leaned on the wheel of the wagon.
He thinks he's such a lady-killer, Bobby sang to Rogue. He slapped Charlie to make him move, and Ray fell over into the mud. Bobby then jumped to avoid an electric bolt from him.
I've a girl back home
Who's unlike any other, Scott sang. Badly.
Yeah, the only girl who'd love him
Is his mother, Bobby mutter-sang to Rogue. Scott glared at him – not like we can tell.
But when we come home in victory
They'll line up at the door
Bobby made ice sculptures of Jubilee, Tabitha, and Amara in slutty poses.
What do we want? Ray sang, bursting through snow-covered trees…on Rob's shoulders…riiiiiiiiiight.
A girl worth fighting for! The Unimportant Soldier Dudes sang, pulling Rogue into their singing line.
Wish that I had, Ray sang…still on Rob's shoulders.
A girl worth fighting for!
Rogue ducked out of the line, then turned around and walked away from Bobby, Ray, and Rob, whistling. They pulled out huge snowballs (courtesy of Bobby) to throw at Rogue.
A girl worth fighting-
And they stopped. I still don't get how they didn't see the village until right then, but they didn't. Until right then.
Yep. That village was burnt to ashes. So much for Forge's awesome army. They walked in, nonetheless, very soberly.
"Search for survivors," Remy ordered, even though it was pretty damn obvious that no one could have survived.
Rogue walked through a doorway that could've once been for a house and found a dolly. No, it wasn't the dolly Lance had, the little girl's playing with it somewhere unimportant. It was a different dolly that just happened to look a lot like it.
Remy rode in. "Remy don' understand," he said, looking like he was about to cry. "Mon père should have been here."
"Wow," Forge said offstage. "I didn't know he cared."
"You know," Wanda said. "You're supposed to be dead right – Remy, get off him!"
Remy had tackled Forge. "Don' mess wi' Remy's feelings!" he yelled.
"Rogue?" Kitty said. "Can you, like, get your emotionally unstable boyfriend off Forge?"
"He's not emotionally unstable!" Rogue said.
"He wanted to make us eunuchs!" Bobby, Ray, and Roberto yelled.
"Okay, Ah guess he's pretty unstable," Rogue said.
"Vy'd he get so insulted by vhat Forge said?" Kurt asked.
"He's got some issues with his father," Rogue said.
"Ohhhh," Kurt and Kitty said in unison.
Only, it turned out, for no reason at all, Forge had brought along some of his inventions, one of them being (GASP!) the one that had sent him and Kurt to Middleverse.
And, as coinkydinks go, Remy and Forge rolled around on the floor (Forge was surprisingly holding out pretty well against an emotionally unstable Cajun with awesome muscles), they just so happened to bump into the table the Middleverse invention was on, knocking it to the ground.
And as if things couldn't get any more coinkydinkial, it landed at the EXACT angle that activated the machine.
So, one flash later, Remy and Forge were conspicuously missing, leaving nothing behind but a scattered deck of cards and a tie-dye bandanna.
Rob picked up a Joker card and the bandanna and held them out to Rogue. "The Gambit, and The Genius," he said. (1)
You know those stories where the character gets zapped by a ray or something and ends up in an alternate dimension, except they end up in the sky and have a LONG way to fall, screaming the entire way?
Well, this isn't one of them.
They ended up in an alternate reality.
So, where were we? Oh yes. Remy and Forge popped up in the middle of the sky and immediately started falling, screaming all the way. Except, luckily for them, they actually landed on something other than solid ground.
Well, if you consider landing on a blond dude and a brown-haired dude lucky.
Especially if said blondie and brunette (please take note that they are, in fact, dudes, but I am just teasing them) jumped up and had you either at sword-point or arrow-point.
Right. That's definitely lucky. So the blondie had Remy at arrow-point, and the brunette had Forge at sword-point. Has anybody guessed where they are yet? Oh, and did I mention that said brunette had a shield on his back, and that said blondie had VERY pointy ears?
Oh, and that said blondie had REALLY long blonde hair?
And also that said blondie was notorious for doing flamboyant stunts when all that was really necessary was a small one?
And that said brunette had an odd obsession with gold jewelry?
Does ANYONE know where they are yet?
"Homme, somet'ing tells Remy dis isn't Middleverse," Remy said to Forge.
"Did you say Middle Earth?" the blondie said.
"Non, Remy said-"
"Middle Earth, home of the three races of Man, Elf, and Dwarf?" the blondie continued.
"Non, Remy said – quoi? Elf and Dwarf?" Remy said.
"Yes, Elf and Dwarf. And Man," the blondie said.
"Remy t'inks dis homme is fou dans la tête," Remy whispered to Forge.
"I don't speak French," Forge whispered back.
"Would you stop whispering!" the brunette snapped.
"Sorry, man," Forge said. "Uh, what's with your friend there?" He pointed about the blondie, who was going on about cool stunts that he did, and his Mad Archery Skills, blah, blah, blah…
The brunette shook his head. "Just don't ask him about pirates."
"Did you say pirates?" the blondie said. "I've been a pirate! I'll be one again! The sequel will be coming out soon! And I could've beaten Jack in that fight! He cheated!"
"Hey, you're Legolas!" Forge said suddenly. "Jamie told me about you. He dressed up as you for Halloween." (2)
"So dis is Middle Eart'?" Remy said.
"No," the brunette said. "Middle Earth doesn't exist. This is New Zealand."
Remy nodded, then stopped. "Dis is quoi?"
"New Zealand," the brunette repeated.
Remy turned to Forge. "Remy t'ough' your invention took y' to Middleverse," he said.
"Remy? Forge?"
Forge shrugged. "It must be broken."
"Remy. Forge."
"So instead it took us to Middle Eart'," Remy said.
"Remy! Forge!"
"Except it totally messed up and took us to New Zealand," Forge said. "This is flipping weird!"
"REMY! FORGE!"
"WHAT?!"
Remy and Forge both sat up. "Hey, since when was I lying down?" Forge said. Then he winced and rubbed his head, where a bruise – and a lump – was forming.
"Hey, take it easy, man!" Kurt said. Kitty had wrapped ice in his tie-dye bandanna and carefully held it to his head.
"What just happened?" Forge asked.
"Well, you and Remy were, like, fighting," Kitty said, nodding over to where Rogue was helping Remy.
"And then you guys bumped into the table vith some of your inventions on it," Kurt said.
"And, like, one of them fell over and hit Remy on the head, and he, like, passed out," Kitty continued.
"And ve think he activated it or something, because then it broke the pole over there," Kurt said, pointing at a still-smoking pole.
"Except the pole was, like, holding up one of those studio lights, and it, like, totally fell and hit you on the head," Kitty finished.
"Oh. That's why my head hurts," Forge said.
"You guys were, like, saying some totally weird stuff, though," Kitty said.
"Ja, something about not speaking French," Kurt said.
"Yeah, and, like, Jamie and Halloween," Kitty added.
Forge glanced over at Remy. They shrugged.
(1) In the movie, Chien-Po gives Shang the helmet and says, "The General," all soberly. That was Rob's terrible attempt at recreating it.
(2) Read SickmindedSucker's ficcie Candy and Temptresses and Pirates! Very funny ficcie. Especially Pyro as a firefly.
Mm-hmm. That was an interesting chappie. Also one of my shorter ones…well, I didn't want it to end on a sad note, because I don't like being sad! I don't like crying, either. Next time: The Big Battle! Oh yeah, and Scott finding out that Rogue's a girl, and making this big deal about it; and Lance and the Brotherhood…plus Monkey Dude…popping out of the snow like daisies! I think we have two more chappies left! Unless I really miscalculated or something.
Other movies-wise, I'm thinking of doing KURTTY in Pirates of the Caribbean. What do you guys think about Remy as Captain Jack Sparrow, Scott as Barbossa, Pietro as Commodore Norrington, Beast as Governor Swann, and I think that's all the important people. I'm also thinking of doing KIOTR for Moulin Rouge, and maybe LANCITTY for A Knight's Tale (if I can get my hands on a copy of the DVD – to the DVD/VHS rental store we go!!! As soon as it stops raining.) Whaddya think?