Thanks again so much for the reviews! Hope u like this chapter : ) it's ah..different lol. Anyway please read and review : )
Chapter 13
Seth felt his face go red.
"Looks like I can't. I'm grounded."
"Oh shit," Ryan muttered, running a hand through his sun kissed blonde hair, making it appear messier than it really was.
He turned to Marissa and then Summer as if they could save him the embarrassment of saying something else stupid.
"Uh, we don't have to go man. We won't go."
Seth had the strong urge to roll his eyes, but resisted. As much as he felt bad that Ryan was struggling with the situation, in some selfish way it kind of made him feel slightly better. Seth had already made an ass of himself when he begged Ryan not to leave, and he felt relief wash over him as he had the opportunity to hide his embarrassment by focusing his attention on Ryan's.
"Dude, it's Tijuana. You are so going."
Seth felt Summer grab at his hand, and turned to face her.
"Cohen, I'm not going without you. We can just chill on the beach or whatever."
"Summer like I said, it's Tijuana. I'll be fine, Anna's here anyway."
Summer raised an eyebrow at Seth and he almost laughed at her expression. Her hands were placed firmly on her hips that clearly said, "I don't think so."
"Uh, hello? I'm like totally staying here."
Seth smirked, used both hands to pull Summer's hands away from her hips and placed them in his hands.
"And you like totally trust me." He mocked her.
Summer's face fell into a small frown.
"Unfortunately I do trust you, Cohen." She sighed.
"So, that's it. Settled." Seth threw his arms in the air a little too over excitedly.
Ryan threw a sideways glance at Seth. He wasn't buying it. He knew Seth was crushed that he couldn't go to Tijuana, and he was baffled at why Seth was so willing to let Summer go with them. In truth, Ryan organized the trip so that he and Marissa could spend more time together and to cheer Seth up and have him spend more time with Summer. How could he be so stupid and not think that Seth would be grounded? God he felt like an ass.
"Umm…I have to go get packed. Dad's waiting for me. Uh, Ryan…you coming?" Marissa said, wringing her hands together nervously.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah. Coming." He said, snapping back to reality.
He got up slowly and followed Marissa out the door, hitting Seth on the shoulder in an attempt of comfort as he passed him.
As they left, Seth let out a huge sigh and fell onto Ryan's bed.
"Well, that went well."
Summer sat on the bed beside him, wrapping her fingers around one of his adorable brown curls.
"I'm not going, Cohen."
"Yeah you are Summer."
"Cohen, I want to spend the weekend with you. You know…so we can…catch up."
Seth grinned.
"We can catch up, as you put it,after you come back.
"I can't wait that long." She continued to curl her finger around his curls. She had forgotten how much she loved doing that.
Seth felt his heart grow heavy. He didn't want Summer to leave either, and god, he couldn't bear to wait for her to come back, but he felt as if he needed to be alone for the weekend to figure some shit out.
Summer opened her mouth to speak but was cut off when they heard a knock at the door of the pool house.
Ryan and Marissa slid open the door and walked in.
"Forgot my bag." Marissa said apologetically.
She reached over to pick it up and slung it over her shoulder. She paused for a moment, and a strange expression crossed her face, as if she were debating whether or not to say something.
"Sum? Is it cool if I talk to you for a minute?" She asked quietly.
Summer shrugged, looking up curiously at her best friend and hesitantly let go of Seth's curls to follow Marissa out side.
Ryan stood awkwardly beside the bed as Marissa and Summer headed out of sight. He folded his arms, and then as if thinking better of it, shoved his hands into his pant pockets. Seth got up off the bed clumsily. He felt weird lying on Ryan's bed. Though, it had never bothered him before.
The two boys stood in silence for what felt like an age. Ryan staring at the walls, Seth racking his brain for something to say.
"Girls hey, they never shut up." Seth mumbled after Marissa and Summer failed to return to the pool house.
He was trying to joke with Ryan, but in truth he didn't feel like what he was saying was even coming from him. It was a weird sensation. He didn't feel like Seth Cohen anymore. When the hell did Seth and Ryan start having awkward silences? Never. The only time there was a brief moment of silence between them was when Seth paused to breathe. Or when they were in comfortable silence.
Ever since Ryan had left, Seth had changed dramatically. To most people, it wasn't that obvious. Seth still rambled and acted like a geek. But to those who knew him well, like Summer, Marissa and Ryan, they were slowly beginning to realize the changes. Seth didn't know if they knew what was wrong with him. He knew that Ryan knew, but he prayed Summer and Marissa would never know. Especially Summer. Ryan had caught him taking anti-depressants on the day he overdosed. They hadn't talked about it since. But he had remembered the conversation he had with Ryan so clearly. He remembered Ryan forcing the pills out of Seth's hands and throwing them down the sink. He remembered trying to lash out at Ryan, screaming at him. But the part he remembered all too clearly was when he broke down in front of Ryan.
Seth's head spun with the memories. He felt sick again. His hands begun to shake. He had never felt more in need of the drug. God, he needed it.
Just as he collapsed onto the bed, sinking into the sheets, not caring anymore that it was Ryan's bed, Marissa and Summer floated back in, talking and laughing.
They both stopped as they saw Ryan staring concerned, down at Seth.
"Cohen…?" Summer questioned, the smile wiping off her face.
Seth's head shot up, a little too fast. He regretted it almost immediately as his head spun sickeningly.
He forced a smile.
"I'm fine, just tired. So what's happening? God, you girls can talk."
Summer smiled uncertainly, still worried about Seth.
"I can stay you know…"
"No, no it's fine."
She glanced quickly at Marissa.
"Well…ok…Tijuana here we come." She said halfheartedly.
"Uh, yeah we better be off. I'll see you later at mine Sum."
"Yeah, cool."
As they headed out finally, Summer returned to her spot on the bed next to Seth.
"Look, are you sure your ok?" She said kissing his forehead.
"Fine. Dandy. Great." He said kissing her back.
"Yeah, sorry 'bout this but Coop just full had like the biggest convo with me about Ryan,"
"Ryan?"
"Mmm…she doesn't want to be left alone with him…you know, like hello? Awkwardness! So yeah, she needs me. I'm so sorry, I promise it will only be a few days…I'm only doing this 'cause she's in her hour of need. You know what it's like…best friend issues."
Seth laughed slightly.
"I was the one who wanted you to go, remember? I'll be fine."
"I'll miss you like so much, you know that right?"
Seth smiled and kissed her head, breathing in the smell of her hair.
"I'll miss you too."
…………………………………………………………………………………………….
Seth stumbled into the bathroom, recklessly, frenetically searching the cupboards and drawers for what he was looking for. The doors slammed and banged as he frantically rummaged around.
Then, he found it. The blue bottle. Thank god his mom still had them stashed away in there.
His heart skipped a beat as he opened the lid and emptied the entire contents into his open palm.
Seth counted each pill individually, making sure there were exactly 100 there. He sunk onto the cold bathroom tiles, god it was so hot.
Seth felt tears sting in his eyes. He had no idea what he was doing. He couldn't even control himself. He loved Summer, everything was great. He didn't need anti-depressants. What was wrong with him?
He felt his hand automatically reach up to his mouth. It stayed there for a moment, trembling in anticipation. Unwillingly he shoved a couple of the tiny pills into his mouth but just let them stay there on his tounge.
He couldn't swallow.
Then, his heart stopped as he heard the doorbell.
"Seth, honey? Can you get that?" Kirsten's voice floated up from the kitchen.
Seth spat out the pills back into the bottle and stashed them into his pocket.
He wiped a single tear that had leaked down his cheek and leaped down stairs.
Swinging open the door he found himself face to face with Anna.
"Hey." he said quietly.
He went to open the door wider but tripped on something on the ground. As he fell to the ground, the little blue bottle flew out of his pocket, across the floor, and rolled towards Anna's feet, spilling the entire contents all over the floor.
"Seth…" Anna's voice trembled as she bent down to help him as he scurried around the floor, frantically picking up the pills before his parents came and saw.
Just as they had gotten the last few in the bottle, Kirsten rounded the corner towards them, and Anna, without thinking, grabbed the pill bottle out of Seth's hand.
"Anna, nice to see you." She smiled warmly.
The smile was wiped off her face however, when she saw the expression on both Seth's and Anna's faces. She then looked down and saw the all too familiar little blue bottle in Anna's hand.
"Seth, what's going on here?"