..:: The Avalanche Caused By Avalanche ::..

See the title? Get used to reading that line. I used it a lot in this chappie.

Wheeee! More reviews!! Merci BEAUCOUP to Thorn, Readerrr Grrrl, Sangofanatic, psychobunny410, Chica De Los Ojos Cafe, and heartsyhawk for reviewing! Oh, but Sangofanatic, Remy and Forge passed out and had a crazy dream. But maybe Kurt could mess with one of Forge's inventions and end up sending him to a different dimension…but I'm gonna worry about finishing the movie first. Hey, don't worry, there's always PotC! (my next XME parody) psychobunny410, I actually was describing Boromir (the shield and obsession with gold jewelry), but still, you're good! heartsyhawk, Shang dies??? SAY WHAT???? Well, Tuck Everlasting was sad, I admit, but it was based off a book, so…yeah. No I don't want Shang to die!! That means I'll have to kill off Remy in the sequel!! (sob) Yeah, I saw both of those movies, Tuck Everlasting almost made me cry! I don't think your kitty cat is a eunuch. I mean, it's normal to spay/neuter your pets. A eunuch applies to only guys, I think.

By the way, since I'm all hyped up about starting PotC next year, I stuck a little of it in here! Who can find it? Wanda and Jamie will go back to Codestone and torture the pimple-covered buck-toothed teen who works there into giving them more ice cream for whoever finds it! Here's a crappy hint: the person that says it is a guy! And that's a crappy hint cuz Rogue's the only girl here! Teehee, I LUVERZ crappy hints!

DISCLAIMER: Is Rogue/anyone besides Remy a good couple? Is Remy/anyone besides Rogue a good couple? Does JOTT not deserve to be tortured?

So they were plodding along, all sadly because of all the dead soldiers they had seen, and the lump on Remy's head had mysteriously healed, go figure, when a cannon shot out of the wagon! GASP!

Rogue glared back at where Pyro and Jimmy were standing, stunned. Pyro pointed at Jimmy.

Remy rode up to Rogue, looking extremely P.O.'d. "What jus' happened?" he demanded.

"Ah–uh–"

"Y' jus' gave away out position!" Remy yelled. "Now-" An arrow from nowhere sank right into his shoulder. Don't kill me, it hit the armor! But it did knock him off his horsie.

All of a sudden, arrows started raining down on them. They SO should've seen this coming. "Get out o' range!" Remy yelled.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Bobby yelled back.

So then the Hun Archer Dudes got smart and started shooting flaming arrows instead of regular old ones. Of course, some of them ended up setting the wagon on fire. The wagon that happened to have cannons in it. Well, at least Pyro was happy.

"Save th' cannons!" Remy yelled.

"You know, maybe we should starting calling him Captain Obvious," Ray said.

So all the soldiers got up in a relay line and started passing cannons down it, while Rob, who was all charged up from the sun, grabbed a ton of them and started running. And Rogue saved Charlie. Of course she had to, no animals can ever be harmed! So anyway, she got on Charlie and started riding away, and then the wagon went KABOOM! So she fell off.

Pyro came flying out of the exploded wagon. "Oh sure, sheila," he said. "Save the horse." Then he fell over into the snow. Rogue picked him up and started running.

Meanwhile, the rest of the soldiers had started firing off cannons, killing off all the Hun archers. (don't worry, Pietro isn't there) So several cannons and big explosions later, Bobby was the one with the last cannon. "Hold th' last cannon," Remy said.

"Yessir, Captain Obvious!" Bobby said.

Then the smoke cleared, and Lance got his dramatic entrance on a very P.O.'d horse. Well, along with Pietro, and Toad, and Fred, and Monkey Dude. Oh, and a ton of Unimportant Hun Dudes.

"Merde," Remy said. "Prepare to figh'. If we die, we die wit' honor."

"Not really," Bobby said.

"Aim de las' cannon at Lance," Remy ordered.

"Fine, fine, pushy," Bobby said, and started aiming the cannon at Lance…VERY slowly.

Rogue looked down at her sword and saw the mountain…and all the nice fresh powder snow…in the reflection. So she sheathed the sword, shoved Bobby over, grabbed the cannon, and ran.

"Chere!" Remy yelled.

After running far enough so that Remy couldn't catch up to her (except he was running pretty slowly), Rogue stopped and aimed the cannon at the mountain. You know, they really should've invented matches back then.

Coinkydinkially, Ross the Falcon swooped down right at that moment and knocked the flint out of her hands. Yep, too bad they didn't have lighters back then.

"Come on!" Bobby said to Ray and Rob. "We gotta help!" And they all drew their swords and ran after Rogue.

Luckily for Rogue, Pyro came running up right then with his trusty lighter. And just as Lance got up to Rogue, Rogue grabbed the lighter and lit the cannon. It went off – going…going…going…going…going…hey, where's it going?

Yeah. Rogue missed. Slick. "Aw, crap," Rogue said.

"Have no fear, Pyro's here!" Pyro said, and created a nice big non-P.O.'d fire horsie, which scared Lance's P.O.'d horsie so that it reared up on its hind legs. Obviously, I don't know horse terms. And Lance fell off.

"Why you little…" Lance said, which is pretty true, seeing as the pyromaniac's only a foot tall; but that's still so biting off The Simpsons. So anyway, the ground started shaking…along with a certain mountain covered in powdery snow…

So Lance looked behind him. "Damnit!" he yelled, pulling out his sword and slashing Rogue across the stomach…No Remy don't hurt him!

Remy stopped mid-let's-kill-Lance-mode, and instead started running away from the avalanche caused by Avalanche. (ironic, isn't it?)

Meanwhile, Bobby and Ray and Rob were all running to help Rogue…and then they saw the avalanche caused by Avalanche. So they turned around and started running as fast as they could for cover.

Charlie broke free and ran up to where Rogue and Remy were. Rogue stopped and jumped on, and almost got Remy on, too. Keyword: almost. So he slipped and went sliding under the avalanche caused by Avalanche…man, that never gets old! Rogue and Charlie went under, too. Oh yeah, and Lance was hitting his P.O.'d horsie with his sword, so the horsie got even more P.O.'d. Except no animals get hurt in this parody, so all the horsies (except Charlie) were mysteriously magically transported to a prettiful green pasture…place. But Lance and the Brotherhood…plus Monkey Dude…Hun Army all got buried. Boo-hoo.

Bobby, Ray, and Rob were hiding behind a rock, stupidly thinking that the avalanche caused by Avalanche wouldn't sweep them away. Then they realized that it, in fact, would, and ran for cover where the Unimportant Soldier Dudes were. Ray tripped and almost didn't make it. Keyword: almost.

"Too bad," Rob said. Ray punched him.

In the meantime, Pyro was having the time of his life surfing down the avalanche caused by Avalanche on a Hun shield. He looked for Rogue, pulled up a Hun, stuckhim back in, and found Jimmy.

Rogue and Charlie burst out of the avalanche caused by Avalanche. How Charlie did it, I do not know. Remy was conveniently floating – unconscious – over the avalanche caused by Avalanche, getting swept away. So Rogue somehow got him on Charlie and found Pyro and Jimmy.

So Bobby, Ray, and Rob had made a little human ladder, with Bobby on the top and Rob (charged up from the sun) on the bottom. Obviously, Ray was in the middle.

"Do you see them?" Rob yelled. "And someone needs to lighten up on the junk food," he added. Ray probably would've punched him if he wasn't struggling holding up Bobby.

"Yeah!" Bobby said, and shot an arrow attached to a string at them. "Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safe-" He went to grab the string, but it slipped through his fingers. Pity.

Then Rogue found the arrow on a string and got a bow somewhere. Then Charlie went tumbling off the edge of the cliff, and Rogue shot the arrow. So while they fell off the cliff, they mysteriously all stayed on the horse, even Remy, who, by all rights of physics, would have been the first to fall off, considering they were falling more or less upside down.

Meanwhile, Bobby was in tears. "I let them slip through my fingers," he sobbed, holding his hands out just in time to catch the arrow. Talk about a convenient coinkydink.

Bobby went sprawling to the edge of the cliff, while Ray and the Unimportant Hun Soldier Dudes jumped on top of him to try to add some weight. Then Rob the Zen Man came and picked them all up in a pile, pulling Mulan, Charlie, Remy, Pyro, and Jimmy back up. Although he dropped Bobby, Ray, and the Unimportant Soldier Dudes very unceremoniously, because he had somehow ended up with Ray's ass in his face. Go figure.

But anyway, Remy had finally regained consciousness. "Chere," he said. "Tu es la fille la plus folle que j'ai jamais rencontré. Et pour ça, je te dois ma vie." (1)

Rogue smiled while the rest of the soldiers looked at each other and shrugged. Then Rogue fell over and fainted.

"She's wounded!" Remy said.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Bobby snapped. Then he ran off to get a doctor.

However Long Later…

Remy paced outside the doctor's tent. Then Beast came out and whispered something to him. "We knew dat already," Remy said.

"Oh," Beast said. "No worries, then."

Meanwhile, Scott had gone in the tent, only to be psychically hurled back out by Rogue temporarily using Jean's powers. "You pervert!" she screamed as she ran out after him.

"She's a girl?" Scott said. Everyone nodded. "I didn't know that!"

"Wow, you're stupid," Ray said.

"…Well, according to the ancient Chinese law, any woman discovered in the army has to be killed, so, ha!"

"You know, that's very sexist!" Jean yelled offstage.

"Yeah, and we're not even in China," Rob said. "Or in the ancient times, either."

Scott pulled Rogue's sword – actually, it was Logan's sword, but the dude doesn't even need a sword cuz he's got three knives per hand, but WHATEVER – and threw it at Remy. However, since he has terrible aim, he nearly cut Ray's head off.

"Pity," Rob said. Ray punched him…again.

So Remy did the whole REALLY DRAMATIC MOMENT where he held the sword high up above his head, and everyone was all, "Oh, hell no!" Then he threw the sword down in front of Rogue. "Une vie pour une vie," (2) he said. "M' debt is repaid."

"We're not in France!" Bobby yelled, getting thoroughly sick of Remy speaking in French.

"Or New Orleans, or the South," Ray added.

"Or Africa," Rob added. Everyone looked at him weird. "What?" he said. "Africa is the largest French-speaking continent!" (3) Trust an over-achiever to know that.

Remy ignored them. "Move out," he said.

"But-" Scott sputtered.

"Remy said, move out."

And everyone moved out. Well, Beast gathered up his tent super-fast and moved offstage, but the point is, everyone left.

Some More Time Later…

So Rogue, Pyro, Charlie, and Jimmy were chilling in the snow, moaning about their pitiful lives…well, actually, Pyro was moaning about the loss of his lighter, which Wanda had taken away from him. So all that blah blah blah later, Lance popped out of the snow, looked around, and roared.

I said, he roared.

"Aw, please don't make me!" he whined. "It was bad enough in Kitty and the Rocktumbler." (4)

Fine. So instead, the Brotherhood…plus Monkey Dude…mysteriously got up at the EXACT SAME TIME, and all found Lance, where they started walking on down to the Imperial City.

"Whoa!" Pyro said. "Did you see that, sheila? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies! I wanna make fire daisies," he whined.

Rogue ignored his last comment. "Fahne," she said. "Let's just go down to the Imperial City and get this ovah with." So they all got back on Charlie and rode down to the Imperial City.

(1) "You are the craziest girl I've ever met. And for that, I owe you my life."

(2) "A life for a life."

(3) That's a real fact! It was the second thing out of my French 1 teacher's mouth. Well, actually, he was the Head French Teacher, trying to recruit 8th graders to go across the street to learn French at the High School. Needless to say, I was one of those recruits. Well, there were only about 7 people learning Spanish in the whole school, too.

(4) A wonderful, excellent, hilariousficcie by todd fan. I think you've all read it. If not, Go! Read it! NOW! Well, review first.

And I translated the French stuff all by myself! Well, I had to use worldlingo(dot)com to find the word for 'met', and I checked the translations on there, but the rest was all me! Not bad for a 13 year-old freshman in a sophomore French 2 class, eh? Actually, to be fair, there are 3 frosh in the class, counting me, and probably a number not-too-far-under-30 sophomores. But I'm the youngest! I'm supposed to be in the 8th grade! (nods sagely)

Anyway, how was that? I'm very bad at writing action, just so you know. Ugh, doing the swordfights in PotC is gonna be a nightmare! But anything for Kurt and Remy as pirates! BTW, did ya find the little PotC line I snuck in there? Please review! Merci beaucoup! Hey, that rhymes! Teehee. XD