".. keeps things out... but it also has another meaning. Do you know what the second one is?"
".. some one who protects?"
"Haha- something like that, yes.. do you want me to tell you?"
"Yes."
"Well.. a true barrier is very rare.."
"Why?"
"Because they are, now hush and let me finish.."
"Hai okaasan.."
"Don't slouch love, it's bad for your back.. alright.. sometimes, people are born who are supposed to do important things.."
"Like when Kedakai-san saved you from that scary bull."
".. Not quite.."
"Why? Wasn't that important?"
"..I.. I suppose it was, for some people.. now don't look at me like that.. aah, honey, I'm sorry.. alright, okay.. my, we certinly got off topic, didn't we.. do you want me to keep going?... Okay.. When some one is born who'll grow up and do something important for the world they are given a barrier. This is a person born to protect them and make sure they live to do what they're supposed to do.."
".. mommy? are you ok?"
"Yes dear.. do you know why I'm telling you this?"
"..no."
".. because you're a barrier sweatheart.."
".. How do you know?"
".. I want you to promise to be strong, because life is hard.. it will be harder for you then most others. I know it's not fair, but it's in your blood and there's nothing I can do to change it. There will be good as well as bad, but you'll have to find it on your own."
"Who am I supposed to protect?"
"I'm not sure.."
"But how will I protect them?"
how will I..
how..
how..
protect them..
him..
protect him..
protect..
- - - - - -
I'm moving.
Don't know who's carrying me, but I know I'm moving. I don't know where we're going either, but that doesn't really matter. Nothing does anymore. I've lost my usefullness, I'm not needed.
I failed.
I failed.
I'm given one thing to do and I screw it up. One thing. Gods. Not only that, but I make him hate me. I make all of them hate me. I bet people who don't even know me hate me. Why not, I haven't given them a any reason not too..
I'm worthless.
...
And yet we're still going.
I'm still going.
They wont leave me behind. Even if they wanted to, they wont. It's part of the deal. The unbreachable contract we made so, so long ago. At least we thought it was unbreakable, aparently not.
We've broken just about every other part.
Why don't they just finish it off?
Noise.. something, they.. they're..
...
Talking.
They're talking again.
About me.
They don't know what to do with me. Think I've gone under again. I'm not really surprised. It's so cold that my muscles feel paralized. But I'm not. I'm not uncontious really, not catatonic either. I could walk if I really wanted to.
If.
That's the key word.
But I don't.
It would be so much easier to curl up and rott away. I wouldn't be able to bring anymore pain into the lives of the people I care about. The three of them could forget me, after all, our prince already has.. or at least the real me..
...
our prince..
...
my prince
my Endymion
Mamo-chan
Oh God, I'm sorry..
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for coming here, now, when you're finally at peace. When you could make real friends who aren't legally bound to you. When you could marry and grow old with the one you love. I'm sorry I had to be the one bonded to you this way, in life, death, in everything.. at least you don't remember it, I always will.. I'm sorry for attacking (killing) you, for delivering you to Beryl..
...
But that means nothing now (just like everything else).
Because I'll never be able to tell you..
how much I (miss) (love) want to see you again.
God, it's so cold here. There's wind now. It seems worse then it should be because I'm wet and muddy, but why did it have to start now. Who ever's holding me grips tighter and turns away, trying to block himself from to wind. Whether he ment to protect me or not.. it's still cold. I have the warmth of my carrier, but what I wouldn't give for my cape..
I used to hate it so much..
Why can't it end?
Why can't all of this leave me alone? I've died once, almost twice.. can't fate wash it's hands of me and let me go.. haven't I paid for my crimes? Haven't I finished my penance yet?
I'm just so tired..
.. I just..
...
I just want to go back to sleep and never wake up again.
Is there anything stopping me? Is there really anything here to hold me down?
Yes, if you count the biting cold of the wind, it's been refusing to let me sink into uncontiousness.. At least the ache in my head has dulled to a low throbbing.. So if I can ignore that what's to stop me..
What's to stop me..
...
..
.
- - - - - -
Soft? I'm lying on something soft.. and I'm warm. And the ache is gone.
My eyes flutter open, and I take in a harsh breath at the sudden brightness. The light was on. Why was the light on? I was trying to sleep, since when did I need a- wait..
"Where am I?" I speak out loud, more to assure myself I still can. My voice was hoarse from lack of use, and my throat was dry. There was a pitcher of water and an empty glass on a small stand close by the bed. I had to lean over in order to get it, which is just as well, I should probably know how sore my body was.
The water was room temperature, no clue there how long I'd been out. But it tasted good and I felt a little more energized after drinking some.
The emotional pain.. some of it was gone. It still hurt, but it wasn't as bad. The wave of self-degredation was still lingering, but I didn't want to kill myself anymore. So I think I'm a step up in that catagory.. I wonder how the others faired..
I stood up and looked around for a second before dropping back down onto the bed. If I could see outside I might have been able to recognize something, but there was no window. In fact, the only thing in the room besides myself was the bed, the night stand, a chair, and, of course, the ceiling light.
This was aparently a startling revalation seeing how I remained seated on the bed for another few minutes.
The door wasn't closed all the way, but from what I could see the hallway didn't seem any more pleasent then the room I was in and I still hadn't figured out where I was. Still hoping for a window, I ventured out.
The hall was bare, but, low and behold, there was a window at the end. It was covered in dust and other crud, to dirty to see through, but it was still there. I practiclly tripped myself in my rush to see if it would open. The window itself, with the exception of the dirt, looked in good condition. I ran my fingers along the top to see if there was a lock, squeeked as something pricked one of them sharply, and drew my hand away.
There was a thin splinter, the enterance covered in a small drop of blood. I put one of my nails on the other side and pushed, which only drew more of the red liqued. You'd think being trained in and mastering six different combat techniques would some how overshadow any feeling of queeziness while dealing with something as meanial as this. But somehow the sight of wood uder my skin was mildly disturbing.
Ah well, some things never change.
"You're such a baby, Suru.."
"Am not."
"It's just a little-"
"It hurt!"
No. I wont think about him
I refuse to think of him right now.
I adjusted my fingers position and pushed again, the tip of the splinter came out this time. It wasn't much but it was enough to grip with the tips of my nails and pull out. I shook my hand out then sucked on the offended finger. God, I really am a baby..
My attention now back at the window, I decide to abandon my search for a lock. Checking the wood carefully before touching it again, I push up. Nothing. I look at it for a minute then push again. Either I had lost every ounce of strengh I once possesed or the window was nailed shut, but it still didn't budge.
I moved my hands to a different position on the frame and shoved as hard as I could, throwing my weight into it. I was rewarded as the frame squeking harshly, and, finaly conceding to the greater power, moved up.
I crouch down so I'm kneeling in front of the window. Taking a deep breath of fresh air and closing my eyes, I cross my arms on the not so dangerous looking panal of wood and rest my chin on them. I sit there a few peacefull minutes trying to forget everything before openning my eyes again.
I was of course not as prepared to look outside as I thought I was and almost managed to go from kneeling to practiclly falling out of the window when I saw the familier scenery.
No way.
No way.
Nephrite's mansion!